posted July 28, 2006 12:53 AM         

Often, a man will go along with one of these talks, smile and nod his head, and seem very agreeable, then BOOM "I think we should break up."

The man doesn't want to stop you in the middle of the conversation, because he doesn't want a dramatic confrontation.

He feels is would be rude to tell you to "put on the breaks" while you're spiling over with tender feelings.

They think it's better to play along, and wait until later for a "better time" to tell you it's over.

The point is: don't go along with one of these talks, even if HE brings it up. And certainly don't bring it up yourself.

posted July 28, 2006 09:42 AM         

That is the entire thing I am talking about you want to attract the right person energy that you give out..Some people have to step back and be alone and do it and some people can do it while interacting with anoter I have had my share of doing it both ways ...Soul Searching is a Wonderful thing.. I know who I am and what I bring...

I don't cry for those women that are in a bad situation with a man I pray for them and with them..Cause at some point we all have to learn..

posted July 28, 2006 01:44 PM         

quote:

---

he comes on strong and shows more interest in you than you do in him
he tells you that you are special, or indicates your ‘specialness' in other ways
even though he has many failed relationships, he makes you feel that it was just because he has never met anyone like you
he goes out of his way to impress you
he comes on as ‘needy' and ‘vulnerable', you almost feel sorry for him
he hints around that he is looking for a more ‘permanent' and stable relationship, and drops clues of marriage
goes out of his way to be with you, do things for you, even canceling other plans and disrespecting his friends
he calls you up just to say ‘hi' - often
he refers to you both in the future sense, "when 'we' go to Bahamas 'next year', I want to buy you that..."
he acts as if you are the number one priority in his life
he is sympathetic to women's plights, and often belittles other men who treat women poorly
he goes out of his way to earn your trust
he tries to convince you to ‘commit' to him exclusively or sexually

---

posted July 28, 2006 02:07 PM         

Joking on the crying thing!

But I do hear alot of stories from my fellow women that make me even more appreciative of the place I am at in life! Would not go back to that stage of learning for NOTHING!

posted July 28, 2006 02:12 PM         

But when you reach a certain level in your life certain things are unexceptable and you won't have it any other way..But that comes after those lessons..Once you know better you do better and you won't/can't go back..

posted July 28, 2006 03:16 PM         

Thanks Lia for this.....I needed to hear this....I have this with more than one person and will remind myself of it from time to time....

posted July 28, 2006 04:39 PM         

I just wish I could have seen it before I got so sucked in.

Mama Mia... thanks for all your kind words... I wish nothing but love, light and happiness for all everyone on the board.

posted July 28, 2006 06:43 PM         

Also, lowering you expectations helps... don't rely on him for your happiness... You are an entity unto yourself...

And if all else fails... good wine, shopping, and fine cuisine!

posted July 28, 2006 07:09 PM         

i wanted to give you an excerpt from a book i am reading called "finding your soulmate"
because i am going through something somewhat similar (not communicating) w/ someone and this really helped me and i think you need to hear it:

"God is never more than a breadth away and always willing to give us all we can stand to possess at any given time. Through silent communication within, all desires are known and granted immediately. However, God will not do the actual labor or act as messenger for anyone. That is why he sent you and me into a three-dimenstional reality to express and experience whatever idea God or co-creator man desired to manifest on earth......too much energy can
shatter or electrocute an idea-which means death to the idea three-dimensionally....listen to the voice within for instruction-then act upon it without hesitation.....the truth that God will grant you anything and everything must be implanted indelibly on your mind. it all begins with prayer and desire-the more intense your desire-the more power is provided to speed it into worldly form."

posted July 28, 2006 07:41 PM         

Thankfully, I've moved past it now, but it did take me a good three years after the fact. I think Mama Mia's on the right track with what she said in an earlier post. I think that these deep heartaches and gut wrenching experiences are part of life. In fact, I don't believe that people who have never suffered a loss of love like this or a sort of unreciprocated love, are not complete. These experiences make us stronger and strengthen the soul. Like she said, once you've gone through it you know what you'll never put up with again. You understand your own self worth and you're that much more willing to let the "right" person in when they do come along.

Always remember that if a person truly loves you, they would show it. Words are not enough and actions speak volumes. I know you ladies are good people and you deserve happiness. I know how difficult it is to walk away, but sometimes you just have to ask yourself, "How much am I willing to endure?"

posted July 28, 2006 10:15 PM         

I think when a man screws with your emotions and upsets you, 9 times out of 10 he isn't trying to do that and probably doesn't even know that he is. If they really loved you, the way that you should be loved, they would take it to heart if they knew how much they hurt you. That would bother them and they would try immediately to rectify the situation. He would be conscious of it.

I'm not saying that none of these men love you ladies...not at all. However, it doesn't seem like any of them love you the way you want them to or need them to and that's unhealthy for you. All relationships take work, there will always be fights and misunderstandings, but waiting months which turn into years for a man is not worth it. It shouldn't be constant agony. I have a friend that's been chasing a guy she's madly in love with for 5 years now. He knows how she feels and he hasn't returned her feelings, but he STILL keeps her hanging by calling once every few months or so and wants to get together with her. I can't imagine a man who's madly in love with someone and known them for 5 years would do that. One thing that all women should know is that you can't change a man. I firmly believe that now.

The guy that broke my heart, who I've told you about before, I have no doubt in my mind loved me, very much, but not the way I wanted him to. He didn't want a relationship and was not ready for it. I thought forever that he was my twin soul and researched it and bought many books on the subject. Maybe he was, but even from everything I've read on it I've learned that a lot of times one of the people is not ready and can't handle it. They walk away and the other party has to move on.

All I was trying to say is that love should be reciprocal, and I DO believe that when you're in love you should be HAPPY the majority of the time.

posted July 28, 2006 10:19 PM         

Personally, I meditate and pray that God will send me the right person, whether it is this man I've been pining for or someone completely different. I just want to find the right person and be with them and love them and have them love me...

(don't we all want that!)

I don't mind dating around a bit, but if I could just stumble upon The One, that would be GGGRRRREEAAAT! Heheheh.

Personally, I think men and women are more alike than we are different. Both sexes have the capacity for kindness, complexity, simplicity... we all have issues, wants, needs, desires...

I agree with CrankyC in the beginning courtship phase... men are pretty simple. He's either interested or not.

But later on, things get murky.

posted July 29, 2006 03:05 AM         

Isn't it eerie how close to home it hits???

posted July 29, 2006 05:20 AM         

At least now I know exactly what I'm dealing with. Whatever happens, there is some "closure" in knowing that.

posted July 29, 2006 09:27 PM         

About guys Capgirl and Venus de milo: Wow I feel your pain. I've faced something like that once, I used to like this guy a lot, and he liked me too and he came on strong in the beginning, anyways I used to constantly email him and chat up with him and on his birthday I sent him a personal made birthday-card and he didn't even say a thank you, I asked him if he read it and he went all "Oh not yet" and he didn't bother to wish me on my birthday and slowly and slowly he started ignoring me and not replying to anything. I emailed him asking him why he was being so distant and he kept quiet, and then I heard from an outside source that he is dating another girl and that other girl was my friend who knew about my love supposedly , I confided in her about it, I saw him in a party after some 2 months with that friend of mine and he basically was ignoring me and was being pretty cruelish (he even called me stupid). I was deeply hurt and I wondered why this happened, I used to be so nice to him, anyways being really young I did not know how to deal with this and couldn't keep him out of my mind, and my studies went to waste. My sister being the smart girl she is, sent me to a special needs school as a volunteer, I go there every week now btw, anyways when I went for special-needs I learnt a profound lesson about energy, I was greiving about him, being miserable while look at him, he's off enjoying with his girlfriend. I was donating my energy to him and giving it to him, I decided to give my time and energy to something more worthful (like those special needs kids who deserve it so much more) since clearly he was draining me of my energy. And since I live with me forever, I obviously put myself first so I studied hard for my exams,that relationship became a force for me to commit myself to something else, and give my energy to worthful sources, I passed my exams and with flying colours! ... I ranked 4th, and I remember baking brownies for the special needs kids as a celebration. I felt really empowered and next time I walked past him, I didn't even look back, I didn't feel the need to, as I had my energy. So I think, thats the key, stop thinking about him, stop giving him so much energy, go and live your life! Find your passions! Drums, studies, anything, he IS not worth your time, find someone better and enjoy life!

Sthenri: I liked what you said, basically this: "Success in the relationships is measured by quality of time, not length of time being with someone." So true I'll note this down and you give brilliant advice btw.