posted January 18, 2015 11:27 AM            

I haven't been here in ages.

Can someone please help and take a look at my synastry chart here:

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He and I have been together for almost 2 years. Long distance. We did spent times together since 2013. Last year was rough. We both lost our jobs and we only spent 2 weeks together in 2014.

This circumstances has been straining us and for almost 2 weeks now we have been on a break. We still chat daily and he tell me he loves me but we haven't see each other on Skype for nearly two weeks and it has been so difficult to act 'normal' when it feels like our relationship is hanging on a very thin thread. I asked why he didn't want to see me on Skype...if he misses me at all. He said he miss me every second and since he is a Taurus he keeps himself busy to avoid thinking of me because it hurts him too much. Part of me is angry at him for pushing me and ignoring me like this. Part of me is not ready to give up on our love.

I love him so much and I am hurting so much thinking maybe this will never work out between us. The saddest part is I know he loves me deeply. It is our circumstances that seems to make it impossible for us to be together. As he is still looking for a new job while I work freelance here. I can't just move and live with him because I have a son.

I am struggling to let him go because we are so good together and I really thought he was my twin flame...maybe I was wrong. He has been there for me so much and we do love each other.

posted January 18, 2015 09:07 PM            

The goals part is so spot on. He is very grounded in a sense that he is not that career driven. He follows his passion which is good but for financial stability feels too hard for me to understand. I'm still quite new with this so I'm not really sure which one is me and him on the chart (blue or red)

posted January 19, 2015 03:35 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MorningDew79:
Wow is it really that bad Lisalisa? He is a Taurus and I'm a Pisces.

Thank you for taking the time to look at the chart and telling me.

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posted January 19, 2015 03:40 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by lisalisa:
You say you are together 2 years? 2 years long distance? Or have you lived together?

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Yes almost 2 years, long distance. We spend a week together each time we have a chance to be together. I'm still trying to understand what you are saying thank you. I will try to google it to see if I could understand it better. Everytime we are together we are so great. I have been preparing myself for the worse...Not only my heart that will be broken but also my son's. The two of them have been really close together and my son keep asking when the three us will be together again as a family. The last time we were together was June last year.

posted January 19, 2015 04:33 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MorningDew79:
Yes almost 2 years, long distance. We spend a week together each time we have a chance to be together. I'm still trying to understand what you are saying thank you. I will try to google it to see if I could understand it better. Everytime we are together we are so great. I have been preparing myself for the worse...Not only my heart that will be broken but also my son's. The two of them have been really close together and my son keep asking when the three us will be together again as a family. The last time we were together was June last year.

Thank you Lisalisa.

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posted January 19, 2015 04:38 AM            

He still said he will try to come and see me for my birthday in March even if it's just for a few days and I honestly don't know what to feel about that. Part of me is angry at him because we are on a 'break' right now which means no skype, only chat and he still say he loves me but I feel like he is pushing me away. I am almost embarrassed to say this but I asked him two days ago if he even miss me (it's been 2 weeks since the last time we Skype) he said yes he miss me every seconds but because he is a Taurus he keeps himself busy so he doesn't have to think about it.

posted January 19, 2015 04:02 PM            

How tough this must be for you!

The answer could be already in your question. The question shows you are already slowly preparing to let go.

And you know what. You deserve someone who is available!! Has nothing to do with love because we can all love so many people unconditionally but we don't have to be their life partners. So yes, love him but first and foremost also love yourself!! That has always made me feel so much better too. When I hurt and realise I am not loving myself fully. The instant I do I feel so much better! Loving yourself can mean letting go of something else. It's really part of life and certainly not the end. More a new beginning. Bless your heart, feed yourself! The rest will follow!
You know what they say. Loving someone also means being able to let them go. If he is yours he will be.

posted January 19, 2015 04:28 PM            

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7m8tACtFtao

posted January 19, 2015 05:42 PM            

You're the inner circle, in blue, and he is outside, in red. Saturn in the 5th house can be a signature of an unloved child or a child who wasn't recognized for her unique qualities and gifts. If that's so, then this background is going to play into your romantic choices. It may be a compelling reason you've held on to this relationship. Sylven's comment about loving yourself is on point.

Astrology aside, I hope there is a good friend or relative you can talk to and stay close to during what I know is a difficult time.

posted January 19, 2015 06:25 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Sylven:
Hi dear Morningdew,

How tough this must be for you!

The answer could be already in your question. The question shows you are already slowly preparing to let go.

And you know what. You deserve someone who is available!! Has nothing to do with love because we can all love so many people unconditionally but we don't have to be their life partners. So yes, love him but first and foremost also love yourself!! That has always made me feel so much better too. When I hurt and realise I am not loving myself fully. The instant I do I feel so much better! Loving yourself can mean letting go of something else. It's really part of life and certainly not the end. More a new beginning. Bless your heart, feed yourself! The rest will follow!
You know what they say. Loving someone also means being able to let them go. If he is yours he will be.

BIG HUG!!

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Waking up and reading your reply today almost made me cry. You are so right. I have to let him go...

I wrote him an email last night telling how I feel. His replied was hard to read as it was very direct and very Taurusy. In short he called me out for acting like a spoiled child and I need to grow up. He apologized but said I act almost similar to my mom who is a Gemini who I have a lot issues with (which deserves a new topic). Maybe he is right...maybe I have a lot of growing up to do...

Maybe I held on because this is the first healthy relationship I ever had...

posted January 19, 2015 06:27 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Sylven:
Have you ever seen Dr. Cha~zay's vids? So simple, down to earth and helpful.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7m8tACtFtao

The answer is always in the question:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25a0XKsGmJQ

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posted January 19, 2015 06:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by peony:

You're the inner circle, in blue, and he is outside, in red. Saturn in the 5th house can be a signature of an unloved child or a child who wasn't recognized for her unique qualities and gifts. If that's so, then this background is going to play into your romantic choices. It may be a compelling reason you've held on to this relationship. Sylven's comment about loving yourself is on point.

Astrology aside, I hope there is a good friend or relative you can talk to and stay close to during what I know is a difficult time.

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Hi Peony, yes that inner child...I was sexualy abused as a child. He actually helped me so much throughout the hell of discovering my abuse and dealing with the aftermath. He stay with me through that hell. Before I knew about my abuse, I always had horrible relationships like you mentioned here. I have always struggle with feeling not good enough deep inside.

He had asked my father's blessings to marry me in June the last time we met. I was planning a wedding before...

posted January 19, 2015 07:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Rabbysue:
Same LDR here. Same abuse survivor. Same trying to hold on to a seemingly hopeless relationship.

Hugs. Love yourself, really! I went thorough a horrible depression since last November. I still haven't recovered yet, but reading, working out and reaching out to friends have helped me a lot. No matter what happens in your relationship, make the best out of it. If it works, be the best version of yourself possible. If it does not work, try to transform the negative energy (sadness, fear etc) into a motivation to get better. No relationship can replace your self-love.

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Ooh Rabbysue...I am so so grateful for your kind words. I know how the depression feels like. Actually I think I have been in one ever since I discovered about my abuse. I gained so much weight and just pretend to be happy...I don't have a lot of friends, he has been my best friends. My relationship with my parents are rocky. I have a lot of internal work to do but typing all these made me realized how much I have relied on him to feel loved so when he was 'out' of my life like he has been for the past 2 weeks...I feel out of whack...he is right I am acting like a spoiled girl.

He ended his email by saying "I Love the. M I met at the airport the first time, full of hope, of energy, of desire for a better life. Not so much the girl that sits around feeling sorry for herself, I want Maureen back, for her, for her son, and selfishly, for me I hope. I Love You always."

That breaks my heart...

Are you still in the LDR?

posted January 19, 2015 07:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MorningDew79:
Ooh Rabbysue...I am so so grateful for your kind words. I know how the depression feels like. Actually I think I have been in one ever since I discovered about my abuse. I gained so much weight and just pretend to be happy...I don't have a lot of friends, he has been my best friends. My relationship with my parents are rocky. I have a lot of internal work to do but typing all these made me realized how much I have relied on him to feel loved so when he was 'out' of my life like he has been for the past 2 weeks...I feel out of whack...he is right I am acting like a spoiled girl.

He ended his email by saying "I Love the. M I met at the airport the first time, full of hope, of energy, of desire for a better life. Not so much the girl that sits around feeling sorry for herself, I want Maureen back, for her, for her son, and selfishly, for me I hope. I Love You always."

That breaks my heart...

Are you still in the LDR?

Hugs and thank you again.

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A quick tip on depression:

Working out is simply the best anti-depressant. In my darkest moment, I would literally run -6 degrees celsius (I live in Buffalo, really ****** winter) for 4km because physical pain is better than emotional pain. If I hadn't done it, I would probably have killed myself. But the moment I finished running, I proved that I was still in control of my life. I proved to myself that I could at least fight. Depressed people often feel helpless, and this "I'm in control" feeling can really help you.

Also, working out changes your mindset! Sometimes I was so mad at my bf...but after I worked out, I could see our problems in a new light and therefore find a better, drama-free solution.

Therefore I strongly recommend working out! It doesn't have to be expensive. You don't even need a gym. And also don't blame yourself if you can't run 4km overnight. Progress little by little!

My own back story: To make a long story short, it is a lot of misfortune and abuse. I managed to stay strong, win a scholarship to a US college and study here. I consider myself academically accomplished, but emotionally still vulnerable and extremely self-conscious...then I met him. Then the same story happened. Because I wasn't able to love myself, I relied on him. And it wasn't easy on him too. Realistically speaking, it is difficult to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't love herself.

I still love him. He knows that. He still cares a lot about me. But the lack of future and the fights we had before made him lose hope.

posted January 19, 2015 07:42 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Rabbysue:
A quick tip on depression:

Working out is simply the best anti-depressant. In my darkest moment, I would literally run -6 degrees celsius (I live in Buffalo, really ****** winter) for 4km because physical pain is better than emotional pain. If I hadn't done it, I would probably have killed myself. But the moment I finished running, I proved that I was still in control of my life. I proved to myself that I could at least fight. Depressed people often feel helpless, and this "I'm in control" feeling can really help you.

Also, working out changes your mindset! Sometimes I was so mad at my bf...but after I worked out, I could see our problems in a new light and therefore find a better, drama-free solution.

Therefore I strongly recommend working out! It doesn't have to be expensive. You don't even need a gym. And also don't blame yourself if you can't run 4km overnight. Progress little by little!

My own back story: To make a long story short, it is a lot of misfortune and abuse. I managed to stay strong, win a scholarship to a US college and study here. I consider myself academically accomplished, but emotionally still vulnerable and extremely self-conscious...then I met him. Then the same story happened. Because I wasn't able to love myself, I relied on him. And it wasn't easy on him too. Realistically speaking, it is difficult to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't love herself.

I still love him. He knows that. He still cares a lot about me. But the lack of future and the fights we had before made him lose hope.

Don't hesitate to let me know if you need some tips on getting over depression. I've not fully recovered yet, but I consider myself a seasoned and tenacious warrior.

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The funny thing is I was at my fittest before I met him. I workout daily from home. Then I got injured. Herniated discs and it is a one step forward two steps back or so it feels like. The weights I lost returned. Then I was diagnosed with uterine fibroid...my sacral chakra was messed up probably from the abuse.

I want to workout again and I really need to make that happen.

Thank you Rabbysue reading your story make me realized how unfair it is for him too. He deserves more than I could give him...there are moments in our relationship where he had to push me so hard to do things that it frustrates me and left me feeling even more bad about myself. The not good enough...maybe I need therapy...I wish I could get one.

I would love to learn more from you Rabbysue I have a lot to do. I had post partum depression before after I had my son. Didn't even realized there's a name for it until I sat in the marriage counselor office bawling bevause my marriage was over and she said she is sure I had PPD.

posted January 19, 2015 07:53 PM            

I am very sorry to hear about your story, having to let someone go you really love a lot. I am undergoing the same, long distance and both he and I are not available even we have good synastry and great composite, still cannot work out. I am learning to let him go because maybe in our life, many people come to life, teach us a lesson and then leave. They are our "pass-bys"...

posted January 19, 2015 08:22 PM            

My love life sucks,this link is about what happened to me.
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/230312.html
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/230307.html

posted January 19, 2015 08:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by mollywu:
Hi MorningDew79, you were born in the same year as I was, but you have Pisces Sun and I have Virgo Sun.

I am very sorry to hear about your story, having to let someone go you really love a lot. I am undergoing the same, long distance and both he and I are not available even we have good synastry and great composite, still cannot work out. I am learning to let him go because maybe in our life, many people come to life, teach us a lesson and then leave. They are our "pass-bys"...

In fact, I am curious to know how your composite looks like. Can you put it here and let others have a look too?

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Thank you Mollywu...I am so so sorry you are going through the same thing with long distance. It is really hard. I was starting to think maybe he and I met because he was send to help me discover my abuse...he has been so amazing with that...

Here's the composite chart. I am still so new with looking at the charts so any help is really appreciated.

posted January 19, 2015 08:30 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by mollywu:
By the way, the man I have held very special feeling has Gemini Sun(and Mercury), ASC unknown,Cancer Venus and Taurus Mars(probably his Moon is in Taurus too). There is another man, he has Cancer Sun(and Mercury),Taurus ASC with very strong Gemini influence,his Moon/Venus/Mars in Gemini.

My love life sucks,this link is about what happened to me.
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/230312.html
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/230307.html

We can have a basic idea how compatible you are by the synastry and composite. But in reality, uncompatiable couples can stick to a whole life just like my parents, they have been fighting for over 40 years, I don't see my love in them to each other, but strong responsibility bind them together.

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