posted October 21, 2007 11:39 PM              

*It's been 12 years today, please click and add a little word to acknowledge.

posted October 22, 2007 12:08 AM              

Yeah, you'd THINK it would be the Venus. His Sun and Venus square my Pluto, and his moon trines my Pluto.

Of course, my moon and Merc trine his Pluto as well, but in the 7-8 degrees. My Sun also does something to his Pluto, but I don't know what the sign means! It's a square, with a curved line on the bottom of the square, and a comma on the top right.

I would think my trines (thought and emotion) with my moon and Merc would be nicer than the obsession stuff.

posted October 22, 2007 12:33 AM            

quote:

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My Sun also does something to his Pluto, but I don't know what the sign means! It's a square, with a curved line on the bottom of the square, and a comma on the top right.

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posted October 22, 2007 10:44 AM            

If Saturn is making a lot of transits for both of you now, it could help you to loosen that grip. If that's what you want, and it seems like you are trying hard to do other things to let go and forget, perhaps Saturn will really loosen that grip for you.

Good luck with that, I know it's hard, I've been there with his Pluto square my Venus and it was unrequited, took a long time to let go and forget, although I'll never forget, I'll just move on.

posted October 22, 2007 12:52 PM            

I think if you have alot of pluto in your chart-that is the person who becomes more obsessed when pluto aspects are involved.

posted October 22, 2007 01:10 PM              

I have trines to mine, except for a Jupiter square Pluto. I thought trines weren't any 'trouble'! His fault! lol.

posted October 22, 2007 09:43 PM              

I think it's a big problem with my 12th house Venus squaring Neptune that makes me so.

And my Taurus Mars makes me hang on forever.

posted October 22, 2007 11:10 PM            

A best friend of mine recently...I guess you could say, dumped me. He told me he has feelings for me & that he knows he can't move on while I'm still in his life. (I'm with someone else.) I love him so much & want so badly for him to be blissfully happy in life. I hate that I can't give him what he wants (or believes he wants, anyway). He's gone through so much crap in life. It hurts that I, in a way, am adding something painful for him. He's truly a beautiful person inside & out and my heart just aches when I think about our friendship being over and what he must be feeling. I am hoping that he meets someone in the not too far off future & rekindles our friendship. He's one of my best friends (I've known him for 9 years) and I will deeply feel his absence in my life. I already do, & it's only been a week since "the talk." Sorry to spill my guts like this, it's just something I needed to get off my chest. I haven't talked about it with my friends b/c I feel like I'd be violating his privacy. I had to tell my fiance though b/c he could see how upset I was.

I'm wondering if maybe his chart makes him more prone to unrequited love. (It's not unrequited though, not really. But my love for him is of the agape, spiritual variety.) He doesn't have Venus in his 12th house. It's in his 1st, conjunct his Ascendant. But in his 12th house he has his Moon, Neptune, and Mercury. I don't think you use asteroids, but in the 12th he also has Eros and my name asteroid (they're conjunct each other & his Mercury).

posted October 22, 2007 11:20 PM              

My decades long obsession was my husband/ex's brother. The VERY first moment I laid eyes on him, 25 years ago, I remember wanting to run and hide in the closet or something before he walked in, and the thought unbidden that came to my mind the moment our eyes met was, "I married the wrong brother..." My ex knew the energy between us throughout our 7 years of marriage, and after we split, within months this brother married, and in time his wife 'knew' as well (A very sensitive Pisces woman, who, through the years 'copied' many of my interests and hobbies!) He, at one time, maybe 5 years ago, even mentioned aloud in a conversation with his wife present about '...our connection' meaning me. Even spent last Christmas at his house for a couple of days, letting my kids and his son visit. That energy is there, but with a sadness and acceptance that our lives weren't meant to be together in this life. But we still had the same thoughts, made the same comments, and I will always love him. I still catch him staring at me intensely, and that 'no one else is in the room' still happens. At our age! lol.

With my Sag, it's the way he has of saying just the thing that eases my emotions, and he's like a rock. When I'm spinning, ungrounded, he's there with his steady viewpoint that steadies me. Crazy, huh? Me, a Capricorn!

My heart absolutely STOPPED when you suggested to tell him how I feel! EXactly how a 12th house Venus would react!! But I also know that you're right. Wow. It never would have occured to me, or even how, but what you suggested did make sense. And I will...someday. But it has to be after this Saturn transit squaring his Venus is over. This is what it has to say on the astro.com forecast for him:

"You may feel that any sort of relationship exists at the cost of your freedom and sense of individuality. Relationships seem to be more trouble than they are worth."

...and his emails of what he's doing, and getting into, and his comments support this COMPLETELY. Almost like a mid-life crisis kind of thing, complete with the motorcycle! Last time he had one he totalled it within a month, and he has a replaced hip, from when he was a *teenager* from a motorcycle accident! But he's restless, and wants to do what he wants, and I think if I confessed now, he's feel it fully as far as an unwanted tension! I think the best thing is be his friend, and after July 08 if the moment presents itself, especially if in person, then is the time to be truthful about how I feel.

Saturn squaring Venus is a hard time. If I have to bear my soul and confess my feelings to him, I want a gentler astrological landing!

posted October 23, 2007 12:58 AM            

Sorry I didn't see your post right away as I was looking for CapnSag's responses.

I feel for both you and your friend, I've been on both sides of the coin myself, very recently had to tell an old aquaintance who found me on MySpace and confessed his undying love for me that I wouldn't give him my email address because it wasn't appropriate and I don't have the same feelings for him. Actually, it's not really the same because he was never my best friend like you and your friend.

I would like to see the charts for study purposes, thank you for posting them when you get the chance.

I don't know if this is advice, it's more like an opinion. When I told my soulmate, and another one from years ago, too, that I needed space to not be around him, I really meant it. That didn't mean it would make me happy, it just meant that I was tired of pining away for someone who was never going to be able to love me the way I wanted them to. It was a very courageous and mature thing for your friend to do for himself.

Knowing that you will always love his as a friend is helpful enough in itself. I suggest that you respect his wishes. Do not contact him. Give him a chance to turn his heart away from you so he can face reality and begin his healing process and look for someone who can love him the way he so richly deserves.

I actually told my soulmate the same thing and a few things happened. God kept throwing us together somehow, it's was frustrating because when you're obsessively in love with someone and you have new age soulmate knowledge, you start telling yourself over again, "Maybe this IS meant to be, and the truth is, it's still NOT meant to be. It's just absolute torture for the person who doesn't get their emotional needs met."

One thing you need to learn is that it's not your fault that this is happening to him, it just happens. Life has lessons for us and his lesson now is to value himself enough to tear himself away from a situation that doesn't serve his heart and soul completely.

Believe me, I'm sure he's love to see you and talk to you and he wishes that he could only be friends with you, but that's not his truth.

OK, now I really have to go to sleep, but I'm sorry to hear you are both in so much pain over this. One thing is, men SEEM to bounce back from these things quicker than women. I might be wrong, but that's been my observation.

Goodnight Jane,

Geocosmic Valentine

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"Everybody is a star!"

posted October 23, 2007 01:29 AM              

Is it part of the 12th house Venus? Maybe the truth is the key to this position! The lesson, the empowerment to working through this aspect. I haven't done it yet...but it still has changed something for me, reading it from your post. I already feel a little better, a little less helpless, yes, empowered, in this Pluto-Venus square with my Sag.

As for my brother-in-law, we lost his Mom last year, and she was the reason for my visiting him and my ex's family. She was a close friend and a wonderful woman! Now that she's gone, I doubt I'll find myself in that part of the country. I suppose when one of my kids marry, I'll see him again then. His wife sends a Christmas card every year and a holiday tin of popcorn, I send a gift to his son. It really is for the best. I keep thinking of what I have learned from all of this, and I guess it's simply acceptance.

posted October 23, 2007 02:32 AM            

I cried when I read this:
"It was a very courageous and mature thing for your friend to do for himself."
It really was. He was so sweet during the talk. He's a wonderful, brilliant person. I think this is what's making it so painful for me & is perhaps my "lesson" in all of it. I of course mourn our friendship (although not completely b/c I have hope that we'll be friends again), but what really hurts me is when someone who deserves happiness experiences so much pain in life. I don't want to get into all the details of his life, but he's had a hard life. Abusive, alcoholic father; mother died when he was a teenager after a long illness. There's more than that, but that's enough. He came out of it though as a kind, sensitive man. He's a genius (literally) and works as a high school teacher. I can't stress enough how wonderful he is & I hate that someone who deserves to be happy has to deal with heartbreak. It reminds me of the people I've known who deserve so much more than they've had in life.
(edit - tmi)

Not even just people I'm close with, just all the tragedies where life has been so mean to some people. I feel so badly for them & see how life has been overly good to me in some areas & I wish I could give my surplus to them.
I almost can't feel good when I know about other's pain b/c I feel it, too. (edit again...my Sco Merc was overpowered by my blabbermouth Sag Sun that night )

About contacting him...my only worry about not contacting him is that I want to keep the path for him to return as inviting as possible. I'm afraid that if I completely ignore him, he'll start to feel exposed, abandoned, and forgotten. I want him to know that he's weclome back whenever he wants to come back & that things won't be weird between us. You can see from above that his bday is coming up. I've already bought him a card & gift. I'm planning on leaving it at his house, with only a brief message wishing him a happy day & letting him know that I look forward to having him back in my life. I guess I'm afraid if I completely cut ties with him, he'll think I accept and am ok with him being out of my life, which I'm not. I want to give him time & honor his request, but I also want him to know he's missed.

posted October 23, 2007 06:29 AM            

I have the birth data for you both, so you can edit it out now.

About giving him the card and gift for his birthday, my opinion is that you shouldn't give it to him. Your giving him a gift is more about you and your values and about how you feel, it's not about how he feels. It's crossing a serious boundary for him. People who fall in love with someone that's not returning their love will grab at anything to convince themselves that the person really is in love with them. so when you decide to cross the firm boundary he set by giving him something that shows him love, it feeds the fire of their obsession. In truth, it's really not fair of you to give to him because it makes YOU feel bad. I'm sure that after knowing you for 9 years, he knows that the door will always be open, that's part of the reason he had to close it from his side. The man cannot move on if you are always there.

The other best thing you can do for him is to close your door to him energetically because he can probably feel you thinking about him and worrying about him, once again, that makes it super difficult to convince yourself that the person you let go of has no feelings for you.

If you really love him as a friend like you say you do, leave him completely alone to move on with his life. You may not understand it and it's not for you to understand, but that's what you can give him, the respect of this difficult boundary.

I'll let you know later in the day what I see with the comparison.

Geocosmic Valentine

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"Everybody is a star!"