posted June 24, 2007 05:44 PM            

In my work as an astrologer, many people want to know one of three things:

1. Am I destined to meet my soulmate?
2. When will I meet my soulmate?
3. How can I turn the bozo I'm with into a soulmate?

I get concerned the most for people struggling with question #3. You see, bozos do not make great soulmates. In fact, they can be what I call "false soulmates" who may block you from finding someone who is the real deal.

There's a common mistake I see people making that can cause their hearts tremendous damage, and can actually greatly diminish their odds of ever having the soulmate relationship they long for...
My friend and former guest, Christian Carter, writes about a dynamic he calls, "the danger of a connection" in his ebook Catch Him and Keep Him, in which a person falls for someone based on their chemistry and the intensity of that "spark" or "magic" they feel when they are together (thinking that if that special something is present, then that's all that's required to have a relationship). They'll mistake the connection they feel to be more important than whether or not the other person is truly right for them - whether that person treats them well, or if they are even available for a relationship in the first place.

Spiritual clients will even take this a step further - falling into what I call, "the danger of a spiritual connection," which is when they decide that the romantic vibes they feel with another mean that their love is "meant to be" and "sent by God" or the result of "their karmic connection," etc. Not only is this phenomena fraught with all of the pitfalls Christian Carter describes, but the person who believes this is vulnerable to the incredible added pressure of thinking that they'd better make it work OR ELSE - I mean, soulmates don't come along every day, right? If you can't make it work with someone sent by God or your angels, then who can you make it work with? So no matter how immature, unhealthy, or dysfunctional their love interest may show themselves to be, the client can't see it because they are so busy DECIDING that if they don't make things turn out magically, they'll really end up alone - and not just in this lifetime - perhaps in many incarnations to come!

So what is all this soulmate stuff about, anyway? And how can you tell if you're just in the grips of an infatuation fantasy, or if the love you've found together really is heaven sent? Is there anything you can do to prepare yourself for the real thing to stop the parade of bozos masked as false soulmates in their tracks?

Join us this week on "Enlightening Relationships" as we interview Arielle Ford, author of the new inspiring ebook, The Soulmate Kit Guide - Prepare Yourself and Manifest Your Soulmate. Arielle has enjoyed amazing success as a book publicist for spiritual luminaries like Deepak Chopra, Neale Donald Walsh, and the creators of the famed Chicken Soup for the Soul series. Although she was accustomed to using positive thinking and the "law of attraction" in her professional life with great results, she kept feeling stymied in her personal life. At one point, she, too, thought she'd die alone - until she decided to do something about it.

Arielle set out on a journey of healing and growth that led to her happy (and only!) marriage at age 44. This book details the 9-step process she followed that can be used by anyone to manifest the man or woman of their dreams. It provides the prayers, rituals, projects and processes that you can begin today! Arielle teaches that the manifestation of what she terms "Big Love" involves healing the emotional wounds of the past, clearly creating the future, and learning to believe that your hopes, wishes, and dreams can come true.

Listen to Enlightening Relationships (Carol Allen's radio show) www.californiapsychics.com

It seems a lot of people were thinking the same thing last week. Saw another thread with similar information too. Signs sign everywhere are signs.

posted June 25, 2007 03:42 PM            

He is saying that often people feel the connection (that a few good aspects bring) and they think, "WoW! This is MAGIC! This guy must be THE ONE!" and they base their relationship decisions (like whether to get physically intimate right away or whether to become exclusive and stop seeing other people) on the faulty conclusion they have made that he must be THE ONE or their SOUL MATE (or Twin Soul or other half or whatever), so they have to experience a bunch of painful relationships that don't work out where they are constantly trying to get the guy to BECOME this SOUL MATE person (Prince Charming) they have been dreaming about.
People have some excellent chemistry and they don't do what you said... just enjoy it for what it is and have fun as friends and date, while still dating others, and ACTUALLY GET TO KNOW the person before getting intimately and sexually (and thus EMOTIONALLY) involved with the person. Then when the real person emerges smashing the dream image of the person, they are depressed and unhappy but find it hard to "get out" once they are so merged with the other person (emotionally and even in the physical world by living together etc).
You still have the opportunity to experience many delicious romantic connections and experiences. You can go rock climbing with the adventurous sorts, concerts with the musical types, go to car races with the car guys, golfing with the professional type guys, hanging out under the stars with the mellow poetic guys, riding motorcycles with the rebels. You can live your life enjoying the experiences life has to offer and exploring and deciding what will ultimately be best for you, instead of "marrying" (in your mind) the first guy who 'has those eyes you remember' or 'feels like you have known him all of your life' or makes you feel alive.
Because there are a handful who can do that.
But not as many who can sustain it over the years.
Only time tells if they are someone who is meant to be in your life for all or most of your life... and only time reveals if the initial feelings are sustained.
You have to build a long foundation of trust when you aren't as emotionally involved so you aren't always losing trust in each other when things get dark (and they WILL).

Well, is that enough Mom-type blah blah blahing? More than you wanted to know, huh? hehe Sometimes I just get on a roll...

posted June 25, 2007 05:04 PM              

I read an article in a magazine, think it was The National Geographic, about scientists having discovered that the chemistry of a person in love is very similar to a person with some kind of neurosis/ insanity.....therefor when we say 'madly in love' the words really do have accuracy.

The way I see it is that the definition of True Love is really pure, universal, unconditional love for the soul of each and every being because we are all a part of God

posted June 25, 2007 09:42 PM            

I am a Libra and I have researched this "Soul Mate" thing ad nauseum for years. Karmic aspects and blah blah blah blah blah, you should see my bookshelves. Until you really get into it and have a resource like astro.com so you can do synastry and compatibility reports for everyone you meet, you don't realize that just about EVERYONE you meet has these "karmic" aspects (probably why you are meeting them) with you and heck, even random famous people have some karmic aspects with you.
I ultimately believe that the best bet is to actually casually date and be friends with people and take the time to know them and like them and love them for the PERSON THEY REALLY ARE and not the person we hope/wish they would/could be.
I am just sharing what I feel is hard earned knowledge. I skimmed the beginning of your thread (before reading Diandra's posts) and read the MCM exchange a bit, and then copied this bit from you, "Unless you have experienced an intense, firey love-hate relationship like this, it would be very difficult to understand just what it is like to be involved." ~LTT so I could say to you...
You just don't even KNOW!

(translation: I absofreakinglutely have experienced this many times, and that is why I give the advice and am of the opinion that I am today.)

I am just sharing my truth. If it doesn't help you, just ignore it. I am not trying to change your mind, you will come to your own conclusions in time.

The quotes Diandra posted are saying the exact same thing that I am, just saying it with different words. It takes time and getting to know someone, and personal strength and ability to love... not chemical reactions/some good aspects, to really love someone.

Love is patient,
love is kind,
it is not jealous,
love does not boast,
it is not proud.

It is not rude,
it is not selfish,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
It does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth

posted June 26, 2007 01:07 AM            

Trees, I just re-read my post and it sounded rude and bitchy at the beginning, sorry. Your post was very nice but I was startled that you seemed to be disagreeing with me like we were having a debate, when I was just sharing. I'm sick of that, so I may have reacted defensively with my stiff writing. Forgive meeeeeeee!!!!!!!!! Once I read your other thread and understood more where you were coming from I relaxed some and thought you might not be trying to debate so I felt more friendly and loving. hehe I should have wrote the beginning a little better!

posted June 26, 2007 04:36 AM              

I personally love looking at things from different angles. But please know this: I never, never wish to fight. I think friendly debate can be fascinating, but NEVER unfriendly debate. I'm glad you understood me and didn't take me the wrong way

I guess....what I was thinking was: Is there really any way we can NOT, at least at first, feel such a chemical reaction where we think of someone all the time, etc? It is human. Though, according to the article, some people appear more prone to it than others......hehe....Ok....I admit I am one....maybe it's my Moon conjunct Pluto.

Personally I canNOT fall 'in love' with someOne who doesn't appreciate things like nature and poetry. Doesn't matter how good looking a man is- if he has no depth or little depth of soul then it is an instant turn-off for me. But even when we have found someone who is into all these things, who we feel we can open up to about absolutely everything, they may still turn out to be our soul mate rather than our Twin Soul. And we may meet someone who lacks something they do, such as a deep fascination in spiritual matters and metaphysics....but that is not enough to make me want to sleep with them (LMAO)....It has to be a COMBINATION of many, many things. Perhaps I am already with my Twin Soul but cannot see it because I am BLIND.

and

posted June 26, 2007 10:48 AM              

i understood what you are saying.
Its also true.
People often mistakes true love with attraction,many times cause we all want and need a person to love and be loved.
When we are very young,we tend to see every good looking guy who shows us attention, to might be THE ONE.
Personally, i was never like that but often see this happening with my friends.
Feromones and chemistry hormones play a lot when matters of atraction Yes. But scientist i think are wrong by simplifying LOVE to a matter of body hormones - i feel sad about it cause they can often try to racionalize what cant be - and thank God it can´t - thats why LOVE is the most beautiful thing it can happend to a human being.

For instance, that insanity thing i believe it works with some,and others dont.
When a person and its soul is suficiently prepared and evolved to see and feel things with a diferent livel ( without give importance to just appearances, and chemistry/attraction thing) - i feel as Jane - we can know almost instantaneouslu when THAT person will be vey important to us,no matter how long and how.

That mistake of thinking "he´s my SM" - when they arent - its frequent yes, that happens cause of the scare of being alone and become old without ever experienced love,and often thinks "What IF.." - once again i believe it has to do with our soul level of evolution.

No one can be transformed into a SM - they are or just aren´t - and a person KNOWS IT for better or worse when this happens . The thing is : that painfull counscious thoughts turns into an uncounscious in the minds of the person,cause its way lot easier to think "he´s the one" - and i think also some relationships have to happen ( with lessons learned) - thats maybe why they happen also.

I can consider my current bf as my SM - im not a person who easily falls and to say the truth he´s the only one who i really loved at this time. DO you know whats more interesting? I´ve fall instantaneously for him - i coukdn hide r run and didndt wanted to. My owl life changed after i had our 1st connection and it was not just attraction - young love- hormones thing- it was and is the most intense thing i had in my life.

We can be in long hours talk about everything- have fun doing nothing at all - when we get mad at each other,each one doenst stand it too long - it was an instant connection - so,it didnt exist that time to KNOW IN DEPTH- and we moved onto not scared about it.

Now that time passes by,im knowing him better of course,but i feel more in love even.I realised the more we met each other ( even knowing the bads) the more we love ach other and accept and understand the other - that shows something meaningfull i think

I loved that poem and completelly identify with it.
Love is patient,kind,rejoicing in the truth,protecting the other,accepting and keeping hopes alive.

Shouldnt be jealous,or selfisnh,but sometimes is cause we re only humans and our faults are within us for us to evolve.

In general,i agree that many fall for the wrong thinking thats the ONE ; but when HE´S really...we KNOW it in our hearts,and not in our hormones

posted June 26, 2007 11:07 AM              

But.....

posted June 26, 2007 11:16 AM              

The realtionship may end,but not that bond that its eternal.

You see,the SM exists for us,teach us,learns also,and there wont be a more pure Love and commitment than of between them ( above them only TWin Souls)

So,when 2 persons feel the relationship may end or breaks for some time,have some time separared,its cause the lessons were learned for that time.
Many couples come together and then apart,and then come together again,when realting to SM.They go separate ways for learn with anothers and return to their SM to complete the mission.

posted June 26, 2007 11:40 AM              

These are some of the questions tht keep making the rounds in my head too.

Sometimes, it can be very hard because a soul mate can indeed be 'everything you wanted' him to be. It is in such cases that one begins to think that 'is he my twin soul'. Even if he's not, the bond may be too strong. You want him to be your twin soul, he almost is your twin soul....question is, how do you know for sure?

Come to think about it, does it really matter all that much?....it won't really change a thing about the relationship if one starts to think tht the other person is the twin soul. except may be upgrade your romantic fantasies to neptunian delusions. Ohhh, the thin line between love and insanity !

My personal opinion is that when we find someone we really love, we should forget about trying to classify the relationship and just be in the moment. Go with the flow. If he/she is meant to be, then no power in the world can stop it. If not, then no number of soulmate clues will help.

posted June 26, 2007 11:58 AM              

i was intensely attracted to my bf at first, but later as i realized how insecure he was, my feelings just faded away. never to come back

At that time i didn't even know that we had these aspects. It is only later tht i discovered the mars-venus trine (and the neptune conj venus).

On the other hand i had all these 'conflict' aspects with a guy, and we fought like crazy in the beginning. until i realized i had fallen hard for him there is always a potential for fighting between us, but since we both believe in the concept tht fighting clears the air, it never blows out of proportion. in fact adds some spice to the relationship. (or whatever it is)

I also discovered some aspects tht r not much cited in conventional synastry, but i have experienced their magic first hand. Moon-mars double whammy. its.....delicious !

posted June 26, 2007 12:07 PM              

quote:

---

When a person and its soul is suficiently prepared and evolved to see and feel things with a diferent livel ( without give importance to just appearances, and chemistry/attraction thing) - i feel as Jane - we can know almost instantaneouslu when THAT person will be vey important to us,no matter how long and how.

---

Oh, I wanted to say I agree with this statement. I think MOST young people are manily attracted to others and drawn into a relationship on a sexual basis... chemistry, lust, hormones. but perhaps those who are a bit more spiritual and not as.... eh, uhm... superficial? can recognize the difference. like you said, some of it probably has to do with soul level.

posted June 26, 2007 12:11 PM              

quote:

---

Have you come to the conclusion that your soulmate is stuck in an alternate reality somewhere in a parallel universe, and that you'll never find them in this lifetime?

---

posted June 26, 2007 12:32 PM              

Clockwise,

yes,you feel that difference but it has to do with your personality its good to see that are people who feels the diference.

InLoveWithLife,

Yes,doesnt matter if your SM is or is not your Twin.
That simply doenst and cant stand between what you 2 have and feel for each other.

My BF is my SM i know and feel that.If he´s my Twin? I think not but i dont even want him to be or care - I LOVE HIM - for who he is and what we have together. The special bond is there, and yes,i can feel that he almost is sometimes.

I too only looked at our sinastry after some time of our relationship has began.Till then ive never was really so in tune with Astrology - and yes, after it i could look and say "NO WONDER WE GET ALONG"

posted June 26, 2007 02:08 PM            

Just wanted to clear up that "attraction" does not just mean physically... you can immediately become "attracted" to someone who you have just met online, for example, but this is also due to a good communication aspect etc (a mental, not physical attractions) or an emotional attraction from emotional aspects. And of course there are spiritual connections which many of us felt upon our arrival here in LL. I am claiming that we have a few of these aspects with almost everyone, some are just more flashy and tug at our hearts more.

The science reality show is on regular USA tv primetime, and was on last night. He (the guy/bachelor) chose out of a huge amount of women by his "usual" qualifications such as as hobbies, education, looks, whatever he thought was important. Then "Science" chose another "mate" for him based on testing hormones etc. (we want to mate with people who have opposite anti-bodies so our children will have all the needed anti-bodies for example... still remember that one from Biology 101 many many years ago) and then they put the two of them in stressful situations to induce certain chemicals and bonding. They strapped them together and had them bungie jump etc. Then they gave them foods with certain chemicals already present in the foods (asparagus is the one I remember) and had them do an exercise where they stared into each others eyes (by firelight when the pupils were enlarged... more Bio 101) for 5 minutes.
They talked about how the endorphins from being nervous before the bungie jump and the adrenaline released when they actually jumped created the response that the brain reads as "love". It also said that feeling nervous etc creates more desire.
Then, although he actually had the chance to choose ANY woman he wanted from hundreds and hundreds and he actually thought she was awesome before his science date... he chose the science date because he honestly thinks he is in love with her. After one date. Because of chemicals. And she thinks she is in love with him. You should have seen her(science) face when the first date/girl was talking about a little kiss the couple shared. She was in pain. And then she totally relished in letting girl 1 know that the two of them had shared many many long kisses. Then when the show asked science girl if she wanted to keep what was behind door number one (the guy) or be the next guest and choose from hundreds of hundreds of guys, she totally tortured love boy by saying she would have to consider it (his face fell and he honestly looked like he was about to cry) and then when she felt she had wreaked her revenge on him for even making her wonder for a minute if he would choose her (they had only one date remember) she of course chose him and they hugged like they had just gotten married. Can't wait for the show update, what fun torturing people on public television. Blah. But, I do find it interesting.

BUT, I am not AT ALL arguing that we don't meet people and feel a connection and know they will be important in our lives. I feel even more confident with these connections if they are not a close encounter with a cute, sweaty guy.

More relationship Biology trivia...
there is something in male sweat that creates a relaxation response in women. Smelling male sweat (with the proper anti-bodies for us) creates a similar effect to valium.

posted June 26, 2007 04:14 PM              

quote:

---

More relationship Biology trivia...
there is something in male sweat that creates a relaxation response in women. Smelling male sweat (with the proper anti-bodies for us) creates a similar effect to valium.

---

NO WAY! That's completely untrue in my case. The guy must be fresh from a bath and be smelling GOOOOD for me to want to be sitting next to him, let alone be "relaxed"... How can I relax when all I want to do is stop myself from gaggin? Sorry. LOL.

posted February 29, 2008 11:50 AM              

It is allright grea sharing - i still reme,ber this conversation