posted June 10, 2006 10:37 AM         

(thanks dear ladies )

I just wanted to say that I don't think I'm an expert by any means. Hell no. This is a new phase that I'm experimenting with myself.
That's what I was alluding to towards the end. I can't say with certainty, if it's even something that I'm meant for. I feel through an experience, that I've battled my ego (a tormentuous, excrutiating ordeal, that I'm not even sure if I'm up to going through again). But, the battle with the ego is an evergoing, ongoing thing. I don't think it's something you do and you're done with it. I'm sure lots of challenges await me.

If I want this freedom for myself, I have to be willing to give it as well. There comes the tougher part, that I'm not sure how over time I would deal with, if I were to truly fall heads over heels in Love with someone.

I've searched deep inside....and I have come to a conclusion that I don't believe I'm meant to be married or live as a 'Unit' with someone. Of course this is going to be greatly affected by the fact that my own marriage is just ending, and be influenced by the experiences I've had. I fear the day-to-day familiarity with one person, and having to think too much as 'one mind' is detrimental to the freedom of the Soul to shine on it's own. But of course, this isn't true in all cases. And I do admire others who can find a way have a balance of freedom in their relationship.
Maybe it was my husband and I's Saturn/Venus opposition. He Saturn, me Venus. I began to feel suffocated and suppressed over time. His presence had a dampening effect on my spirit. Like, being engulphed in a shadow.
Breaking free of the shadow...soaring free.
With freedom, in come the beautiful gifts I can't deny. It's about the journey, not the destination, isn't it?
The Doors~ 'take it easy, baby~ take it as it comes.'

posted June 10, 2006 10:38 PM         

Yeah! One day at a time! Find what works for you! Love yourself! Be yourself!

You are one of the most loving souls I have ever met!

Blessing of love to you dear Lady Lia!

posted June 11, 2006 12:12 AM         

blessings of love to you too,
beautiful soul.

posted June 11, 2006 11:10 AM         

I do tend to agree with you, Paras, that truth is much simpler than we would like to believe it is. That's because we human beings like to complicate things because that makes us appear to be a lot smarter than we really are.

posted June 11, 2006 12:02 PM         

Just wanted to let you know that I did read your monogamy thread. I noticed on that thread that you said your moon was in pisces. So is mine. I am taurus, pisces, cancer.

From the thoughts and feelings you shared on that thread and here, Magus, I intuit that you are very young, probably in your 20's. I think it's normal for young people to experiment sexually in relationships and to question the status quo regarding relationships. I have 3 kids, 2 of which are sons, and I know that they did and still do. We all do. Rarely is there someone who just takes things on the word of someone else or what is considered the "norm" in society. Most of what we learn throughout life comes from trial and error.

I have no problem with young, single people finding their way in life through questioning and experimentation in relationships. I don't see that to be a good thing in an established relationship though. Marriage is based on commitment and the ability to commit ourself to one partner. People normally marry for security and though security may not be a passionate turn on it's very important in a relationship. All women, and I think men too, have the need for security in love relationships. We need to know that person that we totally entrust our whole being to is going to be there for us through thick and thin. In mulitple partner relationships what happens if one partner's health should fail or an accident should cripple them? If you should suddenly become ill and your partner is out messing around with a new person they found to "fulfill a need" they have that you can no longer fulfill how is that going to make you feel? Who is going to be there for you during the thin times?

What I am hearing from you guys are things like " I would have to struggle to overcome my feelings of jealousy, etc." To say that implies that you are willing to work very hard at compartmentalizing or suppressing normal human feelings in order to have mulitiple sexual partners in a relationship.

My question is why would anyone want to live like that where they would have to compartmentalize their feelings? That is not a good thing. It's neither mentally or physically a healthy thing to do. I think that would only create resentment towards the person you were suppressing your feelings for in order to please. The relationship certainly could not grow and improve that way because relationships only deepen, grow and improve through both partners freely expressing their TRUE feeling. In healthy relationships there would be freedom to do that. Strugging to overcome any feeling is not freedom. If there was freedom in a relationship to express feelings there would be no struggle at all to control, suppress or deny any true feelings.

Emotional pretense, which is deeply embedded in our national character, makes vulnerability into a weakness, and lying about feelings seem like a strength. We try to talk our children out of rather than into their hurt feelings. It's self-deceptive charade to cover up hurt feelings. It is said that - "What we don’t know about our feelings can kill us! Unattended pain may silently simmer inside, but eventually explode in rage and violence, depression, and self-destructive behavior."

It amounts to betrayal of our self. It is hard to be self-accepting or emotionally intimate when we’re rejecting our feelings.

It's just not a real good idea to get into patterns of denying true feelings just to please or impress someone else. Beyond that it is going to doom any of our relationships which are only healthy relationships if we can truly and freely express our feelings.

posted June 11, 2006 12:07 PM         

quote:

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But talking about "simple truths" I just happened to have a conversation with a couple of happily married guys. They admitted that while they wouldn't even think about cheating, after years and years of happy monogamy the deep seated feeling of "missing out on something" surfaces fairly often. Of course, it's heavily outweighted by love, commitment, etc and rarely acted on.

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posted June 19, 2006 09:03 PM         

I absolutely, positively look at cheating as some of the ultimate cowardices in the world. I would sooner accept being spat in the face than cheated on.

posted June 20, 2006 06:22 AM         

I wish the world was more tollerant to uniqueness, differing choices & the unorthodox. I keep an open mind to most concepts in this world. I try to understand the whole picture before I make up my mind on a subject. Then I have what I belive is ok for others & what is ok for me.

I absolutely believe that it's ok to have multiple spouses, same sex, different race & open marriages. The only exeption is if people are being hurt, e.g. an unwhitting participant.

It sounds like Touchstone has a wonderful thing going on with her & her husband. It sounds like the 'ground rules' or the vows made between them are worked out & honored. I firmly believe that a marriage is made in the hearts of both or each member.

I know me, and I know I can only truly be fulfilled in a monogamous relationship. It has nothing to do with religion or morallity. It's about what I've experienced in my life & the security that monogamy would bring.