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Author
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Topic: Why I was invisable.
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Philbird
Knowflake Posts: 3396
From: Here, there and everywhere.
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted July 29, 2006 10:48 PM
 
My dear friends...
I have missed you! I guess it's been a few months huh?
I need support right now. Many lessons.
Last year about this time, I started drinking heavily. This is about the time my former therapist became ill with "kidney stones, as far as I was told. (I believe this part of the story has deep implications that psychicly do know when someone we care about is ill.) She had been in and out of the hospital many times in the following 7 months. {I had been drinking heavier as as she got sicker.) She was so ill, she had to quit her counseling job.
I remember telling her I was scared because I thought she was going to die. (A heart wrenching feeling I'd never known before.)Just before she left her job, I had checked into a drug and alcohol treatment facility. I had been there for four months. Home now!
I've been clean for almost six months- yeah!
A few weks ago another of my therapists former clients told me she had passed away just before I got home. From cancer. Many of you know how close I was to her, so I hope you can follow the story with a little more detail.
A week after I came home, hubby had a schitzophrenic episode and ended up going into the hospital. He's home now too!
I have been doing a lot of reading on buddhism, a lot things make sense and are helping me cope with the emotional withdraw symptoms from alcohol. I still get cravings of course, but I'm better able to handle them.
We are working on quitting our jobs since this seems to be the source of a lot of stress for my husband. We plan to make jewelery for a living. I have been doing this for a little over a year now. I'm finally starting to sell. Hubby has experience with metalsmithing, so we should make a good team.
(This means we will be poor, cold and hungry.) 
We will also be re-locating, still staying in AZ. though.
Alcohol has taken every ounce of my zest for life, synchrinicity, appreciation, humor, intuition, etc. I'm in the process of some serious soul searching. I saw things I shouldn't have seen at the treatment facility... how niave I was! Very sick and dying people, all because we are trying to find a reason to live, or not live. Fill that void...
I find comfort in reading about Buddhism. 26T, I am so thankful for the book on joy by Osho, It came a month into treatment. I cannot thank you enough for the inspiration!
I could feel some of you there with me and I would chuckle about something you said...
Lately I have been ok...
So, that is were I have been in life school!
Phil is fine, I used to leave him phone messages so he could hear my voice, he liked that! Hubby would play them over and over throughout the day. Phil was so mean to me when I drank, now he wants my attention all the time.
That's all for now... Take Care! IP: Logged |
geminstone
Knowflake Posts: 1007
From: Golden, CO
Registered: Nov 2004
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posted July 29, 2006 10:57 PM
PhilBird ~ Sounds to me like you will be just fine! 
Sooo,... you got any pic's of these jewelry creations? I want to see. 
Lots of Love to you and yours PhilBird... you're good people... and Bird's.  ~ geminstone IP: Logged |
Philbird
Knowflake Posts: 3396
From: Here, there and everywhere.
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted July 29, 2006 11:21 PM
Sorry, no pics... and I believe I'll be ok. It's time to start drinking an amethyst elixer!
My memory has really been messed with! Can't seem to remember what I do or say constantly! This is a real problem, so I have to write everything down, like if I ate dinner eventhough I just ate 5 minutes ago!
Kinda makes living in the moment a bit easier huh? IP: Logged |
Azalaksh
Knowflake Posts: 6485
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004
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posted July 29, 2006 11:32 PM
Philly ~Congrats on your sobriety!! I've been sober for 11 years now -- it gets easier, but there's some things you just don't remember (and maybe it's better that way  ) I'm saddened to hear about the loss of your therapist/counselor  As for the temporary disappearance that "zest for life, synchrinicity, appreciation, humor, intuition, etc" -- have no fear, it will be back -- it's part of you, I can tell!! I hereby record my prediction: Phil's Zest shall return full force by end of July 2007!! Best of luck in your new vocation!! I too make jewelry -- Scottsdale Bead is one of my favorite places to shop for clasps and Kelly Charveaux's wonderful multi-inlaid beads..... {{love & hugs}}
Zala IP: Logged |
Philbird
Knowflake Posts: 3396
From: Here, there and everywhere.
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted July 30, 2006 12:34 AM
Cool! I believe I've visited the Scottsdale site, I'll have to check it out again. Congrats on your recovery! Hoping that prophacy comes true! Thanks IP: Logged |
salome
Knowflake Posts: 1521
From:
Registered: Nov 2005
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posted July 30, 2006 12:50 AM
love and blessings to you   IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Knowflake Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted July 30, 2006 02:31 AM
Thanks for sharing your story, I am sad to hear about your friend and soul councellor's passing.
You have the strength to do it all.
Enjoy being more creative.I gave up smoking too, it's hard. Alcohol is hard as well... you can do it! You already have!
IP: Logged |
lalalinda
Moderator Posts: 3291
From: nevada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted July 30, 2006 02:45 AM
You are in my prayers
Wishing you Faith, Clarity, and CourageIP: Logged |
lotusheartone
Knowflake Posts: 238
From: MOther & Father GOd
Registered: Feb 2008
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posted July 30, 2006 08:24 AM
Philbird you've gone through so much..
the hardest path is the one with the most learning and knowledge..
you're doing it..going within..and knowing yourSelf..and how to evolve..and tap into that Divine LOve and Light..to keep your strength..
Strong..
very good work!Sending you so much LOVE... IP: Logged |
trillian
Knowflake Posts: 4050
From: The Boundless
Registered: Mar 2003
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posted July 30, 2006 04:49 PM
Sending many blessings, Philbird. I wish for you much love, happiness, peace, and prosperity in your new business venture. You might be able to improve your memory by making a simple gingko tincture with cayenne. If you would like more info, I'll share the recipe.
------------------
Everything feels possible. Perhaps more is possible than we think. -P.H. IP: Logged |
SunChild
Moderator Posts: 4032
From: Australia
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted July 30, 2006 06:42 PM
Philbirdy I have missed you here.. and so happy to see you... you have been so strong and wise throughout your ordeal.
I also received Joy by OSHO... some great inspiration there!
Good soul medicine! Love to you Philly. IP: Logged |
26taurus
Knowflake Posts: 13411
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted July 31, 2006 12:44 AM
So happy to 'see' you again, Philly!! (((((HUGS)))))
Ive thought of you often and wondered where you had gone off to. So sorry to hear about your dear soul friend. That must have been really hard on you.
I'm glad to hear you have risen again and are happy and well. PhoenixPhilbird.  I dont get online much anymore. Things are going really well on my end, but I'm becoming more and more of a hermit myself. That's not such a bad thing. Everything in cycles, you know? I'm learning how to ride those tides. Take care dear friend. Email me anytime.
Blessings to you and C (and Philbird) in your new endeavors.
Follow your bliss!!!! To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
A time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal ...
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance ...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace. ecclesiastes 3:1-8 IP: Logged |
26taurus
Knowflake Posts: 13411
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted July 31, 2006 12:49 AM
 And congratulations on your recovery!!!  All the best to you. IP: Logged |
ScotScorp
Knowflake Posts: 936
From: St. Louis, Missouri
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted July 31, 2006 07:42 PM
Welcome back! You've been missed.  IP: Logged |
noreenz
Knowflake Posts: 1229
From: No.CAL
Registered: Feb 2004
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posted July 31, 2006 08:29 PM
welcome back missy! A teaspoon of brown apple cider vineagar in bottle of water sipped through straw throughout the day is said to help tremendously with any cravings of acholol. It may take a couple of weeks though, many supposed health benefits. When sipping, place straw near back of mouth, so you don't get that wonderful flavor swishing thoughout the mouth. lol.......it is also suppose to be beneficial for weight loss, I am going to start....soon...in fact, any day now....lol, I purchased the apple cider vineagar about a month ago.....tried it, yummy! but in all fairness, that was before I learned you were suppose to sip through straw. Much Love and Light to you and your family while you go though all this. IP: Logged |
Yang
Knowflake Posts: 2296
From: A temporary home
Registered: May 2004
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posted August 01, 2006 06:56 AM
Welcome back  IP: Logged |
Philbird
Knowflake Posts: 3396
From: Here, there and everywhere.
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted August 02, 2006 09:05 AM
Thank you everyone for your support! It means a lot. Recovery is going good, the cravings are starting to back off!;heart:IP: Logged |
Peri
Moderator Posts: 2447
From: Kyiv, Ukraine
Registered: Dec 2003
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posted August 06, 2006 05:40 PM
Love, Light, Courage, Good Luck and Many Hugs to you!!!!  IP: Logged |
DayDreamer
Knowflake Posts: 4841
From:
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted August 07, 2006 01:52 AM
Nice to see you back here Philbird.A big congrats and a big hug of support to all who are now sober or still trying IP: Logged |
Charlotte
Knowflake Posts: 1239
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2004
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posted August 07, 2006 04:41 AM
------------------
May the angel of your higher s-elf, guide you always. IP: Logged |
Sheaa Olein
Knowflake Posts: 2864
From: London
Registered: Jul 2004
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posted August 07, 2006 05:39 PM
I've missed you Philly, (as well as my other friends).. I've also been away for a while but have thought of you often IP: Logged |
Sheaa Olein
Knowflake Posts: 2864
From: London
Registered: Jul 2004
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posted August 07, 2006 06:52 PM
Philbird! After revisiting some old threads I see that you replied to 'a dream with sheaa in it' ! aw and I missed it. Just a note here to let you know I read it tonight since I think it was after you posted that (at that point last year) I started to have trouble logging in as much. I want to reply properly and need to re-read it when I'm on next. Just wanted you to know.
Love K IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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