posted March 11, 2009 12:08 PM              

This seems to be happening again with some guy at school. I usually mind my own business and keep to myself in some classes cause Im kinda shy and nervous but for some reason this "guy" that I have as a partner for some project is all like "I don't really like you because your a stuck up ***** .." and working with him is hell on me because I am a sensitive person and all I could really do at that time was hold back my tears and say I was sorry but that just made it worse..

I just don't get why this happens to me because I don't usually wrong people or hurt people's feelings unless I am provoked constantly, which this guy is about to see pretty soon if he keeps this up. I told my sister and she says I shouldn't take it so personally and that it's not always about me as it is them, that they're mad at me because they're mad at something within themselves but I am just projecting that "one" thing within themselves that they hate..so they go on the attack. Oh and this is my fave (rolls eyes)..they're just jealous of you.

I mean seriously!?Come on, jealous of the strange, eccentric, sarcastic, dorkish, artsy fartsy, weak, weepy, tomboyish girl?O.o Someone is jealous of THAT? Also, these kinds of people annoy me. I mean if your going to hate me, let me give you a good reason to hate me. Let me kick your pooch into outerspace, sleep with your lover, crash your car. >.>;;

posted March 11, 2009 12:34 PM            

It will always happen that someone will take a dislike to something about someone else, maybe about you, maybe me, based on your gender, race or accent, just because, just because that is you and they are different.

Or maybe they just won't like the 'cut of your jib'. That's an old saying, and that in itself says all we need to know. Just something about you, or about me or anyone else, they couldn't even say, they just take a dislike.

Your sister is right, it isn't just about you, it happens to everyone. Not that I think you are silly to be upset about it, I don't like it either.

However, I would be lying if I said I never took a dislike to someone, although I try and be fair and give people a chance.

Instinctively I ignore this kind of vibe when I pick up on it. Someone more sensitive might be able to advise you on techniques that will help. Mine are too ingrained for me to able to come up with anything that won't take me a long time in introspection.

posted March 11, 2009 12:39 PM            

If I think back to the people I've "hated" without knowing, the reason was that I projected a quality on to them that I didn't think I had in myself, and was consequently jealous. It's a self-esteem thing.

Conversely, it has happened to me. I got talking to a girl who I vaguely knew in high school. We were talking for about 6 weeks (on the same bus journey) and she said "I really like you but in school I thought you were such a stuck up cow, you seemed to be into your books and seemed really arrogant and nerdy, but actually you're really nice".

She was struggling academically at that time and she said it was a sore point for her, therefore everybody who seemed like what she was not, she didn't like.

If only we'd talked. I couldn't make friends at that time because I couldn't take them home to hang out as my parents were splitting up and I didn't want anybody to know. Hence the seeming arrogance. Far from it actually.

posted March 11, 2009 07:05 PM            

I think part of being shy and self-contained is that people don't understand why you don't give attention to the things they are interested in. You're not into the same things they are, so they think that maybe you think you are too good to be into the same things they are. Like you're holding yourself above it, when really you just don't really care about it.

Your disinterest also shows them a certain confidence that they may envy in you. If you're willing to stand against the flow, and not conform to whatever is seemingly normal, then you must possess an attitude that doesn't care what people think. The truth may be that you care a lot about what people think, but since it's not on obviously display people don't necessarily catch on to that part of you.

posted March 11, 2009 09:00 PM            

I can empathise, because apparently I "appear" stuck up. Huh! I'm the most friendly person you could meet. If people can't get beyond their own insecurities or prejudices to find that out - that's their problem. It really has nothing to do with you (or me). It's always about them.

Just be you. Do your thing. And allow the right people for you to come to you. The rest - ah, don't sweat it. They can choose to stew in their own jealousies, prejudices, judgements, insecurities or whatever........ or, they could pull the sticks out of their behinds and make an effort to actually get to know you. But maybe you'd prove them wrong! And that runs the risk of making them feel inferior or whatever. How they see you is a reflection of themselves. You only worry about how you see you.

posted March 12, 2009 12:31 AM              

Wheelsofcheese-I can relate to that story, I've always been good at school and sometimes teachers have a bad habit of playing favorites and this gets a lot of animosity. Such as fifth grade when a good friend of me turned vicious on me out of nowhere. She believe I was self-popmtous because school work came easier to me then her and I also helped other kids who were struggling but little did she know I struggle at some subjects too and that I have to study extra hard to excel in those subjects but she would hear nothing of it. Eventually our friendship ended and we went to different middle schools. It still stings to this day but I can't hold myself back in my studies for my friends but I can help them in their studies though.

posted March 12, 2009 12:53 AM              

AG-That is the curse of being shy and a mixture of independence. This guy and I have very different interests. I guess I don't know how to put this for people to understand but because were both black teens in an all white class and as they say theres a certain comfort in familiarness but for me I don't see colors, I see character so being in all white class does not bother me or impose on my self indentity. He must of taken this has "cope out", "sellout", "uncle tomming" because I don't do the things he thinks a "black teen" should be doing. I do what I like to do and I am not ashamed nor afraid of liking what I like. This has happened to me most of my life, I've never been afraid to step out my comfort zone an be who I am as opposed to others nor will I be squeezed into that ridiculous "black teen" mold. One day I hope he can see, that this is ME and I can only be ME.

posted March 13, 2009 01:00 AM            

“Go into any inner-city neighborhood, and folks will tell you that government alone can’t teach kids to learn. They know that parents have to parent, that children can’t achieve unless we raise their expectations and turn off the television sets and eradicate the slander that says a black youth with a book is acting white.”
—Barack Obama, Keynote Address, Democratic National Convention, 2004

posted March 13, 2009 03:53 AM            

Not your problem.

Be true to yourself and you won't go wrong, etc.

The president would like our library. On most days an African accent can be heard. But then, every library I've worked in there are Nigerians hitting the books and the enquiry desk.

Which reminds me of a comment made by a friend from Nigeria, about the Damilola Taylor case (young boy in London on his way home from studying, killed by a teenage gang). He said: the West Indians are jealous of us because we work hard and study.

posted March 15, 2009 05:08 AM              

Actually I feel this guy just needs someone to crack open the door for him, I mean his urban/pop culture art is kind of cool. Before Spring Break started I offered to invite him to some art galleries, where he could sell his art at some of these galleries just love to soak up student talent and this kind of put us on good rapport with eachother. So in the end I turned a enemy into a frenemy haha.

posted March 15, 2009 07:16 AM            

Some more things on this trial if anyone is interested:-
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/crime/article604421.ece

The expression alluded to here, calling things 'gay' in a derogatory way really annoys me (wikipedia), but that's another thing altogether, I suppose.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damilola_Taylor

There seems to be something about male identity going on here, even though my sons are young I have seen this with their classmates. My eldest likes High School Musical which he has been told is "for girls". I asked him if this means he won't like it any more, but he said no. I also said, don't take any notice of idiots like x and y, tell them to sod off, but that wouldn't make it into a parenting manual.

posted March 15, 2009 11:14 AM              

Sometimes I think some kids really feel snuffed by the world, so they lash out at everyone. When all they really needed was someone to give them an hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, or someone to lend an ear to listen to their problems. Then it's teaching children personal responsibility and acceptance with appreciation of other people.

posted March 15, 2009 07:34 PM            

As for someone black calling you stuck up, that's probably because he sees you as being too smart or something. Seriously, some blacks are hated by other blacks because "they speak white" & "try to act better." Such a healthy attitude to think another "race" (*) is better than you. You can also "dress too white," and everything else. Any of this can get you branded an "oreo" (black on the outside, white on the inside).

This happened not only to a friend of mine, but my best friend, and I must say that you're better off without "friends" like that. They're essentially telling you that they think you ARE better than they are, and they hate you for it. The only way to please them would be to lower yourself to their standards, and I'd hope you'd have enough self-respect to not do that.

posted March 16, 2009 12:56 PM            

I am not sure your age or if it really matters, because I'm a Saggie and it takes us forever to learn certain lessons... okay.. weird opening but true to my Archer way... For me I never realized how strong Pluto played in my life (not only does it conjunct my ASC is squares my sun which is in my 4th house). As I got older, it became more necessary for me to learn to wait, observe and then speak (again food in mouth combined with my need to always buck authority). I embrace Pluto and love that it can have that reaction in people but more so it can be tamed and used at the right moments.

For me, it is more of a quiet simmer that when I must fight for something it gives me a bit of a "big bad brother" standing behind me as a bully tries to push me around LOL...

It is really weird and I am sure I can dig up some of my past posts about it. One thing I can say is that I feel that Pluto in my chart has been as much a benefactor to me as my own ruler Jupiter

I also understand the feeling that we must act to expectations regarding race. I have been lectured by fellow Hispanics and American Indians that I do not act a certain way or others expected me to have an accent when I was brought up in So Cal and not on a reservation.