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Author
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Topic: Uh ,ok. I don't know whether to be mad or cry or what...
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GeminiLover75
Knowflake Posts: 1013
From:
Registered: Apr 2006
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posted January 29, 2007 04:30 AM
 
We were just watching something on TV where two people were getting married, and the lady broke down in tears as she was saying her vows. And Mr Gem said to me, in all seriousness (!!!), "that would be you... that's why I'd never propose to you - cos you're emotionally unstable." Meaning that I would get emotional if he proposed!!! Ahh! Wth! I am not emotionally unstable... I've just had A BAD YEAR. aka the rough ride from Hell!Now I wanna cry.........  Now gee, seriously... has my bad year ruined my chances of ever marrying him? Because he thinks I'm a crazy person who CRIES about things??? The doctor said I was depressed... I'm not so depressed anymore, it was relatively short-term... I had a lot of constant stress! And I feel that I'm out on the other side of it now... how the heck do I redeem myself as not being "emotionally unstable"??? IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 8216
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005
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posted January 29, 2007 05:29 AM
The simple answer is: by being in charge. While it's true that you have to be vulnerable to have a good relationship, when it comes to stuff like re-establishing how great you are as a partner I think confidence is key. No one is ever really into needy people, but everyone seems to love people who are confident, in control, and who like themselves. Forget about trying to please him. Just do things around him and with him that give you self-respect. If you do things that make you like who you are, then you'll be happier and he'll be drawn to you.IP: Logged |
GeminiLover75
Knowflake Posts: 1013
From:
Registered: Apr 2006
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posted January 29, 2007 05:59 AM
Yeah true. It just bugs me that I've allowed things like my ex, my mother, health concerns, a hair disaster, money troubles, work stress, tiredness and so on to get SO on top of me that I've ended up being seen as "emotionally unstable"... and then just as things are looking A LOT better (health is better, finances better, mood better, and I finally just firmly told my mother the way my life is going to be whether she likes it or not, and I'm FEELING much more like my old self), to be told (albeit in a joking way - yet somehow not joking) that that's what I am... you know? I suppose I just need to re-establish myself for my own sake, which is what I was doing, but now I just feel irritated by his comment...... (and irritated with myself for being so unlike myself in the past year)... IP: Logged |
themysteryclub
Knowflake Posts: 276
From: United States of America
Registered: Nov 2005
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posted January 29, 2007 10:16 AM
Hey my heart goes out to you on this one. I think AcousticGod hit the hammer on the nail in regards to a solution for your problem. I really understand your irritation at yourself and at your boyfriend. Well, don't let your irritation at yourself snowball into something more. Instead take the initiative of not apologizing for yourself..everyone is entitled to a bad year!! You might want to mention to your bf that his comment was insensitive, and every person goes through a dark tunnel and gets a little shaky at times. Love is not just for the fun times, but the rough times as well. If he really loves you he will see you through all your good and bad moments (and I am not implying that he doesn't  ) My bet is that he has been genuinely concerned about your welfare, and that he couldn't express it in a more graceful way. I hate to state a typical cliche but...men are insensitive and say things the WRONG WAY sometimes! Just talk to him about it. My bf is a gem and he said something the other day that REALLY rubbed me the wrong way, so I talked to him about it. Gems usually like to talk so he will probably be open to discussing it. I am sending you positive vibes (with your permission of course!) Keep your chin up! TMC  IP: Logged |
InLoveWithLife
Knowflake Posts: 874
From: In the middle of nowhere
Registered: Aug 2006
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posted January 29, 2007 10:35 AM
hell i'd cry on my wedding day....wht's unstable about that? IP: Logged |
Motherkonfessor
Knowflake Posts: 813
From:
Registered: Oct 2003
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posted January 29, 2007 02:16 PM
I would be SERIOUSLY reconsidering why I would want to marry someone who says and/or thinks of me like that.Who is he to judge your emotional stability? MK IP: Logged |
GeminiLover75
Knowflake Posts: 1013
From:
Registered: Apr 2006
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posted January 29, 2007 04:42 PM
He just thinks I would cry if I got proposed to and/or on my wedding day, because he's seen me cry a lot in the past year. What he said last night was just one of his throwaway comments but I can't help thinking that he said it because that's what he REALLY SEES. I agree that I've made myself look oversensitive and it bugs me! I could've dealt with things better, but I didn't and there's nothing I can do about it now. Ehh oh well. Pluto WAS in my 12th house and that's all I can say about it... it's now going into my first and I feel much better. So w/e! And yeah TMC, you're right about all of that. This morning the topic came up again and I said (cos he knows astrology better than I do), "I'd like to see how stable YOU are when Pluto goes through your 12th house!" and the way he looked at me I think he had forgotten I was having that transit but reminding him was a good thing. I said "No one gets off easy with that transit... thank God it's over!" and reminding him that he'll most likely NEVER have to experience Pluto transiting his 12th, he conceded he'll probably never know what it's like. So I think we have an understanding about it now... sheeesh seriously. You're right I shouldn't have to apologise for the crap that became unearthed for me during that whole time. Onward and upward...... btw, transiting Pluto conj. ascendant is interesting... and fun so far! I'm sure it's the reason why I'm buying all new makeup, hair products and clothes all of a sudden... and hair appointment on Saturday! Yay me.  IP: Logged |
Gooberzlostlovefound
Knowflake Posts: 1137
From: and the embers never fade in your city by the lake
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted January 30, 2007 03:01 PM
Your boyfriend sounds like an a$$hole.Sorry..I'm fasting and feeling kind of blunt today. By the way That would have hurt my feelings a lot, too. IP: Logged |
Gemini Nymph
Knowflake Posts: 2192
From:
Registered: Jul 2004
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posted January 30, 2007 03:16 PM
I agree with Gooberz. That's just mean and out of line, and only a$$holes say things like that. And I'm not fasting. I'm just naturally blunt. It would have definitely hurt my feelings. It's unwarranted criticism. I would have dumped something either very hot or very cold in his lap. Besides, we all know that men are far more emoitonally unstable than women are. Why else do they feel they need to hide their feelings so much?  IP: Logged |
Swerve
Knowflake Posts: 1087
From: London
Registered: Nov 2002
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posted January 30, 2007 03:44 PM
Hi Gem LoverYep, agree your bf showed a lack of tact that clearly borders on contempt. There is a book called "the Passion Trap". Look it up on Amazon. Not only does it explain this situation to you so that get a clear understanding of whats happened, but also how to correct it. All about the balance of ...passion..which is a result of self-confidence, independence and respect. You need all three components to be truly desirable to a partner. Is he really the kind of guy you want to spend the rest of your life with, or someone you want your kids to learn from? Would he accept the same treatment if he had had a tough period? You're only human sweetheart, but there ARE dynamics you need to understand to empower YOURSELF in such a situation. Read the book. You may just give him the heavo-ho and shock him to his boots. Swerve IP: Logged |
GeminiLover75
Knowflake Posts: 1013
From:
Registered: Apr 2006
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posted January 30, 2007 04:31 PM
Yes he was tactless but it's not something I would consider a dumping offence. IP: Logged |
Swerve
Knowflake Posts: 1087
From: London
Registered: Nov 2002
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posted January 30, 2007 04:59 PM
Thats OK Gem, forgiveness is divine.That was mostly tongue in cheek. You know him much better than me, but still don't allow disrespect as it can grow. Have a look at that book and see what you think. Swerve IP: Logged |
Gooberzlostlovefound
Knowflake Posts: 1137
From: and the embers never fade in your city by the lake
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted January 30, 2007 06:48 PM
hi Swerve~I remember you mentioning this book. Just went to amazon.com and ordered it. so thanks for the reminder IP: Logged |
Gooberzlostlovefound
Knowflake Posts: 1137
From: and the embers never fade in your city by the lake
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted January 30, 2007 06:51 PM
Gemini Nymph .... IP: Logged |
sthenri
Moderator Posts: 4452
From: Generic New England City
Registered: May 2003
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posted January 30, 2007 07:44 PM
The only time a man has showed me respect and never said anything except you are so wonderful, adorable, in charge and perfect is when I was ready to leave him for someone else! Maybe that's a good idea, to stay on your toes, always be ready to walk out the door, never get comfortable, never expect him to be your pillow or comforter. Always let him know that you are ready to walk out if that's what he wants.For me that's the only way to stay sane, and sometimes it's the only time a man wants to propose. Not very nice but true. Natasha
Taurus IP: Logged |
BornUnderDioscuri
Knowflake Posts: 1619
From: Never Never Land
Registered: Oct 2006
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posted January 30, 2007 08:53 PM
Mr Gem sounds like my Mr Gem on a bad day... that was way way way way out of line and id get mad. Emotionally unstable my a$$ not having ANY emotions is also quite unstable...so not like they are the balanced ones... if i was you id say "well since you clearly lack any feelings or a heart for that matter....i complete you" LOL thats what id say...shut him up at least lol. quote:
The simple answer is: by being in charge
I 110% agree with AG!! quote:
Forget about trying to please him. Just do things around him and with him that give you self-respect.
Exactly love, thats what I always say. AG is very very right!!
Good luck sweetheart! You're awesome seriously, you know im honest with you, i think you're one of the most amazing people i've ever spoken to. Dont let him get you down he is simply projecting his own insecurities. IP: Logged |
GeminiLover75
Knowflake Posts: 1013
From:
Registered: Apr 2006
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posted January 30, 2007 09:25 PM
Yes, I know what you mean Swerve... and yeah I also know what you mean Natasha! The only time I've been proposed to was when I WAS LEAVING FOR GOOD... that ****** me off. Like I wasn't good enough to marry until I had actually found someone else. He said he was just joking about the emotionally unstable thing. I'm still irritated by it though. Actually I'm generally irritated by every corner, nook and cranny of my life today. There isn't a person around me who isn't bugging me. IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 8216
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005
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posted January 31, 2007 03:50 AM
Thanks for the book reference, Swerve. My best friend and his wife are having some serious difficulties, and I just passed on your recommendation to the wife. Both of them have come to me to talk (talk about a strange position to be in). They're Taurus man and Cap woman. I went to Amazon.com, and though there are only 11 reviews, they're all crazy about that book. Hopefully I remember to get that book at some point.GemLover, I hope you're doing alright. If this doesn't work out you could always try a Gemini Rising fellow.
IP: Logged |
GeminiLover75
Knowflake Posts: 1013
From:
Registered: Apr 2006
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posted January 31, 2007 04:34 AM
lol AG! Thanks for the offer. I would ask "what's your sign?" but for some reason it seems slightly redundant. But yeah I'm doing ok. Just mildly irritated... my Scorp moon takes a while to get over things sometimes, even if they are only slight offences. Ehhh well what can I say, according to the Pullen Astrolog thing he's 233% air! And I'm 200-something% water. (Both closely followed by fire)... Anyway even if it WAS a joke I'm bringing this incident up at the counsellor on Monday. I find it slightly ridiculous that we're going to counselling, but he seems to do well in counselling/therapy settings so if it works out whatever the underlying problem(s) is/are, then it's all good. IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 8216
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005
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posted January 31, 2007 04:43 AM
Yeah, I'm a Gem-Rising. Are your Sun and Moon opposed, or are they too widely orbed? I only ask for curiosity's sake. The one person I know personally who has a Sun/Moon opposition has things a bit tough. IP: Logged |
GeminiLover75
Knowflake Posts: 1013
From:
Registered: Apr 2006
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posted January 31, 2007 04:58 AM
Yeah they're opposed. And my moon is conjunct Uranus (so I also have a looovely sun/Uranus opposition), which I GUESS doesn't help in the "emotional stability" stakes. lol. My sister is Cancer sun, Cap moon (direct opposition) and she doesn't have any easy time either. Actually I've always been very stable, the person that everyone leans on for support... it all went a bit pear-shaped at my Saturn Return though. MOST of my troubles seem to have stemmed from the fact that the people who have relied on me didn't like it when I started to do what I wanted and live my own life. Guilt trips, the whole bit. Seems to be taking them a long time to realise I need to live my own life... unfortunately I'm not enough of a b*tch to tell my own mother and my ex to stop putting their expectations on me... I guess it is the whole "opposition" thing of being pulled in two directions - self, or others. IP: Logged |
Swerve
Knowflake Posts: 1087
From: London
Registered: Nov 2002
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posted January 31, 2007 06:55 PM
No problem chaps. It put me straight on a few things when I wasn't thinking in my own best interests (I'm sure you remember THAT time Acoustic, I never forgot your help at that time). I'd actually be interested to get objective opinions as well. Swerve IP: Logged |
GeminiLover75
Knowflake Posts: 1013
From:
Registered: Apr 2006
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posted January 31, 2007 09:11 PM
Yeah I'm going to try and get hold of it, trying a library first cos funds are low for actually buying a copy. IP: Logged |
phoenix1111
Knowflake Posts: 36
From: United States
Registered: Oct 2006
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posted February 01, 2007 09:58 PM
Only YOU know how connected you are to your man and know if he truly meant it to be hurtful or just expressing his feelings. Sure we want the people we love to be considerate of our feelings, yes, but we do not want to be lied to. This happened to me, but I WAS emotionally unstable because I had so many life-altering things going on that I felt like I was on an emotional rollercoster, this has been seven months ago and I feel like the ride is just NOW slowing down.
All you can do is just prove to yourself that you can pull everything back together and be more in control of your life. I don't know how your man meant it, but I think sometimes people say things to us to try to be a friend and help us see ourselves. Like I keep telling myself, everything is going to be fine! IP: Logged |
BornUnderDioscuri
Knowflake Posts: 1619
From: Never Never Land
Registered: Oct 2006
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posted February 04, 2007 12:32 AM
*whines* sorry i havnt checked ur messages my myspace hasnt worked for 2 bleeping days! If its not fixed i have to wait till monday so i can try a college comp! Sowwwwie either way things have been crappy lately again so yea...IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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