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Author Topic:   changing a man
and
Newflake

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posted October 09, 2006 07:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for and     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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Lady Dee
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posted October 09, 2006 08:01 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Why would you want to change him? What about the qualities that attracted you to him? The concept of perfection will only limit you.,......enjoy the imperfections.

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Lady Dee
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posted October 09, 2006 08:01 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
edited for being trigger happy and posting twice.

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and
Newflake

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posted October 09, 2006 08:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for and     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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Gooberzlostlovefound
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posted October 09, 2006 10:29 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
No, you cannot change a man, in my opinion. And it's not a good idea to try.

People change when/if they are ready to. Not when you (as in the "universal" you) want them to.

It will only make a man resent you.

just my $0.02

GLLF

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Gooberzlostlovefound
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posted October 09, 2006 10:31 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That's not to say people *don't* change. It does happen. But it has to be on behalf of their own desire...

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and
Newflake

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posted October 09, 2006 10:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for and     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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Natural111
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posted October 09, 2006 11:02 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hmmmm.... That's a tough question.
I can say this, a human being can only change him or herself. And sometimes that change is brought on by other human contact. Contact between lovers, friends, family, teachers and sometimes even strangers. BUT, it's up to the person to receive stimulus that will cause the change/growth. So, basically, sometimes a man can love something about you and love you, and because of that wants to change something in himself to make him a better person because he admires it in you. That's vice versa as well. :-)

Oh, yeah, but a lady's man....?... I always figured that's a self esteem issue there. A man who needs so much attention from women, is like a woman who needs so much attention from men. And again, the same thing applies for that issue as well.

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DayDreamer
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posted October 10, 2006 01:09 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Personally, I wouldn't waste my time.

I'm sure guys can change...ive seen some of my girlfriends change because of a guy, so dont see how guys wouldnt also...maybe not exactly to your liking, but its possible. You'd probably change in the process of changing him, like change your mind about the guy or change your mind about changing him.

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Venus
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From: Beirut
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posted October 10, 2006 04:10 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Venus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Why would you want to be with someone you feel the need to 'change' - something I can never understand. I think you should accept people the way they 'choose' to be or walk away.

It seems to be a 'woman' thing as I think men are far more accepting of people the way they are.

Venus

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cappy
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posted October 10, 2006 10:43 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Just adding my two cents:
Whenever you try changing people, you crush their spirit in one way or another. It's like putting a bird in a cage. Change has to come from within the person. And people do change through relationships, especially the romantic kinds. But this doesn't come out through one person trying to change another, it comes through the effect of love on both people: it's like they merge as one. By the same token, many of the divorces out there happen because one person try to change the other and failed.
The only lesson is: if you like someone, and there's something you really wish to change about them because it bothers you that bad, then this person cannot possibly be compatible with you. That's your signal to exit the scene...
Ladies' man do change sometimes, especially when they fall hard for someone...But don't expect that you could change a ladies's man by your own actions or wishes.
And I agree with Venus: women has this thing indeed of wanting to change a man; call it vanity or a princess syndrome or maybe a residue of our education as girls who are supposed to meet the perfect man one day...it's just not healthy and realistic

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Natural111
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posted October 10, 2006 11:49 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well said, Cappy! Wise, wise, words. I've digested them and have learned something :-)

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sue g
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posted October 11, 2006 06:01 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
We've no right to change anyone...have we?

I suppose the question we have to ask is how would we feel if someone tried to change us.....do unto others etc...

As for a ladies man.....unless you want to remain just friends, I would run a mile.....unless of course you dont mind sharing him?

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Mama Mia
Knowflake

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posted October 11, 2006 09:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
And: I think you should rethink that question..

If a man is a ladies man and he changes that it will be bc he wants to not bc you can make him.

Think back on some of your lessons with the Aqua guy..

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Stargazer
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From: just left of center
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posted October 11, 2006 10:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stargazer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

*******As for a ladies man.....unless you want to remain just friends, I would run a mile.....unless of course you dont mind sharing him?*********

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PansPride
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posted October 12, 2006 04:17 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Changing a man? Changing anyone man or woman unfortunatly in my observations It takes both tragedy, and success to change anyone. I've some experience with helping someone change, and changing myself recently. She wanted to change her life I made it happen, but not to the degree that she wanted it. So we've split, bitterly. And that's my success, knowing that I've help to form her into an excellent mother, and someone elses excellent wife. My tragedy, Now i know i shouldn't be so Naive, that i really need to grow up and can't find substitutes for my pain. And of course knowing that She will be someone elses, that someone could give her what I wouldn't. It hurts, but point is mostly that I helped her change her life, she help me change mine. She will find someone that can give her what she needs someday, as will I.

Just a side note this has been the worst year of my life. God help me in 2009...

------------------
Sun Cap, Moon Lib, Venus sag, Mars Cap, Leo Ascendent

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1scorp
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posted October 12, 2006 09:26 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I've had men try to change me.

They like me and I'm "almost" perfect for them... but if I would just do this... or just respond like that.

It's very depressing to be on the receiving end of it. Especially if I truly had feelings for the person. I came to a point that I felt I wasn't good relationship material because of it.

It took me a while to realize that it wasn't "me" that had the problem, as I was much more accepting of their quirks than they were with mine. Thing is, to me the quirks they would try and change weren't really changeable. It is part of who I am.

Yes, I analyze things to much. Yes, I'm not a morming person. Yes, I have my periods to where I need to be alone. Yes, I go out of my way for people. No, I don't feel the need to snap back at someone even if they deserve it. No, I don't always want to go out. Yes, I do need at least 6 hours of sleep. No, I don't want you to buy me things. Etc., Etc.
__________________________________________
Scorpio sun, venus, mars, mercury, and uranus
Libra moon, pluto, and asc.

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tinasparkle
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posted October 12, 2006 02:12 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Just my two cents, but I think that we are the only ones that can make a change in our lives or personality/behavior. Secondly, I would ask how you would feel if he decided you needed to change?
Try to love him as he is, but if there are behaviors that you find untenable or inappropriate, better to avoid the relationship all together.

Tinasparkle

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juliuh
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posted October 13, 2006 11:43 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
mmmm.. I know what you mean here. IMO.. never, I mean NEVER try to change someone. Understanding and adjusting is all you can do. Personally, I would tell him that it makes you uncomfortable and ask if he would feel the same were you so popular with the guys. Show him a little of how it makes you feel. If he truly cares for you, he'll understand and try to adjust himself somewhat in consideration for you. That's not "changing" per se.. so much as caring

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Swerve
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posted October 16, 2006 06:44 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If you changed him you wouldn't respect him and it would defeat the object anyway.

Besides, if he's a player he'll probably catch on and play you right back while you think you're leading the dance.

Dangerous stuff!

Swerve

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Yang
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posted October 16, 2006 10:14 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You can't change a man!

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Dulce Luna
Newflake

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From: The Asylum, NC
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posted October 16, 2006 11:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Its not even worth the energy....

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Mama Mia
Knowflake

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posted October 16, 2006 12:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I believe she gets it!!!

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lalalinda
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From: nevada
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 16, 2006 10:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lalalinda     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
totally agree with Swerve

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