posted April 23, 2008 05:26 PM              

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Lol...so I guess he has you stumped too??

I am still leaving it alone. If he is insecure I believe I have told him enough to know that getting closer to me is a safe bet.

I read somewhere that cancers tend to live out romantic fantasies via long distance relationships. Especially when they have been hurt from someone in the past that they are not entirely over yet. Maybe he is just clinging on to me because he can pretend I am another girl he hasn't let go of yet and when I bring up getting together he ignores it because he is not interested in seeing me but is simply interested in filling the empty gap from the other relationship. I know that is very far fetched, but after reading all of the cancer threads in here it is not hard to mind to wander. Plus...I am a virgo...therefore.."nothing is but thinking makes it so"...it drives me crazy!

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posted April 23, 2008 05:59 PM              

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Gesh! What the heck is wrong with these darn Cancer men!

Just when I thought I had mine figured out, he proved me dead wrong. Virgo, whatever you decide to do I wish you the best of luck. Cancer men are extemely secretive and hard to figure out. The one thing that makes me stay is when they are good, they are REALLY GOOD!

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posted April 24, 2008 11:17 AM              

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Yes...they are good when they're good!!! I am sure you see alot more good than I do though..all I get is a sweet message every once in awhile!!! I am shocked at myself for still thinking about him after getting such small insights to him in such a long amount of time. I am playing it all by air. I agree with a few of the other commenters on here in that he is acting selfish leaving me hanging. If this is any sign as to what a relationship with him would be like then I don't think I would be interested. I need to feel close with my sig. other...and if he is always this hot and cold then that would probably be an issue. On the other hand. he could just be taking his time on getting to know me. He may think he has all the time in the world to make a move. And I guess the only way to let him know he doesn't have all the time in the world is to stop messaging him. Summer is coming...tis the season of love!!! I won;t stop to flirt with others...but will keep him in the back of my head, for awhile anyways...only because there was just something about him...

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posted April 24, 2008 11:38 AM            

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good for you ! (or rather him)

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posted April 24, 2008 11:55 AM              

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Cancergg...

Good for him?

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posted April 24, 2008 11:58 AM              

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Virgo,

I watched my cousin and her Cancer for four yesrs go through it. Good times and bad times, ups and downs. Finally, last spring he proposed and he is perfect now - well almost. Hahaha. Although, he is still sometimes moody and from time to time does his sideways walk, he has gotten MUCH better. I think that it takes them an extremely long time to trust and know for sure that you are the person that they want to open up to. When and if they they make the decision the relationship has potential to be absolutely beautiful. But the thing is - who wants to deal with all that crap until then? It is a serious emotional roller coaster that one has to prepare themselves for. You have to determine if the person is worth it and if you are willing to go through it. That is where I am right now. I am trying to decide if it is all worth it.

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posted April 24, 2008 01:24 PM              

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IJM,

You have alot more invested than me. This was just a short fling and much easier to walk away from.

Does he make you happier more than confused and when you are confused, does it hurt your feelings? Part of every relationship is a learning process. It can be frustrating and requires an immense degree of patience. However, this is all a part of becoming a part of eachother lives. It is important that through out it all you maintain respect for one another and try to remain honest with yourselves and eachother. If its just hard to get to know him I wouldn't give up..not everyone is an open book. However, if his secretive nature tends to be hurtful towards you then that is a different story.

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posted April 24, 2008 01:49 PM              

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Virgo,

I completely agree with you. Of course, it hurts when he shuts me out and pushes me away. But then when I think of the many good times that we have shared and the way that he makes me feels, the sweet things that he does and says - it makes me stay.

I guess it boils down to the fact that I am not ready to give up quite yet, but it still hurts and frustrates me when he acts this way. I am a scorp. So, I do not understand this sideways behavior. I do things all or nothing so it is very hard to adjust and deal with the way that he handles things. I just have to be a little more patient and hope that it pays off in the end.

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posted April 25, 2008 01:26 PM            

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ok continued........

i said it was good for him coz you are atleast keeping him at the back of your mind (or may be centre of the heart ! )

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posted April 25, 2008 06:36 PM            

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.

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posted April 25, 2008 06:55 PM              

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Hey Jane...so whats up with the sweet nothings then?? Do they say them and then get scared of how we will respond..or where what they said may lead us and so retreat to reorganize their thoughts? Its hard not to just feel like you're being played. Hence...my own retreat..

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posted April 25, 2008 07:05 PM              

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Hey Jane,

So whats up with them hiding away after saying the good stuff?? Do they get insecure after saying and need to retreat to reorganize their thoughts...

It feels alot like you're being played when it happens..hence my retreat...still can't understand why a guy would say he likes ya and then hide away...unless its a game.

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posted April 25, 2008 07:06 PM              

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Yea he has done his sideways dance from time to time by disappearing for a day or two but he has never pulled away like this before.

Cancer men are very addicting. I have never been involved with someone who has made me as happy as he has and that is why it is so hard to leave.

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posted April 28, 2008 03:19 PM            

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I think there are several issues at work here and it's taking me quite a while to grasp what the hell is up with Cancers. I continually need advice...But from my experience, a lot of this "sweet nothings" business is one of two things: 1) Either he is insecure about his own sensitivity and can't maintain a balance of his own emotional nature and hence the back and forth. The stabling force becomes you and it takes A LOT of mothering to reach a sustainable ground that is comfortable for you as a couple Or 2) he's like many crabs that lead a somewhat transient existence when it comes to females, hence, the skilled player. I've had one that thought they could butter me up with cutsy hellos and seductive name calling...mostly personal nicknames he had for me...and then within hours be gone...dashing off to the next adventure or in hiding from imagined slights due on my part...fyi..I had one cancer who'd tell me to take it back...(things that may have been overly critical) and I would say, "I can't, I've already said it, it's already out there."

And if you're anything like me, who are we concerned most about here? Him, and his emotional state? So ask yourself where's the equality.

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posted April 28, 2008 03:39 PM              

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Jane,

Thats just it - there is NO equality. At least, not until he is fully convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that that woman is for him. And that is the hard part of it all.

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posted April 28, 2008 03:52 PM            

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So is it worth it then? You say you need to figure that out. How do you maintain a balance if it's just not equal like you say...And then where do your reserves come from? Are you your own personal well?

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posted April 28, 2008 04:17 PM              

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Hmmm....Interesting stuff. Its been nearly a week now with no word...so be gone with him!! lol. Seriously though..a woman can only deal with som much hot and cold.
I have another friend who has been interested in a cancer. It was funny because she was telling me her issues with him..and I asked when his birthday is..low and behold another crab dance!! He acted as though he were into her and then turns her down the two times she has asked him to meet up..so she has given up as well...but like me she had a hard time turning the shoulder.

Best of Luck Its Just Me...they are supposed to be good if you snag them which makes for a sweet reward...but I think you should be a reward they have to work towards as well.

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posted April 28, 2008 04:22 PM            

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Virgo..it's enough to make you go insane isn't it? On the one hand your mind is telling you to walk and your heart strings on the other are pulling at you to stay, telling you there's something about that man! Just like a crab, tough to get through to, but once you do, oh so sweet on the inside...well good luck to you...

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posted April 28, 2008 04:53 PM              

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Jane,

I am not a Cancer – I am just sharing what I have observed by the Cancer guy who I am dating and a few other Caner men who I know. So, I can not begin to fully understand what goes through their heads and the motivation behind what they do. If I could, I would not be in the position that I am.

Virgo,

Thanks for the well wishes. I have decided to allot whatever happens to happen. I am not going to try to influence anything. But I cannot lie – I miss him so much. It’s hard, but I know that everything happens for a reason. We shall see how it all pans out.

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posted April 28, 2008 05:26 PM            

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"You have to determine if the person is worth it and if you are willing to go through it. That is where I am right now. I am trying to decide if it is all worth it. "

IJM: I know you're not a Cancer. I just wasn't being clear. The "reserves" question was referring back to what you said previously. I just thought it would benefit us all to hear a little from you, that's all.

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posted April 28, 2008 07:35 PM              

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Jane,

Okay got cha!

I think this whole ordeal has forced me to ask myself where exactly will I draw the line and how much am I willing to put up with. Furthermore, is it all worth it. Am I doing this b/c I am weak or b/c I am strong. These are all questions that I have been battling with. I do think it is worth it, but only to a certain extent. Like I said, i have left the ball in his court. When and if he decides to come back I am here. However, there are few stipulations. If I feel that I have been waiting too long or over our agreed amount of time I will be forced to walk. Also, when he does come back, if we cannot resolve for him to work on this type of behavior then I will be forced to walk. Meaning, if we cannot create another way for him to hanfle these types of problems in the future, I will have to walk.

I do not beleive that I will ever be able to go through this again. It's just too hard.

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posted April 28, 2008 07:37 PM              

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But I do appreciate his honesty and the respect that he has shown me by tackling this issue when I know it was the last thing that he wanted to discuss. I know it was so extremely hard for him to show how much he was hurting and how embarassed he was by his situation. Also, he is turning 30 so this is especially hard for him.

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posted April 28, 2008 07:55 PM              

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And they say men are easy!!! I just wish somebody would give me a sure fire way to have him by my side...but that would take all the fun out of it...just gotta go with it and try and have fun while doing it!

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posted May 02, 2008 01:13 PM              

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Well, there's more to life than men : )

Says the chick who is emailing with one every single day. But my excuse is that we are friends, right? Cliche? You bet!

I'd rather have friendship than romance. Or maybe I am just saying this because I have romance right now, kind of. Once I lose it, I'll be pining after it, I know.

It's all good, ladies. What's life w/o a bit of hurt, confusion, pining.

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posted May 05, 2008 03:41 PM              

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So...I seen him this weekend and apparently when I said that I don't think its a good idea we see eachother again it bothered him alot more then he let on and is the reason for all the games. But he heard me out and the air has been cleared and he says now that he has the green light he plans on persuing me. The only thing is that he said he thinks all girls have a craziness about them because of our emotions but that some women are more crazy than others. I think alot of what he was doing was testing my reaction to situations. I told him that if he plays mind games with us and always tests us than we are going to get crazy with confusion so its not a fair game! Anyways...I am back in town while he is away again working. I told him I would be in his area in a couple weeks and we could see eachother then. I hope the games are over...but I have a feeling they're not...

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