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Author Topic:   75 Lessons That MUST Be Learned In Relationships
lizkin33
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Posts: 156
From: new york
Registered: Dec 2005

posted March 02, 2006 10:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for lizkin33     Edit/Delete Message
75 Lessons That MUST Be Learned In Relationships

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want
you,nothing can make him stay.

2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man's character, leave him
alone.

4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to
be.

6. Don't force an attraction.

7. Slower is better.

8. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly
Happy.

9. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you
deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat
a
friend.

10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith
make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.

11. Don't settle.

12. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

13. If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship--take that as a
BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like
that?

14. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at
yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

15. Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a
whole lot of mess.

16. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

17. There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.

18. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different
women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he
treat you any differently?

19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.

20. Always put yourself and your happiness first.

21. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers
you, speak up.

23. Like from the show Sex and the City, if he doesn't call, he just
isn't that interested.

24. Be honest and upfront.

25. Know when to cut the cord, don't be strung along.

26. Don't fall for the "I'm confused role". Remove yourself from the
situation to let him figure things out (but don't wait for him, move
on).

27. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he
treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).

28. There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental
abuse. If he causes any of them...flee.

29. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.

30. Don't let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow
himself -- double-standard.

31. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if
he has more education or in a better job.

32. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing
less.

33. Demand respect and if he can't give it, he can't have you!

34. Don't compete with other woman, but be aware that men are attracted
to what they see.

35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away
and if you feel he's lying, let him go.

36. Actions speak louder than words.

37. Never let a man define who you are.

38. Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.

39. Never borrow someone else's man.

40. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

41. Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean that he won't hurt
you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be with him.

42. To use painful hard-won wisdom -- 'get it right' the next time.

43. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the
.1 person in your life.

44. Love is a verb ...

45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone
unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and someone
unloving-loving.

46. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

47. All men are NOT dogs.

48. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a
two way street.

49. If you don't love self...you can't love anyone else.

50. You cannot mend someone else's broken heart.

51. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute
about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new
relationship.

52. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship
consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not
supplementary.

53. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

54. NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.

55. Never become your man's "therapist".

56. When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to the
actions.

57. A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can end
it - but it takes two to make it work.

58. Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a man loves you
there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn't do for
you.

59. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are,
and you're always readily available to him he takes it for granted.

60. Give him his space...let him go out with his boys, don't pressure =
him to spend time with you, You cant force a man to hang out with you.

61. If you wouldn't allow your daughter to be with him you shouldn't.

62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

63. Never move into his mother's house.

64. Provide financially for yourself and don't depend on anyone.

65. Never co-sign for a man.

66. Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.

67. Never spoil your man; let him spoil you.

68. Never let a man mess up your credit.

69. When it's time to let go; let go.

70. Good men should be treated like good men.

71. Don't play games.

72. You can't make a ***** into a housewife - or husband.

73. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you
need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

74. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs,
personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, are important.

75. Never date a guy who wears colored contacts.

Now just because these are more directed to women about the men in their
lives does not mean that SOME of these cannot apply to men about the
women in their lives.

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paras
Knowflake

Posts: 1660
From: the Heart of It All
Registered: May 2004

posted March 02, 2006 10:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for paras     Edit/Delete Message
Oh, goody, goody! Broad, flat generalizations! Nothing rouses the debate skills of a Libra faster. I'd love to tell you exactly what's wrong with a whooole lot of those absurd statements, but I have to be off to work now. I promise to come back. In the meantime, can I just ask what the deal is with applying 75 freakin' rules to anything???

Later,
Paras

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1scorp
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Posts: 2251
From:
Registered: Feb 2003

posted March 02, 2006 10:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for 1scorp     Edit/Delete Message
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute
about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new
relationship.

52. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship
consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not
supplementary.

I agree with these and some of the other obvious ones. i.e. don't let anyone ruin your credit, etc.

However, doesn't everyone have at least a little baggage? I agree it's not cute... but it's realistic.

Through first glance, I don't agree with No. 20 and 67.

I don't think anyone should take/expect more than they're willing to offer.

Edited - It just seems that if someone lived by those 2 rules... nothing genuine and equally satisfying would produce for both individuals.
________________________________________
Scorpio sun, venus, mars, mercury, and uranus
Libra moon, pluto, and asc.

________________________________________

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paras
Knowflake

Posts: 1660
From: the Heart of It All
Registered: May 2004

posted March 02, 2006 11:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for paras     Edit/Delete Message
lizkin33, I have a few questions for you:

1) Where did you get these from? Were they taken from a book, or magazine article, or a website, or did you come up with these yourself?

2) What motivated you to post the list?

3) Do you really believe that all those statements are good/true/accurate? Do you think they are "words of wisdom", something to live by?

Ever Curious,
Paras

------------------
Can you imagine a world in which each person understood that his only responsibility was to give and receive love?

Chat: #ten-forward
E-Mail: paras_nimh@myway.com

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Aphrodite
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Posts: 5032
From:
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posted March 03, 2006 12:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aphrodite     Edit/Delete Message
That was a long list!

Sounds very, erm Venus in Virgo-ie . . .

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pixelpixie
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Posts: 5436
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted March 03, 2006 12:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
Unless it has something to do with Kama Sutra, 75 anything is too much to learn.

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paras
Knowflake

Posts: 1660
From: the Heart of It All
Registered: May 2004

posted March 03, 2006 01:55 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for paras     Edit/Delete Message
LOL Pixie!!!

BTW, have you ever seen the "one-click kama sutra"?

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Taurus80
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Posts: 901
From:
Registered: May 2005

posted March 04, 2006 12:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Taurus80     Edit/Delete Message
LMAOOOOOOOO Pixie!!!!!!

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MysticMelody
Moderator

Posts: 4092
From:
Registered: Dec 2005

posted March 04, 2006 01:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message
I would like to say that I follow every one of those 75 Rules.


I am single!

And I firmly believe that as long as I continue to follow all of those rules, I will remain single. hehe
I would have to guess Dr. Phil as the author of most of those... they reek of his charming arrogance and all-knowing Don't Take Any Crap attitude. The list should include #76 and #77

76) The man should host his own television show, be abnormally rich, and the perfect parent.

77) Bald is ok.

Where IS this man??? One of the rules said we couldn't steal the good "doctor?" from his wife, Robin, so I guess we're out of luck if we are older than his son(s)? hehehe

I'm getting weird... I better get to sleep

I would also like to say that I see more than a few of the same names that I just saw at the Libra thread on this one... hmmm.... Libras/Relationships... go figure

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MysticMelody
Moderator

Posts: 4092
From:
Registered: Dec 2005

posted March 04, 2006 01:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message
I want to add that although I am poking fun, I agree with all of these things except 67. If the man passes all of the other "rules," then he deserves a little spoiling too.

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Aphrodite
Knowflake

Posts: 5032
From:
Registered: Feb 2002

posted March 04, 2006 02:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aphrodite     Edit/Delete Message
Some of the things in the list are good to know, from the perspective of a woman. It's good to know about ourselves, but what does the other want or look out for when they are dating us?

Is there a list from the perspective of men?
It would be good to read an intelligently put together list for once. Not just: Sex, food and sports.

Some of the things in the list, though, are outright obnoxious and self-centered.

Such as:

17. There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you. (Sometimes it ain't all about you).

20. Always put yourself and your happiness first. (People abuse and twist this principle and end up not being able to work with relationships in the first place).

Then contradicted with: 48. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a
two way street.

42. To use painful hard-won wisdom -- 'get it right' the next time. (I don't believe in tough love in this context. This is using guilt as psychological abuse).

62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. (Where is the trust?)

64. Provide financially for yourself and don't depend on anyone. (Obviously someone had issues when they wrote this. It's not wrong to ask for help or be inter-dependent with another person. How else do families work?)

(But then it is ok to accept a man to spoil
a woman, but not vice versa? Weird.)

67. Never spoil your man; let him spoil you.

75. Never date a guy who wears colored contacts. (Because?)

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shop22much
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Posts: 970
From: you said hello
Registered: Apr 2005

posted March 04, 2006 04:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for shop22much     Edit/Delete Message
aphro- I agree 100% with your post...i read this and i couldnt even conjure up the right words for this load of cr/p as well as you did.

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freebird
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Posts: 817
From:
Registered: Jul 2005

posted March 05, 2006 12:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for freebird     Edit/Delete Message
When I was reading this I felt it was written by Virgo or Scorpio who broke up with Libra. It does sound Anti-libra.

I belive there are no hard and fast rules to ANY Relationship. Learn from Expereince but keep an Open mind that there would be a better person and if you are lucky you might not be cheated again.

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jesuslied
Knowflake

Posts: 3
From: underground
Registered: Mar 2006

posted March 05, 2006 01:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for jesuslied     Edit/Delete Message
can i ask why everyone on this site seems to be so obsessed with finding someone? u know why you havent? cause your trying to. astrology isnt going to get you anywhere. and also, how many people here have read anything written by linda goodman?
didnt she die?

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pixelpixie
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Posts: 5436
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted March 05, 2006 02:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
Wow! How abrasive!
Quite a few generalizations for only a few posts.
Usually people start with Hi! I'm new!
And introduce themselves.

You are on 'Soul Unions' which is a forum dedicated to 'love'....
Chances are, there are a lot of posts about 'love' and soulmates.
Yes, I have read lotsa Linda Goodman books.
Check out another forum, you'll find lots of topics.
Yes, Linda Died.
I suppose this is a welcome, it's more a mind your manners though, but maybe if you try again,using courtesy, it'll be a welcome.

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neval3000
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Posts: 164
From: manisa,turkey
Registered: Nov 2005

posted March 05, 2006 05:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for neval3000     Edit/Delete Message
i loved that rule

'slow is better'...

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pidaua
Knowflake

Posts: 7440
From: Grafenwohr, Germany
Registered: May 2002

posted March 08, 2006 04:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pidaua     Edit/Delete Message
Pixie,

JL seems a bit trollish. There was also another post of his / hers that states something derogatory about Leo's. In the profile they state something about Anarchy. LOL....

Then again, maybe they are interesting but socially inept..it happens.. and it does happen here once in a while LMAO..

I hope all is well

~Pidaua

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lizkin33
Knowflake

Posts: 156
From: new york
Registered: Dec 2005

posted July 24, 2008 12:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lizkin33     Edit/Delete Message
Hey guys..I found thi online..and it's not my words..just wanted to share this with you..
I am actually Pisces..

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Lara
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Posts: 1671
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006

posted July 24, 2008 06:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lara     Edit/Delete Message
hahaha Mystic... yup. Create boundaries and pretty soon you are living in a 75inch X 75inch cardboard box, alone.

I think the only rule one needs to follow is the relationship cocktail:

1 part common sense
1 part open heart
1 part trustworthy intuition
a dash of sexiness
a slice of loyalty and a couple of ice cubes with "i love myself" written on them

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nattie33
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Posts: 635
From: USA
Registered: Aug 2005

posted July 25, 2008 01:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for nattie33     Edit/Delete Message
Im starting to agree with this one even if i dont like it


1. "If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want
you,nothing can make him stay."

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AlfaOmega
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Posts: 77
From:
Registered: Jan 2008

posted July 25, 2008 04:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AlfaOmega     Edit/Delete Message
Thank You *lizkin33* haha was happy to read those rules haha it's only that urnaus always inspire me to break rules... eek


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CoralFrequency
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Posts: 1136
From:
Registered: Feb 2007

posted July 25, 2008 05:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for CoralFrequency     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
Im starting to agree with this one even if i dont like it


1. "If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want
you,nothing can make him stay."



I'd only agree with that, if it was stated as:

If any heterosexual mammal that reproduces in a sexual (as opposed to asexual) manner - sexually desires a mammal of the opposite sex(in the same species) - that mammal will either actively pursue or work to attract - the former.

If any heterosexual mammal has no sexual desire for a particular mammal of the opposite sex, the aforementioned mammal will act sexually disinterested.

It doesn't only go for men and women - it's true for all species in both genders.

And further, it doesn't only go for sex.
In the exact same way, if you are hungry and you have a choice between pizza (which, lets say - is your favourite) and a banana muffin (assuming you dislike banana) - you will pick the pizza.

I think people over do it on the psychological analysis of sex and feel rejected, when EVERYONE is rejected by somebody – trust me. A while ago a girl was talking about how hot Ralph Fiennes is. I don't find him sexually attractive at all. If someone who looked similar (had a similar vibe/body language/personality) ever pursued me, I would turn him down flat, because I am honestly not at all sexually interested.

The guy/girl you are attracted to – will have – some people who are attracted and some who are not. You are in the exact same position. Everyone is.. So please stop getting your egos tangled into these situations. If you liked yourself, it wouldn't matter.

Sometimes there's a mis-match, but it's ok. More often than not, it is mutual! It's just that some people seem to actually desire and want these experiences and intentionally go after experiences that cause them harm - usually because of self-esteem issues.

PS. Also - sexual rejection when TRUE - has no nasty intent behind it.

There is a difference between a guy or girl who is playing hard to get or witholding sex - trying to hurt you (usually this person is either interested in you, and this is the only way they know to maintain control of the situation - OR - they are not interested and they have their own self esteem issues, for which reason they like stringing others along).

The point is there is a huge difference between this sort of person and someone who is actually just *not* interested.

I'd have nothing against the imaginary Ralph Fiennes clone. I wouldnt be playing hard to get. I'm sure he's a nice enough guy. I would honestly wish him all the best.
It's just that I would have no desire whatsoever to have sex with him, go on a date with him or be with him in a romantic relationship! And I wouldn't put myself through that sort of experience.

The guy/girl who isn't attracted to you - doesn't HATE you. He/She just isn't interested *that* way.

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Lara
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Posts: 1671
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006

posted July 25, 2008 09:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lara     Edit/Delete Message
I agree Nattie...

there is nothing as wonderful as a man who wants you and you want him too... it's pretty rare l think, cos it's all about timing and chemistry combined.

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blue moon
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From: U.K
Registered: Dec 2007

posted July 26, 2008 06:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for blue moon     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
You cannot change a man's behaviors

My ex-boss said men can be 'trained'. But she meant things like putting down the toilet seat or putting dirty close in the laundry basket. You can't teach someone not to be a selfish, lying @rsehole in quite the same way.

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etoile03
Knowflake

Posts: 26
From: Allier, France
Registered: Jul 2007

posted July 29, 2008 09:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for etoile03     Edit/Delete Message
Most of this is common sense that guys should use as well as women, the one I like the best of them all is "Love is a verb..."

It just appealed to me with its understated rightness.

Mel

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