posted January 20, 2007 03:46 PM         

There alwasys seems to be plenty of outlets for women, both on forums and with life off-line....

But I cant help but wonder how many men bottle things up and struggle on regardless...

How do you guys relax and if you have a problem or something that is worrying you, how easy is it for ye to open up.

My father and my husband are at the moment going through challenging phases of their life, one is grieving for his life partner and the other is experiencing his Uranus opposition. Both men find it hard to open up.

I am concerned for men, moreso now I have a son. In Ireland the suicide rate for young men under the age of 30 is shockingly high. When I asked one young fella why he thought there were so many cases, he replied.....nobody to talk to....

I would like to dedicate this space to any men who feel they would like to share, vent or just open up about something that is worrying ye....

And hopefully, we women folk can help....

posted January 21, 2007 01:05 PM         

I just met yet another Sagittarius girl. She has Scorpio Asc, Scorpio Moon, Mars in 8th and Jupiter in Aries. A very sexy Martian-Plutonic Sag. She's been writing a book on Indigo people, and she knows a bit about astrology. She bartends a few blocks from my place, so I finally have someone I can actually meet with and discuss astrology!!

As far as real "life" problems go, nothing earth shattering is occurring right now, and I'm just trying to bide my time with my goals.

posted January 21, 2007 03:33 PM         

For me, I'm pretty certain that interacting with a wide range of people is helpful for anyone. I'm actually hoping to become more and more social throughout life. I'd like the benefit of knowing lots of people.

posted January 22, 2007 06:19 AM         

As I mentioned earlier, my father is going through a very difficult time at the moment....

It has brought us closer.

When I was growing up, he never showed his feelings...only angry ones, when he would explode and I would be scared of him.....

And now he cries everyday...doesnt seem to get angry at all.....

I wonder how many men find it easy to cry....??

Anyone?

posted January 22, 2007 08:50 PM         

As for pouring the guts out, maybe to a life friend or someone close.
Thats a pretty short list.

Ghammer

posted January 23, 2007 01:10 AM         

I am a "stuffer" and I tend to detach from my emotions, invalidating or analyzing them, rather than feeling them. This is not by choice; it is not conscious (and I have a bone to pick with anyone who wants to argue that unconscious processes ought to be labelled "choices"). I brood and I bottle things up. Then stuff comes up suddenly, and i write a poem or call somebody to talk about it. Other ways of (trying to) cope involve driving aimlessly for hours listening to sad music and singing along (when the sound of my own voice doesn't totally weird me out, that is - and, sometimes, even when it does, just to **** myself off), smoking way too much pot, watching way too much t.v., studying astrology, posting on LL, reading about mysticism, and throwing myself into mis-matched trysts with women who are just as vulnerable, confused, or compulsive as I am.

Lately, I am so confuuuuuuuuused. I've been getting really sad and thinking hopeless, depressing thoughts about my future, and about ending my life. I started taking meds recently, and i'm hoping that will work for me.

The loneliness is unbearable at times. I log on to internet chats at 3am (can't sleep), trying to find someone i can relate to... no luck. I reach out to women, starving for nurturing and intense connection,... and strangeness ensues. Just wanting to share something warm and human, it inevitably becomes sexual, and, even when we agree that it is natural and innocent, it usually feels weird to me. I get overwhelmed so easily, and start thinking, thinking, thinking about "Life", and all the ways in which people relate to one another; as man and woman, as friends, well-wishers, human beings. I just want to connect with people so honestly. Always, there are these expected roles, and ways of relating, that get in the way. I dont want to carry the projections of fathers, brothers, and past lovers. I want to meet, soul to soul; sans history, sans future, sans bodies, language, ideas, and expectations. I want what can never be.

blah...

((end trasmission))

posted January 23, 2007 02:29 AM         

I just love you, Steve. You keep being as weird as you want. You are always loved. I wish I lived near you so we could go on drives together! And we could watch Cops on Saturday night. LOL
No pushing reset... you'll lose all your cool stuff.

For Sue, I've been dying to say that in my research on the differences between men and women and girls and boys, something that popped into my head when I first read your thread is that boys often bond over shared activities. So, for example, a man might go fishing with his son and his son might be more willing and comfortable opening up about his day and life and possibly problems during this shared activity. I haven't watched all of these but I saw a Grey's Anatomy when all of the guy's went fishing, and they began opening up to each other so much that all sorts of chaos ensued when secrets and prejudices were revealed etc. I was giggling through most of it.
I wonder if you could discover and share a favorite activity of your Dad's and then speak to him when he is more relaxed and could handle the emotions better. Good luck!

posted January 23, 2007 03:47 AM         

The torturous part of this trait, though, is that when I become emotionally overwhelmed it's tough to act appropriately. For instance, I remember a boss of mine standing up for me to another boss. I was grateful, and wanted to tell him so, but when I went to do it I couldn't help the tears. It kind of sickens me that I can't do things like that like a normal person. I cried when I got my first (musical) keyboard, too.

posted January 23, 2007 04:01 AM         

For instance, I'm drawn to people who are more emotional than I am, but I can't successfully stay with them romantically. I can't keep up that level of emotionalism. It's more like I'm attracted to them, so that I can experience through them what it's like to be an emotional person. In my experience away from Cancers in dating (I've dated a lot of Cancers) I've found that it's more pleasant and easy for me to be with a less emotional type. Emotional people actually desire for you to show some emotion that they're expecting from you. I'm not one to always care about complying with that desire. I'd rather be genuine.

posted January 23, 2007 10:52 AM         

Ghammer

posted January 23, 2007 11:09 AM         

Ghammer...arent you a mixture of Taurus and Scorpio..

I am too...

posted January 23, 2007 12:19 PM         

Thanks, hun.

And great advice you gave to Sue.
I have to concur about the "shared activities".

posted January 23, 2007 12:23 PM         

SO SORRY I mised your post...

Thanks very much for the help and suggestions...

Bless you!!

posted January 24, 2007 02:46 AM         

Ghammer, I loved it when you said this in your original post:
"And usually we don't admit anything is wrong until there are nothing but tiny pieces left to pick up. "
I think that aptly describes many men and illuminates the importance of this issue.

HSC, maybe that's why men open up to their wives/gfs more...
Everytime I read your original post words like "confused" etc jump out and plague me. It would just devastate me to lose you. I have so much more to learn from you, my friend... and I hope more to teach as well.

I was lead to this, so I will share:
"And so, whether we commit suicide or we die in any other way, believing that death is real, we will remain trapped in the self-imposed ego belief in separation. Death does not deliver us from the ego thought system, nor from the world that is its defense. Only looking at the ego thought system with the nonjudgmental presence of Jesus or the Holy Spirit beside us and deciding once and for all that the idea of separation holds no value for us can return us to the experience of our oneness with God. For the world is not depriving us of anything -- only our choice to be separate is.

Even though this world is an illusion, as are our individual lives here -- a life we feel is bracketed between birth and death -- we don’t believe it. If we did, and truly knew the world’s purpose was to attack God and therefore our Self, then of course we would never think of ourselves as being in bodies. But the fact that we all live that way -- breathing, eating, drinking, recreating, etc. -- proves that while we might intellectually believe what A Course in Miracles tells us, it is certainly not our experience.

Therefore, the Holy Spirit’s purpose for our being here, once we have been born, is to have us learn His lessons of forgiveness, including the ultimate lesson that death is unreal. The world then becomes a classroom in which we happily learn what He is teaching us. Wanting to leave the world simply reinforces its reality for us. After all, who would want to leave a place unless he first believed it were real and unpleasant. That is why Jesus tells us in the text: "There is a risk in thinking death is peace" (T.27.VII.10:2). True peace comes not from leaving the physical world, but only through the practice of forgiveness that undoes the mind’s guilt that is the only cause of pain and suffering, as well as the belief in the reality of death. And so, as we are willing, at the pace we choose, we take the small steps of forgiveness that will return us to the glorious eternal Self that we could never destroy, the Self that has remained our Identity despite our foolish digressions into the illusions of death."

It's from the Course site, and although I don't fully support every aspect of the Course, I thought you would appreciate the general direction of thought. I remember you once said something on this topic (my reply was: "I heard that!") and I think this is an interesting argument to your comment that you might want to ponder...

Ghammer, I also wanted to say to that I thought your comments on vampires were interesting, as I was commenting on a very similar topic to a friend near to the same time as your post! I think the synchronicity is speeding up a notch lately in my life.

posted January 24, 2007 11:25 AM         

We may agree with the Course, that this is all illusion, but, as it is, we still live 99.99% of our lives trusting in the illusion. Some people, when they become ill, fly off to the south of France, or someplace, and find that the condition is corrected by the new climate. Sure, the climate, the travelling, and the sickness are all illusions, but, that doesnt change the fact that they are real for us, and that we may manipulate our realities by taking steps in (or out of) the world. There are places we can go to, "retreats", to rest and gather our strength. If I believe that death will grant me an audience (however brief) with the divine, perhaps my belief will manifest that. Perhaps it is an intuitive urging of my soul, telling me that life in the world does not have to be a part of my path right now. Perhaps, at this stage in my soul's journey, nothing is less conducive to the growth of my soul than the maintanance of the life of my body. Sure, according to the Course In Miracles, this is all illusion, and a man can theoretically breathe as freely in the recesses of a New York subway as in the open air of a lush green meadow. Does that mean that, if I find myself in a subway, with a case of chronic bronchitis, I ought not to make my way into the open air, but, rather, sit myself down and start practicing deep breathing and meditating on forgiveness? What would you do?

posted January 24, 2007 11:36 AM         

Common sense and spirituality CAN exist together. This world might be an illusion - I actually like to believe we are REALLY TRULY here, right now and spiritual development is all about getting 'in touch' with other levels of thought and so on. To suggest this world is a total illusion negates our responsibility to it and to each other!

Men of LL hello to you all!

as for being stuck on a subway with a nasty chest infection... bugger meditation - get thee to a doctor and some fresh air! then meditate..

posted January 24, 2007 12:52 PM         

I'm reading between the lines here, and you're scaring me.

Let me say this about life. It is meant to be lived as long as it is given to you, and you can't take it away from yourself. And the gray period is just as valid as the yellow period, but you can't get to the yellow period until you gut up, dig in and kick the gray period in the BUTT. But keep one thing in mind, I WILL LIVE. AND I WILL LIVE THIS LIFE TO THE FULLEST. Because, that's the victory in life, having breath. There's too much self centerdeness in this world, humans motivated by the love of money, people who can't see past the surface, I mean look at this world! Where it's going! I mean, I'm sure we can converse for hours on how this society is being corroded by the media culture. But I won't go there....

But you are NOT that way. You are a light, and if you kill your light, then that's one down, and thus, this world is that much darker.

You remind me so much of the two Scorpios I know. Sure, they need to hear all the great things people feel about them, but those words are really not penetrating. So, I've learned to stay off their jock a long time ago. Because, they need to REALLY believe and say the good things about THEMSELEVES within themselves. Case in point, once one of the Scorps said to me, "yeah, people say all those things about how I'm brilliant and **** but....". Basically, but, I'm not buying it. CauseI have to live with myself in the organic form, as I exist in the real. Take myself to the bathroom. Spend those long hours thinking about how much I'm not measuring up with myself, and you just can't come in and say, I'm great because for most of the 24 hours a day, I'm not believing that. So, that's those two guys. And I sort of sense it from you.

So, in the gray, you have to discover what you really believe about yourself, good or bad (that really isn't bad but you think isn't quite measuring up), and face it. And the "bad", have the courage to just change it, or even better, realize it's just my own thinking. And believe me, it can be changed, ENDURANCE is the best changer. Your time will come. And I think you're an artist. I'm an artist too. And I think as artists, the one thing that gets out of control with us is that DEEP DESIRE to want to change the world. Only because the gift of being an artist, is the great ability to SEE what others don't in such an organic, pure form, that we often wonder why they don't get it. Which is so frustrating to say the least. And I think, icons of history get in our way, halts us. Becuase we want to be like this person or that person, move millions into enlightment. BUT, sometimes, it just may be one person. A classroom full of children. An office of co-workers. A blog. A book. A magazine article you've written. etc. Being an artist is a gift. Sometimes you move someone further into consciousness just by a conversation, by giving your opinon, by reacting or not. Each day you grow. Life becomes one of your educators. But you have to LIVE it to bring enlightment, and fulfill your destiny. And when you're on old man, You'll know, that you've touched at least one soul, but for sure millons.