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Author Topic:   how to tell if your head's about to blow up
delerious
Knowflake

Posts: 800
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted October 04, 2005 12:48 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for delerious     Edit/Delete Message
Some people call the Weekly World News a lowbrow tabloid. Uncle John, however, considers it one of America's great satire magazines (along with the Onion, from Madison, Wisconsin) This article, reprinted from the May 24, 1994 edition, supplies important information about the dreaded affliction HCE.

SURPRISE! . MOSCOW-Doctors blame a rare electrical imbalance in the brain for the bizarre death of a chess player whose head literally exploded in the middle of a championship game!
No one else was hurt in the fatal explosion but four players and three officials at the Moscow Candidate Masters' Chess championships were sprayed with blood and brain matter when Nikolai Titov's head suddenly blew apart. Experts say he suffered from a condition called Hyper,Cerebral Electrosis, or HCE. "He was deep in concentration with his eyes focused on the board," says Titov's opponent, Vladimir Dobrynin. "All of a sudden his hands flew to his temples and he screamed in pain. Everyone looked up from their games, startled by the noise. Then, as if someone had put a bomb in his cranium, his head popped like a firecracker."

AN EXPLOSIVE SITUATION
Incredibly, Titov's is not the first case in which a person's head has spontaneously exploded. Five people are known to have died of HCE in the last 25 years. The most recent death occurred... in 1991, when European psychic Barbara Nicole's skull burst. Miss
Nicole's story was reported by newspapers worldwide, including WWN. "HCE is an extremely rare physical imbalance," said Dr.
Anatoly Martinenko, famed neurologist and expert on the human brain who did the autopsy on the brilliant chess expert. "It is a condition in which the circuits of the brain become overloaded. by the body's own electricity. The explosions happen during periods of intense mental activity when curcuits of current is surging through the brain. Victims are highly intelligent people with great powers of concentration. Both Miss Nicole and Mr. Titov were intense people who tended to keep those cerebral circuits overloaded. In a way it could be said they were literally too smart for their own good."
Although Dr. Martinenko says there are probably many undiagnosed cases, he hastens to add that very few people will die from HCE. "Most people who have it will never know. At this point, medical science still doesn't know much about HCE. And since fatalities are so rare it will probably be years before research money becomes available."
In the meantime, the doctor urges people to take it easy and not think too hard for long periods of time. "Take frequent relaxation breaks when you're doing things that take lots of mental focus," he recommends.

THE WARNING SIGNS
Although HCE is very rare, it can kill. Dr. Martinenko says knowing you have the condition can greatly improve your odds of surviving it. A "yes" answer to any three of the following seven questions could mean that you have HCE:

1.Does your head sometimes ache when you think too hard? (Head pain can indicate over - loaded brain circuits.)
2.Do you ever hear a faint ringing or humming sound in your ears? (It could be the sound of electricity in the skull cavity.)
3. Do you sometimes find yourself unable to get a thought out of your head? (This is a possible sign of too much electrical activity in the cerebral cortex.)
4. Do you spend more than five hours a day reading, balancing your checkbook, or other thoughtful activity? (A common symptom of HCE is a tendency to over-use the brain.)
5. When you get angry or frustrated do you feel pressure in your temples? (Friends of people who died of HCE say the victims often complained of head pressure in times of strong emotion
6. Do you ever overeat on ice cream, doughnuts and other sweets? (A craving for sugar is typical of people with too much electrical pressure in the cranium
7. Do you tend to analyze yourself too much? (HCE sufferers are often introspective, "over-thinking" their lives)

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aqua
Knowflake

Posts: 2805
From: dreamland
Registered: Jan 2004

posted October 04, 2005 06:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for aqua     Edit/Delete Message
delerious!!! that is funny!!!!

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future_uncertain
Knowflake

Posts: 2681
From: ohio
Registered: Aug 2004

posted October 04, 2005 08:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for future_uncertain     Edit/Delete Message
I never considered it as satire...

This is funny!

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