posted June 22, 2007 04:47 AM         

Only because, I think you were a bit too critical. He obviously likes you. Maybe he did want a friendship, but then you said "it's not even a good friendship"..

posted June 22, 2007 07:55 AM         

Now iam in total confusion!!!Seems like most of the males are of the opinion that what i did was a bit harsh....but i wld like to reiterate that i said it very un emotionally and very clearly that i would go out with him if this was something significant. I think that was the clearest i could get. And that was the last thing said on the topic. The least he cld have said was that we could be friends...

Rupeeeeeeeeeeesh my friend...!!!!You have resfurfaced again!!!how are u?Kaise ho my cancerian friend?!Looks like its my karmic destiny to take advice frm u time and again!Dekho one more thing has come up and now u are not for what i did?Why do you say that?Pls let me know!I need to know if what i did was the right thing.

Coral, its not a passing fancy for me or i would never have brought up the commitment word...!Seems like its more of a passing fancy for him since he couldnt say a word!I mean if i was being critical then he cld have said why and that this was his stand...!But he has no stand at all according to whatever he said!

And now he has dissapeared....which further confirms to me that there was nothing on the guys mind except a passing fancy...???

Ladies and gentlemen iam totally confused...!!!!And i really cant contact him again....!I wont!My intuition, my sense and logic everything tells me not to...

Pls help!

posted June 22, 2007 10:18 AM         

It was very concentrated on the negative.. and the things which confused you or you didn't like.. When you don't like something try to figure out what's missing.. and what steps you can take to change that.. I don't think it's a good idea to blame the other person..

He was happy with things exactly as they were. You were the one who wasn't happy.. and he had no way to know this up until the phone call.. Why would he change anything if he liked things as they were?

You can't make something significant by saying it.. It becomes significant in time..

It's like when people turn 18.. Are they any more or less mature than they were the day before their 18th birthday? Maturity develops in time..

In the same way.. saying "this is significant" over a phone call.. wouldn't make it significant.. You build a bond by going out – talking – learning things about each other etc.. Things become significant through deeds not through the words "this is significant"..

That being said, you didn't tell him that it was significant to you – or that you cared about him.. so you were actually saying "I am confused, I don't know what this is.. it's not even a friendship.. you TELL me what it is".. He replied that - he hadn't given it any thought - *plus* the – errrr's – obviously he played the confused card also..

Now either you are both two very confused people or you are both lying, out of fear.. someone has to start by being honest, right?

posted June 22, 2007 11:12 AM         

I agree with CoralFrequency.

Sarah, i think you are looking too hard. I understand your situation, myself being an Indian who is nearing 30's. But no where have u taken into account your own feelings for the guy. Whether you like him, are just ok with him, or what? I think before you ask him anything, you need to ask yourself whether he is the one for you, or just a 'will do'.

Another thing is, if you have this kind of thing happening again and again to you, i feel that you need to ask yourself the question why it is happening. May be there is a self sabotaging thought pattern at work here. May be it is not the guys, but you ? May be subconsciously you are sending them the signal that you are insecure. I don't know. But I think instead of putting the blame on all those 'bad guys', you need to do some serious introspection.

You have been here on the astro forum etc, may be you can have someone look at your chart. It might provide some clue.

posted June 22, 2007 02:22 PM         

Thanks for your response and introspection into my situation...i think you are mostly right but from my side, let me clarfy what made me take such a drastic step...

- We had been dating for 2 months and h has known me for 2 years.Previous to which he ws dating me for a month.

- All thruout these 2 years he has aways initiated contact and then dissapeared or not responded to my mails alot of times.

- Even when we were dating he would dissapear for a week or 10 days ....without contact....not even a small lil email to say how are u?

- I felt absoltely and totally taken for granted since it seemed like he could call when he wanted to goout but otherwise i didnt exist...do lovers behave like that?

- For my question as to why he would call only when w had to meet and why not otherwise, his answer was "actually iam not in the habit"...

- And if he was going with the flow why would he keep dangling those marraige baits?we are both at the same age and he knows that its just a matter of months before either hooks up...since the culture is such.Which is why i know he asked me whether i was seeing someone from a marraige perpective...

- He kept having changin plans...he mite not be here for long and then again, he might be here and then again not. He could have just walked away one day leaving me with nothing but heartbreak.

I think any girl in my situation wouldhave taken this step. I just did not know when he would dissapear again. He has been extremely inconsistent.I think i have a commitmentphobic on my hands here...

posted June 22, 2007 02:32 PM         

But once again iam repeating that it was very clearly said by me that if this was significant i would come out with him anytime, no problems.

I mean would have gone with the flow myself had my needs been met too somewhere and that was....regular contact. But nope....what do the frequent dissapearances mean???????doesnt he ever feel the need to pick up the phone and call me just to say hi howdy?What when he relocates again?Would he forget like he did before?I mean its SO convenient for the guy....he just using me as a filler/timepass till he is here....

point in fact being i felt totally neglected and Used...!!!

And well no doubt that it has been a pattern with me to attract losers up till now....but that was because i never knew how to walk out of an unhealthy situation before.

But i have now which is why i feel great about it. The anguish i have gone thru in the past two months has been terrible d i needed out and maybe thats what really came about as well.

And erm yes, the stuff i sai abt" I met you initially cos i tht u were lonely and have u made friends?".....i agree....that was bad!!!!It jst came out......i was so frustrated by his silence that i couldnt help it and plus his saying that he never thought abt it so much cheesed me off even more leading me to say that....!

And if he really felt something for me he should have wanted to work out these things instead of just dissapearing once again............that just shows how much he really cared!And he stillhas time even now if he looked at this as a mature decision...

Maybe it was destiny...?

posted June 22, 2007 02:36 PM         

"Plan/Do something significant by 07.07.07, so that.....its easy to remember"
My reply:
"Yes, lets hope something significant does indeed happen this year..."

Which is why i mentioned that word cos yes....it meant marraige. For the past 2 years he has consistently asked me whether i was married....did i have a boyfriend etc etc.

Capgirl yes....i admit i am looking into this to much but then again that is my situation here in this culture and age...

ILWL...i need to work on the pattern repeating....it disturbs me.My bdate is 7.02.75.Pisces with virgo moon....totally confused!

posted June 23, 2007 01:50 AM         

Its blunt ( )but wht you said is what i do beleive which is why i did what i did...!or else this would have gone on ad infinitum...

I beleive if u like someone...theres never confusion.just wondering though...if he wasnt physical,he wasnt 'friends' then what was he DOING meeting me????!!!!duh

Hv set up a reading with a taro reader today.lets see...

posted June 23, 2007 01:09 PM         

so i am not actually blaming him , i would rather pity him .

when i said ,yopu were wrong , i didn't mean your intentions but your ways .

may be , he thought of you as a 'despo'and in our society that might be more true at your age .

and when you say , you attract losers (though i have different opinion regarding this )you must introspect , are they really losers ( in a sense they are ! i have never understood - how can someone not get attracted to a piscean woman) and if they are why do they get attracted to you ?

you know , i read this post the very first day thhat you posted but i didn't post cos the first feeling that had was -yet again!
(i tend to be here almost daily but without any posts )
thats why , you must understand why it happens with you ( for the record - something on the same line happens with me too and i am sure with a lot of other people too , so no need to get depressed , ok)
at times we understnd ourself but then even dont mend our ways - thats love and thats life , so (what i have learnt from life is -go with the flow (see a cancerian is saying this ) ) learn to move on with life , may be thats the best for you .

one more thing that i feel like telling you ,YOU ATTRACT THE KIND OF FRIENDS-THE KIND OF PERSON THAT YOU ARE ' and i am sure you are not a loser cos i am not a loser !

posted June 23, 2007 03:48 PM         

Rupesh my friend....good to hear from you again!!!!

Yeah moms fine and everything is at a turning point right now.Whats up with u?In the same org or switched?Keep me updated!

Hmmmmm....as far as this dude is concerned...thanks or the perspective...lots of things seem to fit...!

As far as him thinking of me as a 'despo'...naaah i dont think so. I havent bombarded him with calls, mails, smses or emails. Its always him who has been doing the pursuing here....

As far as the guy is concerned, definately he did not have commitment in mind i agree again...and that just speaks so much abt the person...a man of 32 who has repeatedly been telling me that he plans to settle down soon doesnt know what he wants?????

posted June 23, 2007 03:50 PM         

- Regular dating/insiting on paying for me
- Talking and giving information abt his family (which he never did when he was dating me 2 years back)
- Telling me abt his future plans....career, settling down
- Telling me personal stuff like the kind of flat he had taken, the car he had purchased, the clothes he wore, the way he looked AND asking MY opinion for all these things
- I had to ask him this but he told me all abt his ex flames (said he had never been in a relashionship and they were all one sided since he was too inhibited to tell them and moreover they wouldnt wait till he was 32)
- Told me he was a mama's boy and then on the phone told his MOM he was with his friend "My name"
- Asking me whether i was seeing any guys frm a marraige perspective after he had come recently...whether i was dating anyone?(Funny thing was that everytime i mentioned a guy he wld start gtng suspiscious and asking me questions)

Well rupesh you also know that its not acceptable nor common to 'timepass' here and moreover its not ok with me.Plus does timepass generally involve such regularity???And if this was just a friendly timepass then he shld have stood up for it when i confronted him....!!!!he cld ve said hey babe never saw you that way or something....but nope....i get stuff like "Youre bored of me""ure dating someone"etc.....why this level of insecurity for a friend????

Under the circumstances, i felt i did the right thing. It was done very un emotionally and v practically. You can feel the emotions here in my post but when i was talking it was like talking abt a movie....

Ok as far as me attracting losers is concerned.....well that sentence abt friends doesnt quite gell. I have friends (like u... ) and some others who are GEMS....but its always my romantic life which is riddled with such stories...

Whereas there are a lot of men attracted to me/proposed to me (piscean women...as u said!) but i always end up falling for people wo are either confused/commitmentphobic/flirtatious/shallow/spineless etc...as opposed to me who is very stong emotionally....

So any introspection i have done....seems worthless since i know iam complete within me.The only thing i lack is the ability to put my foot down in any relashionship and tell the person i dont like this or that....

which is why i consider this a personal victory!!!!My needs are commitment;His needs are meeting me. Lets have a give and take policy...fulfill my needs and i will fulfill yours...i havent opened a lonely bachelors companion service have i?

So there you go....i still feel tht i was ok.And yet i still wish i KNEW what he felt and what it was frm his side....

Yo!Taro reading tommorrow....will post abt what she tells me... wish me luck!

Rupesh i still hv ur no if it hasnt changed i.e!

posted June 24, 2007 01:57 AM         

so, its been hectic life but am enjoying it .
i still have the same no. but i normally keep it swithched off as i have to use the corporate no. ,so when you come here again, mail me beforehand .
abhi to , dont even think of coming , its real hot ! mar jaogee (last week has been ok though ,we had showers )

posted June 24, 2007 02:23 AM         

:::

Yeh, tumhe kisne bola that only when you bombard someone with mails , you can be taken as despo.

tell me something , how is he as person among his other male and female friends ?
btw, what are his placements ?

and everything that you said 'that made you think he was serious ' , i would do everything for good friends without being in any way being interested in them .

again, my family knows about everyone of my friend , infact even about you .
what would say to this ?

see, i am not trying to prove something to you . i am just trying to let see the logical part of life .

having said this , i 'll confess , something of the same happens with me too , my mind knows whats happening but heart never allows me to think negative of the person.

i am sure same is happening with you too . and i am sure you are mature enough to handle life graciously .

but your being unemotional - this is something that i wouldn't agree with . you know when you speak - your engagemant shows .(where is merc btw? ) this is something that happens with me too (i have mine in cancer ) even if i am angry(i am quite short tempered person) my emotions show .

thats why when i said , you were being taken as a 'despo' i didn't mean to demean (i dont do that to anyone - how can i do that to a friend ? )you but i just wanted to point out - you were , most probably , being taken forgranted .

:::Well rupesh you also know that its not acceptable nor common to 'timepass' here and moreover its not ok with me:::

kaun se duniya me ho tum !
whether its not accpetable or common but its very much here . its human nature .

:::Plus does timepass generally involve such regularity???:::

yes, why not !
i dont say it was complete time pass , he might have had something in mind but things turned too hot for him to handle .
thats why i said , i didn't agree with your ways . you could have simply and gracefully put him to a waiting list , simple .

:::And if this was just a friendly timepass then he shld have stood up for it when i confronted him....!!!!he cld ve said hey babe never saw you that way or something....but nope....i get stuff like "Youre bored of me""ure dating someone"etc.....why this level of insecurity for a friend????:::

isliye i said he wasn't a MAN enough!

:::So any introspection i have done....seems worthless since i know iam complete within me:::

i am sure , you are !

:::which is why i consider this a personal victory!!!!My needs are commitment;His needs are meeting me. Lets have a give and take policy...fulfill my needs and i will fulfill yours...i havent opened a lonely bachelors companion service have i?

:::

posted June 24, 2007 02:21 PM         

Well...justifying whether someone likes you in a friendly way or not is the toughest job around. I just put down all the stuff i thought really mattered but yet again it cld be veiwed either ways.

Its in inexplicable ways one knows that its an attraction and not jst a friendship.....esp a piscean can definately tell guy!

posted June 24, 2007 02:22 PM         

10.09.1975
Madras, India
Sun Virgo and moon scorpio

What say knowflakes???

As far as i know him he is a huuuuuuuuge loner. Doesnt have many friends and even if he does he doesnt share too much stuff with them. Plus he's got a very major temper which is quite a bit righteous...

Which is why the term 'MAN' enuf jst doesnt fit.....!!!But yes he had mentioned to me once that he was"Bad at taking personal decisions"....

Anyways, who knows?!

And well here's to everyone....i met the taro reader and asked her abt him:

For him:

- It started playfully, a trial...
- But ended up with a major soft corner/love (i got that card...)
- But he really does not trust me....he thinks iam too much of a butterfly and he doesnt want to be made a fool by a go go girl
- He's still thinking abt us

Hmmmmmmmmmmmph.....back to square 1!!!

Can someone look at our coordinates and maybe say something abt syanstry?

And if not....its still ok....

Thanks!

posted June 25, 2007 08:06 AM         

Thanks Rupesh...!!!

Argh!another unresolved one!But all i can say is i did my best acc to ME...maybe i ws wrong, maybe right...

If its meant to be, it will be otherwise...i do beleive in destiny!

So u switched organisation!Goody!Hows that piscean lady friend of yours?Still in tch?Or is there smone else now?

This time i cm to delhi will def meet u yr!Planning to in July.

Cheers and keep in tch!

posted June 25, 2007 12:54 PM         

ahh and she wasn't piscean , she's cancerian .
yeah still in touch , went to her home , last sunday !
she's expecting a cancerian baby!

coming back to the question ,
though i dont believe much in destiny , i'll repeat what i said earlier , if your conscience allows -go with it .period !

And there is nothing right or wrong in this world .the defintion has to be decided by you .
you know what , we (cancerian /pisceans /librans ) at times give too much imporatnce to what other people think . dont we?

i learnt it the hard way .