posted December 09, 2005 09:38 AM         

Pix, I knew you understood all along. Why else do you think I followed you around hounding you? I have stepped back though, because I don't want to intrude too much and am being respectful of your need of space and to listen to your own heart.
Thank you for your understanding and HOPE.

Zala~

Planet_Soul, this is really the first I've really opened up about this. I was very determined to go it all alone, so never asked for much help. I do think that was the best way to go, but reading your and other's words truly touched my heart. It's a comfort to hear. Thanks for the Inspiration!

posted December 09, 2005 11:59 AM         

Gawd, what a selfish post-
my first impression.
Do you park in the handicapped zone and give other drivers the finger?

posted December 09, 2005 12:13 PM         

As to multiple lovers...It will not work for most.

posted December 09, 2005 01:35 PM         

and... i can relate to:..."I can have both sexual fire works, and emotional love for the same woman. and another one or two(maybe 3?) all at the same time."

Maybe not 3.... lol but i can have real feelings and desires for more than one person..... So, i guess i am one of those people too... i admit it... i have also learned that to truly desire someone or something with no wish for attachment is a mighty high aim..... it is very confusing.....
I have 4 planets (Sun,merc,venus,... virgo)(jupiter leo) in the 7th... i have had heavy karma to work through.. my life has played out like a soap opera thus far.....

Aries moon... makes me "feel" selfish... but i know with my SN in libra i need to actually "be" more selfish (in a constructive way) to pay the debt and move to more satisfying relationships... that is to say, satisfying for me... it has been a truly uncomfortabe learning experience....i guess sometimes you have to breakdown to rebuild....i think that would be pluto squaring my natal pluto in the 7th house.... its a dandy...

posted December 09, 2005 03:04 PM         

Most folks can barely manage a monogamous relationhip! There is no way that they could manage a polygamous or open arrangement!
Jealousy jealousy...headgames...revenge..
If you and your partner can't master monogamy...then having more partners than that will tear things apart.
Now if you just want to sow the wild oats...and are not "committed" to anyone...then have fun.
But remember...no double standards...what is good for the gander is good for the goose. I see it too often. A wild man who loves his sexual variety and freedom will often call a woman who does the same...a sl-t or worse.

Magus ...this is NOT pointed at you.. simply my opinions on the situation in general as I have seen it happening to others.

posted December 11, 2005 02:17 PM         

""Gawd, what a selfish post-
my first impression.
Do you park in the handicapped zone and give other drivers the finger? """

No, I run Grandma and Grandpa over, so I can park the car rite in a stores entrence, and kick peaple outa my way giving em the finger on my way to the register, cause Im just that kinda self absorbed jerk !

Not that I was surprised seeing your reaction to this.. After all, youve always seemed to have such an indepth understanding of peaple who dont fit into the criteria for a heart you have made as your ruler of judgement before when posting around LL.

Especialy Aquarians, you more then any other poster here seem to be most fit to write the book on us ! [yes viewers, I cant get any more sarcastic then this]

posted December 11, 2005 02:23 PM         

as always, you put it best.

Not that Im yet fully above the more petty of human emotions-jealousy, possessiveness, and my own personal insecurities as well..

But with a Woman with the nerve and heart to take the risk of stairing these vices in the face, in an atempt to concure these petty sides of our nature,, Im certainly willing to make the atempt to see if I can learn to evolve beyond this.

In total honesty, and openness beyond the limited deffinitions of intimacy so many have set for them selves in our modern age.

Must delve and explore this deeply and hands on. Even at the risk of what this can do too my own heart. Cetainly beets trying the same thing and rules over again, expecting a different outcome [one of the dictionarys deffinitions of insanity]... If Im ever to know for sure.

posted December 11, 2005 02:31 PM         

Its much apreicated.

Thats sorta one way Ive thought about going about such a relationship..

Been fancying more though,,, too have what Ill call my "right hand lover" at my side through an exploration of an other almost everytime though.

I dont realy like the idea of me and another keeping other lovers, or pleasurers seperate from oneanother... That would defeat what I have in mind- intimacy beyond the perception of most peaples senses in our culture.

I want to explore and feel more together with the one my heart and soul loves the most,, giving liberty for us both to learn lessons from other souls of karmic significance, together. For a marrital benefit, not hinderence.

Sure,, this will challenge, and maybe even sometimes stir up pain for the Woman bold enough to face it with me,,, just as it will me...

Must find a way to erase the need for guilt and resentments,, not increase them.

posted December 12, 2005 09:52 AM         

If you didn't care, you wouldn't have started this topic with an urge to Understand.

posted December 12, 2005 03:57 PM         

I can say that I am not perfect and I am seeing a therapist, an Aquarius, he sometimes rubs me the wrong way with his language and we butt heads, but I admire the way Aquarius people do seek answers to life's basic questions.

I would say that honesty is crucial, so if you are planning on telling your lovers about each other that does cause some complications but no long term damage, but it's not enough to let them find out about each other, it's going to be a headache keeping track of just what you feel for everyone because then explanations are in order.

Me for example, if you were to come to me and suggest staying the night with another woman for work and we both knew something might happen, I would instead of accepting the inevitable ask why the trip is necessary? Rather than asking to come along. When you think about other lovers are you really looking for a missing piece of your current lover that you don't want to dig deeper to find to avoid arguments?

Or do you believe accepting other lovers for yourself makes something happen in your life that would otherwise never happen? Is it to promote change in your own life, or change for someone else?

I believe you have to drive your own train, and that it's important to get your own life together before devoting yourself to more than one lover and for the most part it's very tempting when the train seems to go in the opposite direction. By giving yourself to another, you can open new doors, to new opportunities.

I wanted to add that how we relate to others affects so many people, that I can't imagine that monogamy is meant for a certain type of person-I don't like to believe certain traditions were designed on purpose, they happened naturally and we are idealizing.

Marriage is an ideal, it's a picture, a pair of people on a wedding cake, don't you know?
Slavery was legal and accepted as a tradition once and we have a right to criticize everything going on in society today. Monogamy is not equal because one person benefits more, there is always one person who wants the monogamy more than the other, it's human.

You have to form your own tradition and stick to it, no matter what, in order to be happy with yourself, one that gives you control over how much you give and take from others you relate to. It's almost impossible to control boundaries in any sexual relationship so I do believe in platonic relationships with many.

For an Aquarius I dated once, platonic relationships with others was cheating. To him that made him believe I wanted more-so platonic relationships can be just as explosive and emotionally fulfilling as sexual ones.

Monogamy is good for those who want to accept themselves as imperfect,

You forget that there is never perfect monogamy either. People make "mistakes".

So I question whether monogamy even exists as described in movies/books.

Maybe try to be happy instead of perfect?

posted December 13, 2005 02:15 PM         

I think happy is a great place to start. And I do think monogomy can exist but the problem is that most people tend to find others to fix them or heal them, myself included, instead of someone to complement them. Relationships for me have always been quite an emotional rollercoaster. It sucks being all water where they are concerned. But I have learned as I grow older and hopefully more wise, that love isn't about ownership or "the perfect fit". It is about sharing, compassion, and most of all, friendship. I think people inherently believe that there is someone out there that is like their other half. I too believe that exists. But what I don't believe is that love should come in the form of a legal disclaimer; signed, sealed, and witnessed. I guess I am quite uranian in my beliefs towards love and relationships (uranus rising/venus in aqaurius), but I believe it is possible to love more than one person and it be healthy. I have many different friends who I love for many different reasons, as they bring certain things to my life that others do not. The same for relationships. I am married to the most wonderful man and have been with him for 10 years. But I don't think I would ever choose to remarry if something ever happened between us. Not because it's hard or too "conventional". But because love is something for me that doesn't need to be validated by a piece of paper. I read the other day that in the US only 26% of families are nuclear families. This to me signifies that others are practicing what we are discussing, and whether or not they are successful is unknown, but it is happening. I think open relationships give people the opportunity to love without constraints or stigma, to explore possibilities and experiences that conventional relationships do not present. I do believe though that there is a huge level of self-respect and trust that must come along with this being a healthy way of life and I am sure lots of people are evolved enough to operate on this level. I think society on a whole is lacking in the universal love department and that this gives those who want to share themselves an opportunity to do so. I'm not saying this is a way to be irresponsible, casual, or carefree. But I do believe that it gives others a way to form lasting relationships with more than one person, honestly and respectfully.

I think that everyone should be allowed to be who they are and live their life according to their own desires, passions, and truths..without interference or judgement from those it does not affect.

But love in our society is soo romanticized and sensationalized, I believe it has lost its meaning. Saying I love you anymore doesn't seem to have the same effect, at lesat to some people. To me, it means I mean it and will never change. That is why an open relationship would work for me, at least in theory.

Good luck magnus. I hope that everything works out! Life is about exploring opportunties and finding things within yourself that are hidden. Explore and dig!!! You may get hurt, but you may learn a very valuable lesson from it!

Spellbound

posted December 13, 2005 09:47 PM         

My venus in aries doesn't want to be tied down and I have threatened many loved ones with my independent behaviour when I can't justify it. It's an ideal to explore many but it's not healthy to explore multiple partners sexually, you can try but it's still not. I was best friends with a nightclub owner a Pisces/Scorpio moon, Aqua Venus and he did try and try but in one way or another the relationships he started always ended up in strange places. See his club was a hooking up place for so many, I saw it every night working there at the bar in my twenties.

I used to watch everyone's relationships come together, fall apart, for three years. I can say no matter what, no matter where, every free spirit really wants to be loved without feeling tied down, but that means not feeling guilty-the hardest thing to do is to accept your partner and yourself physically.

free spirits need to be tied up and taken care of more than others and so having seen so many truly free people crash and burn, and overdose, especially Cancer, Taurus, Aquarius, Scorpio, I can say that it's not for anyone who is sensitive, easily romanced, or soft hearted. hearts get burned too easily and what's the point of physical love without engaging emotionally?

I am being more jaded than you because you are a much more sensitive and strong and young. But I am not wise, or cautious, I was in a place where I had to live with a person who made his living of romantic relationships, if people didn't hook up in his club, no business, no money. I wanted to believe in multiple relationships I really did, and we both did. But it didn't work for anyone as I watched everyone try their hardest with all the resources.

If you can truly cuddle with someone without making it a sensual experience for that person than I say touch anyone you want, it's lovely. But when you start the fires burning you are living off that fire if you don't give back. Many people who do not have colour in their life, search out some kind of second hand feeling that they believe is love. ( I believe it was Tina Turner who said love was a second hand emotion)

That kind of love is really trust, that we inspire in others, by crossing those boundaries and it can be abused without knowing. Once someone trusts you, the entire life changes, and the way you are viewed is different too. I don't know how we can live in this world if we have so many people that close to us as not everyone can view the world with detachment.

It's easy to get your Aquarian heart ripped out too, because you are trusting deep down and respect passion and fire, but it's not dependable in people.

I stand up for platonic relationships because if I want to wear a hot kitty t-shirt I don't have to worry about ******* off my b/f. Since I actually wear bad kitty tshirts and **** off my b/f's I know what it's like to be noticed for my sexual expression already.

It's not fun-so if you do gain the trust of others, give trust too so you do not run the risk of seeming like an experimenter who wants to dabble, experience, judge and run.

It's dangerous to be an Aquarius and walk into a nightclub like the one I was describing. I was dangerous to many Aquarians and I couldn't help myself.

Take Care,
Natasha

posted December 13, 2005 10:12 PM         

In recent years,, I cant help but see its standard and expectation in our society as a gift too only a few,, and a curse to so many others.

I agree with this, yet I also very much agree with Fayte's post. An unsatisfying relationship doesn't make monogamy easy, hence the curse. So many marry or find themselves in a long term stable relationship because it's the thing to do, not because they truly desire it. It's a shame.

posted December 14, 2005 09:39 AM         

Hey Magus

Years ago, I threw out all these rules I was *supposed to follow* and decided to learn ( for the first time ) to think for myself…and make my own decisions.

If you feel/think that spending the rest of your life with one person isn’t for you…that’s fine. Whatever suits you - and quoting my mum “whatever makes YOU happy”.

quote:

---

In recent years,, I cant help but see its standard and expectation in our society as a gift too only a few,, and a curse to so many others.

---

Monogamy is not for everyone.

posted February 02, 2006 09:01 AM         

I have been pondering this subject for quite some time now.

My husband is of the belief, as is Magus, that love should be shared. We have been faithful to each other for almost 17 years(!)....but.....I am coming around to the opinion that one partner, cannot always, fulfill the needs of his/her spouse!

I have noticed, with interest, that quite a few people i talk to of late, are also thinking along these lines. The golden rule, of course, at all times, is honesty....and I think only the strongest of marriages could survive an open relationship.

If I am honest, I have always liked the thought of two men, seems to make sense for a woman with huge emotional and physical demands, but of course, I have to get my head around the thought of my man also being with another....mmmm....Scorpio woman that I am....would need to do some work around this....

Isnt is amazing what the Age of Aquarius is bringing to us...i feel it will blow apart outmoded ideas, rigid conditioning and give all who want it the freedom to step away from what they thought they were. I am one who was raised to be conventional and tow the line......and it can at times take many years to shake off parental rules etc and to step into who one really is....

Any comments, would be appreciated.

Oh yeah and isnt it SO cool that the author of this thread is an Aquarian......he would have to be though wouldnt he......hahahaha.....

posted February 02, 2006 09:54 AM         

My feelings get wrapped up easy.

I think that's part of the reason why older men are usually a little more appealing to me.

Maybe they become more settled over time and are ready to be with just one?? Or maybe I'm wishing.

Not that I think anything is wrong with it... if that's what a person wants and can deal with it... go for it.

I know that I couldn't... nor could I pretend to.

The "thought" of it is somewhat appealing... but I think it would have to remain a fantasy on my part.

Sun conjunct Uranus
Mercury conjunct Uranus
Venus conjunct Uranus
Uranus trine Midheaven
Saturn sextile Uranus

_________________________________________
Scorpio sun, venus, mars, mercury, and uranus
Libra moon, pluto, and asc.

posted February 03, 2006 02:20 PM         

I was involved in two clandestine relationships in my first and second marriages...to be honest I got off on it...naughty me...but I hopefully have learned this is not the way to go !!

In my present relationship which has lasted for 17years...(still cant quite believe that), my man and I have promised, hands on hearts, that if we want to be with another, we shall be totally open and upfront about it....we have never lied to the other, so far. My husband is of the beleif that we dont own anyone (Aqua moon) and feels we should be given freedom to do as we please. This used to confound me a little, but now I feel a sense of freedom and unconditional love coming from what he says. I am attempting to follow his philosophy. Not easy, but seems more realistic and healthy than the double standards of holding on I have practised in the past.

Mmmm....very challenging indeed.....

Very Age of Aquarius....isnt it ???

and

posted February 05, 2006 07:53 PM         

My only word of caution is to make sure that the other people involved are just as enthusiastic about the idea, not just trying it because they feel like they should be able to be that open-minded. Some people are suited for it. Some are not. Neither way is better than the other.

I say this as someone who is by nature monogamous to the core. I have Pisces sun and Cancer rising. My Aqua Venus can't outweigh that :-) An open relationship would be extremely emotionally stressful to me. For others, it would be their idea of heaven. Find the ones who would find it heaven -- and you might try okcupid if you are into that sort of thing.