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Author
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Topic: I Need Some Advice!
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Randall
Webmaster Posts: 25287
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted July 03, 2005 02:08 AM
 
I had a close friend who I cared for and trusted and confided in. She was one of my best friends (or so I thought). We had an argument and are no longer friends. We haven't spoken much at all in over three months. I don't forsee that ever changing. I apologized to her, but she didn't even give me the courtesy of a thank you, or I accept your apology, or I'm sorry also. Nothing. I am okay with that. That's not my problem.In the interim between our collapsed friendship and now, I have learned that she was not who I thought she was (though I still care about her and am not particularly bothered by her hiding anything from me). The problem is that I am friends with her mom. They all live in the same household (mom, dad, and her). The family is kind of religious and attend church regularly. They think their daughter (over 18) is an innocent little angel, but she is far from that. For example, she loves to party and drink, but acts like she's not that way with her parents. There's other stuff, too, but bottom line, I decided it's none of my business what she does, and if her mom needs to know, I'm sure she will find out somehow. Even though she stabbed me in the back and tried to cause a rift between me and her mom, I still didn't react to get her back. I'm just not like that. But I recently found out some other info. I have come across the information that her good friend (her mom thinks she loves him like a brother) who is over at the house a lot is actually dating her under her parents' nose. Not that I'm at all hung up on illusory age, but her parents are (he's almost exactly twice her age). But THAT is not the real problem. This guy runs a sex site. He sleeps with girls, tapes them without them knowing, and then he puts the videos on the Net. I do not know if the daughter is aware of this or not, but I know the mother isn't. Question: Do I tell the mother? Or is it really none of my business? I can see how a lot of bad can come out of this if the mom is told (driving the daughter to react negatively and maybe even moving out and living with the guy or worse). HELP! ------------------
"There is no use trying," said Alice; "one can't believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." Lewis Carroll IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Knowflake Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted July 03, 2005 02:21 AM
Wow.
What a pickle.
Personal feelings aside... If a friend, or even old friend, had accurate information *especially of a sexual/deceptive nature* that could involve me, I would appreciate a heads up.
I wouldn't involve her parents.
At least not outright, that's only a set up for embarassment and resentment.. it is up to her, bad or good. She wouldn't take kindly to it, nor perhaps would the parents.
You could innocently ask, of course.....
"So.. is ____ seeing _____? "
If you think that could help, by planting a seed.If there is a way though, for you to get your knowledge to this woman... apology or not ( friendships fizzle and things are sometimes illusion, or they serve their course and are done) It could pave the way for mended fences... because of the nature of it.. you care about her and her future.. ( show her there are actual good people in the world, with nothing personal to gain....) or else, just a way to use your knowledge to allow her to make an informed decision about her sex life. What a spot.
At least you'd know you tried..... even if she doesn't believe you.. but really, what would you have to gain?
Accept that she didn't apologize... rude and beneath you or not.. some people aren't as sensitive or respectful. That's sad, but you know.... can't change everyone, I guess.
Maybe she'll come around.
Sounds like she is learning herself and going through a rebellious stage.
I'll bet she'll be better for it when she comes out the other side.
Maybe she'll be worth a friendship then, too....
Good Luck. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 25287
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted July 03, 2005 02:30 AM
I get the impression the daughter knows about him already. But I may be wrong. I am not really considering telling her anything. She hates me. I don't see that friendship ever returning, which is sad, because we were so close (I thought). My concern is should the mom know. I guess that would be a vote for a no. By the way, I will have the URL of the sex site soon. I was thinking of anonymously sending it to the mom. But I guess that really isn't a good idea. ------------------
"There is no use trying," said Alice; "one can't believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." Lewis Carroll IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 11943
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005
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posted July 03, 2005 02:40 AM
I like that idea myself. I would look at that site if you're able, so that you may see whether or not he has the necessary documentation. I'm pretty sure that technically porn masters have to have a signed consent form (but then again, if a guy can talk her into having sex on camera perhaps he can also persuade her to sign a release).If it were me, I'd have a tough time with the decision as well. I think in the end I would try to find a way to say something. IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Knowflake Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted July 03, 2005 02:46 AM
But wasn't it against their knowledge?No release forms to be signed there.... Are you concerned about the parents more? Or all involved? By the way, kudos for posting this!
Love to get involved in Randall's life! IP: Logged |
LibraSparkle
Knowflake Posts: 6034
From: Vancouver USA
Registered: May 2004
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posted July 03, 2005 03:07 AM
Yucky.What a mess. Sounds like this gal has some issues. Firstly, how could she hate such a super guy?!  Anyhow, I don't think it would be a good idea to tell the mother... at least not unless you know for sure the daughter doesn't know. I have a few very good girl friends who grew up in religious families. All three had to do some sort of wild oat sewing before they fully grew up. This girl could be involved in the wild sex scene as a form of rebellion. This kind of sex stuff (I'm coming to find out) has become sort of common place. (I know some people into some crazy stuff.) If this is the case, and she's into wild and crazy sex... its her choice. She has that right as technical grown up. Another concern I have with you involving yourself in this mess is that you may ruin your relationship with the mom. She could associate you with this mess and not be able to look at you the same again. So... yeah... maybe discuss it with the daughter, if you're comfortable. I would stop there. If she's over 18, she's old enough to decide what kind of sex life to be involved in and with whom. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 25287
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted July 03, 2005 03:21 AM
She may not be involved sexually at all. Or she may. I am not really concerned about that, as it's her private business. She tells her mom she's waiting until she's married. *cough, cough* Ahem (clears throat) I'm mainly concerned about what this guy does (without consent, so it's a crime--and with the new federal child porography law, no documented verification defaults to child porn) and that the mom is being deceived by allowing him to spend so much time in her home with her daughter, unbeknownst to her. But I would hate to ruin that friendship also (people are not fond of the messenger). The friendship with the daughter is over. I have no chance of salvaging that. And besides, why should I want to be friends with someone who doesn't value my friendship anyway? You're right, she has deep-rooted issues. Her mom has no idea. She has her fooled (and her mom is really smart).  ------------------
"There is no use trying," said Alice; "one can't believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." Lewis Carroll IP: Logged |
26taurus
Knowflake Posts: 13411
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted July 03, 2005 03:32 AM
Randall,Let it go. She's an adult and it's her life. As you said, you are no longer friends and she doesnt value your friendship anyway. There is not much you can do that would do any good at this point. I think you will be making things much harder on yourself by getting involved. Her parents are blind to her 'faults' and will probably take her side, or continue to choose to not see what is really going on with her in the end anyway. She is on her own path, you may not like it, but, it's hers. IP: Logged |
LibraSparkle
Knowflake Posts: 6034
From: Vancouver USA
Registered: May 2004
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posted July 03, 2005 03:39 AM
I see. Well, if your concern is mainly with this sleazy guy, there has to be somehow to bust him while maintaining your anonymity... at least to the family.IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 25287
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted July 03, 2005 03:40 AM
Thanks, Tara.  Glad to see you around! I guess the consensus is just to stay out of it. The mom would forbid her from seeing him, and that would really create some problems. Ignorance is bliss. But I will still entertain any other advice, if anyone wishes to lend some. There is something else, too. Another friend of mine has a sister who dated him. She is unaware of the sex site and hidden cameras. We are going to give her the site URL to see if she is on it. ------------------
"There is no use trying," said Alice; "one can't believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." Lewis Carroll IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 25287
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted July 03, 2005 03:44 AM
Yep, I have a real problem with videotaping people without their consent. To me, that is like rape. They may have consented to the sex, but they didn't consent to being taped. ------------------
"There is no use trying," said Alice; "one can't believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." Lewis Carroll IP: Logged |
26taurus
Knowflake Posts: 13411
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted July 03, 2005 03:53 AM
You too Randall. Dont surround yourS-elf with the energy of these types of people. Hopefully your friend's sister isnt on his site and you can move on from this.  IP: Logged |
aqua
Knowflake Posts: 2805
From: dreamland
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted July 03, 2005 04:40 AM
yep,i agree there with u 26.maybe there r not the kind of people whome ur aura should touch.u'll find a way. IP: Logged |
SunChild
Moderator Posts: 4032
From: Australia
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted July 03, 2005 09:27 AM
For every action, there's a reaction, that's the pickle...seems to me that you know what this guy is up to for a reason, maybe you should ask yourself what role do you really play in this girl's life?[edit: I'm sorry if I offended anyone. ] You have more knowledge, and with that you have the power to get involved, and change something...but how do you know what you may do is really the right thing? My advice is, hold your integrity, question everything you know, and why you know it.
Don't stop asking 'WHY?' until you get an answer!
...who are you in all this? And who is she?......and these are the sorts of questions I'd be asking... I know I'm probably too young to give any advice, but I trust, that you Randall, will make the right decision, whatever that may be. 
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"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become." Charles Dubois
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trillian
Knowflake Posts: 4050
From: The Boundless
Registered: Mar 2003
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posted July 03, 2005 09:46 AM
Randall, you've already gotten so much sage advice, that I can't offer much more. I'm sorry that you lost a friend; perhaps as she matures she will see things differently.She's an adult, so you can't interfere with her choices. But this guy is doing things that are unethical and illegal. And if there is any way to stop him, that is a noble cause. If he is taping local girls/women, then notify the authorities. ------------------
The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine. -Indigo Girls IP: Logged |
26taurus
Knowflake Posts: 13411
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted July 03, 2005 11:41 AM
Nevermind.
IP: Logged |
Tranquil Poet
Knowflake Posts: 1360
From: New York City
Registered: Apr 2005
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posted July 03, 2005 01:19 PM
Tell her mother at least.
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Gemini sun, Cancer rising, Taurus moon IP: Logged |
ariestiger
Knowflake Posts: 1136
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted July 03, 2005 02:22 PM
Randall, even though you are not friends with her, I would try to address HER, directly, anyway. If she starts any nonsense and refuses to listen - threaten to tell her parents. Emphasize the point about legality and also, that it could be unwise for her to pursue an unhealthy relationship like this. That way, if she gets herself into a mess, at least she cannot say she has not been warned.There have been times when I did not "speak up", against my better judgement, which I regret. If someone or something has a chance of being "saved", so much the better. Good luck! AT *N.B. I realize I was talking off the top of my head when I first posted this. So I would modify it by saying: what about a group of you (including people she is still talking to and respects) approaching her with the evidence of his behaviour, when you have enough? That way she cannot lay any "blame" on one person. Emphasize your point by suggesting that you are concerned for her and (gently) that you would hate for her parents to find out. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 25287
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted July 03, 2005 02:30 PM
Tara, I saw your Post before you changed it. Thank you for what you said. ------------------
"There is no use trying," said Alice; "one can't believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." Lewis Carroll IP: Logged |
ScotScorp
Knowflake Posts: 936
From: St. Louis, Missouri
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted July 03, 2005 07:46 PM
Randall--I would say that since she is 18, let her deal with it. Illegal or not, she is an adult. If she thinks she is old enough and responsible enough to participate in these "adult" situations, then she shall reap the consequences of them. Not to sound harsh or anything, but we all live to learn our lessons. No matter how much we want to stop other people from making mistakes, they will make them with or without us watching them. Also, are you positively sure that her mother has no clue how her daughter really is? I have known plenty of parents that atleast have an inkling of how their kids really are, and they choose to ignore it. No use in expressing their own opinions if the kid's not gonna listen. All the best in whatever you do or don't do.. Angela
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aries-chick
Knowflake Posts: 1142
From: The Ocean
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted July 03, 2005 10:20 PM
quote:
Yep, I have a real problem with videotaping people without their consent. To me, that is like rape. They may have consented to the sex, but they didn't consent to being taped.
I agree that is absolutely disgusting. Hi Randall...I know she's 18 and an adult. Obviously she's gone down the wrong path. It happens with a lot of people her age well my age technically, I'm 19. I know that we all have lessons to learn and I agree with everyone..it is her life and we each make our own bed. But, personally I'd let her know, if you don't want to speak to her then maybe do it by email. Actually, you could probably do it anonimously from a different email address, as long as she gets the info and a link to the site so she knows. The only reason I'm saying this is because you don't know that she knows and the guy sounds like an actor and a half..so she might think he's just a nice guy and have no idea about the porn site. I think you'd probably feel better if you knew for a fact that she's aware of it..because then it's her choice what she does with the info. I just think that maybe if she actually didn't know and she ended up on the site and felt really bad about that afterwards..you might feel a bit guilty.. which is why, if for no better reason than you feeling like you've done everything you could do, I'd say let her know.. to get it off your chest anyways good luck with whatever you decide it *is* a tough situation IP: Logged |
26taurus
Knowflake Posts: 13411
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted July 04, 2005 11:29 AM
Anytime, Randall. IP: Logged |
Philbird
Knowflake Posts: 3396
From: Here, there and everywhere.
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted July 05, 2005 01:05 PM
Perhaps you could get the URL address, write a note about your concerns of unauthorized tapeing and send it to the police, let them check it out.
It is illeagal whether you are involved or not. Perhaps an inquary by the police would "wake" your friend up.
My 2 cents. Good luck. IP: Logged |
Thorshammer
Moderator Posts: 1026
From: salt lake city, utah, USA
Registered: Nov 2004
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posted July 05, 2005 02:31 PM
I would do what Phil Bird said..that way if he is doing something illegal, he will get caught, the parents will find out (whether it illegal or not, they will know he has a site) I would skin a guy alive if he did that to my daughter...if he came into my house smiling and acting respectful and had a site like that...May the Gods help him!!! lol.if you wrote the note to the cops, then you wouldnt be involving her or the parents. Its our duty to stop weirdos like that on the net. Send me the URL...I'll take care of him...ChicagoSTyle..forgataboutit...capesh... . IP: Logged |
aqua
Knowflake Posts: 2805
From: dreamland
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted July 06, 2005 06:23 AM
how r u now randall? IP: Logged | |
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