Author
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Topic: Help wanted, Happy Mothers day
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Bluemoon Knowflake Posts: 4456 From: Stafford, VA USA Registered: Feb 2005
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posted May 03, 2005 09:03 AM
an e-mail I got POSITION : >Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma > >JOB DESCRIPTION : >Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, >often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent >communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable >hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour >shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to >primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments >in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier >duties also required > >RESPONSIBILITIES : >The rest of your life. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and >be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this >time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. >Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small >gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must >screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of >multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize >social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be >willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must >handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, >plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the >best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete >accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also >include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility. > >POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION : >Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, >without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so >that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you > >PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : >None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a >continually exhausting basis. > >WAGES AND COMPENSATION : >Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon >payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college >will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give >them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme >is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. > >BENEFITS : >While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition >reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this >job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs >for life if you play your cards right.
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Philbird Knowflake Posts: 3396 From: Here, there and everywhere. Registered: Jun 2004
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posted May 03, 2005 02:20 PM
LOL!IP: Logged |
marcia Knowflake Posts: 829 From: NYC Registered: Oct 2004
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posted May 03, 2005 11:26 PM
This is great! :thumbs up:IP: Logged | |