posted May 03, 2007 05:20 PM         

"The first and worst of all frauds is to cheat one's self."

-- Phillip James Bailey

Are you hiding in some way from your own inner light?

I wouldn’t dream of stealing things but I do steal from my own potential. I can be a master at rationalizing, at justifying why it’s not the right time to do something challenging. My arguments seem valid but deep down, I know they’re excuses.

"The longer the excuse, the less likely it's the truth."

-- Robert Half

"When we know deep down that we’re acting with integrity despite impulses to do otherwise, we feel gates of higher energy and inspiration open inside of us."

-- Dan Millman

posted May 09, 2007 08:17 PM         

"Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do."

posted May 09, 2007 09:07 PM         

"Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do."

--Magic: The Gathering

posted May 11, 2007 11:21 AM         

I really love how you think & put your thoughts together & out there!!!

posted May 11, 2007 11:46 AM         

I think we all do it without being aware of it. It takes stone cold honesty with one's self to not deceive ourselves in some way. No one is 100% authentic for that reason. Even though we like to think we are. I know I do anyway. But I know better.

We all like to think highly of ourselves which does prohibit us a lot in being that honest with ourselves. Once again it comes down to overcoming the ego and that is a very tough inward battle indeed.

posted May 20, 2007 07:08 AM         

I’m kidding. But I did have a big problem with this, especially in my early teens. My friends were spoilt and used their money on drugs…it wasn’t long before I got hooked, and most of the time I didn’t know what I was taking – I had faith in my them. I started at 14 and it went on for a long time – until I ODed about a year ago. I was in the hospital and couldn’t move. It felt very cold and empty, but still refused to accept I had a problem – I saw it as “negative thinking”.
A few weeks later I spoke to my mum about it. I don’t think she understood, but she did care.

I don’t know why I did it, I had a lot of issues then. Plus it’s what my social group did. Drugs are certainly bad, and I’m pretty sure they did some damage to me…but at the time it wasn’t like that. It was an escape, a beautiful escape – it was temporary, which made it sweeter. It was like, I had all these problems, but for one night…they would all just go away...and I'd dance all night. I was taking a break from my mind to enjoy life. My friend would sarcastically say “don’t ever do drugs! You might forget your problems and actually enjoy life” he was bad lol

But the lows, oh my god!! The lows killed me. They’d mess up my studies, and I’d go through breakdowns. So I craved the highs – vicious cycle.

Honestly, I think if I had someone I could talk to, none of this would have ever happened – but it’s so hard talk to my mum, we’re so different and she never understood my problems. And my dad is like – ugh…well he’s a Gemini and they don’t understand emotions. jk!...Like my mum he did not understand – and both of them have pisces moons…so I dunno. My virgin moon prolly repelled them!

Conveniently, it was my junkie friends and pushers that were the most compassionate – how ironic right? Anyway, I’m almost clean now – almost…but I’m getting there

I’m accepting I have a problem.

Just needed to talk about it I guess back to topic