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Author
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Topic: Death, Inc.
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Randall
Webmaster Posts: 27234
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted September 10, 2003 09:20 AM
 
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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
juniperb
Knowflake Posts: 7236
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002
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posted September 10, 2003 01:39 PM
Lunargirl, I agree. It`s enlightening when we can look out side our s-elves. Grieving is a natural process that needs addressed to heal fully. Sadly, I`m just now realizing this. I have a deeper understanding of ritual and ceremony now. Thank you for your condolences. It means so much  juniperb  IP: Logged |
hrj777
Knowflake Posts: 611
From: Anywhere, nowhere ...
Registered: Dec 2002
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posted September 15, 2003 03:14 AM
Juniperb Heidi  IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 27234
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted September 20, 2003 11:12 AM
Not sure if I'm a cold-hearted monster or not, but I have never attended a funeral.  ------------------
"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
Lunargirl
Knowflake Posts: 1513
From:
Registered: Mar 2003
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posted September 21, 2003 02:42 AM
Why, Randall?Although I would refuse to believe you have anything but a compassionate heart. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 27234
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted September 21, 2003 05:20 AM
It just never felt right to me.  ------------------
"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
juniperb
Knowflake Posts: 7236
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002
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posted September 21, 2003 08:10 AM
I only went under duress until this time, willingly,where I wanted to learn from it. How did you get past the guilt of family members saying s/he was your blah blah & out of respect..... or worse (for me) you should be ashamed, thinking of yours-elf after all they .... or can`t you put your ridiculous beliefs aside for once.... As a child, I resented it. As an adult I meditate thru the service & never heard a word. Appearing the obediant daughter, niece et al . Back to the question  . How did you escape all the pressure to attend ? juniperb IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 27234
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted September 21, 2003 01:41 PM
My family learned long ago that I can't be coerced or controlled or emotionally manipulated.  ------------------
"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
Lunargirl
Knowflake Posts: 1513
From:
Registered: Mar 2003
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posted September 22, 2003 09:28 AM
I haven't been to that many until recent years, but I did go to the first one when my grandmother died when I was 8. It was just something you did, as a child in my family -- go along to weddings and funerals.Randall, did you refuse to go from childhood, or mainly in adulthood? Again, just curious. I think it's a good thing to get some kind of philosophy or set of coping mechanisms regarding death. Whether one believes or not in immortality vs. ageing/dying, death sure happens often enough through accidents and incidents that it is a reality. When I go to a funeral, I mainly go for myself, and any family/friends who have been affected, to support them in their grief. As you know from this thread, it sure isn't for the funeral itself!! But I'm the kind of person who doesn't mind public grief. There are many, however, who don't find public grief or public mourning in a funeral or private home, to be helpful or healing for them. There are some funerals to which I was invited/expected to, but did not go. I regret not going to one of them. When I do my main grieving, I must say, it's off by myself, like an animal retreating to the woods. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 27234
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted September 22, 2003 01:17 PM
My grandfather died when I was a child, and I refused to go. ------------------
"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
juniperb
Knowflake Posts: 7236
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002
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posted September 22, 2003 08:03 PM
When I was 8, a friends baby died at 3 months from sids. I had to go to the viewing and was horrified to see Kenny in a casket holding up a rattle. I went into the family area and told them not to worry because that was just an ol bag of bones held together with medicines & stinky stuff. To stop crying cuz Kenny was gone on to meet his friends  . The family was stricken and my folks wore me out over it I never got over it and it affected my opinion of funerals to date. juniperb IP: Logged |
thesag
Knowflake Posts: 25
From: yazoo city, ms. usa
Registered: Sep 2003
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posted September 30, 2003 10:52 AM
Wow. What insight you had at a young age. Too bad the others didn't want to hear it. I had a similar experience with a family friends 16 month old dying. The little casket....very sad. I got the giggles from nervousness, boy, I had them bad. I kept getting "Popped" in the head by my dad. It only made it worse. I giggled thru that entire service. I started a chain reaction...My sister started to giggle, the person next to her. I got my butt....wait, no, I have no butt because of that. I agree death is big business. Just like health is big business.
I think though the meaning for a service or memorial is to realize that, Yes, this loved one is gone and it will take time to deal with that but we learn to celebrate their life and what it was to us and others. Had a dear friend pass on Sept. 02, she left behind two small children. It really has affected me. Her parents had two daughters, the youngest died in a car accident 8 years ago. They just lost their oldest to cancer. She was 32. Way to young to die! These parents has suffered loss and yet the have chosen to celebrate her life. I was amazed by their strength. It isn't easy for them but they are quit the witness to others. They did not have an open casket. They had pictures of her and her children. It was very sobering. I'm getting sad just typing about it. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 27234
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted October 01, 2003 03:03 PM
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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 27234
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted October 04, 2003 12:13 PM
I'm sorry for your loss. ------------------
"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
thesag
Knowflake Posts: 25
From: yazoo city, ms. usa
Registered: Sep 2003
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posted October 04, 2003 11:52 PM
Thank you. IP: Logged |
juniperb
Knowflake Posts: 7236
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002
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posted October 05, 2003 09:16 AM
The sag, Much love and lite to you and the family. I understand the 'no butt' part as my family (& friends of my youth )didn`t understand my views on death. Guess they thought wearing my bottom out would change me; all it did was reinforce my beliefs. I just shared them with the four leggeds & never the two legged hard heads  again! juniperb IP: Logged |
JustAmanda
Knowflake Posts: 622
From:
Registered: Jan 2003
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posted October 23, 2003 11:26 PM
funerals do not bother me...i've been to so many i can't even recall how many...they are mostly numbing to me now...i go out of an extreme sense of responsibility and respect for the person whose passed and their family...and i am a real stickler for proper behavior in that regard...like for instance...when my father died on Oct 7th of this month, he passed at home like he wanted...and right after he took his last breath, my brother and I just sat beside him for a few minutes...in complete silence...then, i sang a hymn and recited the Lord's Prayer..just out of an urge to do it...but then, while we waited on the funeral home to come and get his body, i would not let anyone go into his room and talk...there had to be silence out of respect for his body... when i stand at the casket in the funeral home during viewing time, there is to be no laughing or cutting up...there is to be whispering and a somber mood...when you are away from the casket then you may talk normally etc... i'm just big into etiquette...it's my grandma coming out in me i guess...she was just an old fashioned Southern Belle...and i guess i'm the same way... IP: Logged |
theFajita3
Knowflake Posts: 1457
From: Sunny South Florida, USA
Registered: Feb 2003
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posted October 23, 2003 11:57 PM
I have only been to one funeral, in February of last year, for my grandmother. It sort of didn't help with accepting her death because there she was lying right there. It was like telling my mind she had left while I am looking at her and it just didn't match up. Roses had fallen from a bouquet and I was ecstatic because I thought it was a sign since she used to say these Catholic novenas for me and roses would come as a sign that our prayers were heard. But then someone who worked at the funeral home told me someone had knocked the roses over. But I secretly think she lied because she thought I was upset the bouquet had come un done, I really think my grandma did that for me, I miss her so!------------------
Namaste! IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 27234
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted October 24, 2003 01:17 PM
I believe, Fajita. ------------------
"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
theFajita3
Knowflake Posts: 1457
From: Sunny South Florida, USA
Registered: Feb 2003
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posted October 24, 2003 11:30 PM
Thanks Randall. ------------------
Namaste! IP: Logged |
CancerianMoon
Knowflake Posts: 1214
From: Sydney, Australia. Cancer Sun.....Gemini Moon.....Aqua Rising
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted October 25, 2003 07:21 AM
i know this is a little off topic..but this came to mind reading this post..
when i was pregnant with my first son my great uncle died..my son was born on his bday...
when i was pregnant with my daughter my uncle died...
when i was pregnant with my second son my nan died...he was due on her birthday..arrived few days late..thank goodness..
when i was pregnant with my third son my other nan died i helped wash her..and she was there(in spirit of course)...what a freak out..even suggested my sons second name..
when i was pregnant with my fourth son a close friend of the family died leaving behind 3 young children....
when i was pregnant with my fifth boy(and last time..lol)..i actually started to worry someone would pass away...but never happened(thank goodness)...however..i nearly passed away having him..but he is still my little angel..  ------------------
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The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
Carl Jung IP: Logged |
Aphrodite
Knowflake Posts: 5080
From:
Registered: Feb 2002
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posted October 29, 2003 03:18 PM
IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 27234
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted October 31, 2003 01:23 PM
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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
bauschd
Knowflake Posts: 232
From: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Registered: Jun 2003
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posted November 04, 2003 01:18 AM
Are any of your children Scorpios CancerianMoon? I have never gone to a funeral simply because no one I know has died. Both Grandfathers died when I was less than one, so maybe I went to those. One of my Grandmothers died a few years ago, but only my dad went. I haven't had any friends or friends of the family that have died. I have however had many pets die from cars and such when I was a kid.Randall, do you feel close to you Grandfather? Many times I feel like I could have parts of my mums dad, as I feel close to him, although I've never met or seen him. My mum even thinks I sometimes remind her of him... He was german and never spoke English, and I don't speak german , however I still feel. Dean. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 27234
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted November 04, 2003 01:21 AM
I was closer to my grandfather than anyone else in my life, but still, I did not attend his funeral. ------------------
"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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