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Author Topic:   i am having a bad time right now and would love a hug or two if anyone can spare
anafaery
Knowflake

Posts: 864
From: west coast, yummy rain forest, canada
Registered: Jun 2003

posted September 05, 2003 12:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for anafaery     Edit/Delete Message
if anyone cares. im sure i have at least one person here who would. sorry, im feeling very self pitious at the moment. if thats a real word, or if ive spelled it correctly.

anyway, i cant really explain whats going on, but im sure people have noticed i havent been posting. perhaps i am feeling a tad depressed, as i am not as energetic as usual nor am i as positive as usual.

sylven made a thread a little while back, and im feeling very much the same, only it isnt that i feel my 'work here is done', its more that there just seems to be so much opposition toward me getting the very basic things which we all need to survive. forget the gravy, i cant seem to get the potatoes.

ill be fine, im not actively suicidal or anything, this is just a very painful time for me to go through. so, this post was pretty much an exercize in selfishness. i do wish though that it was my time, im just so tired, physically, emotionally, spiritually... but ill not do anything to hasten my end. i know that things are darkest before dawn, if ive learned anything in life its that. all the same, i wouldnt care if it was my time now. i would just hate to think of my poor husband, hed be lost without me.

i cant really talk to him about these feelings either as he is in a tough spot, and i cant bring him down. i feel i must protect him as best i can. besides, its nothing overly serious, im just tired and need a big break. not posting has helped. i think i might take a little break from the internet as a whole, so i can relax and recharge and rediscover my ka.

well, sorry for the negative ramblings, and sorry for the babbling about nonsense, i just miss some of you and wanted to let you know what was up, and not to worry that im not here that much.

er, yea. *skulks off*

------------------
where i end and you begin there's a gap in between there's a gap where we meet where i end and you begin
and i'm sorry for us the dinosaurs roam the earth the sky turns green where i end and you begin

i am up in the clouds i am up in the clouds and i can't and i can't come down

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RubyRedRam
unregistered
posted September 05, 2003 12:49 AM           Edit/Delete Message
A very big bear hug to you anafaery

I know it's hard when you feel like this, I've been there and I'm sure many others have and probably are now too. I'm sure many people can relate to how you're feeling. However, time is the ultimate healer as we know, but it doesn't make it any easier now does it?

When I feel down I put on some sad music and have a good cry, really release all the pent up emotion. Positive reinforcement is also helpful. I usually spend a whole day affirming. When I'm not thinking of something else I affirm. i.e. 'I am strong, healthy, abundant, I have clarity, love' One of my favorites is (and I can't remeber what book its from) 'I am powerful and I am loved, I am powerful and loving, I am powerful and I love it'.

Anyways, thats how I get through. Sounds simple hey? simple but effective.

P.s don't forget the word druids told me there are good things coming your way

------------------
~~Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves~~

*Sir James Barrie*

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super_bull
Knowflake

Posts: 256
From: nowhereland
Registered: Jun 2003

posted September 05, 2003 01:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for super_bull     Edit/Delete Message
anafaery

WISHING LOTS & LOTS OF HAPPINESS & JOY TO COME YOUR WAY!!!!!!

-pallavi

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lioneyes
Knowflake

Posts: 78
From: Texas
Registered: Jan 2002

posted September 05, 2003 01:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for lioneyes     Edit/Delete Message
Dearest Anafaery,
We all need time to be selfish. We can't always keep giving without recharging. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you journey through these tough days. What is yesterday is past and therefore only leaves today and tomorrow. Tomorrow is to far ahead to think about and today. . .well just take it one step at a time and that becomes too much tell yourself to think about it tomorrow. Know that you possess one of the greatest gifts of life. . .you are loved.

light and laughter

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Twin Lady
Knowflake

Posts: 624
From: USA
Registered: Jan 2003

posted September 05, 2003 02:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Twin Lady     Edit/Delete Message
anafaery

I know just how you feel as I've had the same thoughts recently. But I also know that the feelings pass, and they will for you too. In the meantime, since a smile and a hug usually help me, here are both for you!

(((((ana)))))

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N_wEvil
unregistered
posted September 05, 2003 05:23 AM           Edit/Delete Message
Grouphug!!

Whatever you do and wherever you need to go i'm sure you'll do it well, Ana.

Just know we're always here for you

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Sylven
Knowflake

Posts: 160
From: Of Elvenkind
Registered: Jul 2003

posted September 05, 2003 05:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sylven     Edit/Delete Message
Sweetest Ana!
, and some more !!!

Of course you know that I completely understand ! I have had it and Gem had it and we are not out of it comlpetely yet, we are ill now...if you know what I mean. Struggling but growing yet it feels as if we are standing still in society and the rest is living on (like we are one together, an island, a big rock, a warm, familiar save haven and the rest of society is crawling around us). Together we are growing at an enormous pace though. It is like:" and then????" Now what? Hard to explain but Ana, I know how you feel, although I believe I do.
Have you read about the dark night of the soul? The ego death and stuff like that? The tiredness and depression..It feels like there is nowhere to go. Isn't it so that you know of places, feelings, experiences that are not on this plane? There is something more that you seek, something that cannot be found here? All this at a very deep inner level. Aargh, I don't know how to explain. But Ana, my cyber hug will support you on your path. I am behind you! Here it comes

* HUG *

And another one

* HUG*

To me it always helps when I read. Reading about ALL THAT IS, wihtout any boundries, with compassion and unconditional love! But make sure to not ignore your shadow sides as this would ignore you as a whole person (also just read about that). Accepting all the sides of you will serve you to your completeness. Something like that , you know what I mean....I am in the middle of this myself!

You are loved!
You are surrounded by your loving guides!
When it feels God has left you know that these are the times it is testing your faith! Nobody leaves you, we are one!

Rest and be in love dear!
It'll be ok!!!!!!!

to you some more sweeti!

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Pink Angel
Knowflake

Posts: 237
From: India
Registered: Jul 2003

posted September 05, 2003 06:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Pink Angel     Edit/Delete Message
*hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs*
We are all there for you....... you can always pour your heart out to us!
Even im going through a rough time, im glad to have company..
Lots of luv and light...

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juniperb
Knowflake

Posts: 6830
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002

posted September 05, 2003 09:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for juniperb     Edit/Delete Message
It is always darkest just before the dawn

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sweetpeas
Knowflake

Posts: 924
From: Plainfield, IN
Registered: Sep 2001

posted September 05, 2003 09:22 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetpeas     Edit/Delete Message
[[[[[[[[[[[HUGS!]]]]]]]]]]

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lioneye68
Knowflake

Posts: 6062
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003

posted September 05, 2003 10:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for lioneye68     Edit/Delete Message
Awww, sweet little faery...are you having money issues? I hate worrying about money. With my moon in the 2nd house, I tend to have night mares when I'm worried about money. And I know what the cost of living is like in the Vancouver area! That's one of the main reasons why I refuse to live there.
You could go up town and play an instrument on a street corner...I knew a guy who use to make $200+ per day doing that in Vancouver, swear to God. Are you looking for work, Ms. Faery? We have some distributers in your area who might be worth a look. OR...maybe you should go back to school anyway. You're such a smart lady, and such a cool chickie!
Turn that frown upside down...
You've just GOT to end up on top eventually...the laws of the universe wouldn't have it any other way. I know it.

Oh yeah, and (((((((^_^)))))))) BIG bear hug for you

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bauschd
Knowflake

Posts: 232
From: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Registered: Jun 2003

posted September 05, 2003 11:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bauschd     Edit/Delete Message
There must be something wrong if you can't do what it seems you love the most - helping people. Now it seems we're all helping you. Many times your words have lifted my day and brightened my existence to a certain degree... Your light is so bright. It's rare when you can see that every word from someone is so earnest and earnestly helpful. I swear it must have something to do with the proximity of Mars - as it approached, it seemed people were kind of excited, but now that it's pulling away, everyone (not here of course) seems to be in a trying time. My only relationship (and especially life) has been through a few pebbles, but like you, I also realise the value of the gift of life that God has bestowed us. I hope this shows that I understand in someway (being a gem and all).

The brightest light and the most empathising love your way ana.

Dean.

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Virgo-AriesArtist
Knowflake

Posts: 1409
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001

posted September 05, 2003 01:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virgo-AriesArtist     Edit/Delete Message
Chin up, anafaery!
And remember what our wise Linda said:

You see? I am still me
The secret place inside where my heart will always hide
from the withering clutch of too much need
has not been reached
I remain myself
with courage still to face the sun
It's not a hollow victory I've won
to still be me
Why should I grieve?
My dreams are made of sterner stuff
and Spring will be here soon enough...

You know how the Knowflakes here envelop each other with love and lite, so you're no exception. I've seen you give warmth and kindness...now I'm glad you are being "selfish", cause it's not selfish at all...you are simply giving us a chance to give some of it back....
Much and

------------------
-K
"Most people love with restraint
As if they were someday to hate
We hated gently, carefully
As if we were someday to love"-Venus Trines at Midnight

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Lunargirl
Knowflake

Posts: 1513
From:
Registered: Mar 2003

posted September 05, 2003 01:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lunargirl     Edit/Delete Message
anafaery dear...

{{{{ hugs }}}}

Glad you are letting us know and asking for help and support. That itself is a sign of strength and health.

I'm not disagreeing with your decisions about life, as I don't walk your path, and don't have a right... but I'd like to suggest that you reconsider not sharing your feelings with your husband. Maybe he is also trying to put on a brave face for you. Sharing the deepest levels of your being with your mate is what such a relationship is there for. Maybe it would do you both good to share even the painful feelings -- the autheniticity is better than the brave face and polite silences. Better to rage to than to shrink inside -- what is acknowledged can be addressed, or let go.

We are most depressed and hopeless when we feel isolated, alone and powerless. Some of these factors are part of your reality, true enough, but as others are saying, please remember that they are a small part of the greater reality that is YOU.

powerfaery
beautyfaery
helpingfaery
smartfaery
creativefaery
survivorfaery

etc., etc., etc.

You are so much more than your circumstances. Please remember _who_ you are, as opposed to what you're living. Circumstances change.

And just to say, I know it's easy for someone like me to make suggestions and point out points -- when probably what you most need is just a big hug. So I hope you don't feel "lectured at" -- and if you can, get out of your apartment today and requisition a hug from somebody -- a child, a nurse, a waitress at a diner, almost anybody who can give you one.

Meantime, here's another cyberhug. {{{ hug }}}

Wow, 'tis a day of sadness and comfort -- must be something in the ethers, peeps. Give yourselves a hug too, from me.

Lunargirl

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Aphrodite
Knowflake

Posts: 4992
From:
Registered: Feb 2002

posted September 05, 2003 02:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aphrodite     Edit/Delete Message
hi anafaery

i wish you lived out nearby me . i would have gotten you a ticket to go with me to a show tomorrow night to forget about the blues temporarily. i just bought a ticket to go see Delerium:

http://www.nettwerk.com/chimera/

shades of darkness, depression, and weirdness all intertwined. the moon just moved into 1 degree capricorn. hmm, must be that . . . anywho, there 3 songs on there you may like. well, i hope you like them

*hugs for the libran faery*

aphrodite

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12thhousearies
Knowflake

Posts: 106
From: IL
Registered: Jul 2003

posted September 05, 2003 04:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 12thhousearies     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Anafaery

I am sorry you are so sad and down. Talk to whoever you feel can, there are people who love you-they really do. They will listen and help you.

Hugs and good vibes,
Cindi

------------------
Feel it, Mean it, Say it

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purplezen
Knowflake

Posts: 888
From: outer space
Registered: Aug 2003

posted September 05, 2003 04:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for purplezen     Edit/Delete Message
hugs to you anafaery.

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trillian
Knowflake

Posts: 4050
From: The Boundless
Registered: Mar 2003

posted September 05, 2003 07:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for trillian     Edit/Delete Message

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proxieme
unregistered
posted September 05, 2003 08:03 PM           Edit/Delete Message
{{{anafaery}}}

Wanna have a (legitimate and totally justified) sulk party with me?

I'll bring, I dunno, like 5 gallons of Ben & Jerry's. That'll start us.

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FiReY leo 1
Knowflake

Posts: 121
From:
Registered: Aug 2003

posted September 05, 2003 09:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for FiReY leo 1     Edit/Delete Message
omg lol! feel better anafaery!

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QueenofSheeba
Knowflake

Posts: 1043
From: California
Registered: Feb 2003

posted September 06, 2003 01:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for QueenofSheeba     Edit/Delete Message
"...and would love a hug or two if anyone can spare."
HUGS to ana. And more than one or two! Lots!!!!!!
prox-what's a sulk party???

------------------
Hello everybody! I used to be QueenofSheeba and then I was Apollo and now I am QueenofSheeba again (and I'm a guy in case you didn't know)!

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Oxychick
Knowflake

Posts: 2626
From: neither here nor there
Registered: Jul 2002

posted September 06, 2003 09:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Oxychick     Edit/Delete Message
Anafaery, have you seen this tremendous turnout of people who care about you? Everyone is wishing you well and hoping your funk makes a quick exit. That's one of the wonderful things about LL; it's full of so many people who care. I guess I didn't notice you weren't posting as much, but hope you cheer up soon.

I hate seeing people in pain just as much as the next guy, so I just have to say that I was very taken aback at your post to Proxy. She's in a lot of pain right now. We know you're having a tough time too, but does it have to overshadow her pain? Pain and emotional strife don't warrant competition.

Perhaps I misconstrued your words and hope that in your own way, you were only reaching out as one friend in need to another.

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anafaery
Knowflake

Posts: 864
From: west coast, yummy rain forest, canada
Registered: Jun 2003

posted September 06, 2003 04:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for anafaery     Edit/Delete Message
EXCUSE ME? what the hell bad thing did i say to prox? WHAT THE HELL COMPETITION was there? WHERE DID I SAY anything wrong to prox? i have no idea what you are talking about oxy, and leave me the hell ALONE.

thanks for ruining this thread.

(in reference to this post of yours)

quote:
I hate seeing people in pain just as much as the next guy, so I just have to say that I was very taken aback at your post to Proxy. She's in a lot of pain right now. We know you're having a tough time too, but does it have to overshadow her pain? Pain and emotional strife don't warrant competition.

Perhaps I misconstrued your words and hope that in your own way, you were only reaching out as one friend in need to another.


------------------
where i end and you begin there's a gap in between there's a gap where we meet where i end and you begin
and i'm sorry for us the dinosaurs roam the earth the sky turns green where i end and you begin

i am up in the clouds i am up in the clouds and i can't and i can't come down

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anafaery
Knowflake

Posts: 864
From: west coast, yummy rain forest, canada
Registered: Jun 2003

posted September 06, 2003 05:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for anafaery     Edit/Delete Message
to everyone else-

i have been reading your kind wishes and you have no idea how much they mean to me right now. you are all so great, i am near tears here. i dont usually talk about my problems, so i have not told anyone the bulk of them, but they are pretty scary. andy knows a few but not all of em, and well, the problems dont matter anyway.

i want to apologise for colouring this thread with my comments to a certain person in this thread, but to be accused in a condescending manner of being anything less than supportive and compassionate to someone who i have come to care a lot about by someone who doesnt know what the hell they are talking about broke the camels back. im sorry you had to see that.

anyway, i need a break right now, today is horrible but i wanted to leave a message for each of you, i will do that soon. just not right now *sobs*

------------------
where i end and you begin there's a gap in between there's a gap where we meet where i end and you begin
and i'm sorry for us the dinosaurs roam the earth the sky turns green where i end and you begin

i am up in the clouds i am up in the clouds and i can't and i can't come down

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CancerianMoon
Knowflake

Posts: 1082
From: Sydney, Australia. Cancer Sun.....Gemini Moon.....Aqua Rising
Registered: Aug 2003

posted September 06, 2003 05:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CancerianMoon     Edit/Delete Message
Hello anafaery....i am fairly new to lindaland...but i love it here...and i have seen many of your comments to others..you seem a really genuine and lovely person...i am definately sending many hugs your way...i know that u know ur husband best...but maybe u should rethink talking to him...problems shared are problems halved...and maybe he can sense u r not urself...and it may be affecting him too..and walking through something like this together can only strenghten your marraige....take care anafaery...and i wish you all the best!!!!

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