posted May 16, 2007 04:07 PM            

Isn't suicide quite vain? And before I get a lecture on how depression hurts and how I don't know you or your life...let me just be the first to say that NO OFFENSE AT ALL...I don't care. I know depression hurts but I know everyone experiences things different. Isn't suicide vain because as a human being, instead of enduring the struggle that the rest of us do...you feel the need to take things into your own hands (as if you really have any control whatsoever) and arrogantly ending your own life? I mean just sit down and think about it.

There are people LIVING in this world who will always deal with things and be born into issues one million times worse than you. Always. And I bet they're not killing themselves. I'm not saying they don't want to. I'm just saying they don't. Think about the people who want to live but don't have a choice, as you sit there and cry because you can't seem to get over a few roadblocks and decide to off yourself because you're in a dead end job?

Sorry if I sound bitchy but I've lost..15..yes, FIFTEEN friends...many close to suicide for reasons that were so so preventable if they just actively seeked the help they needed, accepted what's making them feel the way they do, and thought.

No hard feelings or no mean to be offense if it comes off that way I just hate to see/hear/read about people taking the gift of life for granted.

posted May 16, 2007 04:08 PM              

Please don't sacrifice yourself. I had those feelings when I was a teenager. Mostly because people was abusive (and neglectful)towards me.

I've also learned that if you kill yourself, you'll meet the devil in the fiery pits. So please reconsider your option...

------------------
Hank Campbell
Far Rockaway, Queens, NY
*Sun: 8th House/Leo, Moon: 3rd House/Pisces, Venus: 8th House/Leo, Mars: 6th House/Cancer, Jupiter: 8th House/Leo, Saturn: 8th House/Virgo, ASC: Capricorn

posted May 16, 2007 05:21 PM              

Think about things this way:
There are many ways to die to the world without killing yourself.
Maybe its because Mars is transiting Aries right now, that You feel a need to have everything right now.
Action, Action, Action right?
You say you are 36 and I know at that age contemporary society makes you feel like you should have accomplished so much.
Especially as 'successfuls' are becoming younger and younger.
But I think you need to step out of this mentality, centre yourself and focus on what it is you want. Not what society dictates you should have.

You say you are waiting for this web designer and it is drving you barmy...
...so maybe take a course that would enable you to do it yourself..without having to rely on someone else.
Or shout out to someone on Lindaland and see if they can sort you out. Theres some pretty helpful people here.

This is the best time to reclaim yourself from the evil clutches of society , slow down and enjoy each moment.
If you dont get along with your mum. Fine, not everybody gets along. Even family members.

I know its easier said than done.
But at least try.
Hey...and get The Secret.

P/S,
If those guys do not want to get tested then f..k 'em...or not as the case may be
You should so not make yourself feel bad for that one.
They are the stupid ones.

posted May 16, 2007 05:38 PM            

Xena... I have quite a lot of cases like yours and I have seen one thing in common in all of them; Societial blame. IMO its more of an excuse rather than a reason.

Yeah this world is fu*** up and yeah people are selfish. So you're gonna do the cowardly thing rather than face up to the fact that there are people in your life that want your presence? You just said you have a son... What manner of a role model are you leaving behind for him? For that matter, what do think you want for yourself?

Obsticles are obsticles. No one remembers the person who gave up and couldn't get past them. Show society what you are made of rather than whining on and on about how it has taken you down.

posted May 16, 2007 05:56 PM            

if someone is thinking about it and wants help, attention, etc...they cry out...

it is not without pain....in my profession I have seen od's from tylenol---slow and I mean SLOW painful death---kills the liver into unconciousness, od's from street drugs that leave the patient paralyzed, brain dead, but kept alive on life support, od's from prescription drugs that send people into comas--maybe to live again maybe not...gunshots to the body hurt, and when they do not kill, they mame, mutilate, knife wounds hurt and bleeding to death is not painless either....

and I will not even go there about the "pain" the loved ones suffer...

painless???

posted May 16, 2007 06:15 PM              

P.s.

I'm a web designer, maybe I can help

posted May 16, 2007 09:41 PM              

B/D: 16:15, 18th April 1974, Bristol, England

posted May 17, 2007 03:58 AM              

Also, I don`t think suicide is ever painless.
You`re gonna hurt the people you love by taking your own life, and I feel that we carry a lot of responsibility for the people we love and who need us. And I can`t believe, there`s noone who loves oyu. What about your friends? I mean, yes, family can be difficult, and so can be men, but don`t you have friends who care for you?

posted May 17, 2007 04:50 AM              

...and obviously those who would seek to admonish me have never *been there* so to speak.

Starr33, I think we've met before. Your experiences sound very similar to mine...as in, the periods of depression (1987) - don't we have similar planetary patterns? You were born about 6 months before me or something? Or am I confusing you with someone else?

posted May 17, 2007 05:18 AM            

Sorry, I just think it's completely stupid. And I've been through the cutting, I've been through the OD'ing, I've been through trying to suffocate myself, starve myself, you name it... when I was in high school. I've be "depressed" since I was 10 years old. Dealing with the same neurotic lack of nurturing issues today.. 10 years on and off anti-depressants. Tell me I haven't *been there*

And I got through it because I realized hey, there's much more to life than what I want to put on my living room shelf.

So do whatever you want. But don't start snapping at people because just think. You feel bad now? What if NO ONE responded and no one on earth cared about you at all? Then how would you feel...It would be inhumane to say the least. So though what ppl say may not be what you want to hear (which I don't get...what do you want us to do? Cheer you on?), at least take some of it into consideration because we're only trying to help you...no matter how harsh our attempts..

posted May 17, 2007 06:12 AM              

I`m sorry, I think I got your intention wrong. I thought you wanted to hear what people think and maybe needed something like a "wake-up-call". But I guess, it isn`t so.
Maybe what you need right now is someone who sympathises with you and understands your pain.
I only want to tell you, I believe that you suffer, I really do, and I`m sorry that you do, but please don`t forget about the good things in life.
Whenever I have experienced such a low (and believe me I`ve been there, too, maybe not to that extent, but yes, there was a time, when I actually considered suicide, in 1992, the lowest point of my life until now), it has helped me to remember that I`m not the centre of everything, and that the world didn`t unite against me. It helps to realize that there are other people experiencing similiar lows, whose life maybe is even darker than yours. But maybe you don`t want to hear that right now.

Alanabelle,
your post really touched me. I`m sorry to hear about the loss of your friends. That`s awful, also sorry about the depression-history you have. It must be hell.
I`m not a diagnosedn depressed, but sometimes I feel like I`m at least at the border to a depression, with those black moods, but luckily they come and go. So I guess I am lucky to not be a "clinic depressed". But I think most of us here can tell stories about very painful experiences in their lives, periods where nothing made sense and everything was just black.
Well, I could start with my grandpa having leukemia, then a stroke, and we taking care for him, and it was not an easy task to kind of watch him die.
Or some people would say, we were carrying a "hard fate", because my brother is mentally handicapped; I say, he`s our s unshine and so much wiser than we all are, because he made us a better family; just because he is like he is, and showed us that the simple things in life matter, like a smile, a flower in the garden, a hug. I`m so thankful for having him as a brother. But still he will never be able to live on his own, we will always have to take extra-care of him. So, some consider that "difficult".
Or well, I could start with my friend from kindergarten, who died of leukemia, when we were 5 years old, old enough to remember.
Or how many times I have been let down by so-called-friends.
Or all those times in my teenage-years, when I have been ALMOST raped. I was lucky enough to get out of those situations physically unharmed, but not emotionally.
Or this time I`ve been beaten up by a group of 15 - 20 youths, when I was a teenager myself, and noone cared to help me, not even my best friend.
Or some years ago, when someone I knew, killed another person, which makes me feel so guilty, ,because I constantly wonder: Could I have prevented this?
Or the friend, who died in a motorcycle-accident some years ago. He wasn`t even 25 years old.
Or the fact that, also I have a good job, I had to fight very hard to get there. Sometimes I thought I would never see it through.
Or well, that I don`t have a relationship, and yes, I do feel lonely some times.
Or the fact, that I`m slowly killing myself, by eating and eating and eating.
Well, I do try to control it, and some times it works, but then I will have a relapse and start again. And I will hate myself for it, but then I pick myself up from the floor again, and take up the struggle. Yes, I am fat and ugly, but I`m still human, and it`s up to me to change my life.
Sometimes it`s a struggle, and it will always be, but I don`t think I`m so special in that. I think most of us have those stories, different of course, but stories that caused much pain for us and maybe still do, but giving up never has been a solution. Then again I do believe in karma, and I really don`t want to deal with the same issues in the next life. lol

posted May 17, 2007 06:18 AM              

That is what is likely holding you back.

Play your hand and resist putting expectations on life. The only thing you can put expectations on is yourself.

The way you are thinking is self-defeating and giving all your power and responsibility away.

Life sucks some times, sometimes all the time. But only in periods.

If you look for pain you will find it.

If you look for frustration you will find it.

If you are determined to make change you will make it.

If you seek out fulfilment with real intention and focus it will come, maybe not as quickly as you like, but tough, it doesn't for anyone.

Those are the only rules in life.

The rest is up to you. I think you should seek a professional objective opinion. Confusing issues and seeing evrything from such a dramatic perspective indicates depression.

Easily solved. You just have to do it.

Rumination and misery and the opposite of thinking and growing. Don't get them mixed up and wallow.