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Author Topic:   Are you down with the funk?
Motherkonfessor
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posted February 22, 2007 03:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Motherkonfessor     Edit/Delete Message
i have got the funk...

...not the cool George Clinton-esque funk, not the Fatboy Slim funk soul brother, but the ohmigod i am never going to be happy AGAIN funk.

Its going to crack my face if I smile. this weepy, poor me miasma is stifling- as ephemeral as spider webs, as strong as steel bonds- and I hate it. i hate me when I am like this.

I am bitter I am p!ssed off i am mourning the death of something i have never known, and cannot name. i cannot fake it at work, and on my off days i sit in my darkened room, watching time pass until i can sleep again.

i wonder if its seasonal affective disorder, or just who i am -bitter, hateful, and depressive. perhaps i should blame neptune..or saturn...or just myself for not having the wherewithall to "pull myself up by the bootstraps" and slap a sh!teating grin on my face- when in truth, i am a barren vessel.

sorry for the self pity storm-

MK

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AcousticGod
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Posts: 11943
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted February 22, 2007 03:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
I'm down with a bit of the funk, but I'm more down with YOU!

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Bluemoon
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Posts: 4456
From: Stafford, VA USA
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posted February 22, 2007 08:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bluemoon     Edit/Delete Message
I am attempting to dig my self out of the hole.

I am glad I am not alone down here.

Mother
AG

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CrankyCap
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Posts: 758
From: Powell, Ohio, United States
Registered: May 2006

posted February 22, 2007 08:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for CrankyCap     Edit/Delete Message
I'm there. So there. Feels like one big, giant, deep hole, filled with friggin' worms that I cannot crawl out of. Been going on for over a month, and there's no real rhyme or reason to it. Don't really know where it came from...or when it will end.

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virgotaurustaurus
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Posts: 2474
From: upstate NY, USA
Registered: Oct 2004

posted February 22, 2007 09:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
MK, I could not have written how I feel any better hahaha! I really do feel the same. It's gotten to where I feel like packing my bags and running away from everything I've known. Going to classes just seems like a joke lately, not because I think I can't cut it, but because they just seem such a menial, small thing. I feel like most things I'm doing right now are totally unfulfilling or even painful.

I do have SAD but I think it's something more than that, I just can't put my finger on it.

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pixelpixie
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From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted February 22, 2007 09:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
Hey, if you have to be in a funk, you might as well do it as stylishly as that!

You make me wish I was depressed today!

( believe me, it can happen a lot!!!)

Um.. cheer up?

Only cuz you rock.
Or not.. you don't have to cheer up, just continue talking about it like that and then we'll all listen rapt and wish we could spin a funky funk like Ms Motha-effin-Konfessor

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sunshine9
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Posts: 913
From: Durham, NC, USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted February 22, 2007 05:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sunshine9     Edit/Delete Message
Me too... it's been that way for me lately due to circumstances in my life, and I've been trying to keep myself as cheery & upbeat as possible to battle the blues.

everyone... we'll make it...
((((((group hug))))))

Sunshine

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celticfyre
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Posts: 578
From: VA,USA
Registered: Aug 2005

posted February 23, 2007 12:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for celticfyre     Edit/Delete Message
Yes I knwo what you mean althougth mine is a weird funk...I have the love of my life in my life finally and though I am fostering with kid gloves and after having the most wonderful night of love I was in the rottenest negative bitchiest mood and I have no idea why!!!!!! everthing is turnign aroudn for me and why am I so icky feeling???I have no idea! Makes no sense...I hate it too !!

------------------
ML
~~~~~~~~~~~
"In my end is my beginning"
Mary,Queen of Scots

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Motherkonfessor
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posted February 23, 2007 02:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Motherkonfessor     Edit/Delete Message
...waves at everyone in the pit with her..

heya all.... not that I am happy you are all swimming in the muck with me, but now i don't feel as guilty about my lack of puppies and unicorns and rainbows...

i woke up today with the song 'tubthumping' by champachupacabra or whatever the h@ll the name of that one hit wonder band was. it's even more annoying when your internal radio is trying to cheer you up too. it's impossible to stay REALLY P!SSY when in your head you are chanting~

"i get knocked down, and I get up again.."

OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

I have heard it all my life- that depression is just rage turned inwards. Super- let's roll with it...

fine, i am p!ssed off.

i am angry that my childhood sucked.
i am angry that my 20s sucked too.
i am angry that at 33 years of age, I am still behind the social curve of my peers.
i am angry i had to drop out of college, and never went back.
i am angry at every useless, soul sucking waste of a man i have ever non-dated.

i am angry we are still fighting in iraq.

i am angry at myself for starting a smoking habit at the age of 17.

anger anger grrrrr....

i better stop now, or this list may never stop. i guess its better than being depressed. or its the same.... haha!!

in the immortal words of Morrissey...

"everyday is like sunday..
everyday is silent and grey...

Armageddon - come armageddon!
Come, armageddon! come!"

MK

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TINK
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Posts: 3831
From: New England
Registered: Mar 2003

posted February 23, 2007 07:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for TINK     Edit/Delete Message
I still think you're swell, MK.

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1scorp
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posted February 23, 2007 09:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for 1scorp     Edit/Delete Message

Don't worry about being behind the "social curve". It's overrated.

It's all pomp and credit card debt.

__________________________________________
Scorpio sun, venus, mars, mercury, and uranus
Libra moon, pluto, and asc.

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Dew
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Posts: 177
From: UK
Registered: Dec 2006

posted February 23, 2007 10:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dew     Edit/Delete Message
MK, what d'ya mean by 'social curve'?

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AcousticGod
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Posts: 11943
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted February 23, 2007 05:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
Ah...Morrissey. At last I won't be the only one quoting him around here.

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Bluemoon
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Posts: 4456
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted February 23, 2007 06:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bluemoon     Edit/Delete Message
It's The End of the World As We Know it (and I Feel Fine)
REM
That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane and Lenny Bruce is not afraid.
Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn - world serves its own needs, dummy serve your own needs.
Feed it off an aux speak, grunt, no, strength, Ladder start to clatter with fear fight down height.
Wire in a fire, representing seven games, a government for hire and a combat site.
Left of west and coming in a hurry with the furies breathing down your neck.
Team by team reporters baffled, trumped, tethered cropped.
Look at that low playing! Fine, then.
Uh oh, overflow, population, common food, but it'll do.
Save yourself, serve yourself.
World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and the revered and the right, right.
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

Six o'clock - TV hour. Don't get caught in foreign towers.
Slash and burn, return, listen to yourself churn.
Locking in, uniforming, book burning, blood letting.
Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate.
Light a candle, light a votive. Step down, step down.
Watch your heel crush, crushed, uh-oh, this means no fear cavalier.
Renegade steer clear!
A tournament, tournament, a tournament of lies.
Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

The other night I dreamt of knives, continental drift divide.
Mountains sit in a line, Leonard Bernstein. Leonid Brezhnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs.
Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom!
You symbiotic, patriotic, slam book neck, right? Right.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it. can't I have some time alone?
It's the end of the world as we know it can't I have some time alone? and I feel fine...fine...

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it. can't I have some time alone?
It's the end of the world as we know it can't I have some time alone? and I feel fine...fine...

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Motherkonfessor
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Posts: 1140
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posted February 23, 2007 09:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Motherkonfessor     Edit/Delete Message
BlueMoon- that song never fails to cheer me up.
AG~ oh yeah baby- Morrissey FanQuotes Challenge~ ready set GO!!!

Tink- I think you are swell too...

1scorp- I like that- "pomp and credit card debt." Yes, that is very apt.

Dew..

Social curve.....rather like a learning curve. At my age, it is generally accepted that one has set aside certain behaviors that are no longer becoming of a lady of my years..

hahahh..

now keep in mind, this is a definition for an external pressure, based on the images we see and the "perception" of what the "average" 30 something has accomplished.

Most people have found/chosen/settled for a profession/career that will provide for them the style of life they are accustomed to- whether that is a well paying factory job for a Midwestern small town guy or a leverage broker (whatever the h@ll that means) living in NYC. Its a far cry from the 20s years when a career meant cashier/waitress/customer service job that buys the pot while Daddy pays for college.

Speaking of that, most people have long ago gotten that college degree, completed graduate school, or even gone back and are in college at this age.

"Most people" are in a somewhat committed relationship (well... except Carrie Bradshaw) many are married, many have kids or are working on it.

MP are buying houses, getting cars that were made in THIS decade... yes, 1scorp, racking up credit card debt that they figure they can pay off "eventually."

Being in ones 30 something years to me means getting that foundation laid down for enjoying the stable years of one's life. the job, the car, the house, the SO, the kids.

Its rather pathetic when 30s are still trying to live like 20s...

And I don't like my life because it still feels like 20s.

No, I don't club anymore, I don't spend my entire paycheck from my 3rd waitressing job on music... I am no longer boy crazy and that desperate need to "go out!! have fun!!! stay up all night drinking coffee and discuss politics!!!!" has thankfully waned.

Even sadder is that I was a 40 year old trapped in a 22 years old's body. I used to log my gas mileage, for God's sake. But I got screwed over a LOT by people, and financially I was a mess and I obsessed over it. Instead of going to back to college I spent about 9 years working 3 jobs concurrently. I didn't really have much "fun" in that decade.

ANYHOO....

yeah, I am behind the social curve. I AM THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW WHO IS SINGLE. That's a biggie, coming from my background. Everyone's first question is "do you have a boyfriend."

My job- that's all I have, and its okkkk...sort of. In the real world, I would be making about 45 grand. Where I am at, I make about 20.

(yes, I know what the answer to that is, I know..)

I move about 5 times a year, living in various equivalents of dorm rooms. Everything I own right now fits into my 17 year old car.

On the bright side, I get about 2 months off a year, leaving me homeless. Kinda.

Sorry for the long post- I guess the point is I am bitter at myself for failing to make a life I really want. Its no one's fault but my own, and it makes me feel defeated.

"Disappointed" Morrissey

Dont talk to me, no
About people who are nice
cause I have spent my whole life
In ruins
Because of people who are nice
Oh, this world may lack style, I know
Each bud must blossom and grow, oh...

This is the last song I will ever sing (yeah!)
No: Ive changed my mind again (aaw...)

Goodnight

And thankyou


MK

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AcousticGod
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Posts: 11943
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted February 24, 2007 02:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
I was just listening to that song earlier this week in the shower. That's one of his songs I know how to play on guitar.

Won't somebody stop me
From thinking
From thinking all the time
About everything
Oh, somebody
From thinking all the time
So deeply, so bleakly ?
So bleakly all the time
About everything ? (Who I am, how I ever got here)
Somebody stop me
From thinking
From thinking all the time
So bleakly, so bleakly

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pixelpixie
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From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted February 24, 2007 07:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
Gives MK a super warm hug

I just adore you.
I do.
You're the bee's knees, the cat's meow....

I am gestating ( ready to 'pop' as people not-so-affectionately remind me) and I have kids. When you were a 40 year old trapped in a 22 year old's body, I was a 20 year old trapped in a 40 year old's half-life. Yes, it was my own doing. I don't regret an instant of it, in retrospect..( but it did lead me to a panicked few years before Saturn biotch-slapped me) but I envy your life, the fix ups and mix ups, the buying pot while daddy paid for College life, the politics and smoking and pseudo-sex cafe life, the learning so much your brain will pop out like my belly button is right now. Yes, even the unappreciative people, because they made every angst and regret and love 'til your bitter but gorgeous woman mind that I see written here from you.
What's so good about credit card debt?
I am undebting myself slowly. Even while creating a larger family, creating and renovating, and living the 'traditional' life.
There are benefits to everything. Here I am thinking "I have got to get fixed because I already have *almost* three kids, and I just turned thirty, and I have at least fifteen years left of childbearing."... while you're probably thnking.. I have less than fifteen years left of childbearing... In a societal induced timeline panic.. when if you think about who you were and where you were fifteen years ago, you see how very far you have to go before the loss of opportunity even begins to be a factor.

Anyway.. the grass is only greener in some respects. Mine isn't maintained in quite the same manner.
You are exactly right. You are exactly where you should be, and being there and geting _there_ is the exciting part. Just dance the funk when you need and share your groove along the way.

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Bluemoon
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From: Stafford, VA USA
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posted February 24, 2007 07:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bluemoon     Edit/Delete Message

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TINK
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From: New England
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posted February 25, 2007 06:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for TINK     Edit/Delete Message
MK , "normal" is beneath you. Please don't judge yourself by common social standards. That's not what we're here for.

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Bluemoon
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From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted February 26, 2007 09:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bluemoon     Edit/Delete Message
I agree with TINK! What is "Normal"? It is a differnt answer to each person. And also, who the Heck wants to be considered "normal"??? HOW BORING!!!

to you Mother!

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virgotaurustaurus
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From: upstate NY, USA
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posted February 26, 2007 01:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
Weird, I internally began thinking of all the things I'm angry about, and started realizing they mostly are all things that are in the past and over with and I should move on, and I'm not feeling as depressed!

I wonder if a lot of my depression is a sense of loss of control of my life, especially since I keep having dreams signaling that.

spooookyyyy

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Bluemoon
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From: Stafford, VA USA
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posted February 26, 2007 01:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bluemoon     Edit/Delete Message
VTT, I would say listen to you self.

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Motherkonfessor
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posted February 26, 2007 10:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Motherkonfessor     Edit/Delete Message
VTT- of course these are the things that make us angry. I totally agree with you!

Bluemoon- i love the image. It makes the funk so much fun!

Well kids-

its been almost a week since I acknowledged the funk. Lo and behold, so many of you are right there with me in the pit.

I am going to blame it on Mercury Rx- I am always a mess when Mr. Mercury decides to spin widdershins and mess with my reality- taunting me with the "what ifs" and the "should and woulds and you could have done this instead.."

Mercury is like a pesky little brother always asking "why? why not like this? what do you mean?" little punk, he is...
the only pay off is how much BETTER I feel when it all over- those of you Mercury rules can totally understand this, right?

Oh, TINK!! My faerie friend- I never said normal- but I know what you are saying. i will never dis anyone who has a "normal" life, but my problem is I expect so much more than I am getting- I want to see the shining ones everyday, and become sorely disappointed when daily life doesn't twinkle as much as I want....

Yes, dear pixie- the grass is always greener. I just get ever so sad when I am the only one standing on my plot of land, watching everyone around me laughing and living and being. I feel like an island, an ice flow where nothing grows, nothing bears fruit.

My life isn't so bad, I know. Its just the sometime sadness that threatens to drown me.

Love you all-
MK

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AcousticGod
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Posts: 11943
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted February 26, 2007 10:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
"Bulletproof.. I Wish I Was"

Limb by limb and tooth by tooth
Tearing up inside of me
Every day every hour
I wish that I was bullet proof

Wax me
Mould me
Heat the pins and stab them in
You have turned me into this
Just wish that it was bullet proof

So pay the money and take a shot
Leadfill the hole in me
I could burst a million bubbles
All surrogate and bullet proof

And bullet proof
And bullet proof
And bullet proof

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Motherkonfessor
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Posts: 1140
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posted February 26, 2007 11:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Motherkonfessor     Edit/Delete Message
AG-

you are seducing me with music lyrics.

I feel so extraordinary
Somethings got a hold on me
I get this feeling Im in motion
A sudden sense of liberty
I dont care cause Im not there
And I dont care if Im here tomorrow
Again and again Ive taken too much
Of the things that cost you too much
I used to think that the day would never come
Id see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun..


MK

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