posted February 09, 2006 05:10 PM         

Luckily, there's a Virgo Asc,
and a Mars/Saturn Conjunction
which trines the Stellium
and Sextiles the Sun,
otherwise, this person would probably be too "far-out" for this planet.

posted February 09, 2006 11:29 PM         

Firstly hugs to you (((((ariestiger))))).

"I am woman, hear me roar".

Put that on your banner, in big, bold letters. Because that's the message that you need to convey, not one that you need a hug.

For some reason, when we (women) cannot find a man that can truly embrace all that we are, it is our own self-esteem or self-love that suffers.

Because we are so giving of oursElves, we have this huge neon light on our head that flashes.........I'm free and I'm able to give unconditional love.

So what happens next? We attract, like at a side-show, a whole range of unevolved souls, who are still attached to ego and want a free ride.

And we allow it because we are evolved to the point where we look for the good in everyone. So, instead of seeing these men for what/who they are we choose to see past their flaws and instead concentrate on their positive aspects. Undoubtedly we see their bad qualities too, but we accept and tolerate them, because......well, they are a good person inside and after all, isn't that the way that you would like to be perceived and treated.....with respect and love? What goes around comes around, right?

These unevolved souls seem to be clever too....they know how to trick us into thinking that we are important in their lives. Then, they treat us badly. They throw us a crumb of affection and we gobble it up greedily thinking this is how it should feel.

BUT IT'S NOT! IT IS WRONG!

By then, we're emotionally hooked and we continue in a cycle of push me, pull me.

The problem is, that we set the bar far too low and invite creepy crawlies, the only ones low enough to get under the bar (cos they're far too lazy to climb over it) into our lives.

If you are in a pattern of choosing this type of man, it is for a reason. There must be lessons that you need to learn that you've not quite yet mastered. The same men will continue to appear until you've detected, accepted, and healed that part of you that is denying yoursElf real love.

Maybe you've never had a good relationship, so when something starts to feel okay, you accept it as being good. (It has just happened to me.)

You are a child of God and deserve love and respect and to be treated in the best way, all of the time.

Love is supposed to lift you up and give you the feeling that you are floating on clouds. If this is not how you feel, it is not Love.

I saw a beautiful poem on Aeclectic Tarot and want to share some of the lines from it, that I feel may be relevant to you, ariestiger:

"If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth......LET IT GO!"

"If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves......LET IT GO!"

You see, that's the other reason that I believe we get involved with unevolved souls. We feel that we can help them. You may even feel as though it's your soul's responsibility to do this. (I'm a master number, a 22, and this is one of my problems.) But we can't help those who will not help themsElves.

Be proud of who you are. Your soul has worked hard to bring you to this point. Think of all of the crappy relationships that you've endured......they have all contributed to make you the wonderful person that you are today. Don't hide yourself under a bushell, and don't try to change yoursElf to accommodate other people's needs. Celebrate your uniqueness.

Raise your bar, and turn down that neon light a little. Be prepared to be by yoursElf, rather than compromise who you are and what you want. Try to have some of your needs met by groups such as this one.

And never, ever give up on love, because, you never know who is waiting around that next corner.

posted February 10, 2006 09:46 AM         

I know I've finally set my standards right where they need to be, and for anyone who hasn't thought about this idea (it comes from the book "He's Just Not that Into You", which I sorta approve of in theory), here's what you should do:

posted February 10, 2006 01:52 PM         

A perfect example of how a person's actions affect another. I can only imagine how hard that must have been for you as a child.

You remembering that now as an adult speaks volumes.

I've seen some parents completely disregard their children's feelings. Something as simple as stopping for 2 seconds to look at a picture they've drawn (even if you are in the middle of something else) makes a world of difference. Acknowledge them... they shouldn't have to beg for love. No one should.

Your story reminds me of my Lil' Aqua. She draws pictures every Saturday morning and pushes them under my bedroom door. Gosh, it just lights her up. If I were to disregard them in that way, it would break her.

Anyway, I'm not very good with words...
_________________________________________
Scorpio sun, venus, mars, mercury, and uranus
Libra moon, pluto, and asc.

posted February 10, 2006 02:13 PM         

Firstly, I recognize the Pisces qualities in me. Mostly they surface in (you wouldn't beleive it) diplomacy - but I try to keep them under wraps a lot of the time. I know someone who also has a stellium (Sun/Merc/Mars/Saturn - in other words, all the *ones I don't have*) in Pisces. We get along well, too!! - have similar interests and mutual understanding of each other...and we also constantly surprise each other. I just hope all the Neptunian influence doesn't make me too Hans Christian Andersen-like.

And the 8th House Sun, and 10th House Mars and Saturn definetely pack a punch!! I am glad of that Virgo Asc - practically the only sensible part of my chart

Everyone has given so many incredible, and supportive, words...VAA, I guess you have similar energies to me as I'm an Aries with Virgo rising...anyway, curious that you should mention the list-making...I made a list over the weekend of what I refused to allow into my life, or control me, in red marker, and stuck it on my bedroom wall.

So many Scorpios have been helpful to me, too. 1scorp, I know what you mean about lazy people attaching themselves to one's coattails...and they just won't let GO!!! You have to literally sever connection completely, it's like they feed off your energy.
I can't say that I honestly cannot put my finger on why my mother makes me feel *down* when she contacts me, because I know...because of some of the things she said to me when I was younger which were quite unwarranted...and she seems to think I should be able to forgive and forget...I can't, because in some respects she went too far. In some ways she can be quite loving, but I also know how she can be quite the opposite, and it hurts me to communicate with someone like that. My husband said, and I believe in this instance he was right, that she was completely unaware of the way in which her actions affected others.

For some reason guys don't tend to ask me out...apparently they are too scared!! So it seems to be up to me to let them know I care...apart from my husband, no-one ever asked me out (and he only did because he was prompted by our mutual friend, who wanted to get us together). But I am actually comfortable in doing the asking, because unless I did ask, I figure I wouldn't know what they thought. Or maybe guys have asked me out in the past, and I just didn't register (it is often a very subtle thing). But with guys I am really keen on (and I only fall in love VERY rarely) I just want to give and give and give and give!! Not necessarily material or practical things, mostly love and understanding, which are the most precious gifts of all - or at least they are my way of loving, and I so want to find someone who could understand that.

Purplescorp, there are so many pearls of wisdom in your post, and the things you said about unevolved souls hit home too...my father is DEFINETELY such a one...both my parents have a stellium in Taurus and are VERY money- and appearance-oriented...my father is totally involved in the physical/sensual side of life, to the detriment of the more esoteric/emotional side...he's less prone to evolving than I am, or at least he evolves at a slower rate...he is a man of few words!! He can't understand me and I can't understand him and the failure of this relationship is probably the one that has hit me hardest of all. It's weird because I have his mechanical/logical mind (he's an engineer) and determination and drive, and he's an Aries too, but we just can't understand each other. He is not needy, actually, he is just cruel. He likes living with his current partner because, as he says, "she's a doormat. That's what I like."
Sometimes I really can't get to grips with the fact that he was partly responsible for creating me!!!!!

HSC - thank you for your words of encouragement!! I think my objectivity comes from having lived with an Aquarius for so long - I was never coldly objective before! In fact, by the end of our relationship we had rubbed off on each other to such an extent that I was the cool and detached one and he was the temperamental and fiery one.
But I also think Uranus may have something to do with it, although Uranus is not prominent in my chart...now Uranus is in Pisces, I am learning to temper the total objectivity I enjoyed for a while with more human emotion...and being around Scorpio and Pisces people in my life helps bring that into focus more closely. I'm realizing that it's okay to tell someone I care (despite the fact that I think I am easy to read, most people claim I am a mystery because I am so complex...although they might see me in *whatever* mood, they won't always be able to fathom out why. Now, I seem to be able to share my emotions more freely with people who understand better, and don't dismiss it as *emotional humbug*. This, for the first time in my life...and with guys, too...which I never thought I would be able to do.
I should mention, also, that your signature definetely said something to me.
You are a great *bloke*!

posted February 10, 2006 03:14 PM         

It seems like there's this unwritten law that everyone must be a "well-rounded" individual.
Personally, I think its harder to find a "well-rounded" individual than it is to find a sasquatch.
Fortunately (or unfortunately), what "well-rounded" means to most people,
is that said individual must be able to make decent money,
while not being an insufferable boor, a total jackass, or a jerk.
And the latter three are negotiable.
Hence, so-called "well-rounded" individuals are a dime a dozen.

We are generally able to accept the notion that people have various strengths and weaknesses,
and we tend to be quite forgiving of one another in this regard,
provided one does not lack the strength to push buttons and earn a paycheck.
If this is the case, we summarily dismiss such a one as a "loser" and "selfish",
and are quite unconcerned with whatever accomplishments and generosity they may exhibit in other areas of life.

I think this sucks, particularly because the gifts I was given
(the gifts I have to share), dont involve a lot of business acumen.
What I've got to give isnt much valued these centuries.
So, am I just a curse for any woman I get involved with?
Should I blow my brains out now, before loneliness forces me to inflict my company on anyone?
I wonder sometimes.

Is it naive to think that people's strengths/weaknesses can compliment eachother?
Why is economic independence paramount?
Its lauded everywhere, while emotional independence is viewed askant,
and intellectual independence is practically taboo!

Yeah, I've got Uranus on the MC (give or take 6 MINUTES!!!), yeah, Sun and Venus Conjunct Uranus,
Sun and MC-ruler (Pluto!!!) in the 9th, Mars/Merc in Sag, Neptune semi-square 1st house moon, Pisces on the second, SN in Pisces/2nd house...
I could go on listing reasons why work is generally hell for me.
But, if you dont like to find reasons for things,
you can just call them excuses, and dismiss them out of hand.
So, yeah, I've got these things, but there are some amazing advantages
and gifts associated with such placements as well.
I've got more spontaneity, sensitivity, and mental agility than I can harness.
But, I cant hold a job, so who could love me, right?

I dont know,.. this is so embarrassing,
I guess I should just shut up and accept this world's Orwellian judgement of me,
if I want anyone to tolerate me.

But, come on!!!
There are people who are good at making money, at pushing pens and buttons or whatever,
and they like doing it!!
But, G-d forbid I should look at that as a gift they could share.
Then I'm just a miserable opportunist.
Meanwhile, nobody's an opportunist for counting my affectionate nature a plus;
or my eyes, or my optimism, or my boyish good-looks.
Nobody's out of line for demanding I always be the therapist in every relationship,
and squandering all my emotional, intellectual, and spiritual resources.
Nahh!!

Just when I start to feel like I've got some pretty amazing gifts to share,
I'm reminded of what most people think of guys like me.
I'm just a loser. I'm summed up in that word,
because I'm restless and impulsive and my eyes are on "bigger" things.

But, its the way its always been.
Artistic and philosophical types have always tended to be... materialistically disinclined.
Of course, others are equally imbalanced,
but its okay, 'cause they dont value art, philosophy, and sensitivity that much anyway.

"What keeps most people from suffering very much is lack of imagination....
Everything great that we know has come from neurotics.
Never will the world be aware of how much it owes to them,
nor, above all, what they have suffered in order to bestow their gifts on it."
- Marcel Proust

"To take on the world at all angles requires a strength I can't use."
- Jeff Mangum

"The buck stops here." - Harry Truman

posted February 10, 2006 03:30 PM         

Of course there isn't anything wrong with someone that is not materialistic.

If someone has genuine love to give and a kind heart... it shouldn't matter.

Yet there are people out there that have neither. That's what I was referring to. I would much rather have genuine love than money anyday.

Any person that can and are willing to give their love are in high demand.

I apologize if I upset you.

For astro reference I have

sun conjunct uranus
mercury conjunct uranus
venus conjunct uranus
jupiter square uranus
uranus trine midheaven
saturn sextile uranus
_________________________________________
Scorpio sun, venus, mars, mercury, and uranus
Libra moon, pluto, and asc.

posted February 10, 2006 03:31 PM         

I like what you said to me.
I'll respond, but right now, I can't.

posted February 10, 2006 03:33 PM         

Thanks.

I'm really impressed with how you expressed yourself just now.

Your advice brought up things for me,
but my rant wasnt aimed at you or people like you.

I should say, "wasn't necessarily aimed at you",
but now that I've heard you out,
I see that it definitely wasnt.

((Sorry, not articulating right now.))

me:

Stephen (male)
born on 6 Nov 1978 at 11:38 am
in Boston, MA (US) U.T. 16:38
71w04, 42n22 sid. time 14:55:53

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Planetary positions
planet sign degree house motion
Sun Scorpio 13°54'56 09/10 direct
Sun is technically near the end of house 9 and is interpreted in house 10.
Moon Aquarius 00°55'59 01 direct
Mercury Sagittarius 04°33'38 10 direct
Venus Scorpio 15°51'28 09/10 retrograde
Venus is technically near the end of house 9 and is interpreted in house 10.
Mars Sagittarius 03°20'23 10 direct
Jupiter Leo 08°27'57 07 direct
Saturn Virgo 11°53'51 08 direct
Uranus Scorpio 16°32'47 10 direct
Neptune Sagittarius 16°48'53 11 direct
Pluto Libra 17°39'19 09 direct
True Node Virgo 25°35'12 08 retrograde

House positions (Placidus)
Ascendant Capricorn 20°51'28
2nd House Pisces 06°38'47
3rd House Aries 17°25'37
Imum Coeli Taurus 16°26'18
5th House Gemini 08°35'38
6th House Gemini 28°34'38
Descendant Cancer 20°51'28
8th House Virgo 06°38'47
9th House Libra 17°25'37
Medium Coeli Scorpio 16°26'18
11th House Sagittarius 08°35'38
12th House Sagittarius 28°34'38

Major aspects
Sun Conjunction Venus 1°57
Sun Square Jupiter 5°27
Sun Sextile Saturn 2°01
Sun Conjunction Uranus 2°38
Sun Sextile Ascendant 6°57
Moon Sextile Mercury 3°38
Moon Sextile Mars 2°24
Moon Opposition Jupiter 7°32
Mercury Conjunction Mars 1°13
Mercury Trine Jupiter 3°54
Venus Sextile Saturn 3°58
Venus Conjunction Uranus 0°41
Venus Sextile Ascendant 5°00
Mars Trine Jupiter 5°08
Saturn Sextile Uranus 4°39
Saturn Square Neptune 4°55
Uranus Sextile Ascendant 4°19
Neptune Sextile Pluto 0°50
Pluto Square Ascendant 3°12

posted February 10, 2006 04:24 PM         

I ticked the box that said growth.

Life's not about achieving a list of shoulda's.....it's about growing as a person.

The purpose of life is for you to grow into the best human being you can be.

Ask yourself, "What am I learning today?" and "How am I growing today?"

Measure yoursElf against how you have grown, not against any achievement that you may or may not obtain.

Everything you need to be happy is inside of you!

(((((Stephen))))) everybody is equal in God's eyes, though it is true that some people cannot drop judgement. You are a rare and compassionate soul. I would love to have such a wonderful person in my life.

posted February 10, 2006 04:29 PM         

I was expected to be a general "good egg", perfect in every way, not making any trouble at school etc., going to Oxford, ending up in a well-paid job (none of which happened!!); just the slightest amount of eccentricity was enough to drive my parents crazy, even though in many respects they fostered it. But I was always eccentric, even as a child. I have also proved that ploughing my own furrow, and NOT treading a well-trodden path, has finally borne fruit. I have a book coming out later on this year that I wrote and illustrated myself, which was two years in the making. It merges art and science in a quite wonderful way.

I think, HSC, that you have a lot of talents, but (as they used to say of me in my school reports) they need to be shared in abundance!! I think that what you need to do is promote yourself...and recognition, along with necessary evils such as money, will follow. I think that you need to transcend feelings of self-doubt or negative self-worth, and that includes those that are projected by others. Do you know, I unconsciously motivated a Pisces who was similarly despondent. He was a fantastic guitar player but would not play publicly. I play guitar too, so I was able to talk to him about music a bit, and told him repeatedly that he should play more. Compared to him I am a total beginner but I can still manage to go into a recording studio and make a decent sound with 3 or 4 tracks (nothing like Aries confidence!!). The competition was healthy. When he heard what I was able to produce, he started playing around bars in Barcelona. I think you need to find people whose interests are really in tune with yours and that you can do projects together with.

Now my husband had a ton of talents, he was incredibly bright and had a Master's degree and had studied law, but he was permanently dissatisfied and upset because he could not find a way to translate these talents into, not even something that made money, but something that would have been satisfying for him. If he had taken to something like a hobby, anything creative, for example, faced the future with enthusiasm, and moved forward continuously, I would not have left him - and by God, I encouraged him every which way. Unfortunately it seemed like he couldn't be happy with anything in life, not even with me, and I was the only person to whom he ever admitted that he had wondered, right from a very young age, what the point of his life was. He ended up with an addiction to computer games. Now I have let him go, I actually think he has an incredible opportunity to make a life for himself and find out what makes him happy, and he doesn't need to answer to anyone else. And I sincerely do hope he does come to transcend any previous negative feelings. I say this because I did love him once, and I wouldn't wish any harm on him. His good qualities I appreciated enormously, but his bad ones were enough to make me not want to live with him.

Arrange your work schedule so that it is bearable. I do three days' work a week of sales, which I find mind-numbingly boring and which I can't believe people pay me for, but I also do two days' work a week gardening (great physical therapy; fantastic for redirecting anger/frustration) and spend the rest of the time on my art. I believe all people should have varied activity of that type. But what is most important is that they find at least some of it enjoyable.

Modern life is a total myth, and people are made to feel unnecessarily dissatisfied. But I still believe there are ways in which people can get by, whilst still being able to do the things they love; it is all a matter of finding one's niche, and first and foremost, I believe that happiness should be one's main goal.

AT

posted February 11, 2006 04:35 PM         

>What box did you tick on your form before you came into this incarnation?
I ticked the box that said growth.

It was more of a hanging chad...
I meant to tick the one that said "Chill the F#ck Out".
(They say Cappy Risings are often reluctant to incarnate.)

But, seriously, you said some beautiful and inspirational things. And I want you to know I am receptive to it. I know that ideas like those are not mere wishful thinking, but are actual, powerful tools, which can and must be utilized in order to achieve a state of grace. I thank you for the reminders. We are so inundated with negative belief-structures, and it is so crucial to remind each other of positive thoughts, as soon and as often as we think of them. It is no wonder to me that many spiritual people will read the same passage, or recite the same affirmation or scriptural verse, day after day after day. While so many of us are greedy for novelty, they seem to grasp that "there is nothing new under the sun", and, so, busy themselves with the work of digesting the timeless lessons they have already been given, before asking for something "more".

"The hidden shall be known by what is revealed; the unseen by the seen."

It is, as you say, within us, and the only work is in bringing it forth.

"If you bring forth what is within you,
what is within you shall save you.
If you do not bring forth what is within you,
what is within you shall destroy you."
(Gnostic Gospel of Thomas)

Notice he says "If you", and not merely "Bring". He is not setting down a commandment of "shouldas", but he is letting us know how it is. He provides the information, and leaves the decision to us.

Thank you for the words of wisdom, purple scorp. And for your compliments. The feeling is mutual.

posted February 11, 2006 05:03 PM         

Thanks.

>and I actually think guys have a tougher time doing things they don't like than women...women are more accommodating.

That's true, but women, being more receptive, are also more passive, and that can foster laziness. My 1st house Moon, Venus/Sun, and Venus in retrograde all produce refined (let's face it, effeminate) characteristics, which make me more adaptable/accomodating, but also more fond of indolence. And what a sacrelidge, in this day and age! - To be content to watch the wheels go round (and round). I dont know, I can never get a bead on myself... I'm also one of the most ambitious souls I've ever met (Cappy Asc, Sun/MC, top-heavy chart), but, somehow, I have difficulty translating my high ideals into action. It may be because I'm too ambitious, and am struggling under the weight of nothing but my own gargantuan concept of responsibility. Camus (ScorpSunAquaMoon, like ME!) said "We come into the world laden with the weight of an infinite necessity," (I could be paraphrasing), and this makes great sense to me, and I'm still trying to wrap my mind (or my ego) around this self-evident reality. Can I share a couple of poems I wrote w/ you (you might have come across them before), partly to illustrate my point, and partly to see what you think of them?

Pen and Sword

Ripened thoughts to actions tend,
As fruit falls from the vine.

But thoughts too long ensconced ferment
and are overfed,

like rotten fruit that, greedy,
clings to parch'd stem.

The pen insights a million swords - tis true,
and nations, to a noble thought their births belong -

But words do not a sword uphold,
Nor slackened arms contend;

Sharp wills must hearken and be bold
For tragedies to mend,

And all the world's unblighted hope
is nothing without them.

---

Saved?

Your forgiveness mocks my guilt.
Your faith insults my struggle.
Your love is an impertinence.
Your cross just smells like trouble.

Your eyes are full of blood.
Your skin is weeping pox.
Your cheek is very red.
Your coat and cloak are lost.

And, all the while, you mount a slope,
Ascending to your grave,
With whips and scorns, and spears and stones,
And thorns to bless and save.

Why'd you have to be so good?
Why'd you have to try?
Now nobody can love themself
Who doesn't live to die.

Another thing, and I suppose this is a combination of the Capricorn need to fuss over the laying of the foundation stone, and the Sagittarian propensity to philosophize and speculate, I seem to need to understand the relation of an individual's actions to the ultimate destiny of the whole (universe). I dont want to spend this lifetime slaving to erect a tower of babel. But, what is most needful, what is the pearl of great price, beside which all others pale? In the story of Martha and Mary, two sisters chosen to entertain Jesus, it is related that while Martha found means to serve him, and admonished her sister for not doing the same, Mary sat attentively at his feet, and first heard him out. Jesus said, "She has chosen the thing that is most needful,".

So, a while back, I decided "the thing" was to meditate. But everything in me resists this, and I do not know if it is meant to
be a struggle. I have the idealistic notion, partly drawn from Taoist influences, that wherever we encounter resistance, we have already strayed from the path. The rose imparts its fragrance when (and because) it is in bloom. Perhaps, any effort by man or woman to assist this process will only scatter it to the four winds. I have a very organic, deterministic view of the spiritual universe, although I try to reconcile this with an opposite view. It is difficult to understand the place of an individual in this matrix. I am assured from one authority that he/she is autonomous, and from another, equally impressive, authority, that he/she is utterly subject to the will of a higher power. I am concerned with reconciling these two. Perhaps it is a fool's errand. Maybe I think too much, "and am overfed".

But I (infinitely) digress...
I would say that men are better at self-motivating, but, I suppose, wherever you find a highly motivated male, you are likely to find a highly motivating female on his arm. The differences (and unsuspected similarities) between the sexes always fascinate me.

> I was expected to be a general "good egg",

Expectations (and eggs) are for the birds.

>perfect in every way, not making any trouble at school etc., going to Oxford, ending up in a well-paid job (none of which happened!!); just the slightest amount of eccentricity was enough to drive my parents crazy, even though in many respects they fostered it.

Of course. The more imbalanced they were in one direction, the more your natural inclination was to balance your environment by opposing them. Had they been eccentrics, you might have gone to Oxford, just to spite them.
I really believe that.

>But I was always eccentric, even as a child. I have also proved that ploughing my own furrow, and NOT treading a well-trodden path, has finally borne fruit. I have a book coming out later on this year that I wrote and illustrated myself, which was two years in the making. It merges art and science in a quite wonderful way.

That's so awesome! Way to go! Good for you! What is the book about, if I may inquire?

posted February 11, 2006 05:07 PM         

>I think that what you need to do is promote yourself...and recognition, along with necessary evils such as money, will follow.

>I think that you need to transcend feelings of self-doubt or negative self-worth, and that includes those that are projected by others.

I agree.

>Do you know, I unconsciously motivated a Pisces who was similarly despondent. He was a fantastic guitar player but would not play publicly. I play guitar too, so I was able to talk to him about music a bit, and told him repeatedly that he should play more. Compared to him I am a total beginner but I can still manage to go into a recording studio and make a decent sound with 3 or 4 tracks (nothing like Aries confidence!!). The competition was healthy. When he heard what I was able to produce, he started playing around bars in Barcelona. I think you need to find people whose interests are really in tune with yours and that you can do projects together with.

Thanks. I like to sing. I dont know if I've got a particularly good voice, but I've got a unique ability to inflect varying shades of personality/attitude in a single line (very aqua moon) while keeping the continuity. And I dont write music or popular lyrics. Maybe I should find somebody who can play guitar and write. I've got a friend who's probably going to be a famous underground musician, but our tastes are pretty dissimilar. I used to think I couldn't "play" well with others, but maybe thats just some projected idea I aquired somewhere.

I also have always felt I was destined to be famous, or have a profound impact. I've had psychics tell me that, and, also, there are a lot of indications of fame in my chart (Sun/Venus on MC, Moon in 1st, Moon in Aquarius, Moon-ruler conj MC, top-heavy chart, Jupiter in Leo aspecting the MC). I've read interpretations of all of these that suggest they are common among famous people.

posted February 11, 2006 05:07 PM         

My sympathies. It sounds like you really put a great deal of yourself into trying to help him. I do not necessarily agree with the idea (which many people propogate) which states that such people are not desirous of change/growth. I think it is just difficult to find a way into people. There's always a way in, but its a little different for everyone. It doesnt mean that you failed, because you lost patience before you found the way. Rather, I think maybe you found the way by losing patience. You sent perhaps the best possible message by leaving. By refusing to exhaust yourself on another, and begining to consider and replenish your own resources, you communicate a powerful message of self-love and self-protection, and that is what is most needful for him, imho.

I hope he does find his purpose (I doubt its playing computer games, but, who knows). I've got a couple of friends (they're literally a couple), who have been glued to "Final Fantasy XI" for the past two years, and its a f*cking tragedy. They've got enough money to do nothing, and thats just what they do. I'm kind of glad I've got no hand-eye coordination, or I might've been another such casualty. I can relate to your husband. I've probably squandered more gifts than most people manage to purchase with a lifetime of concentrated effort. For one thing, my 9th house Pluto, suggests that I could've been a true academic (if I could've kept from dropping out of high school, that is).

I tell myself that an intimate relationship will make the difference for me. Maybe its always something, or maybe this really is the answer for me. I know that, while I was in a relationship (from Feb to Sept, 2005), I made great strides. I managed to kick a bad habit (which I've since almost completely ressumed), without the slightest effort; while I was with someone, it didnt even appeal to me. I started taking supplements and eating/juicing a lot of organic fruits/veggies. I was THIS close to exercising, lol! So many changes were, and continue to be, evident in my friendships. I am more assertive, and, just, more like myself, and my friends respect me a lot more than they used to. I am pretty hopeful. I still collect disability (for bi-polar), but my moods are fairly predictable (in their unpredictability), these days, and I tend to avoid the extremes that were common during adolescence and my early twenties. I encourage myself now, I release negative thought-patterns, and I really think I will ultimately epitomize the late-bloomer (common, it is said, for both Cappy Risings, and people born in the year of the Earth Horse).

>Arrange your work schedule so that it is bearable. I do three days' work a week of sales, which I find mind-numbingly boring and which I can't believe people pay me for, but I also do two days' work a week gardening (great physical therapy; fantastic for redirecting anger/frustration) and spend the rest of the time on my art. I believe all people should have varied activity of that type. But what is most important is that they find at least some of it enjoyable.

Absolutely. Its great that you garden. Wish I was more earthy. I could probably handle a part time job at this point, but I still get depressed easily in those situations, and I'm kind of terrified of getting depressed again. I think I need to find someone to anchor me, so that, when I start to wonder "what's it all about", I can think of that person, and smile, and say, "Will that be cash or credit?" without wincing. Books and people are my hobbies, mostly.

>Modern life is a total myth, and people are made to feel unnecessarily dissatisfied. But I still believe there are ways in which people can get by, whilst still being able to do the things they love; it is all a matter of finding one's niche, and first and
foremost, I believe that happiness should be one's main goal.

Well said.

posted February 12, 2006 07:44 AM         

Your poems are brilliant, they have a lot of insight and perception and they NEED to be shared!! You have the Scorpio way with poetry characteristic of Dylan Thomas, Sylvia Plath, and *our* Pixelpixie. And I think they also need to be well-illustrated. But they could also be illustrated through music!! Even though they have a very classical form they could be interpreted as songs, perhaps with a folk guitar.

*I don't want to spend a lifetime slaving to erect a tower of babel*

It's funny you should say that, because I myself am having to slow down with respect to my career...I have been trying one thing and another and it seems as if I am no noticed...but then I have my book in the pipeline, so I figure I can't be too greedy. I also try too hard to make something that I think people will like. Recently friends with more of a background in fine art than myself (and whose opinion I respect, because I think that they do actually know what they are talking about) have encouraged me to do things that I personally am turned on by, not what I think will be commercial, and they believe that recognition will spring from that. I find this incredible as I have always been made to feel that my creativity would be useless unless it made money. But when I think about it, everything that I have done because I wanted to do it, regardless of how eccentric it may have seemed, I received acclaim for!!!

My book, incidentally, is about botanical painting - but it's not just any book about painting flowers I cover the whole plant spectrum, including conifers, seaweeds, ferns, mosses, lichens, microscopic work, fieldwork etc., and I also include all the botanical nomenclature (illustrated with actual examples) so that people are really encouraged to explore the plant kingdom for themselves. It's VERY up-to-date, very commonsensical, quite "hardcore" in that it goes into a lot of depth, yet easy to follow and highly logical - and demystifies some of what I feel is an aura of fuzziness around the subject!!!!! I received the first set of proofs a little while ago and seeing it all laid out made me feel rather emotional, as I remembered the hours of hard work that had gone into it.

posted February 12, 2006 07:57 AM         

I am not going to discourage anyone from aiming at the top, because I believe it can be done, within one's field. But I also think that at the same time these same gifts should be exchanged on a more personal level, with those around us, just to get an idea of how what one has to offer affects them, and what I mean by this is it's not just someone else saying "oh, that's good" but about getting to the core of it, using it in some way, some tangible or physical way - have you ever thought of writing plays? This is the kind of thing I'm driving at.

I have faith in you!!

And I do know what you mean about relationships making one feel like one can achieve anything...suddenly the world seems more colourful, the existence of a certain person makes life meaningful.

AT

posted February 12, 2006 01:07 PM         

By all means, take your time.
I thought I must be boring "marsconjunctmercury",
because, for some reason, he saw fit to post a yawn
(which has since morphed into a nonthreatening smilie) right after my posts.

I will respond shortly.

posted February 12, 2006 03:57 PM         

And you've got Aquarius on the 6th... Do you take precautions against electro-magnetic chaos? Certain stones, and other things, when worn or placed between yourself and the source (i.e. computer, telelvision, cell phone), are said to absorb or deflect this stuff.

I'm so glad you liked my poems, and thank you for your glowing encouragment. I can see how they might be illustrated, but I'd be curious to hear someone's musical interpretation of my work. I can be pretty picky in my tastes. I wonder about putting something out there that I'm not satisfied with, just to make money, or just because its slightly better than a lot of what is out there. I always see/hear stuff and think "I could do that with my eyes closed, but how could I live with myself?" I guess I'm kind of an elitist that way, but I suffer more than anyone by comparison to my own standards.

I agree with your friends. If you can afford to experiment with what YOU like, you should go for it, and there's a great chance
that people will be able to resonate with it, because it will come from the heart, and, however idiosyncratic or personal in nature, like all sincere art, it will reflect a universal experience. Some artists are popular because they give people what they want, but others gain popularity because they tell people what to want. The former come and go, and are forgotten, but the latter approach immortality. I think the greatest art is either shockingly blatant in expressing its message, or very subversive. I like subversion in art, because it allows the artist to preach to someone other than the converted. You get people to listen, because they think they are hearing what they want to hear,... then you slip in the irony!! But, if the art is blatant enough, you can convey your message just by getting them to glance at it for an instant. Like, I've always liked the idea of a mansion sitting right next door to a hovel; maybe J-Lo lounging in the front yard, fanned and catered to by sycophants, and some baby starving, squeeling and squirming in the dirt, practically skeletal, a dozen feet away. Manipulating something as small as geographical distance can put these issues in people's laps. Maybe its a political cartoon, and a bubble is coming out of her mouth, with the words, "I know where I came from," (like in one of her songs), suggesting that she came naked and squeeling out of the dirt, like that infant, like the rest of us, and has turned her back on it (maybe she's facing away from the baby). Or, how about a portrait of a generic rapper, wearing a diamond-studded cross, and a giant gold chain that reads, "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven,". You could call it "Luke 6:46" (that being "Why call ye me Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?"). Thats the kind of weird,
religious stuff I dig.

> My book, incidentally, is about botanical painting - but it's not just any book about painting flowers I cover the whole plant
spectrum, including conifers, seaweeds, ferns, mosses, lichens, microscopic work, fieldwork etc., and I also include all the botanical nomenclature (illustrated with actual examples) so that people are really encouraged to explore the plant kingdom for themselves. It's VERY up-to-date, very commonsensical, quite "hardcore" in that it goes into a lot of depth, yet easy to follow and highly logical - and demystifies some of what I feel is an aura of fuzziness around the subject!!!!! I received the first set of proofs a little while ago and seeing it all laid out made me feel rather emotional, as I remembered the hours of hard work that had gone into it.

That's great! Its impressive, too. I really envy your ability to blend science and art; objective observation and creative interpretation. I think that must appeal to many people, specifically, people with a strong Pisces/Virgo axis. Its an amazing feeling when you work so hard to bring something out of you, into the world, and you look at it, and think, "that came out of me". Kind of maternal, isnt it?

Saturn in the 10th, though it suggests some fear and difficulty around the career, is a pretty awesome placement. Saturn is the natural ruler of that house. Also, it lends a gravity to the personality, so you are not lacking in depth. Also, you've got Cappy on the 5th, so, hard work is probably part of your idea of a good time. In any case, it is a great combination, if you want to express yourself in concrete forms.

About fame... Mostly, I value fame because it would allow me to reach, influence, and communicate with the greatest number of people. But there is also a great desire for attention and recognition in me, and I dont know if it can be satisfied on a smaller scale, just as there is a desire to be appreciated on a more personal level, which the impersonal nature of fame could never satisfy. The fact that the world of celebrity is so vacuous, is, imo, all the more reason for sincere, high-minded people to want to break into it. We have to give the public new idols. People are not ready yet to dispense with idols, so we might as well (in fact, we'd better) give them idols with integrity. These are not people working in secret. "We do not place a candle under a bushel, but where it may give light to all the world." Occassionally, an artist will appear on the scene who is a perfect fit for that time and place, and these are the ones we call the voices of a generation. Without them, without voices like Fyodor Dostoevsky, Bob Dylan, and Kurt Cobain, we would be forced to express ourselves through crude, perhaps violent, means, and we would be misunderstood. These people speak for an underground experience. They come along when the time is right, not for the passing generation, but for the coming one, and they carve out a niche, and they carve it in stone.

When I was younger, I was really into acting, and thought I would be an actor. Now, I dont think that would satisfy my need to express MYSELF, unless I were a writer/director as well. But, to be honest, I dont have the drive, or maybe the self-confidence, or confidence in my message (((yet?!?!))). I am like Bob Dylan, "I'll know my song well, before I start singin',". And, if I never find my voice, I will keep silence. "Silence is the wisdom of the foolish, and the folly of the wise." (- Me) You reminded me of something I once read, about the philosopher/economist Adam Smith, when he published his book on morals, and it was a huge success with the public. The philosopher David Hume wrote to him and jokingly expressed his condolences (as it was generally agreed upon, by great minds, that public acclaim was a good sign of the mediocrity of one's work). I think its both possible and important to express yourself in a way that reaches the public, while still transmitting (at least, on a subconscious level) something which is essentially ahead of its time. Look at Shakespeare! Great truths have always been ahead of the times, and artists we have taken time to embrace in past centuries, we might initially reject, even in this one, were they to live in our time. But, there is something about them which makes them hard to ignore, and, even if it takes several hundred years, we almost always come around to rediscover and embrace them. Whether my own small work is embraced or not, it will be what it is, good or bad, and I need to make my peace with that, and not look to others for assurance of my worth. But, even so, I will not be satisfied to light my candle, however bright, and keep it under a bushel.

I could relate to your memory of your mother throwing your painting down the stairs when you were 9. My mom is a Virgo (Leo Moon, Gem asc), and not especially warm or diplomatic. I remember, growing up, every time I would bring her one of my poems or short stories to read, she would pick up her red pen (lol!!!!!!!!!), and I'd get it back with all her "corrections" on it. The most I usually got was, "It's good, but why does it have to be so DARK (or bloody, or gorey, or scary, or tragic, or depressing)?" In other words, "It would be good, if someone else wrote it and it were an entirely different poem/story."

I sometimes think of quotes that would fit the different sun signs. I thought of one for Virgo the other day. "Look on the bright side, you've got your work cut out for you."

> Have you ever thought of writing plays? This is the kind of thing I'm driving at.

Yeah, I've experimented with it a little. I've got some friends involved in underground theater, in and around Boston, who keep pestering me to write something, but I dont know. I dont think that crowd would like my stuff, even if my friends sometimes do.

> I have faith in you!!

Thank you, AT. I have faith in you, too.

> And I do know what you mean about relationships making one feel like one can achieve anything...suddenly the world seems more colourful, the existence of a certain person makes life meaningful.

Totally. Its inexpressible. Its pure magic. In Hinduism, they say that love opens the third eye chakra. Its got to be true.

posted February 12, 2006 04:07 PM         

> my job involves using a computer and I need to take breaks etc.

And you've got Aquarius on the 6th... Do you take precautions against electro-magnetic chaos? Certain stones, and other things, when worn or placed between yourself and the source (i.e. computer, telelvision, cell phone), are said to absorb or deflect this stuff.

I'm so glad you liked my poems, and thank you for your glowing encouragment. I can see how they might be illustrated, but I'd be curious to hear someone's musical interpretation of my work. I can be pretty picky in my tastes. I wonder about putting something out there that I'm not satisfied with, just to make money, or just because its slightly better than a lot of what is out there. I always see/hear stuff and think "I could do that with my eyes closed, but how could I live with myself?" I guess I'm kind of an elitist that way, but I suffer more than anyone by comparison to my own standards.

I agree with your friends. If you can afford to experiment with what YOU like, you should go for it, and there's a great chance that people will be able to resonate with it, because it will come from the heart, and, however idiosyncratic or personal in nature, like all sincere art, it will reflect a universal experience. Some artists are popular because they give people what they want, but others gain popularity because they tell people what to want. The former come and go, and are forgotten, but the latter approach immortality.

I think the greatest art is either shockingly blatant in expressing its message, or very subversive. I like subversion in art, because it allows the artist to preach to someone other than the converted. You get people to listen, because they think they are hearing what they want to hear,... then you slip in the irony!! But, if the art is blatant enough, you can convey your message just by getting them to glance at it for an instant. Like, I've always liked the idea of a mansion sitting right next door to a hovel; maybe J-Lo lounging in the front yard, fanned and catered to by daubiting (sp?) sycophants, and some baby starving, squeeling and squirming in the dirt a dozen feet away. Manipulating something as small as geographical distance can put these issues in people's laps. Maybe its a political cartoon, and a bubble is coming out of her mouth, with the words, "I know where I came from," (like in one of her songs), suggesting that she came naked and squeeling out of the dirt, like that infant, like the rest of us, and has turned her back on it (maybe she's facing away from the baby). Or, how about a portrait of a generic rapper, wearing a diamond-studded cross, and a giant gold chain that reads, "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven,". You could call it "Luke 6:46" (that being "Why call ye me Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?"). Thats the kind of weird, religious stuff I dig.

> I received the first set of proofs a little while ago and seeing it all laid out made me feel rather emotional, as I remembered the hours of hard work that had gone into it.

That's great! Its impressive, too. I really envy your ability to blend science and art; objective observation and creative interpretation. I think that must appeal to many people, specifically, people with a strong Pisces/Virgo axis. Its an amazing feeling when you work so hard to bring something out of you, into the world, and you look at it, and think, "that came out of
me". Kind of maternal, isnt it?

Saturn in the 10th, though it suggests some fear and difficulty around the career, is a pretty awesome placement. Saturn is the natural ruler of that house. Also, it lends a gravity to the personality, so you are not lacking in depth. Also, you've got Cappy on the 5th, so, hard work is probably part of your idea of a good time. In any case, it is a great combination, if you want to express yourself in concrete forms. Incidentally, I sometimes think of quotes that would fit the different sun signs. I thought of one for Virgo the other day. "Look on the bright side, you've got your work cut out for you."

About fame... Mostly, I value fame because it would allow me to reach, influence, and communicate with the greatest number of people. But there is also a great desire for attention and recognition in me, and I dont know if it can be satisfied on a smaller scale, just as there is a desire to be appreciated on a more personal level, which the impersonal nature of fame could never satisfy. The fact that the world of celebrity is so vacuous, is, imo, all the more reason for sincere, high-minded people to want to break into it. We have to give the public new idols. People are not ready yet to dispense with idols, so we might as well (in fact, we'd better) give them idols with integrity. These are not people working in secret. "We do not place a candle under a bushel, but where it may give light to all the world." Occassionally, an artist will appear on the scene who is a perfect fit for that time and place, and these are the ones we call the voices of a generation. Without them, without voices like Fyodor Dostoevsky, Bob Dylan, and Kurt Cobain, we would be forced to express ourselves through crude, perhaps violent, means, and we would be misunderstood. These people speak for an underground experience. They come along when the time is right, not for the passing generation, but for the coming one, and they carve out a niche, and they carve it in stone.

When I was younger, I was really into acting, and thought I would be an actor. Now, I dont think that would satisfy my need to express MYSELF, unless I were a writer/director as well. But, to be honest, I dont have the drive, or maybe the self-confidence, or confidence in my message (((yet?!?!))). I am like Bob Dylan, "I'll know my song well, before I start singin',". And, if I never find my voice, I will keep silence. "Silence is the wisdom of the foolish, and the folly of the wise." (- Me) You reminded me of something I once read, about the philosopher/economist Adam Smith, when he published his book on morals, and it was a huge success with the public. The philosopher David Hume wrote to him and jokingly expressed his condolences (as it was generally agreed upon, by great minds, that public acclaim was a good sign of the mediocrity of one's work). I think its both possible and important to express yourself in a way that reaches the public, while still transmitting (at least, on a subconscious level) something which is essentially ahead of its time. Look at Shakespeare! Great truths have always been ahead of the times, and artists we have taken time to embrace in past centuries, we might initially reject, even in this one, were they to live in our time. But, there is something about them which makes them hard to ignore, and, even if it takes several hundred years, we almost always come around to rediscover and embrace them. Whether my own small work is embraced or not, it will be what it is, good or bad, and I need to make my peace with that, and not look to others for assurance of my worth. But, even so, I will not be satisfied to light my candle, however bright, and keep it under a bushel.

I could relate to your memory of your Mother throwing your painting down the stairs when you were 9. My Mom is a Virgo (Leo Moon, Gem asc), and not especially warm or diplomatic. I remember, growing up, every time I would bring her one of my poems or short stories to read, she would pick up her red pen (lol!!!!!!!!!), and I'd get it back with all her "corrections" on it. The most I usually got was, "It's good, but why does it have to be so DARK (or bloody, or gorey, or scary, or tragic, or depressing)?" In other words, "It would be good, if someone else wrote it and it were an entirely different poem/story."

> Have you ever thought of writing plays? This is the kind of thing I'm driving at.

Yeah, I've experimented with it a little. I've got some friends involved in underground theater, in and around Boston, who keep pestering me to write something, but I dont know. I dont think that crowd would like my stuff, even if my friends sometimes do.

> I have faith in you!!

Thank you, AT. I have faith in you, too.

> And I do know what you mean about relationships making one feel like one can achieve anything...suddenly the world seems more colourful, the existence of a certain person makes life meaningful.

Totally. Its inexpressible. Its pure magic. In Hinduism, they say that love opens the third eye chakra. Its got to be true.