posted April 10, 2009 04:41 PM
There are small groups that believe that the gods are vampires of sorts, and that by placing such faith & sacrifice into their hands, it allows them to feed off your light and becoming stronger at your expense. They can provide some interesting reasons for their beliefs, too. As for me, I don't really know, but I'd like to share an enigmatic experience of mine:
At 15 I was living on the streets and my best friend had died horribly. I became suicidal and only because someone held me down did I keep from offing myself. While he held me down, I suddenly "woke" up and was flying (having totally forgotten who and where I was, speaking in terms of my body) through a huge, primeval forest of giant trees. There was a sound and as I focused on it, I realized that I was singing and that everything around me was pure song. Then I saw a tree so huge that it dwarfed all the other giant trees and I realized that this was where I was going. Though I couldn't have heard more than the name (years ago), I somehow knew this was Yggdrasil.
As I touched it, I "woke up" yet again and I was with the goddess Freya. We both sang wordlessly, yet it was like speech. Essentially I came to understand that She Sang me into Existence to help stand against a coming Ragnarok. I was to be strong and not break as my steel was being tempered. She also wanted me to "grow up" and not be as "those who follow other gods, seeking to be eternal children or even crawling back into the womb that spit them out."
And then I woke up again, back in the arms of the guy holding me down and my suicidal urge had left me.
Since then I've thought of 2 things. On one hand, I'd done shrooms less than a year before and other drugs since then, and given that I was on the streets and not eating regularly it's entirely possible that my vision was based on mind altering chemicals stored in my fat, brought on somewhat by extreme stress & emotional trauma. OTOH, I since found out plenty had similar visions as to what I did (they even formed various Asatru groups over it), so maybe it was "a wind through the World Tree" or otherwise from the Collective Unconsciousness. 'Course, it could be a mix of the two as well.
I later experimented with prayer, praying for things both big & small, and found that every single prayer did not come about to the point that it was as improbable as if every prayer had been answered. One possibility is that Freya was trying to keep me from becoming dependent. Another is that I learned early that I couldn't depend on adults but I could for myself so that the pattern repeated in an occult way (spells I tried worked, prayers did not).
But here's where it gets really strange, IMO:
I had not seen Granny since I was 14. When I went to see her just before I turned 22, we compared notes. Mom (fearful of losing her child support) hadn't told anyone I'd run away and Granny hadn't known that I was living on the streets when I was 15. But right about that time I got suicidal and had that vision, she awoke from a nightmare (at right about the same time) of me being in bed next to her choking to death. This was so real that she instantly prayed to her Christian god to help me (and she called Mom the next day, but Mom lied to her).
Could it be that her prayer was partially or even wholly responsible for my vision? That her god was my goddess (and vice versa)? That is, it could be given my frame of mind, I saw & heard exactly what I needed to in order to become stronger instead of breaking?
Had I had more trust in mommy, I might've seen the Virgin Mary, or more trust in daddy, then Jesus. Or maybe aliens. That is, maybe her dependence on a higher power led me to being independent? Or manifested in a way I could handle at least.
After all, I find the idea of an omnipotent, omniscient god watching everything that happens and not doing anything (or even worse, causing it) to be an extremely creepy, even frightening, idea. I personally don't know how others get comfort out of this concept, and I'm glad I find it hard to believe.
But in the end, I guess it's about the same. In emergencies (and I've been in them), I may calm myself, take a deep breath, and redouble my efforts and succeed. Someone else will calm themselves and pray and then redouble their efforts and succeed. I'll grow confident in myself, the other will have greater faith in his or her god. In the end, I suppose it's a superficial difference, though it may seem to be a profound one to us.
Lindaland
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posted April 07, 2009 05:30 AM
posted April 07, 2009 05:54 AM
posted April 07, 2009 06:02 AM
posted April 07, 2009 09:41 PM
posted April 08, 2009 12:11 AM
