posted July 12, 2009 09:35 PM         

thx for your replies, some of them were quite funny!

But yes I agree with most of the feedback that only cut the cords if you really want to otherwise it wont really work and instead you end up feeling alot worse!

I must admit somtimes when I tried to cut the cords by visualising I would close my eyes and imagine the seperation between us but when i carried on watching it felt like he was moving towards me to get close again.

This was the overwhelming effect I got from this excerise so I decided to stop as I didn't want to be consumed by this.

Yes deep down a part of me wanted to see him again..so maybe thats why it didn't seem to work long term for me. It was just a temporary fix I guess!

So i decided not to use my energy thinking or visualising him as this was giving more power to the situation, i'e the more you think about them the more energy your feeding them!

Even this discussion that I know started is using energy on him so i've decided to STOP and use me energies on something more constructive.

Guys if you do find it hard to let go of someone, maybe just reciting a simple prayer to go out to god/ universe will help, It's kinda away of saying that yes you've acknowledged how you've felt for someone but now you need help to get over it!

posted July 13, 2009 01:34 PM         

Then what ever feels comfortable for you,
visualize a sharp object like scissors or a sword to cut the cord between you. You can call upon Archangel michael to assist too as he specialises in cutting away negativity.

You may feel resistance when you cut the cords, but cut them and then watch the other person turning around, walking away and dissapearring into the distance.

Protect yourself afterwards by putting some shield around you this can be white and royal blue light coming down from above your head to the your feet and into the earth and watch it expand outwards like a shell.

or you could go through the motions of putting on a protective coat. It could be royal blue with a hood shielding you. Or it could be indriscent like a shiny mirror colour reflecting unwanted attention back out.

Do this every day for about 7 days.

posted August 07, 2009 05:04 PM         

I remember when I felt sick over the guy in question and this awful feeling lasted around 8/9 months.

I got through it by talking to a counsellor, which helped me open up and understand and see the whole situation for what it was.

It really does help when you talk to someone and have interaction with others. And as for your heart that will heal with some time.

posted August 08, 2009 09:07 AM         

I have a feeling I will be needing to do this soon, but we work together so see each other every day!!

posted August 08, 2009 01:57 PM         

I guess you may still be able to feel connected to them wherever you are if you truely know that you have a spiritual bond between you.

posted August 08, 2009 01:59 PM         

I guess you may still be able to feel connected to them wherever you are if you truely know that you have a spiritual bond between you.

posted August 09, 2009 02:50 AM         

Thanks for your insights

It's good that he's moving offices in September (supposedly - we work for a university and they are 'restructuring' all the time.. I was supposed to move in August, but its been pushed out to December) and he is overseas now, and I am also on annual leave from work. So nothing to remind me of this person... yet I still feel a very strong connection. Even when he is at home and I live 30 minutes away from him ... I will call just as he's thinking about me, and vice versa. So maybe it would be more effective to 'cut the cord' once he has moved offices ... which is hopefully soon, so that I can move on.. unless for some reason we need to be in each others' lives still.

posted September 03, 2009 10:25 PM         

hi MsCandeh, I kinda understand what your saying that during a certain time in your life you may have a connection with someone. But then comes time when i guess you both may feel that your going in different directions and you part.

I must add that the guy that i used to obsess about well..I really feel that he is overseas now because I dont feel any connection to him anymore. All I feel is distance and no connection to him watsoever!

yay!

posted September 05, 2009 04:01 PM         

Gypsee I have to agree with you there.

I can't cut the cords until he has moved office space. I want to very much (self-preservation) but he won't let me and physically being around him does not help because we just fall back into our old ways of being .. as much as I tried to resist this. It's like there is a warmness that surrounds us when we are together.. it's a very comforting, caring feeling, lots of familiarity, loving (unconditional).. all of that. We look into each other's eyes and it just feels.. well, 'right' .. even though its not (anymore).
I did okay initially until he got upset I was cutting him off (he was very verbal about this) .. He went back to his ex but he still hasn't mentioned anything to me about them being in a relationship.
Why he is treating me the same way as when we were together I don't know..
I guess it's because there's a connection there between us. Argh.

What's worse is I had a soul mate reading which was really awesome and very accurate for us. However ... it sort of cements all that I feel .. and that I think he feels for me. He doesn't want to let go even though he's with his ex now, and he gets really upset when I tell him I just don't want to talk to him so I can move on! He doesn't understand why I need to do this (cos it hurts to be around him?!?!?! apparently, that's not a good enough reason!) As I said before, I tried to cut him off/ignore him.. and seeing him upset by this has really gotten to me. His reaction to this has cast a doubt in my mind whether I am doing the right thing. Rationality says 'he went back to his ex ... he lied to you and manipulated the situation.. you deserve much better'.. my heart is compleeeetely different though. But well I'm trying to listen to my head for once It's just that I had this thought that maybe our connection was maybe too intense/deep that it scared him .. he doesn't like emotions that make him feel uncomfortable, at least with me.. (my Moon conjunct his NN .. not the most comfortable connection) ..

So I'm waiting for three weeks until he moves office space so I can officially cut the cord.

In the meantime I have stopped resisting/ignoring him because it's too hard when I see him (takes a LOT of energy!), and just going with the flow. Unfortunately he is becoming increasingly attentive, which is why I am getting doubt in my mind.
But, he is in a relationship with another person. I have told him several times to go away. So why, oh why.. is he acting like this! It's so friggen confusing!

Thanks for everyone who contributed to this thread, I've learned a lot from reading about this! Definitely need to get the timing right.

posted September 05, 2009 08:41 PM         

Could you explain (if you don't mind writing more) why it wasn't a comfortable connection, for you and/or for him?

And who broke it up? And tell me, do you feel (when he's thinking of you or vice versa) chest pains? Because I've been having a lot of those, and I've heard people describing them as pulls of the cord, etc.

posted September 06, 2009 12:38 AM         

From what I have experienced and read, generally it will be the NN person who feels uncomfortable with the conjunction rather than planet person. However it's a magnetic attraction on both parts, very hard to deny.

I am a fairly deep person emotionally and I just *know* he is too... but he is scared of a deep connection for some reason. Everytime we would start to get 'deep' he would change subject/pull away. He found it easier to be more open about his emotions through e-mail/IM. (did I mention he's a Gemini lol)

Hi NN sits in his fifth .. I think that explains a lot. NN placements essentially show you what path you should take regarding soul growth, which can be uncomfortable for people who aren't ready for it or people who don't like change as it is progressive in nature.
It's in Libra so he needs to focus on partnership and sort of 'succumb' to the relationship which is hard for people with this placement, but this is what they need to do for their soul growth. Being in the 5th suggests he needs to give full expression in a relationship.

Now I think about it, because I could feel his hesitancy, I even started to feel uncomfortable with the connection (I guess this is where we started to falter, now I think of it.) Initially I didn't have a problem expressing my feelings for him but as time went on and our affection for each other got deeper I found it very hard to be fully open and expressive about how deeply I felt for him, because he didn't seem to want to acknowledge it in person (though it was there for him too). Though in saying that maybe his way of being 'close' was talking about the future... in fact until a week before we broke up he was talking about future holidays we'd have together, family, marriage etc. all initiated by him. We were due to leave on a 20 day holiday 2 weeks before we broke up .. he took his ex on that instead (which is when they got together).

However that brings me to who broke it off. He did. He sent me an e-mail, then went online on MSN and sent me a msg saying check your email - then turned off his mobile phone, unplugged house phone from the wall and went offline so I couldnt contact him. If that isn't emotional avoidance then I don't know what is!
So did he pull away (emotionally) from me because of her? I know the ex increased contact with him after we got together but I trusted him. They had been friends for 10 years since they dated. He was single for 4 years before me - why didn't she want him then? Or maybe.. was it a deeper connection with me that scared him off? Or both? I'm not sure about this one. Keeping in mind he was constantly talking about the future with me...

I can't bring it up with him ebcause he won't talk about it with me (unless we have a few wines but even then I'm never sure if he will be receptive!) .. after he broke it off with me however .. he kept trying to look after me. I gave him his things back as you do, and I would end up leaving with more of his stuff because he insisted/was trying to look after me .. I called him about a week after he broke it off and he was crying, the first time I'd seen/heard him do that. He later said was over me. I guess I was a bit insensitive and said "but why?! You're the one who broke it off!" ... I didn't want him to show emotion NOW ... makes it harder for me. It's like well if you're upset we're not together, then why don't we work it out?! There really wasn't anything wrong with the relationship apart from what I have mentioned above lol .. all other aspects were the best I've experience with someone else. We saw each other almost 24/7 (due to working together as well) .. and our daily routine, friendliness, laughter, care (he always did little things for me).. everything .. we just got along so amazingly well.

Re: chest pains.. strangely enough, in any past relationship when the other person broke it off I have felt a pain in my chest. This one, no .. it was more of a numbness. I didn't cry for about 2 weeks, then I did once after he left on the holiday, then not again. It was SO weird.
The cord is definitely there, maybe that's why I didn't feel the pain.. he won't cut the cord with me. Even last night I got home and he had sent me a msg..

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeerghhhh ... what does he want from me?!?!!? lol

posted September 06, 2009 08:12 AM         

All I can say is let's hope for your sake the change of office environment enables you to clear your mind and your heart somewhat. Enough to let in something happier.

posted September 06, 2009 10:48 AM         

but coming back to the ex girlfriend situation..well this is how I look at it...
The fact that a guy can just cut you off when it suits him and then goes back to the ex gf is just out of order!

He must of had feelings for the girlfriend, which is the reason why he went back to her in the first place.
or maybe he still has some karma to work out with his girfriend, which is why he's not o forthcoming.

but even if he later brakes up with his gf, you must ask yourself why is he coming back to you? Is it for the right reasons?!
Is he only coming back because his girlfriend ended it with him?

Personally I would never take a guy back or get close to him again as it is more of a principle matter. Good guys dont act like that! All those times when I thought we had a connection, which truly might have been during the time is now bordering along superficial lines for me.
If a guy really wanted to be with you, then he would done the right thing and ended it with his gf first.

you have to do what truely feels RIGHT for you and if you have any doubts when your around him, well its probably your intuition trying to tell you something.

Hope you get the closure you need x

posted September 06, 2009 01:46 PM         

I'm sorry if it seems I'm taking over the thread!

Yes, what I *think* happened with him and his ex/current gf is that the only reason, especially a guy, would remain friends with an ex gf is if he still held a torch for her.

After putting a lot of pieces of the puzzle together my thoughts are .. she saw how close we had become. I *feel* that she manipulated him i.e. he was wrapped around her little finger and she knew it (it seems they were very possessive of each other). Keep in mind this is just me speculating, but it all fits with their behaviour throughout our r/ship, and the fact that they were both single for years before I came on the scene.

He has totally and utterly destroyed my trust in him, it would be foolish for me to take him back even if he realised he had made a mistake. Trust is going to take a looong time to build back up, if it can be done at all. And ya know what? I am sure I will find someone else who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

This isn't going to be easy... I have a feeling there will be a lot of resistance as he's shown thus far. His sister is also still in contact with me.

It's funny because I was thinking that there is definitely a karmic / soul reason for us coming together .. the way I even got the job seemed fated so we'd meet each other and we both said we felt this. He is definitely a kindred spirit. Unfortunately appears to be just a transient encounter in my life for some reason. I have learned some things from this (it's more complex than I have detailed here) and that's all that matters ... there's a lot he can learn from me but he doesn't want to/can't, which also pertains to the NN conjunction in my opinion. Maybe this is why he is resisting cutting me off .. unfinished (karmic) business perhaps.. but he has no awareness of this!

In saying all of this I dont know what feels right
He feels like the right person for me.. but his actions leave a lot to be desired. So my head says he's not right. We're having a bit of an argument here .. Head vs Heart lol
Before he left for the holiday he also said "you're the right person, it's just the wrong time for me" and he reitterated that a few times before he left. (Other factors e.g. majorly stressed at work, he wasn't sleeping etc.).. I thought this was just a copout statement and assumed that after he got back from the holiday wouldn't want to contact me.

Hoping these 3 weeks fly by

posted September 06, 2009 01:47 PM         

crabbypatty.. which Steve Gunn book are you talking about? Sounds interesting!