Lindaland
  Lindaland Central
  Home is where the heartache lives

Post New Topic  Post A Reply
profile | register | preferences | faq

UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! next newest topic | next oldest topic
Author Topic:   Home is where the heartache lives
Motherkonfessor
Knowflake

Posts: 1140
From:
Registered: Oct 2003

posted April 03, 2007 09:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Motherkonfessor     Edit/Delete Message
Two weeks of sunny happy summertime skies ends with a soggy thump the very day I roll into Wisconsin.

Its a big joke in my family, "whoo hoo, MK is coming home, bring on the tornadoes, the floods, and the snow.."

Sometimes, they happen all at once. Mysteriously, the day I leave the temperatures rise, the sky clears, and the flowers bloom.

Go figure- this place hates me nearly as much as I have hated it- that's why I choose to live 3 days driving away from it.

Its apropos, I guess- my memories of this place, this town, the life I once lived here- I am always overshadowed by grey skies, monochrome vistas, and an endless loop of songs by the Cure echo in my head.

My youngest sibling flew in to meet me in MT, and we planned a big surprise- him driving with me back to the homestead. We are each others support system, and this was the WEIRDEST week we have ever spent back amongst the dubious "open arms" of family.

I keep wondering if there is some Cancer affliction going on in my chart right now- I couldn't find out anything, sans Internet.

(right now I am consorting with Satan- using WiFi at Starbucks. Grrr.)

is it the Libra Full Moon? I dunno. So many buried memories, family secrets, old scars that are still bleeding, so many years later.

I drive around these streets that are as familiar as my DNA, remembering....the friends, the drama, the jobs, all these things that are now really filed under that label "THE PAST."

Nostalgia is a b!tch. A sick wheezy b!tch, her eyes focused on days long dead, her voice a constant whine of what ifs and remember whens.

I can't wait to leave.

MK

IP: Logged

zenwarner
Knowflake

Posts: 401
From: tx, usa
Registered: Aug 2005

posted April 03, 2007 11:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for zenwarner     Edit/Delete Message
well, id consider you lucky in a way. i think rainy, grey, snowy icky weather is the most beautiful kind. its beautiful in a way thats not so obvious.

IP: Logged

InLoveWithLife
Knowflake

Posts: 1530
From: Wonderland
Registered: Aug 2006

posted April 04, 2007 02:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for InLoveWithLife     Edit/Delete Message
Your words are beautiful in their poignancy.

IP: Logged

artlovesdawn
Knowflake

Posts: 1177
From:
Registered: Jul 2005

posted April 04, 2007 02:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for artlovesdawn     Edit/Delete Message
..

IP: Logged

Motherkonfessor
Knowflake

Posts: 1140
From:
Registered: Oct 2003

posted April 04, 2007 06:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Motherkonfessor     Edit/Delete Message
ah yes, ALD~ oh, the sexiness of French inhaling~ somehow elevated any guy into "godlike" status.

Yes, I will admit I would have dated any guy who could French inhale (oh, the faux sophistication it implied!!)

I do love overcast days, I do!! When I lived in CO I used to complain about the constant beating of the Sun....an old friend and I called these days "mad-days" because everytime we went to Madison (the best place in WI, i went to college there- for a minute) it would turn overcast.

Reminds me of a Morrissey song too....

I am just too used to seeing mountains. This grey dreary bog feels claustrophobic, stifling- just like living here felt.

But nothing, nothing smells as good as WI on summer nights... the warm wind blowing in your hair, carrying the smells of green, the smells of things growing. Even the smell of cowsh!t mingles in, the base note of Earth perfume...sweet clover and leaves, cut grass and lakes... that is the odor of nostalgia.


its not home, but its close enough.

MK

IP: Logged

AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 11943
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted April 04, 2007 07:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
Do you enjoy being the outsider coming back home?

I quite enjoy that status with my family. My favorite uncle also had that role.

IP: Logged

Motherkonfessor
Knowflake

Posts: 1140
From:
Registered: Oct 2003

posted April 04, 2007 07:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Motherkonfessor     Edit/Delete Message
I have always been the weird one, the black sheep. I never set out to fill that role, but it happened nonetheless. I was the first to go to college (but dropped out)- I am the eldest of the cousins, but I haven't married- he!l, I don't even date- I haven't had a kid (most of those were out of wedlock, anyways).

I wasn't going to get a factory job and live down the street from my mother.

Not that there is anything wrong with that, its just not my thing.
I refused to get Confirmed, dropped out of the Church, started wearing all black and moved out when I was 17.

I make everyone worry.. "when are you coming home (HAH) when are you going to settle down, don't you see this is all life is...don't you want kids?"

blah blah blah, ad nauseum.
I am not bitter anymore, but that's why I live 1200 miles away.

I joke with my friends I am going to be the crazy "aunt" who gets their kids drunk for the first time and tells them stories about how their parents REALLY were.

All I really want in life is to keep moving. Nothing makes me happier than driving 75 miles an hour down the highway, in the middle of Podunk, SD, listening to music and dreaming.

The journey is always more fun than the arrival.

MK

MK

IP: Logged

AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 11943
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted April 04, 2007 08:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message

I wear Black on the outside
'Cause Black is how I feel on the inside

And if I seem a little strange
Well, that's because I am

quote:
All I really want in life is to keep moving. Nothing makes me happier than driving 75 miles an hour down the highway, in the middle of Podunk, SD, listening to music and dreaming.

The journey is always more fun than the arrival.


Spoken like a true Mutable.

IP: Logged

artlovesdawn
Knowflake

Posts: 1177
From:
Registered: Jul 2005

posted April 05, 2007 03:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for artlovesdawn     Edit/Delete Message
..

IP: Logged

Motherkonfessor
Knowflake

Posts: 1140
From:
Registered: Oct 2003

posted April 05, 2007 04:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Motherkonfessor     Edit/Delete Message
Ah, Madtown...it was my Mecca, my holyland, my Holy Grail....

since I was about 10 years old, I dreamed of going to college there, escaping the miserable banality of farmlife...i worked my a$$ off to get this coveted scholarship only available to the first ranked student in a class, the only way I would be able to afford college.

My mother dumped me off, said 'good luck' and I was on my own. I was 17 years old. I lived right on State Street- right next to the steps where all the punks hung out. My first night there, some guy offered me a joint on the street.

It all fell apart. I was taking 21 credits of honors courses and working 2 jobs to pay for living expenses. I failed at the dream, and had to move back to H*ll.

Its still probably my favorite place, but I am old enough to realize now what a pipedream it all was. It could have been beautiful, but it was the biggest failure of my life. I still have fantasies of living there, but I think that time has passed for good.

Sorry so maudlin- this is what WI does to me.

ALD- i really like your comment- "its the roads that are the focus." I am going to have to ponder that for awhile.

AG- funny, yes, that is a Mutable trait. But yet the majority of my planets are Cardinal (d*mn that Libra stellium.) What I can't figure out is whether I am running To, or running From something.

MK

IP: Logged

AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 11943
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted April 05, 2007 05:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
Hmmm...reading from a Cardinal perspective also works for what you said. We Cardinals do enjoy driving fast, and being the initiators of the world we're constantly dreaming of what we'd like to initiate whether it be concrete or fantastical.

I have a Libra-ish stellium myself. It's actually in Sag, but it's in the Libra-ruled 7th house. Libra's my strongest sign supposedly. I've got Pluto and Uranus actually in Libra as well (as do you).

IP: Logged

AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 11943
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted April 05, 2007 05:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
This is interesting:

We both have Libra as our strongest sign in Walter Pullen's simple delineation at astro.com. We have four of our top five signs in common.

Yours are:

1 - Libra
2 - Virgo
3 - Aquarius
4 - Sagittarius
5 - Capricorn

Mine are:

1 - Libra
2 - Sagittarius
3 - Scorpio
4 - Capricorn
5 - Virgo

Cool, huh?

IP: Logged

Motherkonfessor
Knowflake

Posts: 1140
From:
Registered: Oct 2003

posted April 05, 2007 05:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Motherkonfessor     Edit/Delete Message
it IS cool... but I don't think I really 'get' the Pullen chart stuff...

I am going to take a leap here, and speculate it takes into account what house the planets are in, for I have nothing in Capricorn..

I am a little cheesed that you got Scorpio, and I didn't- I am secretly very proud of scoring a Scorp Asc.

man, its late. I pulled out my laptop today, only to discover some random wireless network that I can use at my techno-phobe mother's house. YAY for me!!

g'nite

MK

IP: Logged

AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 11943
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted April 05, 2007 04:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
Your instincts are correct.

I was initially surprised that Scorpio factored so large in mine having just a Scorpio singleton, but then I realized that I have an 8th house Sun and Jupiter.

IP: Logged

artlovesdawn
Knowflake

Posts: 1177
From:
Registered: Jul 2005

posted April 05, 2007 05:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for artlovesdawn     Edit/Delete Message
..

IP: Logged

All times are Eastern Standard Time

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Administrative Options: Close Topic | Archive/Move | Delete Topic
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
Hop to:

Contact Us | Linda-Goodman.com

Copyright © 2007

Powered by Infopop www.infopop.com © 2000
Ultimate Bulletin Board 5.46a