posted September 20, 2005 09:19 AM           

Using this site: http://www.innerself.com/Astrology/never_date.htm

Combine the pertinent parts of your Sun/Moon/Asc to say why someone should never, ever date you.

Here's my contribution:

Never Date A...
Corri:

Want a relationship with someone who will squint suspiciously at you, at least once a day, and ask what you really meant by that? Someone who starts crying at the beginning of Walt Disney reruns? Are you looking for someone with thirteen cats, seven dogs, and a three-legged ferret -- in a four-room apartment? If you just adore folks with hot pink hair (on the half of their head that isn't shaved), rows of small pierced silver rings in the most interesting places, and wardrobes full of nothing but purple Peruvian vests, sunglasses, Grateful Dead t-shirts, and Birkenstocks, get yourself one of these. If you can find their clothes, and give them very specific instructions on what to do with them, you can even take them out -- You can install (more) Question Authority bumper stickers on the back of their VW van, go to coffee houses where it is an accepted rule that no one speaks while the sitar player is plinking (unless it's to say "Wow, Really"), and march in demonstrations to protest for the Cause of the Month. (But) no matter where you take them, they'll have no idea where they are or how they got there. Are they really all that easily confused? Huh?
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posted September 20, 2005 09:58 AM         

quote:

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Well, let's just say that if you're waiting for them to change their mind, you should definitely bring along something to read. And if you're waiting for them to get ready to do anything, be prepared to actually watch your nails grow .... If you're looking for a real klutz who's totally excessive, unable to shut up, be discreet, or have "just a slice" of anything, you're in luck. Oh, your lover will also fancy themselves to be your teacher, too. Are you in the market for a lover who's ultra responsible, In Charge, and Right On Top Of Things? Conversation? Oh, with you, you mean? Why? Is there something you need to say?

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OMG LOL it is all about me!

hehe does anyone have some links to split personality tests?! I think I need them...

posted September 20, 2005 10:46 AM         

Never Date A…

quote:

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They'll amaze you at their ability to stuff six "I's" into every sentence -- in between slamming doors, driving like a maniac, and screaming like an infant until they get what they want.

If you can find their clothes, and give them very specific instructions on what to do with them, you can even take them out -- but understand that they will only want to go to The Movies, to the Pool, or Out For A Drink.

Once you've passed The Neatness Test, however, get ready to experience such rollicking good times as helping them alphabetize their CD's, rearrange their silverware drawer, and vacuum the car -- again.

No matter where you take them, they'll have no idea where they are or how they got there. Are they really all that easily confused? Huh?

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posted September 20, 2005 01:40 PM         

quote:

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while the sitar player is plinking

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Okay I'll try....
You should never date someone like me because:-
They will grade you on a daily basis-- lint accumulation in your navel, leftover sesame seeds in your teeth, or an untidy bathroom bowl will count for Big Points off your GPA. Once you've passed The Neatness Test, however, get ready to experience such rollicking good times as helping them alphabetize their CD's!! Do they really throw temper tantrums? No, no, no!!! Are they hideously impatient? Oh, no, of course not. They're willing to wait at least 4-1/2 seconds for a seat in the restaurant right smack in the middle of the dinner hour and another 5 seconds after they're seated for the waitress to sprint to the table with the meal she's magically intuited they were about to order! In between bites of dinner, they'll sell off their BioTech holdings, fire the entire art department, and phone their secretary to tell them to phone the cleaners to make sure their shirts are ready to be picked up next Thursday at 5:30. Conversation? Oh, with you, you mean? Why? Is there something you need to say? Laughter? Why? Is there nothing serious to talk about?

posted September 21, 2005 08:24 AM         

Are we restricting ourselves to cutting and pasting from the original post, or are we adding our own things, too?

posted September 21, 2005 07:25 PM         

Gemini:
Geminis aren't nearly as fickle as folks make them out to be. They're just, oh,....easily distracted. If you're dating a Gemini, always have Plan B ready -- and make sure you drive. Be prepared to hear all about their childhood, several times, with no specifics spared. This sign is awfully fond of details, and each one is just as important as the next. In the middle of the story about the kid on the beach with the toy plane, you'll hear all about their grandmother's apron, their cousin Sally's first car, etc. Once they get talking, they probably won't notice if you leave the table. When you've heard enough about how Dad used to wear the green overalls to mow the lawn -- and the red cap when he weeded -- just head to the bathroom for a Time-Out. With any luck, when you come back, they'll be ready to wind things up with a description of the way the gym was decorated at their Senior Prom.

Taurus:
Don't date a Taurus if you're not Looking For A Relationship, because once you ask them out they'll consider themselves engaged and want to shop for rings. If you are looking for an over-possessive materialist, get yourself a Taurus. Do date a Taurus if you enjoy eating huge, fattening meals in front of the television set every night, and you don't mind carrying a pager so they can reach you at any moment to ask you to stop at the grocery store on the way home. Are they really as stubborn and slow-moving as legend has it? Well, let's just say that if you're waiting for them to change their mind, you should definitely bring along something to read. And if you're waiting for them to get ready to do anything, be prepared to actually watch your nails grow ....

Cancer:
Cancers are known to be private types who are fond of their homes and very, very tight with their families. Don't ask them any personal questions for at least a year, regardless of whether or not you're married by then. However, if your idea of great fun is hanging out at their place with their mother and their children, doing needlepoint, looking at their baby pictures (again), reading cookbooks, and eating chocolate-chip cookies (making sure the shades are drawn so They can't see in), you've found your ideal match. Moody? Well, maybe a little, but only if you say something they take the wrong way -- which is every other sentence. Clingy? Only until they're sure you're really committed. Then they'll let you go out alone again. But not without your sun block, umbrella, and extra sweater -- just in case.

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Gemini sun, Cancer rising, mercury in Gemini, moon in Taurus *29, venus in Taurus, mars in Libra

"You must live in the infinite blackness that exists when I close my eyes. I see you when I fall asleep, I see you when I dream."

posted September 21, 2005 07:41 PM         

Hmmm...nothing seems particularly true of me at the moment.

Moon in Virgo:

Gosh darn it! I don't sound like this one either!

Ascendant in Gemini:

I got nothing. I can go off on tangents, but I'm not that talkative.

Stellium in the 7th along with a couple planets in Libra:

Don't ever ask me a question that involves a choice unless you want to camp out wherever you happen to be while I'm trying to choose. I'm not famous for my decision-making abilities.

posted September 21, 2005 10:14 PM         

I'll be fair though and do me first:

If you're looking for a real klutz who's totally excessive, unable to shut up, be discreet, or have "just a slice" of anything, you're in luck! If you want to date an FU, tell her what you want her to wear before you get there, pick her up, take her where you want to go, and order for her. You'll have a wonderful time! Getting an FU to fall for you is a piece of cake. She's really good at falling, tripping, stumbling, etc. Does she lie? No, she doesn't... well, maybe a little... okay, it depends. If she knows you really want to hear the truth, then truth it is -- 100%. If truth is not what she knows you're in the mood for, she'll smile, ask you what you think, and agree. That's not lying, is it? Oh, your FU lover will also fancy herself to be your teacher, too. So listen carefully in between burps, and you, too, will learn how to be gluttonous, loud, pompous, and obnoxious. She doesn't like to do anything alone or go anywhere without you -- not even there.

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posted September 21, 2005 10:59 PM         

Never date a Nina...

Is your ideal lover someone who just loves "Air Supply" and Barry Manilow? It's not true that they never get out of bed or away from the television set. If you can find their clothes, and give them very specific instructions on what to do with them, you can even take them out -- but understand that they will only want to go to The Movies or Out For A Drink. No matter where you take them, they'll have no idea where they are or how they got there. Are they really all that easily confused? Huh?

However, if your idea of great fun is looking at their baby pictures (again), reading cookbooks, and eating chocolate-chip cookies (making sure the shades are drawn so They can't see in), you've found your ideal match.