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Author
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Topic: ignoring someone is the highest form of disrespect you can show to them
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Meduza
Knowflake Posts: 152
From:
Registered: Feb 2008
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posted December 30, 2008 07:08 PM
 
do you agree?IP: Logged |
26taurus
Knowflake Posts: 15250
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted December 30, 2008 07:11 PM
no. sometimes it's the best thing they ever couldve done for you. only you realize it later on.IP: Logged |
26taurus
Knowflake Posts: 15250
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted December 30, 2008 07:12 PM
also, sometimes the silent treatment might be a gentler option. maybe they don't want to rip you a new @-hole; unleash on you. it could show they care at least a little bit about you.i think there are much worse forms of disrespect. IP: Logged |
Scorpionic Web
Knowflake Posts: 913
From: Pennsylvania
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 30, 2008 09:59 PM
After a relationship progresses to a certain point I feel the silent treatment is inappropriate, and the recipient is owed an explanation.I understand why people give the silent treatment. But to me, silence is ambiguous; at most it is a hint, and would only spur my need to know. Personally, I feel ignoring someone is always more cruel than the truth... ...I deserve to know what I've done wrong. IP: Logged |
Scorpionic Web
Knowflake Posts: 913
From: Pennsylvania
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 30, 2008 10:06 PM
26T:What does the recipient "realize" if the silent one hasn't provided a reason? All they realize is rejection. And why must anyone "unleash on you"? Reasons for disapproval can be given gently. IP: Logged |
BlueTopaz124
Knowflake Posts: 1540
From: Portland, OR
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted December 30, 2008 10:08 PM
It depends on the situation and the person being put on ignore. Ignoring someone *is* very disrespectful...if the ignorer is angry and abusive in general, they very well know what effect their behavior is on the person they're ignoring. They could be doing it to manipulate their desired result. If someone is trying to detach from an abusive/unpleasant situation when all else has failed (communication, for one), it may be the only way for them to keep their sanity, especially if it's in the workplace and trying to be productive. I agree with 26T...it can also be a blessing. IP: Logged |
Scorpionic Web
Knowflake Posts: 913
From: Pennsylvania
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 30, 2008 10:20 PM
Ignoring someone is passive aggression, which I find childish. Speak your thoughts and be done with it.If you care for someone enough to spare their feelings, care enough to be honest with them. IP: Logged |
26taurus
Knowflake Posts: 15250
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted December 30, 2008 10:57 PM
I was just thinking back to a time when I was ignored by someone for a long time and I couldnt understand it so, those were the conclusions I came to. Now I can see it was a blessing in disguise.When I don't want to speak to someone anymore and they are pushing me to, I will let always them know why I dont wish to continue communication. IP: Logged |
26taurus
Knowflake Posts: 15250
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted December 30, 2008 11:00 PM
quote:
Ignoring someone *is* very disrespectful...if the ignorer is angry and abusive in general, they very well know what effect their behavior is on the person they're ignoring. They could be doing it to manipulate their desired result.
quote:
Ignoring someone is passive aggression, which I find childish. Speak your thoughts and be done with it.
IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 3729
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted December 30, 2008 11:15 PM
we call it "being sent to coventry" - well we did at school anyway!very childish IP: Logged |
26taurus
Knowflake Posts: 15250
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted December 30, 2008 11:23 PM
thinking back....maybe it is one of the highest forms of disrepect. It was extremely hurtful and caused me a lot of unnecessary pain. And even after letting the person know how I was feeling, they continued. Cruel.IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 1235
From: processing destination......
Registered: Sep 2008
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posted December 31, 2008 01:00 AM
Scorpionic said it well - it's extremely passive-aggressive and cruel. I think it also depends on the person and what hurts them - maybe the silent treatment seems less monstrous than say, having a sudden outburst. But to me, I'd prefer someone to scream and yell for me for 10 minutes ell me what's bothering them, instead of stonewalling me. IP: Logged |
Scorpionic Web
Knowflake Posts: 913
From: Pennsylvania
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 31, 2008 02:18 AM
To echo Blue Moon's earlier mention of repeating topics...Very recently, other LL members, Sunshine_Lion for one, have suggested the opinion which I've always had- how ignoring people is an act of passive aggression: The Silent Treatment thread- http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/020453.html IP: Logged |
MysticMelody
Moderator Posts: 4763
From:
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 31, 2008 02:25 AM
quote:
Ignoring someone is passive aggression, which I find childish. Speak your thoughts and be done with it.If you care for someone enough to spare their feelings, care enough to be honest with them.
That's the whole point...
you DON'T care enough
to be honest with them,
spare their feelings,
or share your thoughts.
That is why you are ignoring them.
They aren't worth your time
or your emotional and mental energy. Getting upset with someone,
saying something emotional
and then walking away for a "time out"
before you say more crazy things
is completely different than
ignoring someone.
IP: Logged |
Scorpionic Web
Knowflake Posts: 913
From: Pennsylvania
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 31, 2008 02:55 AM
Mystic:You just quoted my response to 26Taurus, who mentioned how some people remain silent as a gentler way of dealing with a person. Contrary to what you just wrote, 26T's point was that the silence "could show they care at least a little bit about you" by sparing the recipient a verbal onslaught. I'm not sure why you quoted me and then brought up issue with it, because I get the impression that you're actually arguing against 26T's suggestion of how some people remain silent to be polite. IP: Logged |
MysticMelody
Moderator Posts: 4763
From:
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 31, 2008 03:13 AM
I'm sorry, I'm not arguing anything or against anything. I'm just crabby and picked one thing to be contrary about probably. I didn't mean to argue with you. I know you were responding to something specific. Sorry SW.
I shouldn't have quoted you. What I said would have stood just fine without it.
Your words were just the last I read before I formulated my response. Didn't mean to be rude or even argumentative. I actually just experienced this:
"Getting upset with someone,
saying something emotional
and then walking away for a "time out"
before you say more crazy things"
Feeling sad/upset (NOT at or about you ofcourse, SW). My bad. Sorry again.
IP: Logged |
LetsDance
Knowflake Posts: 285
From: Where there's dancing...
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted December 31, 2008 04:07 AM
IMO, ignoring someone who is geniunely trying to find reconciliation or closure with the "ignorer" is mean. However, if the "ignoree" is trying to be a nuisance or play devil's advocate just for the sake of stirring up conflict, then they are being disrespectful and should be ignored.IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 1235
From: processing destination......
Registered: Sep 2008
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posted December 31, 2008 04:51 AM
My marriage eventually ended because of this, btw.
It can corrode a relationship over time...definitely. Terrible way to 'deal' by not dealing at all. Painful. It's like being punished and not knowing why, no matter how much you ask or try to do for the other person. Even when you let them have their silences and it's hard to do, and they still abuse it. IP: Logged |
kaira
Knowflake Posts: 267
From:
Registered: Sep 2006
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posted December 31, 2008 08:17 AM
i hate being ignored when i'm in a relationship. you either tell me what's on your mind, or i'm gone. it's usually because they're afriad of what they'll say to me, but i can take it. i respect them even if they tell me the nastiest, most evil thing ever, because it's better than being left in the dark and letting your own mind come up with reasons and accusations upon yourself.IP: Logged |
sunshine_lion
Knowflake Posts: 1192
From: ann arbor mi
Registered: Apr 2008
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posted December 31, 2008 09:28 AM
I think it is a saturn type thing. Like I disapprove of something so I am going to make you figure it out why I am mad and this whole thing will last about three days.MVM is right - I would so rather have it out and get past it than play that passive aggressive control game. It is subconcious too. My SO does it and I have to adapt myself to that style and I am more a blow up and blow over kind of style. It dampers your sex life you close feeling your cold and distant shoulder of disproval. UGH...I hate it and yet I understand not wanting to make things worse by taking t ime to think before you talk, but it becomes it's own punishmant. I have never heard it called cruel, but I agree, to me it seems cruel, as I want to be close and loved and light candles, giggle and have hot sex and cuddles,,,,I hate that cold feeling. IP: Logged |
Mama Mia
Knowflake Posts: 2907
From:
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted December 31, 2008 10:08 AM
Yeah ppl ignore ppl for different reasons..Its all childish to me for whatever the reason is..Well if you need to ignore a person because they have been abusive and you now feel its over and you need to move on is ok..But just to ignore some one for manipulation or anything along those lines is crazy.. I use to ignore my Ex Aqua boyfriend and it would drive him up the wall..He deserved it though.. IP: Logged |
Peri
Moderator Posts: 2806
From: Kyiv, Ukraine
Registered: Dec 2003
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posted December 31, 2008 10:19 AM
I agree with Mama Mia, it depends on the situation; if you give someone the silent treatment just for the sake of manipulating something out of them, you are being disrespectful and mean, but if the other person was abusive no matter how much you tried to calm them down and talk about the issue and then you finally told them it was over and stopped talking to them (without unleashing on them), I do see it as a gentler option like T26 mentioned.IP: Logged |
Meduza
Knowflake Posts: 152
From:
Registered: Feb 2008
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posted December 31, 2008 11:08 AM
Thanks for all your feedback... IP: Logged |
FistOfLegend
Knowflake Posts: 293
From:
Registered: Nov 2008
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posted January 02, 2009 02:28 PM
Hmm, I like this question. Sometimes silence is best to express you're angry towards someone. Surely the tension between you will be intense.
For me, it was probably best when I DIDN'T speak to someone due to being angry with them. I probably would have exploded and made them feel like they were being sawed in half. Anyway, silence can make someone feel very uncomfortable. I like to scare the living daylights out of people I hate. IP: Logged |
Atlenta
Knowflake Posts: 513
From:
Registered: Jun 2002
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posted January 02, 2009 05:50 PM
sometimes people just don't know what to say.. not ignoring per se.
It's not the highest form of disrespect, but its very underhanded and keeps one guessing. Sometimes, it can lead to deeper relationships, especially if the emotions are engaged.Highest forms of disrespect include hurting someone on purpose, bakstabbing, lies, etc. Withholding affection (through speech) may be cruel, but the other party would learn that we are responsible for what we think about, be it positive or negative. i.e., happiness is not based on another person's judgment of you. Hard lesson - but worth it. IP: Logged |
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