posted June 03, 2002 02:05 PM         

I haven't been able to find anyone else to date...if I did I know could finally stop thinking about him. Right when I think I'm totally over him and fine without him, I soon start thinking about him again.

We broke up because we could barely ever see other...only seeing each other once every week or two resulted in petty arguments and we bot became irritated with each other's busy schedules. But now that it's summer, and we're both totally free...well, you know what I'm thinking.

Should I consider calling him or just keep trying to forget him?

Looking forward to your advice,

GLLF

posted June 03, 2002 05:23 PM         

Have Peace,
Infinity

posted June 03, 2002 08:20 PM         

Well, my heart says, "call him!"

My head says, "forget it!"

So I'm really not sure...most likely I won't call him...but I really want to. I don't know, I'll wait a few days and see how I feel.

I feel like I *should* just let it go...but it's easier said than done.

posted June 03, 2002 08:40 PM         

If your heart is beating that much for him, then call him. He could be thinking of you too, but afraid to call you. If you call him and get together, then you'll also realize how your feelings are; if they are a result of missing the relationship, or really missing *him*. Maybe you both have changed in the past year. You'll both never know until one makes the move.

I guess what I am really trying to say, is you'll never *really* know unless you call. I don't think it hurts to call and just say "Hi! How's it going!".

posted June 03, 2002 09:07 PM         

If you only knew how badly I want to!

I am hoping hoping hoping that he wants to call, too, but is too afraid....is there anyway to know?

Like I know there's no way to know for sure...but is there any method or type of meditation to get my intuition working on this one???

Looking forward to your reply!

posted June 04, 2002 03:13 AM         

I also think that most people when they get older regret the things they didn't do rather than things they did.

What is your biggest fear? What do you have to lose? Why are you afraid to ask how he is? What will you learn about yourself if you do contact him?

Love and light to help you in your decision.

posted June 04, 2002 03:10 PM         

Starchild has started a thread about instincts (intuition). It might offer some help for yOu on this issue...
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum3/HTML/000180.html

posted June 04, 2002 03:28 PM         

Calieah~ I don't even know what my gut says anymore! I went to Starchild's thread and it was really good. I agree that I rationalize too much. I can't even distingiush what is my gut and what is "something else" (heart/head).

So...I'm still considering calling him. I need some kind of sign to let me know that I should or shouldn't. I know it seems ridiculous that I'm like agonizing over it...but I just want to do the right thing. (whatever it may be!)

posted June 04, 2002 04:23 PM         

What if's are intangibles, there is nothing you can do except worry over them, create bigger fears, and you can worry over them day after day, after day. In the meantime, life is passing by and there could be things you are missing out on. If you do something, anything, then you can learn to deal with what is real and move on.

I can understand how you feel, I have and probably still do the same, but I have found that when I do actually get past my fear then life works out better. Not necessarily what I thought I wanted but at least a resolution. If he were to treat you with less than respect then you know he still has a lot to learn himself. You would then have a choice of how to respond to him. You always have that choice. Making the first move does not take away any of your choices.

If you are anything like me, and have agonised over this choice for some time, then you really want to get in touch with him it is just your fear holding you back. In which case you could work out a response to him as if your fears are realised, then go with the flow because you already have a back-up plan. It sounds to me like you need closure, one way or another. Getting in touch with him could bring that about much sooner.

Good luck with what you decide.

posted June 04, 2002 05:04 PM         

Honey I'm 45 years old and let me share with you what they never told me then. When you start looking back over your life ... What you regret ... what you wonder about always ... is the side roads, the trails, that you didn't take becuz you didn't know where they would take you and the road you were on was safer.

It's always better to know. And the most awesome relationships HAVE that risk of being hurt this is true. But you have to take the risk before it's possible to have the relationship. And I'm telling you this after I almost lost, in fact I thought I had lost ... everything I've waited all these years for. So I've just been thru it, I know how painful it can be and will still tell you ... if it's magic it's worth it. If it's not, then you can say good bye to it and not have to wonder later if you let it pass you by.

Anyway just thought I should stick my two cents worth in.

posted June 04, 2002 05:15 PM         

You guys are so great...and you are all helping me so much. Thankyou.

I am really thinking of calling him now, but the problem is that I'd really want to talk to him in person. I haven't seen him in so long. Maybe we could go somewhere like Starbucks and talk.

I am going to go take a nice, relaxing bath and really think it over.

I'll get back to you all about what I decide.

Thanks again,

GLLF

posted June 04, 2002 08:42 PM         

I'll wait a day or two to email him so I don't come off as being overly eager. In the email I'll ask him to meet up at Starbucks this weekend or next week.

I think he was happy to hear from me. It sounded like that. I hope so!

If it weren't for the encouragement from you guys(and my best friend), I wouldn't have done it. Hopefully it will turn out for the best. At least I'll *finally find out.*

I will totally keep you guys updated! Please keep your fingers crossed for me. I want things to turn out for the best.

posted June 04, 2002 09:13 PM         

Adding my two cents in here. Ok you called him, he was happy to hear from you. Since you said you'd email him go ahead. Keep it very short and ABSOLUTELY no "I miss you's". Keep it simple like, "It was nice to talk to you, looking forward to coffee when the preasure of finals is over." PEROID.....

DO NOT try to set up a meeting time at Starbucks. That's his job if he's intertested, he'll ask. You want him back, let him make the moves. Do not call him or email him again after that. Your relationship ended because of time preasure and constraints, by saying things like, "can't wait to see you, missed ya, it feels like so long, lets meet Thursday" all you'll be doing is reminding him of why it didn't work out in the first place.

The ball is in his court now. Wait and see if he plays. If not, KNOW that something better is in store for you my friend.

posted June 05, 2002 01:37 PM         

Keep your fingers crossed!

GLLF

posted June 05, 2002 10:22 PM         

Old loves die hard. I know about that! Like I said if he's intetested he'll make the moves after finals. When he calls let it be him who asks you out, no hints out of your mouth. GOT IT!!!! It will make him want you, and that's what you want.

Write what I said earlier, "it was nice talking to you, see you when the preasure of your finals are over."

My Best,
sign your name.

GUYS HATE TO BE CHASED! and if you chase them they'll leave you, or walk all over you, then you'd wish they'd of just left you instead.

Remember your are a beautiful woman with so much to offer. You have beauty, humor, brain, compassion.....should I continue? No need to prove these qualities to a man, or anyone. Those with eyes will see!

posted June 06, 2002 01:42 AM         

"old loves die hard".....do they EVER!

breezy~

posted June 06, 2002 01:59 PM         

Absolutely NOT! Just a quck line wishing him the best on his finals. End it there, do not add you phone number in case he "lost it". Once you email him, he'll have your addy as a contact if he lost your number and is interested in dating again.

If he calls on a Thursday and wants to go out Saturday night, tell him you'd love to but you have plans. After all you do have a life. Go buy your self the book called "The Rules" it's about $6.00. A lot of people think it manipulating. I think it's an awesome reminder not to get caught up too fast, and not to lose your life in a relationship that's only been going on for a few weeks. It also points out signs in BLACK and WHITE, when a mans not intetested, so we'll quit beating our heads on the sidewalk.

posted June 06, 2002 03:09 PM         

me: hello?
him: hey(my name)....(he pauses cause he thinks i'll remember his name and i do but i act like i dont)....it's (his name), I'm returning your call.
me: oh hey (his name)!
him: i'd talk but i really need to cram for finals, can I call you next week?
me: (nonchalantly) sure, that's fine
him: and i really *will* call....in fact because i'm so busy and could forget, i'll write myself a note.
me: well don't bother, i'll just email you. is that allright?
him: yeah that's great. and i *will* call you later, i just have so much studying to do"
me: okay, that's fine...well i'll let you go study
him: sorry i can't talk....well i'll check my email soon, bye
me: bye

so there it is for you to analyze, lol. it was maybe two minutes long, or less. now if i email him and just say, "nice talking to you....hope your finals went well" etc. why would he write back? we never really had a convo oh the phone...it was like a minute...so shouldn't I suggest we have plans? and make it sound like a casual meeting between friends?

Eagerly waiting for your reply,(I won't send the email until you do)
GLLF

posted June 06, 2002 04:22 PM         

"The Rules, Time-tested Secrets for Capturing Mr. Right" and "The Rules II, More Rules to Live and Love By", was written by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider.

Some of the principles I don't like (rule #7 don't accept a Saturday date after Wednesday, but I apply that rule anyhow), some I fought and now understand and 100% agree with (rule #5 don't call him and rarely return calls). Some of the stuff ****** me off, as in "The Rules II", chapter 9 "If he doesn't call, He's not that interested. PEROID!

Like I said, some say it's a book on "how to contol and manipulate men" I think they're wrong after reading the book several times. I see "The Rules" as a bible so to speak, a reminder of not getting caught up or lost in a new love. Reminds us to continue on with our life even if "he's" there or not. And of course it's about LOVING YOURSELF!

They're both short, cheap books and can be read in an evening or afternoon. I strongly suggest you read them several times. Teehee I even use it as a reference if, I'm not sure how to handle something. I am pretending I've never dated and living the rules. So far so good!

posted June 06, 2002 11:19 PM         

Could you answer my question about the email please? I really want to know what you have to say.

posted June 07, 2002 02:08 PM         

I don't know how it happened, but your last couple of post weren't there yesterday, and POOF there here now????

Sounds like your phone conversation with him went WELL!!! He called back, very good sign.
But again, he said he'd call after finals, wait for him to do so. He already returned your call once, he'll do it again. As for you mentioning in your email about getting together. ABSOLUTELY NOT! end of story. Like I said before just wish him luck with his finals. That will shows concern and interest, not pushiness or clinginess.

Sending him an email isn't for the purpose of getting him to return an email. You don't want a letter you want a call and a date. But you told him you'd email him so keep your word. Then wait for his call, do not call or email him again after you send this email......there are rules for handling his call too. You need to go buy the books FAST LOL

Again my friend, men are hunters! Let him hunt you......right into the palm of your hand

Breezy

posted June 07, 2002 04:08 PM         

Nope I wasn't confused at all. I knew you called him and he returned the call.

But the fact is he did return the call, if he wasn't interested he wouldn't of called you back. Trust me, I'm a mother of 3 boys, we can't make them call anyone back.

Did you email him yet. After you do, your done. Now it's all up to him. You go busy yourself, hang out with your friends, go on a date, just be busy!