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Author Topic:   What keeps this going?... 7 years later?
ghanima81
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Posts: 1715
From: MAINE! :)
Registered: Aug 2003

posted July 22, 2008 04:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ghanima81     Edit/Delete Message
*also posted in the private readings forum... but thought I would ask here too.*

I am content in a relationship now. It's not picture perfect, but it works, and it's such a great learning experience, I will not ever say a bad word if this doesn't work out. I guess... I don't know. Part of me can see "happily ever after", and part of me is totally okay if it just turns into friendship...
..Anyways... I am posting the synastry chart of a past love. One whom I had a relationship with over seven years ago. We wer together, then I sort of vanished on him, then went back (I know, Aquarian, how surprising :rollseyes: ) Needless to say, I vanished again, and we got in touch again last summer. It was like not a day had passed. The same love was there. The same attraction.... but I felt as if that was all he wanted from me. He swore it wasn't, he said he would like to marry me and take care of me... but something wasn't right. So, besides the distance and my dire financial situation at the time, I told him it wasn't going to work. He told me he doesn't know why, but I am the only woman he has ever, and will ever, feel that way about....

I have dreamed of him all week long. Last night, I was with my current bf (in the dream), and somehow was supposed to meet up with Gemini guy. Well, when he showed up, my current bf was like "what the hell? Who is this guy?" and Gemini was saying the same thing... then I realized they were the same person, but just looked a little different. Once I realized it, they meshed into one person, and I ran to him and hugged him with so much love in my heart... then I woke up.... I thought of him all day, and even kept repeating to myself things about him and "us" that I wasn't crazy about, sort of to appease myself in a way, I guess. Well, I checked his myspace page today thinking I would send him a little message to say hello, but saw that he hadn't logged on since July 6th, so I figured that was my sign to leave it be. I just logged on a few minutes ago, and there was a message from him.... it just said "hi", but was posted pretty much when I had shut down my laptop earlier... Weird!! I haven't heard from him in over two months...

I know that I have had the tendency to go back to this man, even when he shouldn't have me, and I am happy right now, so I wonder if this is a challenge to see if I really can be with just one person and give them my whole heart without running scared...

... but what if it's something deeper?

Anyone who can take a look and give me some insight, you have no idea what it would mean to me... I'm standing on solid ground for the first time in my life, and I don't want to do anything stupid to mess it up... but I also know that I can't fight certain energies...

HELP!!

Thanks in advance...

Namaste.

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LetsDance
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posted July 22, 2008 07:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LetsDance     Edit/Delete Message
ghani, I'm Aquarian and I can totally relate to what you are saying. I used to date a Gemini guy, however, I was never in love with him, but I knew I could always go back to him. Gems are like that.

Your dream sounds so much like one I had of a cap guy I was crazy about. Two guys, yet the same guy. I think my dream was more symbolism in that I think I was thinking of him the way he used to be when I first fell in love with him vs. the way he is currently. Very different in his spiritual belief. Finally, in the dream it was revealed the two men were the same guy. What I took away from that, was that I wanted to believe the first guy was still hidden in the current guy, even though they were so different spiritually, and if that were the case, maybe I should give us another chance.

Maybe your dream may be saying that you are remembering "when" and wondering about "now" and trying to put the two together to decide "tomorrow". Aquas and Gems get on quite well, and you will always have your freedom (in every way we Aquarians need freedom), if that is what you fear you may lose if you give this guy the opportunity to love you.

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future_uncertain
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From: ohio
Registered: Aug 2004

posted July 22, 2008 10:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for future_uncertain     Edit/Delete Message
Ghani~ hello!

This sounds somewhat familiar to me... it's weird, isn't it? I recently investigated my situation-- hoping for some answer either way-- like an affirmation of my current relationship (which is ok and nice, but not necessarily stellar) or a clear sign that I should move on. And you know what happened? Nothing. Nothing at all. No lightbulb, no epiphany... it was a very odd, yet calm time for me. It was very recent.

Does your current bf know about any of this?

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ghanima81
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Posts: 1715
From: MAINE! :)
Registered: Aug 2003

posted July 22, 2008 10:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ghanima81     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you both for your responses!

LetsDance,

I see what you are saying, totally... Maybe what I get/got from the whole "this is all he wants" feeling I was having... Not sure, but one of the ideas I had. So thank you for pointing that out....

future,

Yes, love. We seem to always get each other on this front... Not weird, just makes sense, actually...

And no, he does not...

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future_uncertain
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From: ohio
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posted July 23, 2008 11:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for future_uncertain     Edit/Delete Message
Did you post the chart?
Still pondering your situation...

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Aphrodite
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posted July 24, 2008 01:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aphrodite     Edit/Delete Message
Unrequited love . . . maybe you guys are like the characters Big and Carrie on the TV show Sex and the City? Just a thought.

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ghanima81
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Posts: 1715
From: MAINE! :)
Registered: Aug 2003

posted July 24, 2008 08:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ghanima81     Edit/Delete Message
It's just an odd situation. I have been actively trying not to repeat my old patterns in relationships, kind of see if I can go without sabottaging one for once... and everything has been going really well. I'm sort of very much "with" my current bf, but there is still this distance and uncertainty that I have never experienced before. I've never dated a cancer sun before, and with a cappy moon in his 12th, he's super honest, but still very closed off from me. He says he loves me, and I do belive him, but it's like there is one foot out the door on both ends. I'm not sure if we are both just protecting ourselves with this behavior, we have both been burned pretty badly. *sigh* I don't know...

I didn't sleep at all last night. I had one dream that woke me up shivering, and then one this morning that I was pregnant... both vivid and have left me feeling totally confused and scared.

Of course I did send a message back to Gemini. I just told him how it was funny that he messaged me, I had just dreamt of him, and asked him how life was treating him. I haven't heard back, but going with my whole new method of not repeating my old patterns, I will just leave that one alone... I guess I have always looked at him and I in that way... if it's meant to be, then things will align in the right way and it will...

...as for current bf? Still on the fence. I mean, we get on very well and make each other laugh and there is no drama, just peace... so I guess I'm just waiting to see what will happen. I don't want to say anything too serious or "committal", I think he would run screaming in the other direction, and I don't know if that's even what I really want at this point... It makes no sense, we spend every night together... but there is still this wall up. Did I put it up, or did he?

Anyways... sorry for rambling... thanks for reading....

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ghanima81
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From: MAINE! :)
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posted July 24, 2008 08:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ghanima81     Edit/Delete Message
Oh, here's the bf & me... synastry...

My sun is in his first house, his is in my fourth... his moon is in my 9th, mine is in his 7th... I see good things here... but the Saturn and venus aspects are a challenge...

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LetsDance
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posted July 24, 2008 01:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LetsDance     Edit/Delete Message
I wish I knew how to read charts. Every time I try, I begin to understand better, but then it's like if I don't read them everyday, I forget how to.....

Is there an easy formula for reading them?

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LetsDance
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posted July 24, 2008 02:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LetsDance     Edit/Delete Message
Ghani,

quote:
"...meet up with Gemini guy. Well, when he showed up, my current bf was like "what the hell? Who is this guy?" and Gemini was saying the same thing... then I realized they were the same person, but just looked a little different. Once I realized it, they meshed into one person, and I ran to him and hugged him with so much love in my heart... then I woke up...."

Was the "one person" the Gemini? If so, I think you really like the Gemini. But as you said, "something wasn't right". Maybe the crab has that missing "something" that you really want the Gemini to have so that your relationship with him would be "right". At the same time, the crab is not exactly doing it for you in areas that you need, and the Gem does, but the crab is comfortable to you? The crab may sense this "comfort" vs. excitement (they are sensitive) and that could be why he appears to be so cautious with his feelings towards you???

Just my musings...

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LetsDance
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posted July 24, 2008 02:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LetsDance     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
"I'm not sure if we are both just protecting ourselves with this behavior, we have both been burned pretty badly..."

I think so. I have a cancer moon, and combining my sun, this is my approach.

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Aphrodite
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posted July 24, 2008 09:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aphrodite     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks for sharing, ghanima. I always learn new things reading about experiences. "Lean" is in the word "Learn," so perhaps we also lean on each other as we learn . As I read your post, I sense mutual feelings of friendship in your current relationship, and that you are describing a friend. There is also the impression that although this man is enjoyable to be around and is fine companionship; the elements of nurturing, comfort, vulnerability, and caring are not fully expressed. It must be so hard being close to someone and not feel embraced in the soul .

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future_uncertain
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From: ohio
Registered: Aug 2004

posted July 25, 2008 08:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for future_uncertain     Edit/Delete Message
Ghani~

I just read Aphrodite's last post and I'd say it's amazingly accurate for my situation. Is yours much like this as well?

Aphrodite~ although you wrote them for Ghani, your words were a comfort to me. It's not a comfortable realization when you feel this way-- especially when the feelings of caring and respect are so strong.

I don't mean to intrude on your topic, Ghani... but I did want to say thank you to Aphrodite.

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future_uncertain
Knowflake

Posts: 2872
From: ohio
Registered: Aug 2004

posted July 25, 2008 08:28 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for future_uncertain     Edit/Delete Message
I'm at work at the moment, but I will see if I notice anything in your chart when I get a chance. I'm not very skilled, especially when looking at the chart as opposed to a table. But you never know what fresh eyes might see.

How are you feeling? Drained?

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ghanima81
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From: MAINE! :)
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posted July 25, 2008 09:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ghanima81     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks for your words, ladies.

I think it's like that half of the time, Aphrodite. There are reasons that i won't get into, but I feel his attentions are split, much like mine have been in the past. I don't know if it bothers me yet, or how much this is going to mean in my life or what it's going to amount to... Sometimes I am very drained just trying to figure out where I stand, and other times he makes me feel like the most special person there is...

...so that's where I am now. Kind of sad, kind of hopeful...

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ghanima81
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From: MAINE! :)
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posted July 26, 2008 08:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ghanima81     Edit/Delete Message
Oh, I forgot...

LetsDance,

When they became one person, he was the Gemini. I think you make a lot of good points in your post, also. The comfort level and I guess you would say "companionship" I have with the Cancer definately stimulates and satisfies my Cappy venus. I guess what I truly want is stability, practicality and a PARTNER. Also, I think he is very attractive. I know that's not the most important thing, obviously, but it leads into my next thought...

The Gemini and I... the connection and attraction is just very intense. We could never keep our hands off each other. The love making was so off the charts passionate and I could literally feel our love during... He is the only person that has ever happened with.

So, I guess the thing that Mr. Crab is missing is the sex stuff... But that's not the end all and be all of a lasting relationship, right? Don't get me wrong, we turn each other on, and he's very inventive... but, there's just something off. I am not sure if it's the whole protection thing or not. I was reading this whole long thing about Venus in Cappy and how they have to really commit themselves to someone emotionally before they can connect well physically. So maybe this is the issue I should address with current bf?

How do i go about this? What can I say/do without being awkward? I don't want him to think I don't enjoy what we do now... I guess I just wish it was a bit more impulsive and passionate... We are very businesslike currently... LOL... if that makes any sense...

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future_uncertain
Knowflake

Posts: 2872
From: ohio
Registered: Aug 2004

posted July 28, 2008 09:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for future_uncertain     Edit/Delete Message
Ghani~

exactly

*sigh*

Keep us posted-- I'm hoping we can help each other maybe. I find it to be such a hard thing to explain or even understand myself. I'm glad to have the benefit of your experience/insight as well.

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ghanima81
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From: MAINE! :)
Registered: Aug 2003

posted July 29, 2008 12:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ghanima81     Edit/Delete Message
It's weird, isn't it?

I mean, he's very sweet, and strong, and possesses a lot of qualities I've learned that I need in my life, and truly do enjoy... but... how can I even complain about this? Do you feel like that? Kinda wrong for not being able to just... be?

Last night was the first night we didn't spend together in a looooong time. My idea. We actually didn't even speak to each other all day. We texted, but I was sort of seeing if he would ask me over, and I feel like he was doing the same thing to me... He invited me to go fishing, and I told him it was laundry night, and I went to my mums for a bit... Then when I texted him later, he said he was grabbing a beer with a friend... which was odd as we're usually getting ready for bed at that time... So I said "i'm going home". And he said "Ok... I will text you later...?" I said "sure". He said "I love you..." I was driving, so texted when I got home "ditto". Then he asked me to go to the beach with him tomorrow (today), and I said "ok". Then I went to sleep.

I don't know!! It's like, in the moment, I kept thinking "is he really having a beer with so and so, or doing something else? Is he just messing with me, seeing if I will go over? Wondering why I didn't just go over as usual?" And at the same time, I feel kinda empty and really don't care either way... Hmpf...

... i think he might really break my heart...

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