posted August 05, 2006 01:53 AM         

That was last year, it's been hit or miss since then, conversations here, or there. Nothing out of the way. For reason's already stated i can't seem to shake her out of my head, and I don't want to. One thing I'm not is in a position to jump into the first thing I see, or enjoy. I'm engaged, just had a baby (She will be 1 in a month by the way), i'm set to marry on 9/23. With a girl thats been my friend for years, and whom i Love.

The flipside is that things on the other end are even more intese. It's so strange, I might not see her all Night, but i'll know if she's at work or not. We still talk when we get a chance. I'll ask her the usual icebreaker, "How's life?" The response is always different, but the smile is always the same. She asked me to breakfast one morning, in inclined only because i wanted to see where it would go, with the converasations we've had. I just had to know more. She was on Overtime, and My fiance would be home in the morning and expecting me, so I asked for a rein Check. She agreed, and I told her that Monday Morning would be our best bet. (We both work Night shift)

So we there I was leaving at my usual time Monday, (6/6/06) She said she had some things to do before she left so I told her i'd wait for her. Now here's the strange part.

I leave work Normall at 7am, I get a call at 6:30am from My fiance, she never calls me that early, but tells me she needs money for womanly stuff. So once i leave, I hall arse to drop her money off so i can be at the breakfast spot on time. And I was, but so was my Mother, as soon as i pulled in there she was, my mom getting something to go before breakfast. It did just happen to be on her way to work. I chatted with her hoping the girl didn't show up while she was there. I told her that I was eating alone, which i've done many times and would be nothing out of the ordinary. She leaves I go In an get a Table for 1, just in case she decided not to show, so I could let myself down easy. She shows up about 15 minutes later, we get to talking and all that. We are in the middle or a great conversation, when i Look over and see, a guy we work with, and his son. My first thought was what are the chances. Technically they are pretty good, but adding all the variables of that day together. One in a million. I mentioned that i thought all of this was somehow synchronisic. And then she tells me that another guy we work with ask her If she wanted to have breakfast with him that same morning. She told him the truth, that she had plans and couldn't. She also told me that she's known him a while as friends, and he's never exculisvly asked her to breakfast. Strange No? So we finish breakfast go our seperate ways, with no plans of meeting outside of work again. I didn't see her for about a month. Usual stuff when she'd come around, deep intense conversations. Stuff you can only talk about with certain people, you know?

Then there was Yesterday...

Her birthday was wednesday 8/2, she turned 21. (Just to mention it my best friend from when i was 13, until 22 had the same birthday, Different Year.) So I asked her If i could take her out for a drink to celebrate, she inclines obviously, so we decided to hit the bar at 8 in the morn. Needless to say we never make it there...

I tell her that I'll drive but we should drop her car off at her place so i can just drop her there after we have a few. (She has recently had some troubles with the Law, and Driving). Once we get to her place, as i expected, she invites me up for a few, she has beer there. I say yes and we go inside for a few, we talked about tons of stuff for hours. Nothing happened that shouldn't have. (Just when you thought it was getting good). But i felt myself more drawn to her, she's so vibrant, like me somehow, but so different at the same time. Simular interests, music, thoughts even. It's so wrong...

I came home at about 1:30pm went to sleep. Just woke up at about 11 and I've been thinking about it since. I know on one hand its soooo wrong, but on the other hand I almost don't care. I know that something will happen if it continues, and that i owe it to myself, to atleast keep her as a friend. Only thing is that it would have to be discrete, because of my relationship.

I ran a composite on us, on astro.com just to see what it said. It's scary too.

Venus In 11th, Sign of a deep love affair.
Venus Squared Neptune.
Then i saw moon square venus...

Unlike most squares, the square of composite Moon and composite Venus cannot really be called a difficult aspect. Its major effect is to give an air of compulsion when this relationship is beginning; that is, you both have an urgent feeling that you should get together.

The only real difficulty here is that even if you are not really suited to each other, you may be drawn together almost as if by a fatal force. By itself this aspect will not tell you whether a relationship will be a good one; it only designates the presence of this powerful attraction. Therefore you must evaluate your relationship carefully. But if you are getting along well with each other, the feelings of love between you will be greater than average, and your relationship should endure.

The generalization that i got from this was that either as a friendship, or a relationship is that it will be something that will last a while, and have signifigance to both of us.

I'm sure all of you will have different judgements and opinions on what i should do, ETC. Which is what i'm looking for, If your more interested in the Composite or want to do some synastry, I can give you the Info, Just ask.

posted August 05, 2006 05:43 AM         

Hmmm.....not sure about the discreet bit either...you may get found out and hurt your woman very badly. She is the mother of yer child....how would she feel.

Whatever you do or feel, please try and be honest....

I feel for you...really I do..... And I have been there...twice....and it ended up with pain and hurt.

posted August 06, 2006 05:01 AM         

You are very young....I at your age was divorced....I committed myself too young to marriage..I was 20, he was 24. We didnt have children together, he ran off with my best friend...I had met someone new.

Have you talked to your partner about the feelings you have for this young woman....would you? Or will you choose to marry and deny whats happening with the other?

I know this will be hard for you....but can you try, or will you be tempted to go further and then realise you are in a very difficult situation...

Can I help at all.....?......

posted August 06, 2006 09:40 AM         

In this one however, there is a matter of jealousy, envy, etc. here. Let me explain.

Just to test the water, we went to dinner last night, and a few days ago i had ran into an old friend, (strangly i've seen like 4 of former GF's in the past month, that i haven't seen in years). So i told her that i ran into her and talked to her. She totally blew up, are you still talking to her, did you sleep with her, on and on all night. And that was when she was talking to me.

I can only Imagine how she would react to if i told her the truth. I know what i probably should, but I know it would end it right there. So It's like this, I could unfortantly, bite the bullet, tell her and have a huge fight, have to leave. Or not tell her hold in my feelings, and go into this marriage, that way with them potentinally coming out again later.

It should be an easy answer, it was so easy At christmas when I asked her to marry me. There wasn't a doubt in my mind then. There isn't a doubt that I love her. There are so many variables in our relationship that i can't get into here. I've always thought that relationship with both about sacrifice, and compromise. So much i've done for this one. But I hate feeling held back, my whole life I've wore some sort of burden that I can't shake. I find it so hard to open up to most people, I've been shy, cold, distant with people. An answer will come to me. Perhaps I'm over thinking it and should just let things work out the way they do, or don't. And being able to atleast release myself here is more help than i'd get anywhere else. I guess that's what it's for right? You can't know exactly how i feel, but what might you do in this situation?

posted August 06, 2006 03:52 PM         

Damn Venus in Sag.....hmmmm....can be a difficult one.

What would I do...???

Well, I did go ahead and get married in my 20s cos I didnt have the courage to back out...and if I had my time again? Well I wouldnt have dont it, but then again there was no child involved....

Have you had many relationships. Do you feel you have missed out, and do you think if you went ahead and got wed, it would work out for you...?

Just be honest with yerself and ask these questions....

Do you feel becos of yer partners jealousy, you may at some point rebel and break out anyway.

You talked of freedom in yer marriage.....would you be free, or would you end up feeling trapped?

Consider all these things before you make a commitment...becos marriage is one, a big one.....

And then you have a child to consider....being in her life, and being a father etc.....

Not an easy decision hey. I wish you luck and please keep talking it does help.

posted August 08, 2006 06:23 AM         

But after very very very hard thinking, I decided that It is better that i told her. And I did, i got the reaction I expected. But all i can say for myself is atleast i was honest with her. Now everything is a mess, a total mess that i get to cleanup and turn into something useful for myself again. It's too bad my daughter has to be in the middle of this, that's what hurts me the most, But somethings just don't work out. And I Couldn't allow myself to go the rest of my life with telling her how I felt. It's not right.

She is leaving me, which is the reaction that I expected. I know to myself I did nothing Morally wrong, I didn't cross that barrier, but after a certain point does it matter? No matter how many times I could tell her, she still wouldn't belive me. I'm pretty sure that if situations were reversed that I wouldn't belive her. Those feelings are in God's hands, and ill let him sort them out. As for me, Next time slowwwww.

posted August 08, 2006 08:48 AM         

Better this than go ahead and enter into a marriage that may not have worked out.....

You will both know what the right thing to do is....after some time apart...

posted August 08, 2006 09:58 AM         

I somehow feel both terrible, and Liberated.

The Main reason that I started this Topic in the first place was to express moreless the undenying attraction that i Have to this other Girl.

I had stated Earlier in this Post that our composite charts were, strange to say the least. I'm kind of looking into synastry right now just to see what I might be getting myself into, but i don't know much about it. I think either way that It will be things will take thier course. I'll be Punished for what i've done to this girl, and I deserve it. But I won't punish myself.

Again, Thanks for your insight, and Your help. It's much appreciated.

posted August 08, 2006 12:16 PM         

We have all the answers within dont we, but its so nice to have someone to share them with isnt it?

posted August 08, 2006 12:36 PM         

Because God knows me well enough that i'll need some Insight on something.

posted August 08, 2006 01:31 PM         

Happy to help

posted August 09, 2006 05:22 AM         

You have thrown away a good, stable, long-term relationsip with the mother of your child, for what is nothing more than a passing infatuation with a woman you barely know.

As soon as you get tucked into your involvment with this other woman, you will come to realize she is not the goddess/soul mate you think she is.

Didn't the universe send you enough signs, trying to prevent your secret dates?

Don't believe me? Mark my words.

This was a simple case of cold feet. And I'm afraid you've turned it into a real dizaster.

Sue G - I am very disappointed with the terrible advice you have offered this man in a vulnerable moment.

posted August 09, 2006 08:07 AM         

quote:

---

You have thrown away a good, stable, long-term relationsip with the mother of your child, for what is nothing more than a passing infatuation with a woman you barely know.

---

This relatioship did not seem to be that good, did it?

Stable and long-term? Probably, but would it be a happy relationship? I don't think so;

Nothing more than a passing infatuation with a woman you barely know. Passing? We don't know it yet.

I think only PP knows what he should do about his life, and if he does not get a good feeling about the marriage (and he definitely does not otherwise he would not have got attracted to someone else right before the wedding!) it's better to acknowlege it the sooner the better;

I don't think he will regret this decision;

posted August 09, 2006 09:14 AM         

@PansPride, from ur post i could make out that all the time u met her...u were behaving in a very furtive manner...this can only be because u knew what u were doing is not right...u had the guilty conscious...

also u sight reasons like ur fiancee is very jealous and over possessive and all...
when did u notice this? u said that she was ur long time friend and also u loved her...

u never became aware of this side of ur fiancee till u met the other girl!! thts really strange! if she is that bad as u r saying then definitley u wudn't have thought of getting married to her in the first place!!

from ur post i could see that u r trying to justify what u did!!

what i feel is that u were just trying to find some silly reasons to avoid getting married...and by chance u also met another girl!

posted August 09, 2006 09:34 AM         

I have been married three times and wasnt honest with my partners...they ended in very painful circumstances....I lived a lie for a while and this was very wrong, for all concerned.

Sometimes we instinctively "know" the answer and then someone appears with information that was already there....

I am going with my experience and deep intuition....

Carrying secrets around never ever made for a good marriage....trust me I know these things...

Sweetberry.....I understand what you are saying...but I know this wouldnt be a one off girl....PP would keep on facing this lesson, until he is ready to settle down...

He probably isnt ready....and I take if from your post, you are very young yourself...am I right...?

How many marriages? Children? None....am I right?

I have had a lot of experience in love and can usually spot a mile off when something is amiss...

posted August 09, 2006 09:43 AM         

And why in the name of God would anyone who loved another want to live and lie to them....

As we all know.....the truth always outs....

Tis a brave man who can be honest and brave....

* * * * * * *

I know of a woman who wasnt ready to get married....she had an affair after being wed for 3 months and then another after two years and then another after 5 years and so on....

She lied to her hubbie but he found out about the third one....he was devestated...he said he felt like a failure...

She chose to lie and not be honest...and now he probably will never trust her again...

That is what I am saying...true love and lies dont go together.

Pans you are a brave and honest man....

posted August 09, 2006 12:34 PM         

sue.....{quote}My love life has always been complicated and I have always yearned for what I cannot have....its hell..... {/quote}

Me too

posted August 09, 2006 03:43 PM         

She said people who lie are in fear, and fear and love dont share the same bed....

Its so true isnt it....

posted August 09, 2006 10:15 PM         

quote:

---

Peri: would it be a happy relationship? I don't think so.

---

Why? Only because of his wandering eye.

He needs to grow up, just because you get a crush on a co-worker doesn't mean you have to go breaking up your home!

Over a thirty year marriage, he could have 30 passing crushes. There's nothing wrong with looking. It's NORMAL. It does not mean you have to destroy what you already have.

quote:

---

Passing? We don't know it yet.

---

Exactly. WE DON'T KNOW YET. He barely even knows this woman!

Sue G - What? I'm in my thirties and divorced.

Everyone need to quit projecting their horror stories from their god awful marriages onto this guy.

That's your story, not his.

He hasn't said anything negative at all about his fiancee or their relationship.

If she got jealous, then rightfully so, since he was sneaking around with other women.

They were engaged. She has a child with him. I'm sure she noticed his odd changes of behavior, and her alarm went off.