posted April 09, 2008 05:39 AM
Who took the jam out of your dough-nut, eh? Low in energy?
5. Each person must reinterpret their family experience from a spiritual point of view, and discover who they really are. Once we do this, we can go past these control dramas and see what is really happening.
# General control drama styles. Everyone manipulates for energy either AGRESSIVELY--directly forcing people to pay attention to them, or PASSIVELY--playing on people's sympathy or curiosity to gain attention.
1. Aloof: in order to get energy coming your way, you withdraw and look mysterious and secretive. You hope that someone will be pulled into this drama and try to figure out what's going on with you. When someone does, you remain vague, forcing them to struggle, dig and try to discern your true feelings. As they do so, they give you their full attention and that sends their energy to you. The longer you can keep them interested and mystified, the more energy you receive.
2. Interrogator: sets up a drama of asking questions and probing into another person's world with the specific purpose of finding something wrong. Once they do, they criticize this aspect of the other's life. If this strategy succeeds, the person being criticized is pulled into the drama. They find themselves becoming self-conscious around the interrogator and paying attention to what the interrogator is doing and thinking about, so as not to do something wrong the the interrogator would notice. This psychic deference gives the interrogator the energy he desires. Interrogators pull you off your own path and drain your energy because you judge yourself by what they might be thinking.
3. Intimidator: someone who threatens you, either verbally or physically. You are forced, for fear of something bad happening to you, to pay attention to them and so to give him energy. This is the most aggressive kind of drama.
4. Poor Me: someone who tells you all the horrible things that are already happening to them, implying perhaps that you are responsible, and that, if you refuse to help, these horrible things are going to continue. Someone who makes you feel guilty when you're in their presence, even though you know there is no reason to feel that way. Everything they say and do puts you in a place where you have to defend against the idea the you're not doing enough for them.
People use more than one drama in different circumstances, but most of us have one dominant control drama that we tend to repeat, depending on which one worked well of the members of our early family. A person goes to whatever extreme necessary to get attention energy in their family.
1. Interrogator parents tend to create aloof children. When someone continually asks you questions, only to find something wrong with your answers, you must get vague and distant, to try to say things that will get their attention, but not reveal enough to give them something to criticize.
2. Intimidators [parents] tend to create poor me children (or another intimidator). If someone is draining your energy by threatening you with physical, mental or emotional violence, being aloof doesn't work; you can't get them to give you energy by playing coy; you are forced to become more passive, and guilt-trip them about the harm they are doing. If this doesn't work, then, as a child you endure until you are big enough to explode against the violence and fight aggression with aggression.
3. Aloof parents tend to create interrogator children. If you were a child and your family members were either not there or ignored you, playing aloof would not get their attention. You would have to resort to probing and prying and finally finding something wrong in these aloof people in order to force attention and energy.
http://www.homestar.org/bryannan/celistin.html
If the shoe fits, wear it.
http://www.stressdoc.com/power_strugle1.htm
Lastly, http://specialed.about.com/od/behavioremotiona1/a/pstruggle.htm
Here are some of the tricks that will help you to avoid power struggles:
1. Remain Calm, Do Not Become Defiant:
Don't over-react. You are always modeling appropriate behaviors in all that you do. Do not show your anger or frustration, believe me, I know this can be difficult but it is a must. A power struggle requires 2 people so you cannot engage. You do not want to escalate the [person's] behavior. Remain calm and composed.
2. Save Face:
Don't center the [person] out in front of their peers, this is very important to the [person]. It is never good to humiliate the [person] in front of their peers and you won't build positive relationships if you do. When you respond with a "I've had enough of you speaking out, off... with you" or "If you don't stop that, I'll.........." you'll gain nothing. These kind of statements often escalate a situation in a negative way. You need to think of the end result and statements like this in front of the [person's] peers will make him more confrontational and a power struggle is more likely to occur. ...Do not engage with anger, frustration, power or anything that may intimidate the [person], it is more likely to escalate the disruptive behavior. Try to validate the [person's] need, 'I can see why you are angry about....but if you work with me, we'll talk about this later...... After all, your goal is to calm the [person], so model the calmness.
3.Dis-engage:
Do not engage the [person]. When you model confrontation you will naturally end up in a power struggle. Regardless of how stressed you are - don't let it show. Don't engage, after all the disruptive [person] is usually seeking attention and if you give the attention, you've given the student a reward for acting negatively. Ignore minor behaviors, if the [person] is acting in such a way that a response is required, simply use a matter of fact comment (Jade, your comment isn't appropriate, let's talk about it later and carry on...
4.Deflect the [person's] Attention:
Sometimes you can re-focus the [person] by ignoring what was said and ask if the specific assignment is done or if the [person] has something that needs finishing. A little later you might have a one to one with the [person] suggesting that you didn't appreciate the interruption earlier that disrupted the rest of the [group] but that you're happy to see him/her working productively again. Always re-focus on what matters. Ask the [person] how the problem can be resolved, make the [person] part of the solution...
(#5. not applicable here, therefore it was omitted.)
6. Wait Time:
Allow some time for the [person] to calm down before determining what the consequence will be. This helps to deescalate the anger the [person] may be feeling.
If you can use humor in the deescalation process, all the better and it will help you out of a power struggle...
And now I am getting off my high-horse. 
I hope this helps us understand each other better.
Lindaland
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posted April 09, 2008 03:50 AM
posted April 09, 2008 05:39 AM
posted April 09, 2008 01:41 PM
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lol you will like) 
posted April 09, 2008 04:51 PM
posted April 10, 2008 12:40 PM