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Author
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Topic: True Love.......?
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mitchel
Knowflake Posts: 40
From: Warwickshire, UK
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted February 10, 2004 06:16 AM
 
Hi Everyone,
Please can you help me?
My partner and I, both loving, dreamy Piscians are having so many relationship problems that it doesnt seem possible to continue the relationship.
Him: 13 March 1953 - born UK
Me : 29 February 1952 - born South Afica
Adore him - absolutely besotted with the gorgeous hunk BUT problems communicating, both moody but he suffers also from depression.... What could help us?
Can anyone help me please before it is too late???
Many grateful thanks,
Mitchel------------------
A person with a great zest for life IP: Logged |
Ariesrocks!
Knowflake Posts: 452
From:
Registered: Dec 2003
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posted February 10, 2004 06:38 AM
True love, truuuuuuue looooove, true love.... tends to forget.
love that song
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Ariesrocks!
Knowflake Posts: 452
From:
Registered: Dec 2003
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posted February 10, 2004 06:43 AM
sorry I'll check it out..IP: Logged |
Ariesrocks!
Knowflake Posts: 452
From:
Registered: Dec 2003
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posted February 10, 2004 06:45 AM
You've got a great relationship!!! don't worry, you love eachother very much.
He's difficult I agree, he gets very depressed and he doesn't like to share his thoughts with you, so leave him alone when he gets that way. He needs time by him self.IP: Logged |
mitchel
Knowflake Posts: 40
From: Warwickshire, UK
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted February 10, 2004 07:37 AM
Hi,
Thanks for the reply.
Very very difficult I must admit but sometimes he tells me to just leave as he doesnt love me anymore... This, as you can imagine is very painful.
On the otherhand, he is exceptionally affectionate - hugs and holds me... Hard to understand how someone can say they dont love you but always hug you!
So, you think this relationship IS going somewhere??
Thanks again,
Mitchel
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Ariesrocks!
Knowflake Posts: 452
From:
Registered: Dec 2003
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posted February 10, 2004 08:25 AM
I find it hard to believe that he doesn't love you..the only thing I can say is that maybe he feels that you're not really his type. He needs a very very strong woman who is firm with him.IP: Logged |
starflower
Knowflake Posts: 129
From: uk
Registered: Oct 2003
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posted February 10, 2004 11:13 AM
Hi no input from me astrologically but I notice you get a birthday this year!! Congrats.! How will you celebrate?
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mitchel
Knowflake Posts: 40
From: Warwickshire, UK
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted February 11, 2004 03:21 AM
Hello Ariesrocks,
Thanks so much for responding.
Very strange - it appears that you know him!!
Yes, although he tells me otherwise, I too find it hard to believe that he doesnt love me. His behaviour towards me is mostly affectionate.
He has dreadful mood swings and will not take a single thing for them. He becomes abusive, tells me he has no feelings for me, tells me to leave the home where we reside together. He is not willing to talk and most conversations lead to him saying things he later regrets.
I have tried different ways to cope but have noticed that when I get angry, I have a much better response from him! So I understand what you mean about being strong! I think that is a correct assumption.
Sorry to be giving you earache here....but I feel terribly sad that things are falling apart and I dont know how to 'fix' it. I would hate to feel tha I have left a stone unturned. This is a man who, when not having a 'moody day', is sweeter than sweet - someone who I believe is worth so much. Ofcourse, it goes without saying that unfortunately, I adore him!
Thanks for your help.
Regards
Mitchel
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A person with a great zest for life IP: Logged |
mitchel
Knowflake Posts: 40
From: Warwickshire, UK
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted February 11, 2004 03:26 AM
Dear Starflower,
Not sure about the birthday this year as it isnt a particularly happy time for me....
As it goes, birthdays are an emotional time for me. I had hoped that this one at least would be the happiest.... I hope it can still be...
Mitchel
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A person with a great zest for life IP: Logged |
Nagali
Knowflake Posts: 30
From: Stavanger, Norway
Registered: Dec 2003
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posted February 11, 2004 12:04 PM
 sounds just like my sweet fish born on the 13th in 68...have you tried poetry? My picean settled with a strong young woman which tied him with tight ropes. Meaning the jealous and strong type.Expressions of love throug anger may not be wrong with this man...maybe he tells you he dont love you to test your love for him? How is his personal life, does he feel unworthy? work? Linda said two of same sign bring out the best and also the worst in eachother. I guess you are also so sensetive to the planetary positions that it brings you to an emotional chaos. My picean went from loving me to spitting me in the face 5 times a day. Confusing yes, but he did not even realice his shifting moods. Its like the two fishes represents the duality within a person.
I believe there is soo much love between you that it is hard to handle. I would probably elevate in you presense.
Wish you the best of luck and a happy b-day! IP: Logged |
sthenri
Knowflake Posts: 1125
From: New England US
Registered: May 2003
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posted February 12, 2004 07:41 PM
If he's depressed he needs help, not love, get him help with a therapist, couples counseling anything you can do together that way is good. Pisces sometimes do suffer depression and therapy is welcomed. Can you get couples counseling or get into some kind of therapy? He would be open to that and help his depression.Depression is not normal all the time, and it's not good, it's negative and depressing you too since you live with him. It has to be addressed or it will get worse, you and you don't have to suffer. I would separate living wise, until he's better, you are not helping him this way, anyway and he will love you more later if he gets help for his depression now. Natasha
Taurus IP: Logged |
mitchel
Knowflake Posts: 40
From: Warwickshire, UK
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted February 13, 2004 03:38 AM
Hello Natasha,
Thanks for responding.
You write what I know to be true - this man DOES need a counsellor. He has suffered from depression for many many years but apart from one time has never admitted it. He keeps saying 'I have gone away and I am not coming back' and this is a definite sign of a manic depressive. As with most sufferers, he will not admit to having a problem. So, there is no chance to getting him either to a doctor or a therapist.
I believe that either I should sit it out or leave him and I am loathe to do that.
Mitchel
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A lady with a zest for life IP: Logged |
mitchel
Knowflake Posts: 40
From: Warwickshire, UK
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted February 13, 2004 04:08 AM
Nigali,
I was interested in your posting - thanks.
'Expressions of love through anger may not be wrong with this man...maybe he tells you he dont love you to test your love for him?' It is as though he finds pleasure in hurting me. He can be very very nasty but he is always aware that I love him. Do you understand this? He has told me it is over, again and again. The latest is that he has no feelings for me. And yes, I feel emotionally bruised. I am trying very hard to hold myself together while I try and decide what to do. He once told me that he found it difficult to stop the nastiness pouring from his mouth.
He has always had personal problems - problems with communicating, not many friends, constant moodiness. No sense of self worth. I understand about the double positivity and double negativity. I also withdraw when hurting but I do return easily without violent mood swings.
I dont know what to do about him,really.
Thanks for your advice.
Mitchel
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A lady with a zest for life IP: Logged |
sthenri
Knowflake Posts: 1125
From: New England US
Registered: May 2003
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posted February 13, 2004 07:25 AM
Then I would leave, you have a long life to live, who knows what tomorrow will bring? He could change a few years down the road, but if you don't leave you will never know. On the other hand you know what will happen if you stay.Life is a gamble that way, and it's time for you to take a chance on your own life.
Be strong for yourself, I've been there with a Libra who had mercury conjunct neptune. You can't save someone by falling in love. Here's another thread to read http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/002137.html Natasha
Taurus
Cancer Moon IP: Logged |
FishKitten
Knowflake Posts: 374
From: beautiful, hidden mountain village, BC, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted February 13, 2004 01:06 PM
Hi Mitchel. Just out of curiosity...do you know what your rising signs are? Maybe they are conflicting and contributing to some of your problems.IP: Logged |
Harpyr
Knowflake Posts: 1047
From: sleepy little Rocky Mountain village
Registered: Dec 2002
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posted February 13, 2004 01:58 PM
 Mitchel ,Your descriptions of this Pisces man bring back vivid memories of a Pisces I was involved with for years. He had the most dramatic mood swings. When he was happy he was the most loving, compassionate and exciting partner I'd ever had. Then he would slip into a deep depression where he felt utterly worthless and would point out my faults constantly just to make himself feel better. He was an escapsist and because he knew he was apt to say things he would later regret, he would lock himself in closets for DAYs at a time. He was the most difficult man to love because when he was in a low period he told me that he hated me and wanted me to leave. I eventually did leave because he couldn't face up to his problem and get help. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I realized that I just couldn't help him.
It's like Linda Goodman said.. there are two types of Pisces.. The ones that can see the tides in their lives and work with them to rise up to great heights and achive great things. Then there are the fishes that always miss the tides, so to speak and end up sad beachcombers. I know that my Pisces was the latter kind. It was heartbreaking to realize but only he was in a position to be able to help himself. I wasn't prepared to be a martyr for him.
I can't advise you. You have to listen to your heart on this matter and follow it. That can be a very hard thing to do, especially when your heart is advising you to dish out a dose of hard love. I just wanted you to know that I understand what you are going through and that you are in my thoughts and I'm sending you blessings of love and light.
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spiria
Knowflake Posts: 123
From: big 'ol Tejas
Registered: Sep 2003
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posted February 21, 2004 01:06 AM
so sorry to hear of your turmoil. follow your heart and your gut, whilst employing the mind's rationale best you can (i know during an emotional time ration can be hard to come by for a pisces) i am a pisces and have dated a couple of piscean men. it can be magical and painful all at once. and like sthenri said, falling in love with him won't fix it....he needs to help himself. pisces or not, why should you bear the brunt of his violent mood swings?
my last relationship was with a violently tempered sag, who could also be oh so magical and witty and sexy and sweet....but then the clouds came rolling in, and rather often, and then it was like clinging on for dear life, or leaving until he calmed and could be reasoned with.whatever you decide to do, good luck.  *respect and love yourself.* even the beachcombers can eventually learn to catch the high tides....then again, ask yourself how long you are willing to wait for him?
you are not a yo-yo, ask him to stop treating you like one. none of us are perfect, loving  s all the time, but c'mon, it sounds like this guy just yanks you around emotionally according to his mood. sorry if that sounds harsh but reading your post reminded me of old wounds. *i am sure he cares for you deeply, but you cannot change where he is at in his own head. and by accepting his violent behavior towards you, you are indirectly promoting it, which helps neither of you. again, good luck and love and light to you....and Happy Birthday!! my sis is the 22nd this month and mine is March 11! IP: Logged |
mitchel
Knowflake Posts: 40
From: Warwickshire, UK
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted February 21, 2004 01:54 AM
Hello Everyone,
I am touched by your replies to my current problems. I will endeavour to reply.
Sthenri - 'I believe there is soo much love between you that it is hard to handle. I would probably elevate in your presense.'
I think that perhaps because of this,I am still loathe to leave him. I cannot help but believe that somehow, somewhere, there is the man who I loved. What you say about life being a gamble and it being time I took a chance on my own life is so true but I have always had a problem with putting myself first and perhaps it is time I learned. Yes, falling in love with him hasnt saved him - I only wish it had!
FishKitten - No I am not sure what my rising signs are. I was born in South Africa but not sure of the time. Somewhere around 2am perhaps but unfortunately, dont know the exact time.
I wish I knew what was for the best. I think how easy it would be to just go and forget everything we shared. Not easy really but final. Because once gone, there will be no return - Ive done that before...
Mitchel------------------
A lady with a zest for life IP: Logged |
mitchel
Knowflake Posts: 40
From: Warwickshire, UK
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted February 21, 2004 02:17 AM
Harpyr,
Thank you so much for your posting. It warmed my heart at a time when I feel very needy. Your message of understsnding brought tears to my eyes.
I read your post with great interest as more than my own description, it seems as though in your description of YOUR fish, you are describing MY partner and not your own!
'He had the most dramatic mood swings. When he was happy he was the most loving, compassionate and exciting partner I'd ever had. Then he would slip into a deep depression where he felt utterly worthless and would point out my faults constantly just to make himself feel better.'
How true this is of my partner - I cannot believe that YOU wrote it and not me...
He told me once that he had no control over the things he says and that once said, he regretted them.
'when he was in a low period he told me that he hated me and wanted me to leave.' How strange to me that you have written this - how strange and yet so comforting. My partner has said this to me, time and time again. Later, when his mood improves, he says he didnt mean it but it has hacked away at my self confidence, not allowing me to feel comfortable in this relationship.
The last time he told me this, I behaved differently towards him. That time,(instead of being upset), I told him in no uncertain terms that I would not allow him to destroy the relationship and that when I was good and ready and had made the necessary arrangements, I would leave and not before then.
Things are quiet for now. He has not apologised and he isnt as warm to me and when he 'forgets himself' and IS warm, he pulls away as though not wanting to feel. His depression may be lifting.
I realise that I cannot live forever on ifs and hopes and that some day very soon, I will need to come to a decision. I realise that my beloved fish will continue to miss the tide and that unless I also want to miss the tide, I will need to leave him unless matters improve. I realise also that only he can help himself but see him as unwilling to do so.
I am thinking that the next few weeks will help my decision.
Thanks again.
Mitchel------------------
A lady with a zest for life IP: Logged |
mitchel
Knowflake Posts: 40
From: Warwickshire, UK
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted February 21, 2004 02:39 AM
Spiria -
Your posting is very much appreciated. At this time of uncertainity I am very much in need of the warmth.
I try to follow my heart and listen to my instincts, knowing that perhaps a wiser woman would have left him long ago.
His latest mood appears to have lifted slightly - he came home with a smile a couple of times last week and how joyful I was! You see, I do still have this belief that under all of it, beneath the coolness, is the warm and vibrant person I fell in love with and it is this belief that pushes me forwards and onwards. I do believe that he still cares very much for me.
'Even the beachcombers can eventually learn to catch the high tides....' And I live in continued hope of this happening.
'Falling in love with him wont fix it' - yes, I know that. When I met him, he was always so bouncy and happy - he always said that it was ME who made him like that! I realise now that perhaps he means that he was always 'down' and that he didnt realise that HE was the problem and the happiness should come from HIM.
As you may have read in my previous post, I have been much firmer with him this time and he appears to have levelled out but is generally cooler towards me. I am not prepared any longer, for him to dangle me like some puppet on a string. His family always behaved as though his dark moods were a part of him and I feel that they 'allowed' him to behave in this way.
'why should you bear the brunt of his violent mood swings?' True. Perhaps I should learn to value MYSELF more.
'respect and love yourself. - I will try and remember your words.
'It sounds like this guy just yanks you around emotionally according to his mood. sorry if that sounds harsh but reading your post reminded me of old wounds. ' No, harsh though this may sound, it is quite true and I realise that I have much thinking to do on this score. Thanks for being honest with me. I do need that too, you know!
As for my birthday - thsnks for your good wishes - difficult to know whether he will want to spend the day with me - he hasnt said anything. Should he not, I will go alone and spend the day with my family. I am determined to have a good day. It isnt often I have a birthday...
Thanks for taking the trouble to post.
Mitchel
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A lady with a zest for life IP: Logged |
mitchel
Knowflake Posts: 40
From: Warwickshire, UK
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted February 21, 2004 02:48 AM
And finally...
Sthenri - the '10 Demandments' - the rules to enure UNhappiness - were really good.
How true that is.
Hugs to you all
Mitchel------------------
A lady with a zest for life IP: Logged | |
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