posted April 06, 2009 01:43 AM         

Happiness is being wh0red at a very high price. We do not exactly live in a society which embraces the human tapestry (in the US anyway).

Here, we do have a knee-jerk reaction to any kind of unfamiliar darkness – anything, for that matter, which doesn't immediately fit into the benign, milky category of 'good' or 'positive', is automatically chucked out the window.
I feel it's the corporate shadow of the New Age stuff:

"The New Age movement can go from the mild to the insane. It's a slippery subject because it's supposed to be based on general self-betterment and anyone can argue, 'What the hell is so wrong with trying to make my life better?'. That's actually the exact problem with it. It can take the most basic form of self-concern and manipulate it for a very large cost. The cost can be money or identity, but it's sometimes a combination of both. Either way, the New Age corp. takes human compassion and markets it. That's not all that admirable. Human compassion is individual. Market it, and you have a knock-off, a generic version of the real thing. Compassion can only be cultivated within a person, by that person alone. Some help is alright, but taking someone's hand and making him or her chant forgiveness and acceptance (and happiness) isn't authentic. It's a sale. "

posted April 06, 2009 01:53 AM         

Why do we always have to improve ourselves, can't we just be? Hell, what if we get worse? What if we let ourselves go, gain 100 pounds and become an alcoholic? Is that a fate worse than death?

posted April 06, 2009 02:16 AM         

There's no self-trust anymore. There's less of a chance of my gaining 100 lbs and becoming a raging alcoholic if I was out chasing happiness in the form of self-help books alone, maybe that's what they figure. It's like saving me from myself. But then, if something really crappy comes along, I doubt I'd be able to fully deal with it either because I'd be too busy denying that it's happening lol...chasing happiness. It is a chase. How can you chase an emotion? I mean, good luck

I think it's a convenient way to keep us hypnotized. A few betterment books is one thing, but at this rate the 'Be Happy, Damn You' motto is getting nauseating....like you said, cheap and hollow.

posted April 06, 2009 04:29 AM         

I can't say I've notice a societal expectation to claim permanent happiness. Culturally I would say the expectation, if anything, is to show that you are alright, reasonable, getting along with it.

If someone asks after your general well-being, "alright" is the stock retort. Not, fantastic, never been happier. Average, reasonable, getting along with it, can't complain.

I once heard a friend of my mother's answer that no, she felt terrible, rotten, her divorce was going through and she felt miserable. The people asking looked a bit shocked, as if to say, we don't know you that well, why are you telling us that?

My life, like many, has offered me incredible highs, appalling lows, and a lot of ordinary stuff in between. For the most part I'm quite content in the ordinary parts. Content to happy.

Back to the point BR is making, a finger can be pointed at the media. Airbrushed expectations don't sit with the reality of life.

posted April 06, 2009 06:33 AM         

But that's not an attitude most have. I've seen ads as ridiculous as "have a bad day? See if our psyche med is right for you..." 'Course too many do what they think they're supposed to do and wonder why they're miserable, when I DON'T do that (and often told by others how they can't imagine living as I do) and I'm NOT. Why they're miserable is obvious to me, but they think they must have some chemical imbalance in their brain or something.

I've also noticed that pain & pleasure often mix to the point that they blur together. For example, hard exercise can go from struggling to an adrenaline high. The areas with the most sensitive nerves that are thus pleasurable if touched in the right way are also painful if touched in the wrong way. And so on. This is something that is hard to comprehend by many with a dualistic worldview where every condition, state, and principle has its opposite, and never shall they meet.

posted April 06, 2009 03:14 PM         

What's important, and the point of my post, is to see how we push away our unhappy states, which simply adds to our misery. Imagine the following scenario: your foot is trapped in a bear trap. Your instinctual response is to wriggle wildly to get free, but this makes you bleed more and causes more tissue damage. This mixes with panic and fear of death. Now you realize you can't get free, so you begin to detach from it , pretend it's not happening, you do anything you can to mentally free yourself from that bear trap. But you're still in the bear trap.

posted April 06, 2009 03:30 PM         

quote:

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Why is being in the bear trap bad, because you could die, because it hurts, why are those things bad?

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quote:

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How are they any different than a pleasurable meal from an existentialist standpoint?

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posted April 06, 2009 03:43 PM         

Granted, our attitude also has a mood altering effect, but neither attitude nor body rules the other. IOW, there IS an actual difference between the fine meal and bear trap, even if they're both "mere experiences."

posted April 06, 2009 06:52 PM         

Buttercup: We'll never survive.
Westley: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.

Buttercup: We'll never succeed. We may as well die here.
Westley: No, no. We have already succeeded.

posted April 06, 2009 10:56 PM         

quote:

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Society often leads us to believe and expect that we should be happy most of the time.

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Me: "G'morning Bob, how are ya?"
Bob: "Living the dream!"
Me: "Great!"
(**Zala turns and sidles away with a frown -- what kind of response can you give to that??**)

Me: "How are you doing today, Kay?"
Kay: "Fan-TAS-tic!!!!!"
Me: "Great!"
(**Zala turns, and sidles away with a frown, wondering if Kay EVER lets anyone see her grimace or cry**)

The thing is, these people always say the SAME thing, whenever asked!! It's like they daren't admit that they're sad, angry, constipated, hung-over, or any other varying degree of "negative" human emotion. Don't they ever get up on the wrong side of the bed?? Don't they ever admit to themselves that 'hey, maybe I'm not doing so well today.' Is it because they don't want to get in a conversation and ADMIT that they aren't the epitome of happy middle-American familyperson, thus shredding the facade?? Their dishonest replies to my concern about how their day is going leaves me feeling almost "lied-to", and my immediate response is to answer in the same vein as their happytalk.....

OTOH,
Maybe people only ask you how you're doing because that's easier than letting on how little they could care

On a not-so-good day, if someone asks me, "how are you?" I will answer them "not so good." and they reply, "oh I'm sorry, hope you feel better soon" and walk away. They don't want to get involved in finding out whatever downer I might be involved in -- it might disturb their facade, or it might be just too much for them to handle with everything else going on in their lives at that moment..... and that's OK -- but I know I'm talking to a real friend when they say, "not so good, eh -- Wanna talk about it?" and they come sit down in my office <3

The willful perversion of honesty about one's feelings in this culture, in this century, gives me a sense of loss -- the loss of true community..... :-((
I have chats with my 13yo son about expressing feelings and being honest….. it may be hard to believe, but my little Aries/Leo/Leo bottles things up – then the inevitable explosion occurs – at inappropriate times instead of as a true reaction to stimuli and situation. I encourage him to feel his emotions and express his emotions, as well as trying to be gentle with others and not hurt them maliciously with his anger…..

posted April 07, 2009 01:38 AM         

It gives me a lot to think about and my moods during the day...how I interact with others and listening to others' interactions.

posted April 07, 2009 08:47 AM         

quote:

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The willful perversion of honesty about one's feelings in this culture, in this century, gives me a sense of loss -- the loss of true community..... :-((

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posted April 08, 2009 09:52 AM         

I'd say that detachment is very different than non-attachment.