posted February 15, 2008 09:18 PM         

I will pray for him.

posted February 15, 2008 10:13 PM         

I'll keep you and your family including your dad in my thoughts.

Hugs,
GG

------------------
The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen

posted February 15, 2008 10:24 PM         

This too shall pass.

Everything is going to be okay, sweet girl.

Your Father has his own lessons to learn.

He is still learning them,

But soon you will be reunited in spirit.

And everything will be shown and understood.

You are in our prayers.

God blesses you.

posted February 16, 2008 01:00 AM         

and do not beat yourself up for not picking up the phone. You are bound to. The people who are left living after a suicide are racked with varying degrees of guilt. Why didn't I.. why couldn't I....and on and on. You have so many areas in your life that are not in a good place. But you, yourself, are a good person. You will get through this. Time girl. Give yourself some time. Absorb, reflect, and move on. That is all we can really do. Be kind to you. As kind as you would be to someone else in your shoes. And, I suspect you would be very kind.

posted February 16, 2008 01:08 AM         

My deepest condolences to you, BoE. Your father, your family, and you are all in my prayers.
Please, please do not blame yourself for this or feel guilty about what happened. You could not control this. It was not your choice -- it was his. My personal belief is that each soul comes with its own agenda of experiences that it has chosen to go through in its lifetime. We may not be able to always make sense of what happens, but I feel that whatever does happen is that soul's way of bringing that plan to fruition.

Lots of healing light to you and your family

posted February 16, 2008 11:45 AM         

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01LB1onp34g

posted February 16, 2008 11:43 PM         

I don't blame myself... I know it wasn't my fault. I DO wish that I had picked up the phone, and I DO wish that I had stayed with him like he asked me to but I never got around to. I am upset, but even now, I am angry with him, as bad as that sounds. I just don't understand how he could do that... and leave my mom to tell me something like that... I don't know if he thought he was doing people a favor, or if he was just so caught up in depression that he couldn't take it anymore. I was angry with him for not being there for me when he was alive, and now I'm angry with him for not thinking what it would do to the people left behind. He had been planning it out, apparently... I remember once when I was a little kid he told me that he had sat with a gun to his head many times and not pulled the trigger. What kind of thing that is to tell your little kid, I don't know. At least he doesn't have to be in misery anymore... The memorial service is going to be sometime next week, and I just hope that it won't be any more uncomfortable than it has to be with his family. I also hope that my mom gets through it alright. She can have a bit of a guilt complex.

posted February 22, 2008 12:31 AM         

Your dad and all of you are in my thoughts and prayers.