posted July 01, 2004 11:44 AM         

I'm a Libra with Venus & Pluto in Virgo, and I'm feeling what you are saying.

Maybe it would help you if you could frame all of this in a different way. Instead of saying to yourself that "he's making" you feel a certain way, tell yourself that YOU are allowing YOURSELF to feel a certain way. And remember that our inner voice, no matter how subtle, has a lot to do with the decisions we make.

So just keep repeating that to yourself until it begins to sink in and feel more natural to you. Be patient with yourself. Things don't happen overnight.

Maybe you should not worry about your Sag placement, and if that's the reason you feel wanderlust. As a survivor of domestic violence, I would urge you to confront the fears you have of this man FIRST.

Be safe!

posted July 01, 2004 05:07 PM         

I too am a Virgo woman married to Aries man. Great guy, for perhaps someone else. I so wish I could offer you some words of wisdom, but I can't. Have been married for 22 years. Being unheard and feeling unwanted is when we distance ourselves and soon we forget who we are to keep the peace, and just simply exist. Remember, when mommy's not happy, nobody's happy. There are so many variable's in every situation. Anyways, I just want you to know that I so hear what you are saying and feel for ya, I too have been searching for the answer for the past couple years. Is it selfish to look for Love knowing it would create chaos? I wish I had some answers. The message that keeps coming up in my life and what Linda Goodman says is that "Love Conquers All" And like you said, taking action is so much easier said than done.

BTW, If you were ever in Love with Aries man and you think that down deep it is something you would like to reinstate, you may just need to find the strengh within you, the knowing that you need no one and refuse to be treated this way. Once they see this, they seem to respond and all of a sudden they notice you and you earn their respect. I know my Aries man likes & admires strong women.

posted July 01, 2004 05:13 PM         

WARNING::: The most common time a woman is critically injured, or even murdered, is when the abuser has any suspicion that she intends to leave.

Therefore, you must receive specific instructions from someone who will act like your secret service ambassador.

Please go to a payphone in privacy, and call 1(800)500-1119.

This is a toll free number to the place I volunteered at in Central Florida, called "The Harbor House - Orange County Center Against Domestic Violence".

These people are trained to talk you through these situations so that you and your child are safe.

Also - erase your history of Web sites visited, so he cannot catch you writing about this.

posted July 01, 2004 06:25 PM         

Do you realize that other women have been through this? You are not alone, you are not a victim either just because you want to be independent. Don't let anyone tell you that you are a victim of abuse, you are a survivor of an emotional child who perceives himself as the victim, and sees himself in a loveless world. He's not your problem, and you are not to blame. He needs professional help not love.

Take Care and call a psychologist or therapist to help you and be there for you to depend on while you work out the practical issues. Find family and friends that are supportive financially.

My ex's mother was not a doormat and let her husband abuse her. That was my ex's excuse for being an A-hole. It was mommy's fault. It was his father's fault for not talking to after dinner, and drinking and fooling around on his mother. It was always somebody else's fault, and that's why he was mean to me. You have to find an identity, who do you want to me, a mother, or a mother to this grown man? Do you want to be known as yourself, as in a new woman, or this man's partner for life? When does it stop?

AS Lou Reed would say
"Do you know how it feels?, and when does it STOP???

I know how it feels, and it does stop whenever you want it to. You are in control of your life.

posted July 01, 2004 06:27 PM         

I may meet this man someday and if he is angry at home, he's angry at work.

posted July 01, 2004 08:42 PM         

Please don't insult my intelligence by telling me that you are not interested in a "safe house" or shelter, for surely you know those are not the only places where you and your child will be safe.

The problem is you will need to plan ahead, and you have no semblance of a plan. Not only is it a matter of HOW to leave, but what the people on the other side of that 800 line will help you with is how to quickly set up restraining orders, and what you will need to do legally for your child.

They help you through the entire process FOR FREE. They don't send some short bus around to pick up all the guilt-ridden victims, stick you on a cot and feed you frank & beans. This is YOUR choice, and they are people who have dedicated YEARS to help people like you. You cannot imagine how sad people like you make people like us.

Just don't insult my intelligence. If something happens to your child, you'll never forgive yourself. Not to mention, putting this Gemini guy in harms way, or anyone else who is willing to help you.

If you're going to do this right, do it responsibly, or don't do it at all. I have nothing more to say to you. This is YOUR responsibility.

posted July 01, 2004 08:59 PM         

Firstly, I would suggest reading up on the Aries character as much as you can get your hands on, then...emmulate it. They really DO respect a strong personality, and people who can meet them at that level always evoke their respect. People who do not, will be walked all over...until they take a stand.

It can be done tactfully, and in a civilized manner, or it can be ugly. Try the first option first. Don't start out by suggesting that you are thinking of leaving, but rather, come from the direction of wanting to make the relatonship better. Spell it out for him exactly what you feel you need, that you're not getting from the relationship. Bring it up more than once. In fact, bring it up often. He will get so sick and tired of talks about the relationship, that you may very well end up driving HIM away, and then you won't have to worry about it. Or, you may actually effect a positive change in the relationship, and things will be better for you.

I wounldn't recommend putting all your eggs in the Gemini basket, because they can be fickle, especially with situations that are too complicated. And yours will be complicated before it's resolved. But, maybe AFTER it's over, in the future, you can look him up again. Or, maybe someone else will walk into your life.

posted July 03, 2004 03:45 AM         

The title of your thread... "what's wrong with me?"
You know what? My answer is...

posted July 10, 2004 05:59 PM         

What guy wouldn't want a woman who always thought about HIM and his ego first.

It's going to feel strange at first, like it's not right. But stick with it, and you'll understand.

Do not, under any circumstance, meet with him alone.