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Author Topic:   Is the universe just cruel??
freedmisol
Knowflake

Posts: 9
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2008

posted June 14, 2008 04:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for freedmisol     Edit/Delete Message
OK first of all I have been reading the posts for awhile and this seems like such a supportive forum felt like maybe it was time to share my dilemma. I want to try to make this as short as possible so will get down to it. I hope someone out there can help me with this because right now I cannot get this off of my mind and I have tried to let it go and just get on with my life but it haunts me on a daily basis.

When I was 28 years old I met a man a few years younger than myself. He was a young transport pilot and at first I wouldn't go out with him but he persisted and I finally agreed and it was love at first sight. We had an amazing two months of being together and I fell head over heels in love with him, we never said the I love you's but there was amazing chemistry and we had a lot in common. Being a pilot he was offered a job up North in Inuvic. We are both Canadians and he took the job. We corresponded and he wrote a few letters and we had a few phone calls but this was in 1990 so email and texting didn't exist and letters and phone calls were the best we could do. He stayed up there for a few months and then called me one day and told me that he was offered another job in Ontario and would be moving up there. I was looking after his vehicle and a few of his things so he was going to come by and pick up his stuff. At this time I was a single Mom and he was footloose and fancy free and I decided to do the hardest thing I have ever done and ended the relationship when he came to see me. He wanted to stay in touch and I said No adamantly. For one I knew he liked the ladies and for two it would have been impossible for me to follow him around the country because there was no way I could leave my kids and I knew my ex hubby would never let me take them out of the province so I decided to take control of the situation and let him go. My beautiful wonderful man that I was sooo in love with left my life for good or so I thought..... This was in September of 1990. After he left I really went down hill and started partying a lot and dating the wrong kind of men and ended up getting pregnant by a man who didn't love me and did not want anything to do with the baby and in fact wanted me to have an abortion, which I refused. He was a loser and it took me a long time to realize that this, but that is another story and not important. Anyway in March of 1991 the love of my life call him R called me on my birthday at work to see how I was doing? I told him I had news and he said I have news to but you go first. I told him I was pregnant and he asked me if it was his and I said no. In my heart of hearts I so wished it was his because at least I would have had a little piece of him but anyway his news was that he met a lady and was moving to the coast and getting married. I congratulated him and wished him the best and we said our goodbyes and life went on. I had my baby and raised her on my own and in April of 1992 I met my now husband. We married in 1994 and have been married ever since and also had one more child together a beautiful boy. Anyway, one day I was talking to a really good friend of mine and we were talking about our exs and she asked me if I had someone from my past who I truly thought was the love of my life and I told her about R. This got me thinking about him and she said why don't you see what happened to him. She dared me to look for him and so I went and did a people search and found an address of somone with the same name as him who lived up at the coast of BC where I knew he was from. I just wrote something really simple like, asking if this was the person who knew me from 1990 and if so could he email me and let me know. I was just going to see what happened and didn't really want to cause any problems in his life just in case he was happily married and had a jealous wife or something. A few months later on February 14th I was blown away to get an email from him and he was sooooo thrilled to hear from me. He didn't say too much but he was living in Bahrain in the middle east working as an airline pilot and life was good. He said when he got my email his heart stopped and he said he had looked for me a few times in the past but didn't know how to find me since I could have been married. He said he never forgot me ever and was so happy to hear from me. I was over the moon and wrote him back and told him about my life and my marriage and my past. Finally one day he wrote me a big long letter telling me about his past two failed marriages and that he now was with a lovely woman and they were engaged to be married and had not set a date yet. He talked a lot about her and sent me pics of the two of them together and seemed to all of a sudden switch to a more friendship like tone and said to write him only at a certain email not the one he had originally replied from. This went on for months and I would get an email from him about once every month and a half or so and I would wait with bated breath and check my emails every day for any sign of him. I felt so angry that he was back in my life and soooo happy and planning to get married and she seemed like a nice girl. I faked it that I was happy for him and pretended my marriage was great which it wasn't and it just made me want him more. I thought the chance of seeing him was pretty much nil since he lived in the middle east and also he was going to get married. It turned out that his wife wanted us to be friends and she was fine with the relationship. Anyway one day for some reason the tone of the emails changed and this was after he had been married to this girl. I think he said something about you better keep in touch or I will kick your butt and I replied by saying is that a promise or a threat and he wrote back and said you always had such a cute butt. After that he wanted to switch to his own personal email address and the emails got hotter and hotter as he confessed he remembered how good the chemistry was between us and how good I was and it was all about the intimate part of our relationship. He still wrote newsy emails telling me how happy he was with his wife and his life but we still had our secret emails back and forth. To make a long story even longer. In March of this year after 18 years I stood face to face with the love of my life and his new wife in Bahrain. It was as if we never parted we got along famously and the attraction was still there for both of us. It turned out that he and his wife have an open marriage and as long as she is present in the general area she lets him have other women. I think it was the only way that she could get him to commit because he has an extremely high libido and I knew that about him from my past relationship. Anyway she let us be together which was amazing. I really care about her and we became very close and she let me share him and it was awesome and so surreal because I never in my wildest dreams thought it could ever happen. I stayed with them for eight amazing days and even had my 46th birthday with them. She was crying when I got on the plane to go back home and he kept grabbing my arm like he didn't want me to go either. I swear it was such an amazing experience and I am still high from it. He told me when I was there that he would always love me and that he thouht we could have lasted and he would have been honoured to marry me. I didn't want to hear that and kept telling him that this was the best for everyone but in my heart I so wanted to be in his wife's place. Now here I am a few months later and I cannot get this man out of my mind. We have written emails back and forth from his personal one and he keeps telling me how he remembers when we were together and he could still smell my scent on the pillow where I slept. Anyway the last little while I have kind of stepped back and stopped emailing him. I told him I wouldn't be able to write for awhile because I am working on some courses and needed to study which is true in a way but I could always find time to email him. He called and asked if I was avoiding us and I said no but what I really wanted to say was What us??? There is no us you are married and you say you love your wife and she is your future. Not to mention that in October of last year on their honeymoon his wife discovered a lump on her breast and had to take chemo and radiation and seems to be OK except for some damage from the radiation on her left lung but otherwise is cancer free. I am working towards my certification in nutritional healing so I have given her lots of tips on how to prevent the cancer from returning and honestly want her to get well because she is a really sweet girl and she loves him so desperately and constantly says things in her emails that she cannot imagine her life without him. So here I am in limbo feeling like such a terrible person for loving him so much and although she knows we are friends she has no idea of the intimate emails we were sending or the msn chats. I know he loves her but he still feels this need to keep secrets from her. She is open to him having his little side dishes and yet she knows nothing about how he is still contacting me on the side. I guess I don't understand why he is the way he is but I am not much better because I reply to his emails and even though I told him I couldn't write for awhile I still check my email every day for some sign of him. Meanwhile I write her and ask about him and give her nutritional advice and support her. I cannot get this man out of my mind and my heart and don't think I ever will be able to. He wants us to get together once a year like in the movie "Same Time Next Year" and I am so for that except I know after I go back to my life again I will go through the same heartache that I can never have him in my life like she does. She lets me share him and I know she cares about me and it wouldn't matter what he did she would love him. He could cheat and she would still accept him part and parcel. I was even thinking we could all live together one day and we could both be his wive's and keep him happy believe me he is more than enough man for two women. I have changed my ideas of relationships so much and feel like I seriously could share him if I could just be with him. I will always love him and just feel like the universe has allowed us to be together and yet he is still so far away from me. Now comes the horoscope part of this. He is a Gemini born May 31st 1964 in Vancouver Canada. I do not know what time. I was born March 13th 1962 in Fort St John British Columbia Canada at midnight. I know that gemini and pisces are not supposed to be a good fit but we get along so great and really think a lot of like for one we are both devious and manipulative. His wife is an Aquarius born February 7th 1974 in South Africa not sure where or what time?? I know gemini and aquarius are supposed to be a match made in heaven but her first hubby was a gemini and that was a disaster!!! So I am asking anyway who can offer some advice and doesn't judge me too harshly for being in love with someone who is not mine to love. I do care for his wife and want to be friends with her too and we get along really well and she looks to me for advice and even confides in me about R from time to time. I know everyone is probably going to say I am a two faced witch and should just let him go and get on with my life and they have every right to say and think that but I still will always love him. I am very willing to hear all the comments about how bad this is and how cruel to do that to his wife when I say I care about her but how can you just unlove someone you have loved for most of all of your life. He is like a drug and I need my fix, I cannot get him out of my mind and he is even haunting my dreams. That is my story and I am so sorry it is so long but need to hear from you if you could help why this has happened and how unfair the universe is to bring two people together who obviously are still so attracted to each other but can never be together. That is my dilemma and I am reaching out to you kind souls because I am hoping you can enlighten me as to why this has happened?? Thank you to anyone who can help in any way possible.


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Geocosmic Valentine
Knowflake

Posts: 810
From: New York, NY
Registered: Sep 2007

posted June 14, 2008 06:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Geocosmic Valentine     Edit/Delete Message
Just when we think we know everything thing there is to know about life, she throws surprises at us. Yes, life can be cruel, but I don't think you're experiencing one of it's cruelties, I think you're experiencing one of it's gifts and an amazing lesson along with it. Sure, your friendship with him and his wife is not "ideal" or "status quo", it sounds like you're slowly letting go of the idealism about it and bubbles burst hard, but you are also learning that there are different ways of being and relating in this world.

We all have to exist in reality and with reality. His reality is different, even his profession is a romantic type of freedom, being a pilot and traveling the world constantly, he needs to fly. He has a very lightweight anchor, it seems. He is lucky to have found a woman who understands his intense need for freedom within relationships and she has also come to love and accept you as a good friend.

These are gifts. There are people in this world who have the ideal or the "appearance" of the ideal, but they do not have the same kind of love that you share.

You must imagine what it would be like if you really were able to live with him on a daily basis. It seems that you want him to be your one and only and that's just not in his nature. If you were to be with him, you would also experience him as a ladies man knowing that he was with other women as well. Even though you have experienced his wife being supportive of him and watching their dynamic in person, and you're learning so much about "different" relationships other than what society condones as "normal", I still sense from your writing that you want him to be your one and only and that can't be even if you did have the opportunity to live with him on a daily basis.

Although we sometimes complain about not wanting to be molded or judged by society, the truth is that we do care what our main social circles think of us. What values do you want your children to grow up with around relationships? You may have changed your values a little because of this situation. We do care what our friends think. We do care how we are viewed by society. We do care about being accepted and appearing acceptable within our social circles. Even if we are rebellious, we tend to hang around with our rebellious friends and adapt similar values with them and there becomes a rebellious status quo.

I guess I'm saying that I don't think you should throw away your special friendship and love with this man and his wife who has become a special friend to you. The cold hard truth is that if you really wanted him in your life...

If you R-E-A-L-L-Y wanted him IN YOUR LIFE...

He would be in your life.

You would be in Bahrain or he would be here. But we have family, friends and a life here that is just as important to you.

I believe that the internet is a gift. It's not the same as having the person in your proximity (which is of extreme importance) but it's a heck of a lot more than we have ever had before.

With relationships, proximity is of extreme importance. How can you support someone when they aren't there with you. That is a major part of being in a relationship. People don't like to talk about it, but marriages are really business partnerships. We combine our finances, we divide up duties, we raise children together and make a bunch of little business deals together. The honeymoon ends because it has to, we don't get the same hit of dopamine from that "in love" feeling when the day to day realities demand our attention as a couple or as parents.

Could a relationship of mundane daily details last between the two of you? Right now it's the dreams of the romance and the chemistry fueled love making, but how would that differ when the babies diapers need changing, when the children need to be drivne to school, when the furnace breaks down, when the house needs to be refinanced, when the taxes need to be paid, when the garbage must be taken out, when the toilet has to be cleaned and the dishes washed. You two really haven't had to deal with those issues. Eight days of love and friendship hardly reflects the realities of being together day to day.

What would happen if the sex dies, does he love you enough to stay with you and support you as a human being if that was to happen? Would you still want to be with him if that happened for him?

I wonder if part of what you love is his adventurous spirit? Does he fly only because he loves it or does he fly to get away from certain things?

I haven't read your charts yet, but these are just questions that popped into my head. I didn't realize I had so much to say or so many thoughts on the subject, but it is a situation that exists.

This is a real situation that exists. It's not the first time and it won't be the last and my belief is that you all have had past lives together and I think you should enjoy the love you share with one another, all three of you. I think it's a special gift. We want to demand from life that it present itself the way we want it, to be presentable to the world in an acceptable way, and it's not always presentable or acceptable.

I have a theory about life. We like to put down certain experiences because they are messy. For example we talk about pigs rolling around in the mud as being disgusting. The veritable truth might be that rolling around in the mud might be one of the most pleasureable things that this earth has to offer and we put it down. We don't realize that we are looking a gift horse in the mouth. Take that in for a moment.

So far he sounds like a nice guy and you sound like a very sane person having a wonderful yet heart wrenching experience. Althought you are in the process of accepting his true nature, you're not the whole way there yet. That's OK, I'd say to take your time.

I'm going to look at the charts over the next few days to see what I can see. I can't say when I will report back, sometime within the next few days, but your story was fascinating to me.

Good luck to you in the meantime.

Geocosmic Valentine
Professional Astrologer
geocosmicvalentine@yahoo.com
. www.myspace.com/geocosmicvalentine

------------------
"Everybody is a star!"
Sly & The Family Stone

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Geocosmic Valentine
Knowflake

Posts: 810
From: New York, NY
Registered: Sep 2007

posted June 14, 2008 06:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Geocosmic Valentine     Edit/Delete Message
I knew I forgot something. Please look at this thread where we had a discussion on POLYAMORY on this board. Some people had interesting things to day and some of it was judgemental, but I think you might find it interesting.
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/003152.html

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fieryscales
Moderator

Posts: 692
From: My own private world
Registered: Jan 2008

posted June 14, 2008 06:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for fieryscales     Edit/Delete Message
WOW! This sounds like a Hollyhood drama

But seriously, this sounds like a Karmic situation between you two.
I am in no position to give out relationship advice but it seems that you two are going to be together eventually in this lifetime. The forces are too strong to ignore or banish.
But I suggest seriously that you sit down, or go away, by yourself, for a few days, and think what do you really want and is it attainable?

BTW Welcome

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Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 6851
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted June 14, 2008 08:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message
Hi freedmisol ~
quote:
I know everyone is probably going to say I am a two faced witch and should just let him go and get on with my life and they have every right to say and think that but I still will always love him.
I'm not going to say that What you three have is special and wonderful

Your children are in their teens (or older) now, yes?? So they will be leaving the nest in a few years and not be (quite as) dependent upon you. You could then Test-Fly your dream of being with this man, and stay with him and his wife for several months. If the several-month trial works out, and you think you can handle this 24/7/365, then Go For It

I think what's bothering you right now (aside from him on your mind all the time) is the secrecy -- the private communications you and he kept from his wife..... is there any way you could (both) be honest with her?? And what about your husband??

Good luck in resolving this -- what a wonderful Love Story -- I hope it can have a happy ending someday.....

Zala

PS: To answer your topic question (purely rhetorical??) -- no, I don't think the Universe is cruel. Even on my downest days, I still believe that this can be a dimension of great Love. I believe that *we* choose lessons we want to learn in this lifetime before we come here, and choose the people we will learn them from/with.....

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freedmisol
Knowflake

Posts: 9
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2008

posted June 14, 2008 09:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for freedmisol     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you so much to all who have answered. You are saying what I am thinking big time!!! I even told him I am so blessed to have the best of both worlds. I can have you in my life and love you and I don't have to be married to you so the time we spend together will always be very precious. I guess I just think I want to be married to him because then I could see him so much more. I really have lost faith in marriage I am on my second one and I just feel we have become strangers that live in the same house. We get along OK but there is nothing in common any longer. I have grown and changed and he has stayed the same. I just worry that when he retires and the kids are no longer around we will grow to hate each other. I keep telling him to find someone to make him happy and he is full aware of my feelings for the fellow in Bahrain but I told him that he is with his wife and we are all just friends. My husband even thought it was OK for me to visit R in Bahrain. It is all so strange I know for anyone reading this and if anyone would have told me this happened to them I would wonder if they were making it all up. Everything just fell into place so beautifully. His wife was the one that invited me to Bahrain and my husband was OK with it and when R and I saw each other for the first time it was comfortable and the chemistry was very much apparent on both our sides. He kept asking me questions about himself like did I think he turned out OK and did I think he had a good marriage? stuff that I still wonder why he asked me. We spent time together and he took me to see the dolphins in the Arabian Gulf on my birthday without his wife being there because she was tired. I guess I think I know what I want but there is a side of me that does not want to see the magic disappear and that is sure to happen if we are around each other 24/7 like he is with his wife. Thank you so much Geocosmic Valentine for your words of wisdom and yes he is a good man just has an incredibly high sex drive and he is so much fun to be with and super intelligent and always positive and very rarely gets down in the dumps. He is so great to be around she is a very lucky girl and she knows it. Any way I SO appreciate any replies to this post and thank you so much I am so glad I decided to reach out to someone about this as there is no one other than one friend that I constantly drive crazy because I talk about R so much with her. I look forward to seeing what the charts unfold Geocosmic Valentine. Thanks again what a great forum this is!!!
Hugs,

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Dooza
Knowflake

Posts: 106
From: Australasia
Registered: May 2008

posted June 17, 2008 07:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dooza     Edit/Delete Message

I was thinking of your situation driving to work this morning.... and I thought...."Gee, I wish I was someone's 'Love of their Life"..."

......three major relationships later and I thought my partners would be more excited to be with someone like me!!! (Lol - can you tell I'm a Leo?)

dooza xx

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freedmisol
Knowflake

Posts: 9
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2008

posted June 17, 2008 11:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for freedmisol     Edit/Delete Message
.....three major relationships later and I thought my partners would be more excited to be with someone like me!!! (Lol - can you tell I'm a Leo?)

dooza xx

Maybe you are and you just don't know it :-)))

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freedmisol
Knowflake

Posts: 9
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2008

posted June 17, 2008 11:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for freedmisol     Edit/Delete Message
......three major relationships later and I thought my partners would be more excited to be with someone like me!!! (Lol - can you tell I'm a Leo?)

dooza xx


Maybe you are and you don't know it! :-)))

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Geocosmic Valentine
Knowflake

Posts: 810
From: New York, NY
Registered: Sep 2007

posted June 17, 2008 02:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Geocosmic Valentine     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Freedmisol,

I'm going to point out some aspects in your comparison with "R" that are difficult and through those it may help you to realize that you're situation with him is a gift exactly the way it is.

You both share a Sun-Pluto square - this suggests tremendous power struggles. It makes you feel important to one another for some reason, but over time you begin to compete and it can become quite vicious. Unless one of you is truly in your soul, willing to be controlled by the other, it's a difficult one to deal with and one person usually ends up devestated to the core.

You both share Saturn conjunct Mars - his actions would be controlled, his sexual appetite would be squashed. This is an aspect that most people on this forum have been trying to find a positive bent to, but so far no one has. At it's "absolute worst" it can suggest physical abuse within a relationship. Remember: absolute worst. But most people usually end up having awful feelings about each other with that aspect, it's one of the worst to have in a long term relationship. Tempers usually flare terribly with this one also.

Saturn conjunct Chiron - this one IS extremely difficult to have in a relationship, it usually ends up in a painful breakup.

Saturn conjunct Moon - with this one emotions get freezed, the Moon person usually ends up feeling very lonely and controlled, but stuck together.

Neptune opposite Mercury - it's inspirational and adds mental telepathy to your communication, but the flipside is also present which is very confused communication and deception/lying to each other.

Pluto opposite Saturn - this is a karmic aspect and it is also the aspect of war. So yes, it suggests past life connections - all of the Saturn connections do, but it can end up depressing you both greatly.

So I like my perspective which is that God has given you the gift of being allowed to love each other from a far, then having a few short term romantic visits with each other because if you were in each other's presence any longer, these other issues would rear their ugly heads with a vengeance. You may find yourself acknowledging that you've felt some of these aspects, but maybe ignored some of it, knowing that you only had a short time with each other.

I didn't mention the positivie soulmate aspects because it's obvious that those are there. You both feel them, you both love each other so much that is wife loves you. Now that's some powerful love.

But I purposely pointed out the difficult aspects between you both to help you realize the reality - the Saturn - of the situation. Saturn rules reality and no one on this earth is allowed to live a constant fairy tale. No one. We are here to learn, sometimes gently and sometimes with cold and military precision. But Saturn serves to ground us, so when we get extra's, like the love you share with "R", it's truly a gift.

The aspects that I pointed out are all quite difficult to manage in one's system in relationship with someone else.

I think God knows what he's doing. It's as if he allows you to have the giant soup spoons full of love instead of jumping into the swimming pool of love. Remember, some people don't even get the soup spoons. I think you may need to sometimes just be grateful that he's on this planet with you at the same time.

That's my take on it. Other people here can feel free to look as well. And please let me know if any of this feels correct OR if it doesn't. Good luck to you.

Geocosmic Valentine
Professional Astrologer
geocosmicvalentine@yahoo.com
. www.myspace.com/geocosmicvalentine

------------------
"Everybody is a star!"
Sly & The Family Stone

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freedmisol
Knowflake

Posts: 9
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2008

posted June 17, 2008 06:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for freedmisol     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Cosmic Valentine

Firstly, I want to thank you so much for taking the time to analyze our charts. I really appreciate it and all of your wisdom also.

I guess the truth really hurts and now I need to look at the situation in a whole new way. You are right finding him again and being able to have him in my life once in awhile sure beats not having him at all. I never want the love we share to die and always want him to need me in his life. The hard part is trying to let go of the possibility of having more with him when it is not the best for all concerned. If you have any ideas on how to let go and let whatever happens happen, I would be ever so grateful as I constantly think about him. I have not written him in a few weeks and have made up excuses about being too busy which is a lie. I just don't want to be forgotten and want him to always think of me fondly and wonder how it could have been with us. I do care about his wife and love her like a Sister and want to help her get her health back. By the same token I wonder if he is not the one than who is. I have not been in love with my husband for a long time and pretty much stay for the kids and also because I wonder if I will ever find someone to love me the way I want to be loved. I have done so much soul searching and feel so much stronger and capable and want to do so much with my life and it would be nice to have someone who would support me and love me through all of my endeavours and I had so hoped it would be him. I just thought there must be a reason why we were put together and again and now I am thinking it is for his wife. Maybe that was the relationship that the universe wanted??? I know that I felt close to her right from the start and I was one of the few people she told when she thought her cancer had come back. She cried on the phone and I just wanted to get on a plane and fly to Bahrain and give her a big hug. It is so strange that I would feel so strongly for the woman who is married to the man I used to believe was my soul mate, but I do and I feel no jealousy for her which is bizarre to me but I am going to look at that as a gift also. I think even R was shocked when he saw how well his wife and I got along. On that note I want to thank you again for all of your help and anyone else who would like to offer anything especially about letting go I would soooo appreciate it.

All the best

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Dooza
Knowflake

Posts: 106
From: Australasia
Registered: May 2008

posted June 18, 2008 01:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dooza     Edit/Delete Message

Cosmic Valentine, you said

"Saturn conjunct Chiron - this one IS extremely difficult to have in a relationship, it usually ends up in a painful breakup"

Who would effected more, the Saturn or Chiron person?

Thank you, dooza

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triplepisces
Knowflake

Posts: 23
From:
Registered: May 2008

posted June 18, 2008 02:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for triplepisces     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Cosmic Valentine, I read on Magi website that Saturn opposing Chiron actually causes heartbreak (not conjuntion). (note that this is Magi not everyone agrees)

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Geocosmic Valentine
Knowflake

Posts: 810
From: New York, NY
Registered: Sep 2007

posted June 18, 2008 05:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Geocosmic Valentine     Edit/Delete Message
I experienced severe heartbreak with both the conjunction and the square. My own thought is that anytime Saturn has a tense aspect with Chiron in synastry, it will express itself that way. But I also think it's important to ask the question: What is the lesson underneath the measurement? Instead of just feeling the pain. In my most recent Saturn-Chiron heartbreak, I am the Chiron he's the Saturn.

The only thing I can think of is that I knew all along that it was just a case of massive sexual chemistry, but I knew that he exhibited certain behaviors that disturbed me in public and privately. I think God kept him away from me because there was an iceburg underneath the ice cube and I was so attracted I WANTED to ignore that.

I'm now hearing through the grapevine that the iceburg is slowly being revealed in his workplace and it hasn't been easy for him.

Geocosmic Valentine

------------------
"Everybody is a star!"
Sly & The Family Stone

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Geocosmic Valentine
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Posts: 810
From: New York, NY
Registered: Sep 2007

posted June 18, 2008 05:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Geocosmic Valentine     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Freedmisol,

To answer some of your questions about letting go, I only have thoughts. I don't know if it's advice.

I'm not sure you should completely let go of him, maybe redefine your boundaries with him and finally tell yourself the truth, that you don't wish to be Polyamorous with him and his wife, no matter how much you love him and her. You seem to really want to be exclusive with him and there's nothing wrong with that at all, it's what you need.

I don't think it's a matter of "The Universe wanting a relationship for them" and not you. You DO HAVE a relationship with him, it's just not in the exact form that you want.

As far as him being a soulmate, yes I believe that, but we all have more than one. We all get locked into the notion of there being "The One and Only" and it's just not like that. We have many soulmates out there, we just have to put ourselves out there to meet them whether by socializing at parties, putting ads in the paper or the dating services out there, etc. But being in the same place with the one you love is important. Not just for the romantic stuff, but for the other important aspects of relationship such as support on a daily basis, the business of living day to day.

Julia Cameron wrote a book called, "The Vein of Gold" about doing your art on a daily basis. She mentioned that everyone wants to creat a masterpiece every day and she compared it to dating. Everyone wants to paint the town red every night and have wild passionate sex every night, but we have to remember that it's not realistic. Sometimes a kiss on the cheek and a daisy will do the trick most of the time.

We have to remember that our relationships are going to be more kisses on the cheeks and daisies more so than champagne and caviar every night of our lives. It does become exhausting.

When I look at your chart I see that health issues have been up for you and I hope that you have been in touch with a doctor about them. I don't know what the nature of the issues are, but they appear to have been difficult and as if you have a little more to go within the next two or three months. I think that should be your top priority. This is the case if you gave me your correct birth time.

Once again, as for letting go of him, I would not try to detach with an axe, that's not a good idea, but if you want, just change the nature of how you relate to him. His wife may be really needing him now more than ever is she's ill also. Maybe it's time for you to begin broadcasting a new mantra to the universe asking for someone who can be with you, asking for the universe to help you with resolving the relationship with your husband and dealing with your children when that begins to happen. Something in the love department seems like it's going to happen when Pluto goes direct in November. When it reaches 3 degrees Capricorn, it will be squaring your natal Venus, the ruler of your relationship 7th house and your 11th house of receiving love. There will probably be action around dissolving your current marriage and plenty of issues around relationships coming in and out. There's no way for me to know for sure how it will express itself, but once you are through with this phase with the health issues and feelings of loss, you will move onto other relationship or relationshipS.

I have to get back in the bed, have a good day/morning.

Geocosmic Valentine
Professional Astrologer
geocosmicvalentine@yahoo.com
. www.myspace.com/geocosmicvalentine

------------------
"Everybody is a star!"
Sly & The Family Stone

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Dooza
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Posts: 106
From: Australasia
Registered: May 2008

posted June 18, 2008 06:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dooza     Edit/Delete Message
hmmm... contemplating life

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freedmisol
Knowflake

Posts: 9
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2008

posted June 18, 2008 01:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for freedmisol     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Cosmic Valentine
Once again, thank you for your wisdom.

I just finished witing a short email to him after receiving a text that said he was at work and thinking of me and missed me. God I miss him too and as much as I know in my heart it is just not in the cards or rather the "stars" for us to be together other than what we share now, reality bites!!!! I am OK with the idea of of sharing him and the polyamory you discussed but something tells me his wife would not be for that. When I thanked her for letting us be together she said."That is OK I don't mine sharing because I have him for life!!!" She is right she does, but that comment stung a bit.

Anyway as far as health issues go I am doing OK at least I thought I was so not sure what you are seeing but will look for anything out of the ordinary.

I know I need to resolve the issues with my now hubby, I just feel like we both just settle for this relationship. He doesn't seem to want to try any harder than he has to and I just don't care any longer.

I just need to let go with R not in the way of never having anything to do with him but just appreciating what he is willing to give me whether that be platonic or otherwise I will always love him but need to get on with my life. I am pretty sure that unless love comes knocking at my door I don't have the energy or inclination any longer to go looking for it. I will just keep on working toward bringing my goals to fruition and hopefully there will be some nice surprises along the way.

Thanks again for everything Cosmic Valentine

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Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 6851
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted June 18, 2008 08:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message
Geo & freedmisol ~

You are both such wise, warm and articulate women -- I respect you both immensely

~ Zala

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freedmisol
Knowflake

Posts: 9
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2008

posted June 18, 2008 09:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for freedmisol     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you Zala for such a nice compliment and I say it takes one to know one he he :-)))


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freedmisol
Knowflake

Posts: 9
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2008

posted June 19, 2008 11:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for freedmisol     Edit/Delete Message
I stumbled across this today and it really spoke to me and brought me a little peace about my situation with R. I just wanted to share it with the forum. Maybe it will bring some peace to someone else who is feeling like love with the one you want, the way you want it is not to be.

Peace and Love to you all.

There are many kinds of love but all love that is true is different expressions of the same love which is God’s love. Whatever love that you feel and express, it is actually the love of the creator being expressed through you. Who you really are is a messenger of God’s love. Life is a journey for us to discover more of who we really are so that we can evolve to higher forms of expressing love until we can fully love unconditionally. That is when we can fully allow the love of the divine to flow through us uninhibitedly.

Unconditional love is love that is free. You are never really free to love when you have attachments that keep you from loving freely. You hold back from expressing love because of rejection, you hold back from expressing love because it is not reciprocated. When you allow yourself to love unconditionally, you are not afraid of rejection. You love fearlessly and freely without needing anything back. The most liberating kind of love is the carefree kind of love. It is giving of yourself freely and not holding back.

When you love unconditionally, you are simply following your heart while having detachment from results. Conditions are attachment to results. You may desire to have things go a certain way with someone or something. But when you unconditionally love and accept what is, even if it does not happen the way you intend it to happen, then you create the conditions by which the essence of what you truly desire can happen because it is no longer a requirement for it to happen, but it is free to spring forth. ~~~Enoch Tan

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Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 6851
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted June 19, 2008 11:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks for the excerpt, freedmisol
Very appropos

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MysticMelody
Moderator

Posts: 4045
From:
Registered: Dec 2005

posted June 20, 2008 12:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message
quote:

You may desire to have things go a certain way with someone or something. But when you unconditionally love and accept what is, even if it does not happen the way you intend it to happen, then you create the conditions by which the essence of what you truly desire can happen

(Enoch Tan as quoted by Freedmisol)

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cancerrg
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Posts: 2758
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted June 20, 2008 01:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cancerrg     Edit/Delete Message
i think there is nothing to pass a judgement about( though you were expecting judgements , thats what i felt )

its not only you , in a situation like yours even i would have wanted the same . i know bcos i have loved someone so deeply too .

so coming to yoursituation ,realistically , there are two options , either you become his second wife or move on with life .

personally i would have chosen the second .
bcos the first situation demands commitment which in this case , i am not very sure of . but i wont suggest to go by what your mind says , do what your heart feels like ..........

so if you three feel you can be togetther , there is nothing better than that .
but also try to see things in practtical sense as GEO pointed out , what happens when you are face to face in daily mundane life . will he be the same ?

the answer to all lies in that 'yes' and 'no'.

lastly , i'll say this again , anyone of us can be in a situation like yours , so dont think negatively about yourself .
infact , if you recall it was your idealistic self that rejected him the first time and that i think needs guts .

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katatonic
Knowflake

Posts: 90
From: ca, usa
Registered: Jan 2008

posted June 20, 2008 03:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for katatonic     Edit/Delete Message
dear freedmisol, i have to agree with geocosmic, this sounds like a huge gift to me. there's a man in my life i would LOVE to have this kind of relationship with, tho i doubt we would make it through the daily grind!

but the reason i wanted to join in is something that has hardly been mentioned - your kids. they are in their teens? and you have been married to your husband since they were small, right? so he is their dad, and the two of you are their anchors.( in the best of all possible worlds, that is!!) so to me, regardless of your not-passionate marriage, and the attraction of this man who probably IS a soulmate, unless you are hurting each other (you and hub) and especially since R is unlikely to be leaving his wife anytime soon, i would caution you not to break up your kids' home before they are ready to move out into the world. even in their teens most kids will feel the wrench of having home broken up, and if this can be avoided without anyone suffering abuse i tend to opt for keeping the family functional...just my own opinion and feelings, having been through something similar and seeing the effects (thru two separate generations) of grownups "following their bliss" by ignoring the needs of their kids. now if your kids hate him, or you're fighting ALL the time, this might not apply.

what you have now sounds like an ideal situation given the aspects GCV pointed out and the difficulties of making this longdistance relationship work on a daily lifetime basis. why set up any new difficult karma by creating pain for your kids (and that will hurt you too, i am sure)? what's a few years in the scheme of things...? in fact some of those "hard" aspects might even be illustrating the situation - desire versus responsibility. there is a great book, called karmic astrology (i believe), which talks in length about the three-way relationship of edgar cayce, his wife, and his secretary of decades' standing. cayce felt the sec was his "cosmic partner" or other half, but his wife was also his soulmate and so though there was a very strong attraction between them he and his secretary never consummated their relationship. he felt his karma was to resist the temptations of leaving his marriage (which was apparently a very good, affectionate one) or disrupting it with an affair even if it was for his "true partner".

didn't intend to make this so long! no judgement is involved here, just some thoughts on your situation that hit me in the face...XX

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freedmisol
Knowflake

Posts: 9
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2008

posted June 20, 2008 04:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for freedmisol     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you everyone for all of your replies to my post. In answer to the question about my kids, I have two grown from the first marriage a boy and a girl age 24 and 25 and a 16 year old girl and an 11 year old boy.

I do not want to cause any suffering in the life of my children or I would have left my marriage many years ago. My husband has never truly bonded with my 16 year old daughter and has always been closer to my son who is his true flesh and blood. That is a bit of a sore spot with me but I accept what is and he is still the only Father she knows.

I am not going to be selfish about this and my children will be my first priority no matter what. I will stay where I am in this marriage because right now it is the best for the children. By the same token this marriage may not give me all that I need but there is still friendship involved and I would truly be happy for my husband if he found someone he could truly love because I think he just settles for me and I know he could be much happier, he just doesn't want to expend the energy to find someone else and stays with me. I am not going to go looking for anyone to replace him, but R coming into my life again awakened something in me and all of a sudden I wanted what he and his wife shared it wasn't jealousy which was really strange for me because I thought when I met her I would not like her in fact I liked her a lot and felt so blessed that she was willing to let us to be together. What are the chances of that happening with any other woman that he might marry? It was all so confusing because I expected at any moment to have everything fall apart and we would not be able to see each other, but it all fell into place so nicely as if it was meant to be. I had a taste of how it could have been and maybe I liked it a little too much. Whatever happens in the future between R and myself I am going to try and be at peace with that. I will learn to accept whatever he can give me and love him no matter what. I will not ask for more than what he can give me. Just like the Enoch Tan so aptly put it I need to learn to love him without expectation or attachment. Quite the daunting task I know but the only way I will ever find peace in this.

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