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Author Topic:   child sexual abuse
bleakbeauty
unregistered
posted June 05, 2008 09:51 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Two days ago my 6 year old daughter was sexually abused.


The good news is the offender is now incarcerated (he is yet to be sentenced) and because he is a repeat offender he is looking at 2-5 years in jail.

I never thought this would happen and that it would be something I'd have to deal with.

I'd like it if others might share stories or talk about how they dealt with this, if theyve been through it.

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Aphrodite
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posted June 05, 2008 11:51 PM           Edit/Delete Message
I'm so sorry to hear this.

I will post your thread in the Health and Healing Forum.

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Mannu
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Posts: 45
From: always here and no where
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 06, 2008 12:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mannu     Edit/Delete Message
So sorry to hear that.
Child abuse is so rampant in society.

She is so young she will not even realize what just happened. Just provide her all the love and care she needs. All attention on her for few weeks until you feel she is ready to move on. But don't overdo your love too otherwise she will think if such things happens then reward is on its way.

Its no time for her age to talk about the birds and the bees.

Just keep a watch on her manners from now on until the time comes to teach her. Things like is she becoming shy? ...less social....etc...

As a mother try to be her best friend.

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BlueRoamer
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posted June 06, 2008 12:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueRoamer     Edit/Delete Message
Blackbeauty sending white light of love and compassion to you and your daughter.

I"m so sorry to hear you are going through this.

I wish I knew more about this so I knew how to give some advice.

I would think taht she's so young that she might not know that what happened to her was bad or not. She may not really remember it as an adult. I'm sure your motherly instincts know how to care for her and nurture her at this time.

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robyn.c
unregistered
posted June 06, 2008 12:30 PM           Edit/Delete Message
its hard to see posotives in this situation, its such an emotive subject. at least you are aware that it happened, and can deal with it...the perpetrator is out of the picture...your daughter is safe now...other children are safe now...just to echo what others have said, it may not stay with her for life, if she is able, give her the chance to forget it. find some support groups/survivor groups who can advise you better. sending love to you. Robyn x

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Randall
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From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 07, 2008 09:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message
He should be looking at life in prison (especially as a repeat offender). Sexual offenders cannot be rehabilitated and should be kept out of the general population.

------------------
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." Charles Schultz

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angel_of_hope
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posted June 09, 2008 02:23 AM           Edit/Delete Message
I am so sorry to hear about what happened.
I can't offer much advice, but wanted you to know your daughter is in my thoughts and prayers. As well as yourself.

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Tigerlily
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Posts: 59
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 10, 2008 10:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Tigerlily     Edit/Delete Message
I was sexually abused at a young age. Believe me, you don't forget. Make sure you don't ignore it while hoping it will just go away and fade into memory. It won't. You can only do your best to help her get through it. I advise getting her to a psychologist or psychiatrist. Comfort her, tell her "the bad man is gone and won't ever come back." Tell her it's not her fault. Sending light and love to you and your daughter.

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bleakbeauty
unregistered
posted June 11, 2008 10:32 AM           Edit/Delete Message
Thanks to everyone for your kindness.

The guy is in jail awaiting sentencing in July. He's denied everything even though I caught him in the act.

I expect him to lie throughout this whole thing and do everything he can to make it his word against mine (and my daughters). He is so in denial I think he actually believes he's done nothing wrong.

The worst thing about all of this is that he was a new bf of mine and I trusted him even after knowing him for a short time. He's a relative of a friend who assured me he was a decent guy. Of course she had no idea he was a registered child sex offender, otherwise she wouldn't have.

If I hadn't trusted him and brought him into my home it wouldn't have happened. Without going into a long novel, I trusted him so much (he has his own child) that I allowed him to be alone with my daughter for short periods of time.

Unfortunately it only takes a short period of time for a predator to attack. Even with me in the house, he engaged in a sexual act with her on the kitchen floor.

The kitchen! It's baffling. Did he want to be caught? Is he that mental?

The loss of the relationship is the least of my worries. It was like a nightmare, to find that I had let this monster into my house.

Not sure how this will affect my daughter, Tigerlily. I don't expect her to forget it. She's going to a counsellor this week with me.

Thanks to all.

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CrimsonChyld
unregistered
posted June 18, 2008 02:50 PM           Edit/Delete Message
So sorry this has happened to your daughter. I too was molested by my father starting at age 3 to about age 9. My male babysitter also molested me during this time.
And with all due respect to the above, it doesn't just go away. You need to get her counseling. I have had flashbacks my whole life about it and it has affected my relationships thru the years. I've been lucky enought to have the best people in my life for the most part, who understand why I am the way I am.

Also, my youngest was molested by his older brother. His older brother now lives with his dad and both are in therapy. My boy who was at the time 7 has touched a couple of boys at his school and is not allowed to play with the other kids at recess until his counselor approves it.

Back to my father, my step dad told him "it isn't all your fault, you are sick and need help" and my father replied "i am not sick, i just like little girls".

And as Randall said..

quote:
He should be looking at life in prison (especially as a repeat offender). Sexual offenders cannot be rehabilitated and should be kept out of the general population

My father was put in jail and let out a few years later when he reoffended...so he was put in jail again.. then reoffended..and is to this day in jail and will probably die there. (he's diabetic) He spent most of my life in jail with the exception of a couple of years. He went in when I was 9 and I am now 37.

So anyway, it is a serious problem. Told a little more then I intended to.
Your daughter needs counseling and may need more as the years go by. She needs to know this is not normal behavior.

My heart goes out to you and your daughter. It's tough times and I truely empathize.

------------------
Make new friends
But keep the old
One is silver
and the other's gold

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26taurus
unregistered
posted June 18, 2008 03:08 PM           Edit/Delete Message
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope your daughter is able to work through it.

When this happened to me as a young child, I think mother took it worse than I did. I know she did actually. I was able to work it out in my own mind somehow and never felt hatred towards the man. Keep that in mind.

I hope she can make a similar kind of peace or understanding and heals completely.

Healing Light to you both.

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bleakbeauty
unregistered
posted June 21, 2008 08:10 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Crimson, what a horrible time you have been through. I'm so angry at how many peoples lives are affected by sex offenders.
Thankyou for sharing your story, i felt I put a bit too much out there at first with my story too.

26Taurus , your words gave me comfort. It's hard to know how my daughter is feeling when she's so young. Thankyou.

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26taurus
unregistered
posted June 22, 2008 03:17 PM           Edit/Delete Message

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Randall
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From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 23, 2008 12:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message

------------------
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." Charles Schultz

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future_uncertain
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Posts: 192
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Registered: May 2009

posted June 25, 2008 11:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for future_uncertain     Edit/Delete Message
Bleakbeauty-- how is your daughter?

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

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Verseau_miracle
unregistered
posted July 06, 2008 08:54 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Im so sorry to hear you and your precious little girl have had to go through this Its just terrible. Know you are strong, and just remember shes safe and that sick person is behind bars now

Ive had a bit of a life full of the child sex abuse stuff, which i dont mind talking about
I was abused by my father at the age of 6 although i barely remember, i just remember thinking things he was doing were odd. But i was a very quiet child. I never spoke out and never have done, although i think my mum knows

Then at 18 i discovered the man i was calling my fiance was a paedophile, i found the stuff on his computer. After i found out he kept me locked up in this house abroad with no phone or anything, i was far from my family and very scared He abused me there. No-one knows about this except my husband, and now you. I eventually gave video and computer evidence of his online activities involving children tot he police, but all he got was 2 days in cells for questioning and he was then released, as his family have connections

He still tries to send me messages and track me down

Now were trying for a child, im petrified

I still have nightmares and the whole thing is still a big open wound, although i know it shouldnt be

There is so much of it out there, my eyes were opened to the truth about this totally. I mean you always KNOW its there, but it takes actually experiencing it as we have, you know...

Anyway im thinking of you and your little girl Shes lucky to have you to talk to and to look after and protect her, know you are strong enough to deal with this, and she is safe

xxx

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bleakbeauty
unregistered
posted July 13, 2008 12:10 AM           Edit/Delete Message
Verseau I'm very sorry.

I was shocked to the core when I found out what my 'bf' was like.

It's a terrible thing to go through for my daughter and me and I feel we're going to have trouble trusting men from now on, not that they're high on my agenda at the moment..

I hope the future is brighter for you.

Thanks for sharing your story.

:hugs: to you

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LEXX
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From: Still out looking for Schr�dinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 14, 2008 07:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message
I experienced sexual abuse beginning at age 4 from my mother. Yep...mother. Then raped at 9 by her brother...I refused to turn over so he took me the other way. As horrifying and agonizing as that was, if he'd done it vaginally I might have gotten pregnant. I had already started menstruating.
Its not something one forgets, even if its not full rape. I still have nightmares at times.
Please keep a close eye on your daughter and if she needs to talk to a children's counselor, please please take her to one. I had no one to talk to about my ordeals. By 12 I was suicidal. I tried to talk to one of the babysitters when I was 10, only to have her molest me too, and talk to me graphically about sperm and erections....and wanted me to go down on her.....I refused and was forced to watch her and her husband...lets just say I saw more than any child should ever see. "shudder"
Just remembering it all after so many decades makes my child self want to cry.

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tuxedo meow
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Posts: 3
From: gulf coast texas
Registered: Aug 2009

posted July 16, 2008 01:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for tuxedo meow     Edit/Delete Message
This happened to me by neighbors, brother, mother, school janitor, and more! When i told i was called liar and also told it was always my fault, that I encouraged this, etc. You are on your daughter's side and not involved in crazy-making activity. You have pressed charges and are doing the right things. Molestation of children is fairly common and is most often perpetrated by someone trusted. White light and recovery to you both from Tuxie

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LEXX
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From: Still out looking for Schr�dinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 16, 2008 02:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
When i told i was called liar and also told it was always my fault, that I encouraged this, etc.
Like the character in Good Will Hunting...yeah, this happens far too often. We have to learn to realize it was not our fault. We did not ask for this nor encourage it. And to help our children if it sadly happens to them too. We cannot always protect our kids, the creeps are everywhere.
But we can help them recognize danger and be there and listen if it does happen to them.
And see the creeps get locked up if possible.

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JustAmanda
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Posts: 77
From: Virginia
Registered: May 2009

posted July 27, 2008 10:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for JustAmanda     Edit/Delete Message
I was molested several times by various people in my life and family but one incident that happened when I was very young, maybe between 6-9, has never, ever allowed me to truly heal. And to this day I am terrified of having anything over my face, as he held me down and put one hand over my face to keep me quiet. I can't even swim underwater because I'm terrified of water like on my face. There are times in the shower that I can begin to hyperventilate if it hits my face too hard...wind, anything like that can do it too.

Please please get her the help she needs and deserves and YOU go to therapy as well, to learn how to help her to the best of your ability.

And I wish the most horrible death upon that monster who did this to her...

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lalalinda
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From: nevada
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posted July 27, 2008 09:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lalalinda     Edit/Delete Message
I'm so sorry that happened to your child bleakbeauty

It is important for your child to know that she did nothing wrong, none of this is her fault, and most importantly that when sickos commit a crime (and this is a heinous crime) they end up in jail where they belong.

Your child's going to get through this
she's got you protecting her

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Randall
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From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 28, 2008 08:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message

------------------
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." Charles Schultz

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praecipua
unregistered
posted August 09, 2008 10:53 AM           Edit/Delete Message
here too, when i was 4, by my uncle. but nobody knew cause i buried it inside, hidden even to myself. i haven't dealt with it at the time and now i'm freaking out at the idea that i became an uncle 5 years ago. it's tragic cause i love kids; i wish i was one of these people who think this is unthinkable, cause for me, it is more than thinkable, it has actually already happened.

your story is very sad.

fortunately for your daughter, it won't become a secret! even though that's very little comfort.

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silverstone
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posted August 09, 2008 11:30 PM           Edit/Delete Message

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