posted August 08, 2005 02:33 PM         

Do Nothing til You Hear from Me

Element: Earth. Sweeping piles of symbolic dirt under a series of emotional rugs takes a really bug broom.

Quality: Mutable. England swings and Virgo does, too.

Symbol: The Vurgin, on the outside. Kind-meister on the inside. That's no secret. Is it?

Ruler: Merucry, the God of idle conversation and light gossip=in combat boots, carrying a rule book and a riding crop.

Romantic Idol: Mary Poppins.

Romantic Style: Nag.

Fav. Line: "Pardon me, but there's a bit of lint on your lapel."

Dream First Date: Dinner Dutch treat, then stop by the megamart to persue the cleaning products aisel. Date helps try out the latest germicidal on the kitchen floor before shaking hands good night.

Love ZOne: Stomach. Tickling, licking, stroking this Virgin's tummy could land you on yours.

posted August 08, 2005 02:39 PM         

You're So Vain

Element: Air. Whispers hot, breathy come-ons in one ear and cold faultfinding turnoffs in the other.

Quality: Cardinal. Leadign homewrecker of the zodiac.

Symbol: The Scales. Balancing three clandestien affairs and several casual-sex partners while planning the wedding of the year assures a hands-down victory as duplicitous lover of the centruy.

Ruler: Venus, the Goddess of fickle pleasures.

Romantic Idol: Blanche Deveraux (Golden Girls).

Fav. Line: "Do you think this color looks good on me?"

Drema First Date: Impossibly gorgeous, fabulously wealthy jet-setter appears at local watering hole. Sweeps side the crowd. Instantly propses marriage and life free of all decisions.

Love Zone: Butt. Lays on his or hers while you do all the work.

posted August 08, 2005 02:46 PM         

I Put A Spell on You

Element: Water. Stream heat is soothing, healing, and purifying. It can also asphyxiate, scald, and parboil.

Quality: Fixed, on secrets. What you see is seldom what you get.
SYmbol: The Scorpion. Even making love is a duelto the death.

Ruler: Mars and Pluto. In this dynamic duo, Mars builds you up with megahot ntense passion, then Pluot-the Destructor drop kicks your heart in the next county. Just for fun.

Romantic Idol: Micheal Corteone.

Romantic Style: Sarcastic head case.

Fav. Line: "hi."

Dream First Date: locks eyes with a beautiful stranger, has ten or tweleve hours of nonstop. ultrawicked, steamy, passionate sex. No names or words are exchanged. Stranger is never seen again. Scorpio has another lost love to mourn.

Love Zone: Sex organs. Has terminal sexual heat rash. No cure. Seeks frequent treatment.
Sexual Quirk: Carries an emergency kit of sex toys in the trunk of the car.