posted May 08, 2008 11:23 PM         

You have said that they will give a little and pull away. What kind of pulling away are we talking about? No phone calls, don't return calls, stay away for a period of time, what?

You also said that they like to test. What are some examples of other ways they test? And how would one pass their tests? Like, if they pull back, do they wait for you to chase them? Or do they wait to see your reaction; if you get mad or if you pull back from them in response. What do they expect?

Me and this guy get along really well and there is a great deal of chemistry between us when we are together. He has a couple jobs at the moment so is busy.

I asked him about a month ago if he wanted to take it to another level and he said we could see if we could make it work but he has done nothing to move things forward. I am being exceedingly patient with him because his last relationship ended 2 years ago and it was very painful for him. She cheated on him and he recently found out that the cheating went on for MUCH longer than he was originally led to believe. I know cancers have trust issues to begin with so I imagine this only worsened things.

I apologize for the length of this post. I just have so many questions. I believe this is a good man however I am getting what I see as mixed signals..or is it the brush off? How does one decipher between distancing because he is not interested and just keeping his space to prevent falling too fast while he is testing the waters?

posted May 09, 2008 12:03 PM         

Dont worry about it - you did not high jack my post. It's all good! Lol.

On to your questions. They can pull away in all of the ways that you mentioned above. The way to handle it is to not chase them. Just let them be. Let them know that you care about them but that you care about yourself and that you will not allow youself to be disrespected. This does not have to be done through words. It can simply be done through action. And actually I found that actions and few words have worked the best for me. For example, my Cancer pulled away two weeks ago. He said that he needed at least a few weeks a lone. I let him know that I respected his decision and I left him alone. He texted me yesterday saying that he misses me and wants to see me tonight.

posted May 09, 2008 09:24 PM         

You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned feeling disrespected. It seems like he and I have a nice time together and the man disappears. He says he will call and doesn't. This is something I hate and he knows it too. It just happened last Saturday afternoon. We spent a few hours visiting, shared some warm embraces and talked about meeting later that evening. He said he would call but didn't. I called him Tuesday night, we chatted a few minutes but I didn't bring up Saturday. He said he would call me back but didn't...again! We haven't spoken since and won't....until he is ready to see me again.

But I can't have that. To me it's either blatant disrespect and/or he has intimacy issues. I see this pattern emerging and I am not sure if I should tell him with words or actions.....ie: by keeping my distance and not being available for him when he calls next. Cuz he always does come back as you say.

Usually I would speak up for myself....but for some reason I have held my tongue in this situation. Maybe I just don't want him to see how his not calling affects me.

posted May 15, 2008 12:59 PM         

i dont like initiating , i mean its ok once in awhile but after the initial phase i would like the other one to do the same ,that assures me of the other person's interest too .

in the same way , if the significant other keeps on even innocent flirtation , that might put me off too .

i know all this sounds absurd but thats what it is .

posted May 15, 2008 02:25 PM         

Sorry to read about the Cancer man troubles. Here's what worked for me. I had been "friends with benefits" with a cancer man for a while. Then of course, I got feelings. And pined after my cancer boytoy. I sensed that he liked me a lot too and was mostly available, but only if I initiated contact. Sometimes he too would not call or email me back. Well, after a few months of being a lovesick fool, I decided it was time to move on and realized I couldn't find the man of my dreams if I was hooking up with a friends with benefits. SO, I sat my cancer man friend down and told him that. Told him we would have to stop hooking up, I was looking for a real relationship. Well, that did it folks. He just needed to hear how I felt, from that moment on, he was there all the time. Found out later, he'd been secretly in love with me for years. Pinched his claws into me and still won't let go, despite me swimming away two months ago (but that's another thread all together on how to get rid of cancer man:-)wink, sorry, just being funny.
Anyway, long winded, but my point is, he respected me sharing my feelings and not settling for just sex. And he was terrified of rejection and his deep feelings, of course poor sweet thing, he's cancer sun, asc and Scorp moon, way tooooo much watery water! But oh so sweet. Anyway,if your spidey senses really tell you that he is into you, then just bare all. What do you have to lose but a few moments of wounded pride. If he rejects you, move on to the next man that comes around, there's always another one around the corner when you least expect it!