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Author Topic:   Blue
neptune's mermaid
Knowflake

Posts: 1069
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted March 23, 2005 09:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for neptune's mermaid     Edit/Delete Message
I'm sorry, I just have to get rid of some negative emotional energy.

I have a big problem when it comes to talking about my feeling, I have to drag them out of me. Itís really unfortunate considering I have all these strong emotions swirling around in me - and yet on the outside I appear completely cool. I feel like Iím repressing my incredibly powerful emotions that seem to swallow me up sometimes. Iím just so coldly practical when it comes to emotions. I'm really compassionate when it comes to those that express their emotions though.

Seriously, I sometimes actually feel my body weakening when I hold it all in. I just tell myself ďadults donít do thisĒ. Iím so harsh towards myselfÖsometimes I feel like I expect myself to be a robot, perfect and cold on the inside. I appear calm on the outside, but Iím lava hot on the insideÖIíve been doing this for so long I think itís affecting my health. These past few months my energy has been spiralling downwards

I think the worst thing is, even when Iím on my ownÖI donít even allow myself to cry. Iím so proud that I refuse to feel sorry for myselfÖand for some reason that means no crying. Perhaps this has something to do with my childhood where I wasnít allowed to cry because it would make me ďweakĒ.

I remember reading something Linda wrote in Sun Signs

quote:
Humour is one of their secret weapons. Pisceans grin to cover unshed tears.

I donít think too many people I know realise thereís depth behind my laugh. Whenever I feel emotional, I just smile while my eyes fill up. I almost feel like Iím punishing myself for being so emotional.

If I wasnít so optimistic Iíd be seriously depressed. Iím glad I have so many positive people in my life that keep me going otherwise I would just die.

The problem is, no matter how hard I try, I just canít do it. Expressing how I feel is near impossible, is this weird for a female? Strangely, Iím not the only female like that over here. Many are like me, although I donít know if it kills them to be this wayÖlike it does with me.

I hope Iím not portraying myself as someone whoís cold and hates herself. Itís the opposite, I goof around all the time and I love myself. I just expect too much. Iím so emotional sometimes, I feel itís not fair. Not only do I have to deal with my own emotions, but almost everyone I know dumps their emotional waste on me ( without realising it ), IĎve become their therapist. I donít know why anyone would say Pisceans are good at that. I for one can not handle any of it, when I was in my teens it would constantly push me to an emotional breakdown. Luckily, I havenít had one of those in a while so IĎm more tolerant. I wish I would breakdown though. Itís like getting a tooth pulled out, yeah it will hurt, but after Iíll feel better.

The older I get, the further I am from understanding any of my emotionsÖand itís scary. I donít know, maybe Iím over worked. I really need to start talking to someone about the way I feel. Iím holding so much in, I know one day Iím just gonna explode.

Anyway, I just wanted to release some of my pent up emotional energy. I feel a little better now. I think one reason Iím like this, is due to being too trusting. Iíve been burned many times thanks to this flawÖthroughout my childhood and teen hood. And yet Iím still the same naive trusting person, although now Iím more cautious - I donít wear my heart on my sleeve anymore.

Wow this post is long lol. I didnít mean to bore anyone, just needed to release some built up tension. Maybe this is just stress from over working. My head is killing me and I need to get some sleep. I wish you all a good night. Donít worry about me, Neptuneís just drowning me again. Iíll be alright by morning.

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Ayumi
Knowflake

Posts: 135
From:
Registered: Jan 2005

posted March 23, 2005 10:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ayumi     Edit/Delete Message
Neptune, if it helps you at all, I think I understand how you feel. It's like you could be sitting on the couch sipping a soda with a friend, but inside your emotions are in turmoil! And no one knows, so no one pauses to ask "are you ok?" and if they do, you are so tempted to let it all out. I also trust people too much, its rediculous. I hold myself to high standards, and mistakenly assume everyone else does the same.
I also feel intense powerful emotions,often completely out of context to whatever the situation is.
I really tried to give you some advice that helped me, but i ended up deleting it all! I don't know if you're looking for help, I don't know if you have some deep pain that is coloring every aspect of your life, or you are very sensitive -because i haven't figured it out for myself yet! But I really think I understand, and I sympathize very much. These insane emotions really make life alot more difficult than i feel it needs to be.
Anyway I wish you happiness and balance. I hope you can find someone with a gift for putting your feelings into words to talk to, that can really help validate them.

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aqua
Knowflake

Posts: 2805
From: dreamland
Registered: Jan 2004

posted March 24, 2005 04:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for aqua     Edit/Delete Message
{{{hugs}}}
Hi neptune.
hope things work out better.the way u feel is completely normal i guess.there r phases in life that come and go.but it does happen with everyone .u need not worry as soon u'll notice how things work out for u.
sending u love and light.
take care.

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26taurus
Knowflake

Posts: 13411
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004

posted March 24, 2005 04:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
Neptune, I'm sorry to hear that. I do know how you feel. Maybe it's our Virgo Moons.

Have you ever thought about keeping a journal or writing poetry to get your emotions out on a more regular but maybe creative basis? Even if you've never done it before and dont think you can write you just may suprise yourself if you make yourself write a little bit each day. Eventually things may just start pouring out and you may find a hidden talent.

I dont know why but that just came to me, that you should write.

And even in this post you made you said you felt better after writing it. Think about it. Then give it a shot!

Love & Light to you.

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neptune's mermaid
Knowflake

Posts: 1069
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted March 24, 2005 07:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for neptune's mermaid     Edit/Delete Message
Wow thanks girls, Iím surprised anyone posted. Heavy emotions tend to scare the living daylight out of people lol.

Ayumi

I did want advice, I was just too shy to ask for it. Iím glad you understand, and what you said was right. Iím not getting help because I never ask for it. I canít even imagine talking to any of my friends, as far as they know, I donít have any emotions!! I did once talk to my mother, she was really understanding, but it was just once. I donít like to talk to her, or anyone I care about, because I donít want to bright them down with my negative emotions. If I have a deep pain, itís probably from being a therapist since I was a tiny child. I learned about heavy adult emotions at an early age. I had to take care of so many people emotionally and yet maintain a brave face so I donít depress them with my problems. I smile and joke about to ensure their happiness. I think the problem is I place other peoples needs first. Maybe this is one of those things that will get better as I mature. Thanks so much for caring

Aqua

Hiya, thanks for the hug I think the reason Iím so emotional is cause I normally release all this energy through exercise, but I havenít been doing much these past three months. Itís driving me crazy!! I need to go outside and run like mad, but thatís kinda dangerous in central London - IĎll wait till I get home, lol. I need to find the gym, and go on the treadmill till I canít feel my legs lol jk

26T

Yes, I blame my Virgo Moon, lol. Only mineís in the sixth house Whatís worse is , apart from my mum, most of the people close to me have air or earth moons. No one talks about the way they feel, but theyíre good listeners.

I have thought about writing it all down, I think itíll be very therapeutic. We think alike. I think Iíd rather start with poetry, Iíll flood the pages with my dense emotions - they wont know what hit them. Hey, maybe if Iím brave enough, I might post one on For Yellow Wax And The Ants - you never know

Again thanks girls, donít worry about me, I hope I didnít bring anyone down. This is just the occasional blues, I go through this every three monthsÖor something like that. Maybe itís something with the planets.

Lots and lots of love

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thirteen
Knowflake

Posts: 1107
From: Rochester Hills, MI USA
Registered: May 2004

posted March 24, 2005 08:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for thirteen     Edit/Delete Message
Please find a way to let your emotions have their expression. It doesn't mean they will never quiet down, they will. If you don't then they will get to be expressed by some illness later on in life. There are many books on this type of thing. My sister is a Pisces and I understand. Try Eckhart Tolle, the power of now. It will help you. Get the tapes and listen in the car.I can't say enough about this teaching.

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Aphrodite
Knowflake

Posts: 4992
From:
Registered: Feb 2002

posted March 24, 2005 08:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aphrodite     Edit/Delete Message
Hurray for Neptune's Mermaid! I'm really glad you wrote here and gave us a chance to hear you out. It's the first step - communicating - and you made it. Can you believe it?

Get it all out at your pace sister. Life's a journey and isn't it wonderful to at least KNOW you possess these kinds of feelings? More dimension, more depth . . . it's one part of many that helps us relate to one another.

------------------
Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.
- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

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sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 8591
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004

posted March 24, 2005 09:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
Well done Neptunes Mermaid for sharing your feelings, you are a brave person. You should come and live with me for a week (scare the pants off you). I cry most days and wondered where it came from, why the over emotional disposition. I never saw my parents cry much and then last week my 78 year old father told me he cried most days (his birthday is today) and some days he couln't stop. This is after repressing his feelings for so long (the macho Aries man etc etc).I felt so completely right when he confessed - like I finally knew where I came from..........the link to the father, and not the mother as I imagined. I cant give you any advice honey but just a suggestion to you.........from this day forward keep reminding yourself, the more I cry, the healthier I will be, the more I cry I am allowing myself the freedom to release all negativity, the more I cry the stronger I will be. Love and God bless to you Sue xxx

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26taurus
Knowflake

Posts: 13411
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004

posted March 24, 2005 04:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
Dont worry Neptune, you didnt bring anyone down. We've all been there and it's nice to be able to vent to people who understand. That's what we're here for.

I think it's a great idea for you to write. And I'd love to see a poem from you in Yellow Wax someday!!

Hope youre doing better today.

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Mama Mia
Knowflake

Posts: 2320
From:
Registered: Jun 2005

posted March 24, 2005 05:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message
Hi NM

From one Pisces to another I feel ya. I use to hold things in I still somewhat do(Aqua moon) but over the years I have learned to let go. You have a Virgo moon they tend to repress their feelings. I agree get a journal write a lil each day and you will begin to feel better. You will see the diffrence in how you feel and your expressing yourself. After awhile if you keep up with writing in your journa you will be like me and have to go out and buy another after another cuz the other ones are full. I can only really express loving feelings and that can be hard 4 me sometimes. You will b ok ur not subnormal.. :-)

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Bluemoon
Knowflake

Posts: 4456
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted March 24, 2005 06:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bluemoon     Edit/Delete Message
Writing always helps me. But I never won't to share..........

I am blue 2!!!!

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neptune's mermaid
Knowflake

Posts: 1069
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted March 24, 2005 07:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for neptune's mermaid     Edit/Delete Message
Oh wow! Thanks for the replies everyone.

Thirteen

Thank you for your concern, it really does mean a lot. I know repressing my emotions will/is affecting my health. My mum told me the same thing when I talked to her, she tried to get me to see someone - since Iím unwilling to talk to family.
I couldnít find the CDís but I bought the book . I canít wait to start reading it, Iíll tell you what I think. If it helps Iíll have you to thank

Aphrodite

Thanks, your post is uplifting. Iím definitely picking up on your energy. I hear the first step is the hardestÖglad I got it over and done with. My energy is back today, Iíve got tomorrow off so Iím hoping itíll stay that way. Iím gonna have to start talking more about my feelingsÖitís so hard, but Iíll be brave. Thank you for your concern

Hiya Sue g

lol Iím only scared of my own emotions - Iím OK with everyone elseís. I used to cry a lot when I was young, donít understand why I ever stopped. But if I do cry, I feel a hundred times better. My parents are the same as yours. Can you believe my mother has almost never cried, maybe thatís where I get it from. Honestly, I donít ever remember her crying for anything. Sheís either really happy or really angry - wellÖI donít know if itís anger, she just likes to argue - I think itís a Libra thing lol.

ďfrom this day forward keep reminding yourself, the more I cry, the healthier I will be, the more I cry I am allowing myself the freedom to release all negativity, the more I cry the stronger I will be.Ē
That is great advice love. I donít know if you realise how much that has touched me. I truly believe everything you said - Iím going to try my hardest to follow it from now on. Iím sure by just crying, a lot of tension will be released. What you posted has already made me feel better, thank you

LOL, my post is too longÖand with too many smilies - I have to split it.

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neptune's mermaid
Knowflake

Posts: 1069
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted March 24, 2005 07:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for neptune's mermaid     Edit/Delete Message
26T,
Glad I didnít bring you ( or anyone hopefully ) down sweetie. Iím glad there are so many understanding people here. I will someday post something on Yellow Wax, itís a promise.
Oh and yes, I am feeling much better today thank you. Actually, at lunch time, I was thinking no one would post - and that I should delete my post. But you guys did, and I really appreciate it.

Mama Mia

Hiya darling, I knew youíd understand. My brother has an Aqua Moon - he also has an Aqua Sun. does it really get better as you get older? cause thatís what Iím praying for.
Yeah, my Virgo Moon in the sixth house is tough. To make it worse, I have Venus and Mars in the twelfth house!! Iím the queen when it comes to hiding emotions lol.
Iím going out tomorrow to buy some notebooks - preferably with locks lol. Ahhhh my lovely twelfth houses - everything must be a secret.
I hope I will be ok, Iíll pray. Today is a bit unreal, and Iím feeling a little ungrounded - Iím hoping tomorrow is much better. Iím resilient, I should be able to handle it. Thanks for caring love.

Hi Bluemoon darling.
Now Iím ready and rearing to go with my writing. Awwww, youíre blue too - lets be blue together

Many thanks lovely ladies, you have no idea how much I appreciate your help - Iíll be sure to include you in my prayers

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sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 8591
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004

posted March 25, 2005 06:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
Guess what Neptune I am crying now (again) after reading your words - very moving, sending you lots of love and giving you permission to start crying.......now...........if you want x x x

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neptune's mermaid
Knowflake

Posts: 1069
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted March 25, 2005 06:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for neptune's mermaid     Edit/Delete Message
I was crying when I was writing it. Can you believe it? Your words were really moving. Iím already tearful, Iíll push myself to cryÖshouldnít be too hard, right now Iím really emotional
Sending you lots of love thanks for caring honey

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sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 8591
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004

posted March 25, 2005 07:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
Tis a pleasure x

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Philbird
Knowflake

Posts: 3396
From: Here, there and everywhere.
Registered: Jun 2004

posted March 25, 2005 01:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Philbird     Edit/Delete Message
Lots of and take care of you.

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maya-v
Knowflake

Posts: 1534
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted March 25, 2005 01:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for maya-v     Edit/Delete Message
I have not said anything yet because I wanted to feel it deep from inside ... not just offer sympathy because I care but to actually go inside you and feel what you are feeling ...

Its really sad for us Neptunians, we can offer all the sympathy and benevolent understanding, we can listen and silently comfort others but when it comes to our own blues, we are so convinced no one would understand ... it wont be worth the effort to even relate the issues, besides whats the use, those people are sad enough already with the HUGE problems they have ... why burden them with ours?

So from one fish to the other ... dont worry, NM, there is still enough beauty, magic and love in the world to cure the wrost of evils ... all is not lost yet

Besides, you know we love you endlessly and are always rooting for you!

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neptune's mermaid
Knowflake

Posts: 1069
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted March 25, 2005 03:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for neptune's mermaid     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Philbird, thanks honey Iíll try to take care of myself as of now

Hey maya, you remind me of what Linda said - about Pisceans not being able to understand themselves. Itís unfortunate but true, I have no clue as to who I am and where Iím goingÖso I just let my instinct lead me. Wish me luck.
ďbesides whats the use, those people are sad enough already with the HUGE problems they have ... why burden them with ours?Ē
Thatís exactly what I think, and the reason why I keep things to myself, I donít like being a burden. Peoples lives are already hard enough.
ďthere is still enough beauty, magic and love in the world to cure the worst of evils ... all is not lost yetĒ
Thank ya darling you remind me of the way I used to be, back in the day when I wore my heart on my sleeve and didnít have a care in the world. Life was about sunshine and rainbowsÖelves and fairies. I must admit, I do miss that.

Would someone please start a fairy threadÖpretty please I'm looking at you maya

Thanks for the love Philbird and maya, youíve brought sunshine to my day

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