Lindaland
  Soul Unions
  Cursed (Page 1)

Post New Topic  Post A Reply
profile | register | preferences | faq | search

UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone!
This topic is 2 pages long:   1  2 
next newest topic | next oldest topic
Author Topic:   Cursed
CrankyCap
Knowflake

Posts: 329
From: Powell, Ohio, United States
Registered: May 2006

posted January 07, 2007 01:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CrankyCap     Edit/Delete Message
Just after Christmas I got a call from my pisces and he said that after talking with his family he had decided to move to Chicago a lot sooner...like in 2 or 3 weeks. My heart sank, and in my mind I knew our relationship probably only had a short time left.

I went to his house the next night and we talked about it. I tried to be firm and realistic. I told him that all I was at that point was a loose end, and that he should go ahead and do now what he was going to do anyway...cut me loose. He was quiet and seemed to be struggling with it. He said he didn't want me to walk out the door that night and never see me again. He said he didn't want me to go. I asked him what in the world he wanted from me at that point. Then he asked if I still wanted to go to Chicago with him for New Years. I agreed to go, but I felt very uneasy.

New Years was fine, it seemed that we both had a good time, but when we got back he became distant. I saw him last Wednesday night, and that day was the day that he had put in his notice at his job here. He said he was feeling very introspective and had a lot on his mind...hoping that he had made the right decision and knew what he was doing. I asked him if he wanted to be alone since he was so quiet and uninvolved, so I left early.

I didn't hear from him Thursday. Friday night I called him and left a couple of messages. Saturday I called several times and never got a response. Finally, at 12am last night he called me and said that he didn't think we should see eachother anymore. He said he had talked about it with a couple of his friends, and had decided that this would be the best thing...for me. I was cold. I told him that I had given him so many "outs" many times before, and the reasons he was giving me were exactly the things that I had told him. He said that he hadn't wanted to hurt me then because I was in a "vulnerable state." I wanted to throw up. I asked him if he was home and he immediately said that he didn't want to have a "face-to-face" right then. I said I absolutely didn't want to drag this out and I needed to go over there to get the few things that I had left at his place. He agreed and told me to come by.

When I pulled up in his driveway he was standing outside getting wood. I got out of my car and just stood next to it. I asked him if he had my things ready and he said to come around back and go in the house. I didn't want to go in. I didn't want to be near him, and I didn't want to be there any longer than I had to. When I went in he immediately got defensive with me and told me not to dare think that this wasn't hard for him too and that he didn't have any feelings. He kept saying that the decision had nothing to do with me or "us" but it was all because of the circumstances of him going to Chicago. He said I was a part of his life now and he still wanted to keep in contact with me and know how I was doing. I laughed at him. I said that it wasn't possible. He kept telling me not to see him in a bad light or think that he was an as*hole because he had done nothing wrong. I asked him why the hell he cared what I thought of him anyway. He said because he cared about me and what I thought. I laughed at him again. I didn't like how he put it on me like I was some fragile little doll. His condescending attitude was infuriating me. I just kept telling him I'd get over it.

When I got my things and headed toward the door he asked me to give him a hug. This was a sickening thought to me. He put his arms around me and I just stood there...I didn't embrace him back. The last thing he said to me was if I ever need anything...call him. I quickly turned my back and ignored the comment and said nothing.

I try so, so, SO hard to be tough. I keep telling myself that the relationship wasn't very long and that's a blessing...3 months up, 3 months down. 12 weeks and I'll be fine...I'll be cured. Focus on other things. But the tears burn in my eyes. I try not to blink and hope that they won't fall, but the burning continues and they come anyway. The bitterness is what kills me. Every single time I've put my heart on the line it's been stomped on...EVERY time. I hadn't felt this way about anyone in 3 years...I was so excited when I first met this guy...I was so happy. I thought that maybe I was finally getting a second chance...and now it's gone. Why??? What have I ever done that my karma is THIS bad? Does God hate me??? Am I truly cursed in love forever? I don't want to go through this again...I REALLY don't. Every time I think about what's ahead of me...weeks of pain and emotional agony, anger, regret, loss...I just don't want to do it. And then, starting over???? I don't want to. I want to give up. It took everything I had just to get out of bed this morning. I even thought about trying to get a hold of some sleeping pills and just take those for a while. Hibernate the whole grieving process away. I've already contemplated calling off of work tomorrow. I know I won't be able to concentrate, and I can't stand to cry or show weakness in front of others...and what if I break down? It also makes me sick when people pity me and I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear, "Oh I'm so sorry...not again! I was so happy for you! I really thought this one would work out." Yeah, not so much. And people wonder why I'm so cynical. I just don't know how I'm going to get through it this time. The last guy I dated broke up with me THE DAY MY DAD DIED. And that was only 6 months ago. It would be one thing if I hadn't had my heart broken many times, but it seems like it just KEEPS happening. I honestly can't take it anymore. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. Live in dreams forever.

How can I make it?????

IP: Logged

lovegoblin
Knowflake

Posts: 342
From: norfolk, virginia USA
Registered: May 2006

posted January 07, 2007 02:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovegoblin     Edit/Delete Message
i'm sorry cc-i'm sorry this happened

IP: Logged

Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 3705
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted January 07, 2007 02:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message
Hi CC ~

Please write me (if you feel up to it) -- my e's at my Profile.....

Zala

IP: Logged

MysticMelody
Knowflake

Posts: 1230
From:
Registered: Dec 2005

posted January 07, 2007 02:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message
Letting go with love is easier...
If you don't show your emotions, you won't ever know how he really feels...

Have you ever seen the movie The Family Man with Nicolas Cage? Just let go with love!!! He might have decided to come back... or might have decided in the future. Quit being such a hard ass. The Universe will keep on giving you this lesson until you GET IT. YOU HAVE TO VULNERABLE CAPRICORN WOMAN.

Love, from my Cappy Moon...

I wrote a poem once that described my Capricorn emotions in love... had a line about "won't someone climb up this imposing tower?"

Let your hair down, Rapunzel.

IP: Logged

CrankyCap
Knowflake

Posts: 329
From: Powell, Ohio, United States
Registered: May 2006

posted January 07, 2007 10:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CrankyCap     Edit/Delete Message
Mystic - I'm VERY familiar with that movie. In fact, it came out when I was in my last long distance relationship, and I was struggling with similar issues then. I saw it in the theater and burst into tears. I cried through the whole movie.

Believe me, I try to come across as a hard ass, but I'm really not. I'm not like a Cap moon in that way. In fact, one of my cap moon friends is always in awe of me by the way that I just take the plunge when I'm in love. She's deathly afraid of revealing her feelings to anyone...but I'm not. I think with my pisces moon and scorp venus, I've never been afraid of the risk, although I guess I should be. The night that I talked with the pisces about this after Christmas, I told him that I had fallen madly in love with him...I told him that the thought of never listening to him play guitar, or hearing his laugh again just killed me. Apparently, that just made him think I was in a "vulnerable state." That's why I'm confused. It wouldn't make sense for the universe to continue punishing me, when I AM risking it all...and not fearing love. I act hard when I'm hurt because I don't want to let the other person know that they've broken me.

Zala - I'll be emailing soon...

IP: Logged

MysticMelody
Knowflake

Posts: 1230
From:
Registered: Dec 2005

posted January 07, 2007 10:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message
You are never broken. You are whole and beautiful. If you are going to feel the pain either way, might as well let go with love and give him the chance to realize what he has lost. Getting b!tchy will only give his brain the out it needs to never think about ~ what might have been.
Men aren't as in touch with their feelings... sometimes you have to give them the space and time to figure them out.
I'm not saying to gush all over him about how much you miss him... just give him the brief, sincere hug and say you are sorry, but you can't allow yourself to be any closer because it is painful to say goodbye.
That is enough to give him A LOT to think about in the lonely nights to come ~ do ya feel me?

I know all of this is a lot easier said than done.

I see what you mean about your deep emotions. I now understand how hard it must be for you and I see where the "Scorpionic" comments to him stem from...
Thanks for sharing yourself with me and anyone who takes the time to read this. I hope my stiff Cap moon didn't come off too tough... your story really touched my emotions.

IP: Logged

willowing3
Knowflake

Posts: 19
From: crazyville, md
Registered: Jun 2006

posted January 08, 2007 12:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for willowing3     Edit/Delete Message
Cranky Cap,

Sorry, a little pity here, but not in an icky way, just in an empathetic pisces man kinda way:-) Just wanted to pop in and say don't lose hope...it is very easy to lament on why me, and when will love happen...don't do it, don't be a victem......things happen for a reason and as trite as it may sound, if it was meant to be, it would...or it will be, this chapter isn't over yet...
so, find some optimism in the unkown...either great and yummy things will happen with pisces/chicago guy, or great and yummy things will happen with a new guy...
so, kick back, do your hobbies, practice mind over matter, do the things you 've been putting off, do some yoga, watch "what the bleep do we know" and make your destiny.

whew, off the soapbox now...CC as you know, been struggling with my own pisces man sadness, so I feel for you and sending good karma your way!

IP: Logged

~jane_says~
Knowflake

Posts: 77
From: SD
Registered: Jul 2005

posted January 08, 2007 04:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ~jane_says~     Edit/Delete Message
CC--Good luck to you...Sending lots of prayers and love your way!

------------------
"If you believe, you can achieve." Tupac

IP: Logged

sthenri
Moderator

Posts: 4416
From: Generic New England City
Registered: May 2003

posted January 08, 2007 09:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
Personally I think it's Pisces men in that they drive me nuts too and make my blood boil where I want to kill them. It's just that I ended up in a fight with a Pisces this evening so I can understand how you feel, so cold to it all. I just don't care anymore like the song says.

Love is a warm feeling and some men just don't give much off, it's like they are all wet! If it's any consolation I find Pisces and Cancer men to be better friends than lovers, not the benefits kind.

My pisces friends are always letting me down but not when they are JUST friends, I expect way too much from lovers but that's okay!

Remember you are a Earth Woman, you deserve the best in a lover and many friends. you can't be with everyone, there is only one special you, and we love you.

Hugs,
Natasha
Taurus/6th
Mars in Sag/1st house
(If you see a good fight, get in it)

IP: Logged

CrankyCap
Knowflake

Posts: 329
From: Powell, Ohio, United States
Registered: May 2006

posted January 09, 2007 06:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CrankyCap     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks for all the kind words and support everyone. It does help.

Turns out though, that I may not have lost such a "winner" after all. Zala can vouch for me on that...she's heard the back story.

This guy's got some MAJOR issues. He's a highly, HIGHLY addictive personality, and I guess it's better that I found out sooner rather than later. It was right there in front of me the whole time but those damn pisces moon, rose colored glasses that I always wear were severely blocking my vision.

I'm still heartbroken of course, but I'll just say that his behavior in the last 4 days, and with a lot of introspection on the whole thing, he's made it a lot easier for me to get over him. Maybe my bounce back time will only take 6 weeks??? Or maybe I just have a habit of attracting poison and I should just stay out of that pool for a while...

Yeah, I think I'll probably go with the latter on that one.

IP: Logged

thedividedsky
Knowflake

Posts: 171
From: utah
Registered: Aug 2006

posted January 09, 2007 08:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for thedividedsky     Edit/Delete Message
just chalk it up to the old "learning experience" Sorry, those addictive personalities are SNEAKY!!!!!!

Heres hoping for a positive, available, healthy relationship next time!!!!!

IP: Logged

Mama Mia
Knowflake

Posts: 1659
From:
Registered: Jun 2005

posted January 10, 2007 09:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message
CrankyC: Girl God does not hate you first off and he would never,ever do anything to hurt you like that..Do you know how many other ppl have gone through the same thing your not being picked on. What God does is test everyone, no one is exempt from being tested. Keep your faith in him and don't give up just know the best is yet to come..It may be hard but its true..Don't give up on love, continue to love and keep your heart open..You will remain a good person and not harbor bitterness, it gets greater later this is not the end of the love road for you..

IP: Logged

scorpluv
Knowflake

Posts: 108
From: new york, new york, USA
Registered: Jun 2006

posted January 10, 2007 10:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for scorpluv     Edit/Delete Message
Hey CC... Sorry I haven't chimed in for a while... It sucks that things didn't work out w/the Pisces... But like my grandma always said... everything happens for a reason... Mamamia mentioned that God puts us through a series of tests... Honestly, I believe your passing w/flying colors... You love yourself enough to realize what is good for you and what is not... It makes it much easier to spot a really good thing when it is in front of you... When the time is right, the moment you least expect it, that someone perfect FOR YOU will step into your life and you will be ready for that person... It is so easy to believe that someone is for you, but when things are right, there are no doubts or hesitations... Continue to believe in yourself and all things will fall into place... You can email me if you'd like... take care of yourself... God bless and mucho amor...

IP: Logged

Stargazer
Knowflake

Posts: 945
From: Columbus OH USA
Registered: Aug 2005

posted January 10, 2007 10:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stargazer     Edit/Delete Message
CC

I know all to well the glare those rosy glasses can cause...
And faced with someone with an addiction is similiar to a fart in the face! It just stinks!

I admire your strength... and I also think your pool just got a big dose of chlorine. It will be ready (healthy) to swim in soon or at least clear enough to dangle your legs over the edge a while....

Love and Light........

IP: Logged

CrankyCap
Knowflake

Posts: 329
From: Powell, Ohio, United States
Registered: May 2006

posted January 10, 2007 01:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CrankyCap     Edit/Delete Message
I know, everything is a lesson...I'm just trying to figure out what in the world I did wrong this time. I was very, VERY careful in trying to talk this Chicago thing out with him so many times. I was well aware of the fact that this could end our relationship, so I tried to be open with him in hopes of avoiding the exact situation that ended up occuring - him avoiding me for three days only to break up over the phone. I just don't understand what I'm supposed to learn here...

Anyway, I've actually had to be in contact with the little sh*t in the last couple of days because of a certain "debt" that he racked up in my name. He finally took care of it this morning, but he hasn't seemed nearly as sincere as I would have liked him to be. Also, last Wednesday, the last night we hung out together, he gave me a pair of Tiffany earrings for my birthday/Christmas. Sure it was nice to get them, but since he pulled this BS immediately afterword, I had packaged them up with a note and dropped them in his mailbox on Sunday. There was NO WAY I was keeping those damn things after the way he treated me...I don't care WHERE they were from. Strangely enough, he hasn't said ONE word about that in the last two days that we've talked about clearing up this debt.

I just don't get him. Is he just a very good liar? Is that what it is??? Just another lying, manipulating piscean man? Are these guys EVER sincere?

Just pondering and over-analyzing...

IP: Logged

scorpluv
Knowflake

Posts: 108
From: new york, new york, USA
Registered: Jun 2006

posted January 10, 2007 03:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for scorpluv     Edit/Delete Message
Hey CC... Just wanted to clarify something... how exactly did he act towards you before he cowardly broke up w/u on the phone? Was he just dismissive or passive/aggressive (A definite Piscean trait... I can't stand it either.. lol) I'm just trying to figure out were this dude f-ed up... I've sort of been out of the loop here... How did u find out about his addictive personality? What motivated his addiction? As far as the lesson is concerned, I really wouldn't be able to tell u what that is at this time, but I have a good feeling that anything that's to be learned will reveal itself in time... I know its cliche but being a Cappy, u know that when the time is right, you will understand what it's all about... I could say that maybe its karma that hasn't been played out, but I just can't figure out what you may have done in the past to receive such treatment... What have you been doing to occupy our mind during this transition? I just thought of something... It's your 28 yr. right? That means that Saturn is making its return in your chart... If this is the case, then it would make sense that many of the things that have occured in the past year are part of Saturn's lesson, whatever that may be... From what I have read, Saturn returns can be rather difficult for some people... Difficult because it involves change... I believe that the rough time you are having now is Saturn's way of preparing you to become the adult you are to become... Don't look at these experiences as negative so much as they are necessary... Saturn takes that which is no longer necessary out of your life, and with the lighter weight on your side, it allows for better things to enter into your life... Just a thought...

IP: Logged

CrankyCap
Knowflake

Posts: 329
From: Powell, Ohio, United States
Registered: May 2006

posted January 10, 2007 03:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CrankyCap     Edit/Delete Message
Well, truth be told Scorpluv, this guy loves his drugs...AND his gambling. Pure Pisces-Scorp there. Intense escapist. I'm a pretty laid-back and chill person myself - to a point, so the using every-now-and-then didn't bother me at first. It started to bother me when he would stay up all night gambling while on some kind of stimulant, or avoid people all together for 2 or 3 days because he was in withdraw from some prescription drug and had the shakes, or sweats or whatever.

To answer your other question, he DEFINITELY took the passive-aggressive way out in the end which PIS*ED me off. I would have been hurt regardless, but much more understanding if he had given me the credit I deserved by sitting me down personally (not on the phone), and saying, "YOU were right (since I was the one all along that told him it might be a good idea to end it or at least talk about it), and that this might be the best thing for US." Instead of pinning it on "me" like I'm some weakling. It also would have been nice if he hadn't let his "friends" make the decision for him. That would be like me saying, "you know sweetie, I've talked it over with my best friend, and I just don't think we should see eachother anymore." I mean, how ridiculous is that!!?? And that's exactly what he said. How the hell do they know what kind of relationship we have??? I mean, they've only met me twice! I think that's what's killing me...that's what's ticking me off. And the fact that he wouldn't have even seen me face-to-face if I hadn't forced it on him.

UGHHHH!!! I can't figure him out. Must be the weak Pisces coming out there. Where the hell was his Scorp moon??? The Scorp moon would have just ended it with me 3 weeks ago and never talked to me again!!! LOL....

IP: Logged

scorpluv
Knowflake

Posts: 108
From: new york, new york, USA
Registered: Jun 2006

posted January 10, 2007 04:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for scorpluv     Edit/Delete Message
CC... GEEZ... This guy wasn't for you at all... Prescription drug binges for 2 or 3 days... WTF!!! Talk about not wanting to deal with reality!! Yea, I know what you mean about the not knowing what angle Pisces is coming from... My eldest sis is a Pisces and shows classic cases of passive/aggressive behavior, not wanting to take responsibility for their actions... etc... I think you did what was best for you... Like you mentioned in a previous post, it's better that you know this guy was messed up now rather than later... Obviously he can not handle his own life, how can he make anyone else happy... You know, I was thinking about him asking his "friends" opinions about your relationship, it seemed rather odd to me as well... It also seemed like a real Bia move as well... It's a clear indication that this guy doesn't know how to handle real life situations, and you don't need that... You have enough crap to deal with... I admit that it is unfair for him to put all the blame on you, but don't take it personally... Pisces (not all) have a hard time making up their own minds, and when their given sound advice, they ignore it... But I guess you can think of it this way... Do you really want a man in your life that is soooo easily influenced by other people, with co-dependency issues? Like I said before, I think Saturn showed you the real side of him so that you realize that you don't need a person like that in your life... Did you give much thought to the Saturn return theory?

IP: Logged

Mama Mia
Knowflake

Posts: 1659
From:
Registered: Jun 2005

posted January 10, 2007 05:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message
Ok, now I understand, this was just a blessing in disguise. Cranky you should be clapping that it ended this way, not sad at all...Now I am 100% for sure that this will get better..

IP: Logged

CrankyCap
Knowflake

Posts: 329
From: Powell, Ohio, United States
Registered: May 2006

posted January 10, 2007 06:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CrankyCap     Edit/Delete Message
You know what's kind of funny? I actually had a dream last night that I was talking to someone (don't know who)about this whole thing, and I said to them "You know, it's good that this ended now before he cheated on me." LOL...looks like I have a healthier attitude about this in my dreams at least!

SL - It might be the saturn return, although I technically have two years left...but you never know. It just feels like too much...maybe Caps get it worse! Feels like I keep taking a punching bag to the stomach...over, and over, and over again. BAM! BAM! BAM!!! LOL...

IP: Logged

scorpluv
Knowflake

Posts: 108
From: new york, new york, USA
Registered: Jun 2006

posted January 11, 2007 12:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for scorpluv     Edit/Delete Message
Well CC... Your taking it like Superwoman!! All superheroes have to take their beatings... but they come through it bigger, stronger, faster... I believe it is truly a blessing in disguise... Good things will come in time, just maintain a beautiful positive attitude and nothing short of positive energy will surround you...

IP: Logged

Swerve
Knowflake

Posts: 1034
From: London
Registered: Nov 2002

posted January 13, 2007 01:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Swerve     Edit/Delete Message
Hi CC,

Basically what he has done is take that time to convince himself that he can live without you and attempt to repress his feelings and make this true.

He completely ****** it up though in my opinion. He clearly didn't succeed but has to follow through. The fact that you were so pragmatic, but hey you're a Cap, will have cut him deeply, even if he feels that you are suffering a little.

By acting independent and matter-of-fact you will torture him. He'll be wondering how you are and his feelings will be running right through him, that Scorpio Moon WILL NOT allow him to rest.

I have a feeling that he will take a far longer time to get over this relationship than you, even though that seems bizarre after the way he is acting.

This ladies is the personification of a confused Pisces and a scared Scorpio Moon man. Watch and learn. If only he could act like a mature human being and demonstrate the emotions boiling inside him he might gain some understanding and sympathy. As it is he's alienating probably more than just yourself right now Cranky.

He mayt look for affection elsewhere to fill the void he is creating for himself - and he is going to need a bigger prescription for a while.

He'll be back if you are clearly moving on.

Hope your heart can sit with this and absorb whatever lesson lies within it.

Don't get bitter if you can help it. We feel the pain of the loss of the dream more than we feel the loss of the person at times like this.

This was a pretty big dream for you, and there may even be another chapter.

That is your choice sweetheart.

Swerve x

IP: Logged

CrankyCap
Knowflake

Posts: 329
From: Powell, Ohio, United States
Registered: May 2006

posted January 13, 2007 02:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CrankyCap     Edit/Delete Message
Hey Swerve,

I was wondering where you'd been hiding! Thanks for that...your observations helped clarify a little. Too bad you're not right around the corner, I'd ask you to grab a coffee and talk this out with me!

Seriously though, I really value your opinion on this. Would you mind if I emailed you? I'm still left with a lot of lingering questions, and I've been through so many different emotions this week. Hell, right now I'm trying to bring ANOTHER ex back into my head just to try and forget about this one. That may be somewhat insane, but for some strange reason it's comforting to me...

IP: Logged

Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 3705
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted January 13, 2007 03:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message
Swerve ~

Are you working on that degree in counseling??
Man, you should!! You have a real way with words, and the way you express your thoughts (and your depth) is exquisite!!!
I could write reams until I was blue in the face with blisters on my fingers and not say it as succinctly and empathetically as you.

You rock, dude!!
Zala

IP: Logged

Swerve
Knowflake

Posts: 1034
From: London
Registered: Nov 2002

posted January 13, 2007 03:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Swerve     Edit/Delete Message
delete

IP: Logged


This topic is 2 pages long:   1  2 

All times are Eastern Standard Time

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Administrative Options: Close Topic | Archive/Move | Delete Topic
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
Hop to:

Contact Us | Linda-Goodman.com

Copyright 2007

Powered by Infopop www.infopop.com © 2000
Ultimate Bulletin Board 5.46a