posted March 28, 2005 03:43 PM         

"Hello!"

posted March 28, 2005 03:47 PM         

Still mad at him for not telling me when to call or something ...

posted March 28, 2005 03:52 PM         

All night, when out, I was saying how happy I am that he was out.. it was about time, I was glad. I was. He got home after I did, and we had the banter happening.. ( That's how we communicate, and is a big part of our relationship style.. it is how I know I am valued, etc...) He told me about the band he saw, and how awesome it was, how he wanted me to go next time, blah blah blah... anyway.. I took my skirt off, feeling playful, and sidled up to the table, looking at him. We had the banter going on.. and so I put my leg up on the table and I said "If I was there, would I have been the hottest one?" ( keep in mind I am just being playful, and my skirt was off.. in any reasonable scenario, one would say.. "yeah baby" or something fun, and like slap my ass... I understand this, even if it is not true, as I know I am not the hottest person ever, in the world. but in these fantasy banter things, of course I am...)

He just LOOKED at me, with this wierd guilty look in his eye.
Up until that point I didn't think anything of other women, or jealousy, I was totally taken by surprise.. TOTALLY!!!
So I was like.. "Oooooooookay......" I was like..... " You have to THINK about that?"
I was sooooo ****** off. I haven't been that mad in I don't know how long.. years, and never with him. I think he thought I was grilling him, and I wanted him to not go out. Because when we were arguing, he said " Fine, next time I'll stay home, clean the house and watch the kids, be a good house husband and we won't fight." and "I don't expect to be the most attractive person in the room, so why should you..."
I don't expect.. but when interacting with someone who usually thinks I am, and I am secure in that, and he goes and changes the rules, I was so thrown off guard, I didn't know who he was... without that simple acceptance and knowledge, my world fell apart inside. He thinks I was mad because he went out.. I was not. I encourage him to go. I was mad because, instead of the silly fun and playful sexiness I thought we'd do, he stood there expecting me to feel fine that he paused at a playful question.. it obviously wasn't a serious question, and of course I am not always the sexiest chick in the room... but if I am acting sexy, my leg up on the table with no skirt on, I am directing the am I hot question at him, and he just looks at me.... not knowing how to answer, I am shocked and ******* ****** . It is a simple answer, and if a half naked chick I claimed to love sidled up to me and asked me like that.. you know what my answer would be? Even if it is a half truth, it isn't a matter of thinking.. if you have to think, there is a problem. The answer is.. "Hell yeah."
Such a small innocent thing became a large looming horrifying thing.
and I can't think of an other scenario where this wouldn't be the case. I was so mad, but even though I wanted to be mad at him forever for changing the dynamic, I couldn't be. I am still stung and absolutely ego pulverized, but we have talked about it. So I guess I am okay with it.
He is supposed to be my champion. Our relationship is one of equal adoration and sexy fun, he worships me and I worship him. I was playing up to it, not grilling him....
errrrgggg!
I am still mad. So it's stupid,but if you understood that for seven years there has never been a question of how either of us would respond to that question...you would understand my dismay ( to put it lightly)

posted March 28, 2005 05:42 PM         

Im sure he thinks you are the hottest chick on the planet ... he would be blind not to!!!

Hugs and kisses

posted March 28, 2005 05:59 PM         

"Hey Maya, try being named Mary! Now that's a hard act to follow. I waited, and I waited, and I waited, for a sign before I even touched a thingy. But C'mon, 24 years? It was too much! One day I ran screaming into a bar, put some dollars in the cigarette machine, drank like a fish, played "Highway To Hell" on the juke box and had my way with a guy on the pinball machine!"

posted March 28, 2005 06:20 PM         

Pix, you express yourself very touchingly. You got me thinking about all sorts of stuff. But, most of all, I just felt sympathy for you. I totally get it. When a routines been working smoothly for 7 years, you dont expect your partner to leave you hanging without a net. Your mind goes into shock, "this is gonna hurt".

I'm sorry, pix. It's good to hear you had a talk and all that, but sucks that it happened, and you're left feeling like you can never go back. I hope his excuse wasn't tooooo lame.