posted August 24, 2005 08:50 PM         

My niece who is 8 said to me the other day, "aunty kaylie, do you know how to tell when a boy likes you?" and i was like, Kiri i'm nearly 36 years old and i have absolutley no idea, do you know?

"yes aunty kaylie, when a boy makes a big fuss over you and tells you he likes you all the time, he doesnt really like you, but if a boy ignores you and pretends he doesnt like you then he does"

Well i have pondered on that and even spoken to a couple of guys the last few days since she said it and it isnt' too far off the truth.

All the guys that have gushed over me, and told me how much the loved me etc, they were all charmers who would do or say anything to get what they wanted, the quiet ones who i never even thought about were the ones that liked me.

Would be interested to hear other views on this subject....male and female.

posted August 24, 2005 10:25 PM         

I personally think that a lot of it may have to do with balance. It seems to me that if one person likes the other person more than vice versa, then that imbalance causes the relationship to fail. To me, there has to be somewhat consistent mutual attraction.

Even when you're quiet you can flirt, though. Eye contact goes a long way.

Reminds me of what happened today... I've been laying tile at a hotel for a couple months now, and a couple weeks ago I noticed myself wondering about this quiet-seeming asian woman who works there. She's one of those women I just seem to make eye contact with on a regular basis. We both act shy, like we weren't really looking at each other, but we both know we were. Most of the time it's silence as she passes me by, though a day or two ago she said, "Hello," or something. It was nice.

Today, it appears she was interviewing another woman in the little cafeteria room. For some reason the interviewee asked her her birthday. November 15th...a Scorpio. Of course I just overheard this. I was quietly getting my lunch. I also learned that she has two kids, and infer that she's married. I keep complaining about not knowing any Scorpio women, and here I've been secretly flirting with one.

posted August 24, 2005 11:44 PM         

Good luck my friend.

posted August 25, 2005 09:39 AM         

quote:

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..when a boy makes a big fuss over you and tells you he likes you all the time, he doesnt really like you, but if a boy ignores you and pretends he doesnt like you then he does"

---

That is exactly what lies at the root of women who continuously (I'm talking about a pattern here) get hung up on guys who treat them like dirt, and reject the good guys who actually care about them, because they consider them "boring."

Incidentally, it is impossible - as many illicit lovers find out to their dismay - to hide feelings of love and desire for each other. Other people always know just by looking at them! Women who are consistently miserable in love always seem to cling to guys who don't give them the time of day or treat them badly in some way, fooling themselves by believing that he really deep down loves them, he just doesn't want to show it. Yeah, right! Think again.
Often these misconceptions are caused from bad relationships with a parent who alternately blew hot and cold and thus confused the child, unwittingly of course.

If you want to do your niece a favor, don't reinforce her misconceptions. Although, of course, boys at that age ARE able to play games like that, and do, because they are still trying out behaviors. However, better put a stop to this nonsense now before everybody she gets irrevocably programmed and keeps getting the signals wrong for the rest of her life! Tell your niece that she may be right in this instance, and at her age, but that it usually DOES NOT work that way.

posted August 25, 2005 12:59 PM         

AG, if you do ever get a chance to be involved with a Scorpio romantically... take it. Coming from a Scorpio with a Capricorn... it has been the best experience I could imagine. You'll have a lover and a best friend... who could ask for more?

posted August 25, 2005 01:01 PM         

Of course, if I can get him smile sincerely, it's never very clear how he's attracted to me and how much. I guess in a way here I'm blessed with being a Gemini, because once I can charm a guy, I can talk more openly with him and get into his mind. If a guy's really attracted to me, he'll show little uncertainity or waffling, and will usually keep up with me in conversation. It is one's that can't keep pace or seem a little ambivalnt that I figure are "not that into me" LOL.

posted August 25, 2005 02:46 PM         

I agree with you, I always doubt the sincerity of men that gush. I think it shows a profound lack of responsibility when people to swear everything short of devotion to someone they haven’t even taken the time to get to know. In my thinking, if a man respects you and himself, he’ll dig deep into your personality, and try to understand you before he speaks his heart.

I conclusion, I think your niece may be onto something, however to prevent the kind of behavior Logger described, you’d need to pay attention to the way a man relates not just to you, but to others, and use a lot of empathy to understand him. If a man is outgoing, and chatty with everyone else in the room, if he hugs other people, but seems suddenly withdrawn around shy around you then its very possible he “likes” you. Depending on his personality, he may be trying to assess your character and feelings for him before “moving in.” Which I think shows a lot of responsibility (or insecurity). Does this mean this guy is a keeper? Maybe, maybe not. If he is insecure, then he’ll need to learn to love himself before he can truly love anyone else. However, if he’s the responsible type and your sign isn’t an impulsive one, then I’d say yes, he’s a keeper.

posted August 26, 2005 12:00 AM         

If I'm allowed I definitely will try out a relationship with a Scorp. I the Scorps I know here. They get me, and even if they don't they're nice about it.

posted August 26, 2005 12:16 PM         

Oh, and I know she's a Scorp because I heard her say her birthday, November 15th. I don't know if she's into astrology at all.

So where have you been hiding, freebird? Haven't seen you in awhile. Are things going well?

posted August 27, 2005 02:58 AM         

If I don't know someone and I have a big crush then I would be acting all weired,quiet goofy and shy.Later I curse myself why I was doing that.If I know someone and there is kind of comfort level and I love him I would be flirting a lot but still feeling very nervous from inside.

I think for my behavior your niece is kind of right.I like 8 year old logic. What's her sign?

As for man for me it doesn't take much time to know whether that person is truly in love or not.Scorpio like me throws lots of tests to know how much the man is serious.
Sometimes I think subtle messages are more genuine and beautiful but I would also like to listen when we have our moments togather.

posted August 30, 2005 02:52 PM         

Secret flirting is fun, huh AG. I love that kind of stuff. Its exciting.

I don't really know, Kiwi. I've never been much for being fawned over. I love affection, don't get me wrong. Just not constantly. I like my space. If a boy payed me too much attention, and worked too hard for me... I lost interest. It was the one that seemed distant that got my attention.

posted September 02, 2005 06:37 PM         

I totally agree about not trusting charmers, I can see right through their games - perhaps because I used to be like that