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Author Topic:   how would you feel if....
listenstotrees
Knowflake

Posts: 393
From: Stonehenge
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 06, 2009 01:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for listenstotrees     Edit/Delete Message
You meet someone, he's perfect. You feel closer to him than you ever have felt with anyone. He treats you and loves you in exactly the way you need to be treated and loved, which no one else ever has, in the same way. He wants to be with you. But he believes he has already met his twin flame, and it is someone else, someone he says is on a different path to him and couldn't be with and doesn't want to be with as it was too painful.

How does it make you feel, knowing he believes he has already met his twin flame...and it is not you?

I love being with him and he loves being with me; neither of us want to lose each other. I feel that would only do us harm right now.

I'm just feeling a bit confused.

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Lonake
Knowflake

Posts: 315
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posted August 06, 2009 01:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lonake     Edit/Delete Message
he's a soul mate for you and there are a lot of upheavals feelings and changes,

if neither of you want to lose each other then why not hold on

?

didnt you post earlier that you didnt believe in twin flames.....?

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listenstotrees
Knowflake

Posts: 393
From: Stonehenge
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 06, 2009 01:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for listenstotrees     Edit/Delete Message
Well he believes in them, and its another woman, not me. I suggested that he ought to get it contact with her to try and work things out but he doesn't want to.

I'm so confused.

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GypseeWind
Knowflake

Posts: 916
From: Dayton,Ohio USA
Registered: May 2009

posted August 06, 2009 07:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message
I would enjoy what you have and wait it out. Peoples perspectives can change with their circumstances. What he believes now may not be what he will believe after spending more time with you.

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Diana
Knowflake

Posts: 509
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Registered: May 2009

posted August 06, 2009 08:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Diana     Edit/Delete Message
I would probably have to leave him.

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BlueTopaz124
Knowflake

Posts: 77
From: Portland, OR, USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 06, 2009 09:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueTopaz124     Edit/Delete Message
I would spare myself and back away. Don't give up completely, but give yourself a breather and let the emotions settle. Get a clearer perspective.

Hanging in limbo (for you) is not a good place to be...waiting for someone to change their mind about being with you.

Remember, if this relationship with him is meant to be, it will be there.

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Lucia23
Knowflake

Posts: 964
From:
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posted August 06, 2009 11:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
It sounds like he's projecting a fantasy onto this woman. By fantasizing that he is "soul mates" with someone he doesn't have a real relationship with, he adds a (virtual) third party to the mix, which serves to distance him emotionally from you, and affords him quite a lot of power and control. Letting you know that you're not "the one" is actually deeply manipulative. And, even if he kept that thought/feeling to himself, it would be self-deceptive.

Each connection between two people is unique. Letting someone you are involved with in real life know that your connection with them is less special, deep, powerful, or spiritual than their connection to someone else they don't have a real relationship is just plain crappy--petty, immature, manipulative, and not on the "soul" level at all.

Edited: How I would feel? First, I would get as honest with myself as possible about how the relationship felt. Thinking something is "perfect" is always a Neptune-goggle red flag for me. Another HUGE red flag for me: asking others for advice a lot. I would tap into my own intuition.

If my intuition TRULY told me that the connection with him was good and healthy (as opposed to it being addictive, or projection/fantasy oriented), I would ease up and stop worrying about categories like "soul mate" or "twin flame." I would just be with him and enjoy the stuff that felt good and right, and not focus on the other parts. I'd try to really live in the moment and enjoy the truth of our connection at that level.

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listenstotrees
Knowflake

Posts: 393
From: Stonehenge
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 07, 2009 01:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for listenstotrees     Edit/Delete Message
He believes that this woman is his twin flame because they knew everything each other was thinking. He says its like meeting you in another body but in the opposite sex.

I know I shouldn't ask others for advice and that I should listen to my own intuition, but that's the thing, I feel torn.

On one hand, I love him deeply, my heart tells me that the love we have for each other is real.

On the other hand, it hurts so deeply that he feels he has already met his twin flame.

That's why I'm confused.

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listenstotrees
Knowflake

Posts: 393
From: Stonehenge
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 07, 2009 02:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for listenstotrees     Edit/Delete Message
By "perfect" I meant perfect for me.

But now it just seems that whenever a rose is found, there's always a very sharp thorn in it hidden somewhere.
I'm tired of the world of duality.

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Antiquarianbookcollector
Knowflake

Posts: 247
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted August 07, 2009 02:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Antiquarianbookcollector     Edit/Delete Message
I just wanted to give you a hug. However, it seems as though he is reluctant to enter into a relationship of any kind so try not to get hurt.

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downtomars
Knowflake

Posts: 317
From: NY
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 07, 2009 02:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for downtomars     Edit/Delete Message
Just a warning: I am very blunt when it comes to matters of the heart…

I agree with Lucia, it sounds like projection and manipulation. Who wants or needs that in their lives? Ask yourself honestly, “What would a guy do in this situation?” or, even better, “what would this guy do if I told him that and he was in love with me?” (I am big on slipping into everyone’s shoes!). Saying that was a major power play, he wants to know how much more you are willing to take. Women take a lot of crap from men that they would not take from us. They are taught to be bold in relationships while we have to be their personal shrinks.

But, if you want to carry on with this guy, just know that he’s not fully “in it”, not because I said it but because he told you. If you still want to see this guy and have fun with him then you so you might want to detach yourself emotionally. I know it is easier said than done but if you know you can’t do it then you should let go…

quote:
I suggested that he ought to get it contact with her to try and work things out but he doesn't want to.

I can tell you from experience that he has tried but she does not want to…

I am blunt because I want everyone to have the very best love – don’t ever settle for less than you deserve!

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listenstotrees
Knowflake

Posts: 393
From: Stonehenge
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 07, 2009 03:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for listenstotrees     Edit/Delete Message
But wouldn't being manipulative insinuate that he is intentionally being deceptive in some way?

I know in my heart that this isn't the case.

It's all so confusing.

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listenstotrees
Knowflake

Posts: 393
From: Stonehenge
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 07, 2009 03:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for listenstotrees     Edit/Delete Message
Oh, I understand...it's more of a subconscious thing to do with the projection.

Well what if what he felt was more than projection; what if she truly is his twin flame and is on a different path as he says?

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listenstotrees
Knowflake

Posts: 393
From: Stonehenge
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 07, 2009 03:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for listenstotrees     Edit/Delete Message

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listenstotrees
Knowflake

Posts: 393
From: Stonehenge
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 07, 2009 03:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for listenstotrees     Edit/Delete Message
Why does life always throw at you more than you feel you can handle. I feel like my head is spinning with everything. I don't feel like I have full control or strength to deal with it all.

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downtomars
Knowflake

Posts: 317
From: NY
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 07, 2009 03:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for downtomars     Edit/Delete Message
Here is another piece of advice that might go over like a lead balloon:

Talk to the woman. Find out what really happened. You are only getting his side, find out what her take is...

Does this sound like something you'd want to do? It might be easier to write her than to set up a "sit down".

ETA: Only do this if you are really want to know the truth and can handle it, don't do it just to further upset yourself.

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downtomars
Knowflake

Posts: 317
From: NY
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 07, 2009 03:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for downtomars     Edit/Delete Message
Aww listenstotrees, {{{hugs}}}...

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comica23
Knowflake

Posts: 408
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 07, 2009 09:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for comica23     Edit/Delete Message
Twin Flames means two souls who were once as one. Yet it doesn't necessarily mean that two people would be in love with each other in the romantic way.. Yet lots of people only relate this concept with romance/love, and forget about the other parts. But who can we blame this idealization. ^_~;

Well, first of all, you have to understand what does he mean by Twin Flames. And what kind of feelings does he still have for her?? If he still has some affection for her yet doesn't have any romantic love feelings for her, and he loves you and sees you as his partner, then don't worry about it.
We sometimes meet people with whom we can share a deep sense of affinity, that we sometimes immediately relate this as romantic connection, yet it's not really always that we feel romantic love for these people (it's so easy for us to often confuse/relate deep affinity with romance, coz that's how we have always been thaught how things are anyways).

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cpn_edgar_winner
Knowflake

Posts: 940
From: Toledo, OH
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 07, 2009 09:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for cpn_edgar_winner     Edit/Delete Message
ltt - it sounds like he is still in love with her or not over her and they had quite a connection.

i hope you don't get hurt.

you totally deserve someone who is all about YOU!

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Deux*Antares
Knowflake

Posts: 374
From: No Permanent Address
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 07, 2009 10:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Deux*Antares     Edit/Delete Message
It depends on how the two persons involved view twin flames.

If one of you believes that it's important to be with a twin flame and that life cannot be experienced fully without one, then there is a huge problem.

If both of you are coming from a place of maturity and complete understanding of the soulmate/twinsoul/twinflame concept, then there is no problem.

Were I in your case, I wouldn't feel bad for myself because although I like the idea of twin toenails whatever (no thanks to my Venus-Neptune sextile), I'm realistic and old enough to know that relationships can work and last even without such ideal partners.

I would feel a bit bad for him because I can imagine how sad it must be to have met your half and not be with them. Frankly, that is plain torture and anyone who likes to subject himself to unnecessary pain deserves compassion (and an awakening smack upside the head).

I would ask whether he is sure that his belief (that she's his twinflame) would not stand in the way of us having a great life together. However, there's a danger that he would give me an answer that he thinks I want to hear or something to make me shut up and not leave him.

So my strategy would be to engage fully in the relationship but carefully observing things for 3 months maximum. That's more than enough time to gauge the future of the relationship. In short: no expectations, just enjoy the here and now.

This is what I suggest you do: "I am going to be the real me and not care at all about the twin toenail woman. I happen to know that I'm a great gal and if after 3 months (hopefully shorter) he still thinks that he wants to be with her, then I'd be glad to release him, because any man who doesn't think I'm an amazing woman is stupid and deserves to be kicked out of my life".

In a nutshell, I'm challenging you to overhaul your beliefs about relationships and life. Throw away the literature, the songs, the movies, the outdated concepts that don't work and are only giving you pain.

I have been doing relationship counselling and I have observed one thing again and again both in female and male clients: the kind of partner we attract to us mirrors exactly the issue that we need to work on in ourselves. Unless we resolve the issue, we are going to repeat the same experience again and again.

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cpn_edgar_winner
Knowflake

Posts: 940
From: Toledo, OH
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 07, 2009 11:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for cpn_edgar_winner     Edit/Delete Message
duex! you are an amazing person! great advise.

twin toenails!

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listenstotrees
Knowflake

Posts: 393
From: Stonehenge
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 07, 2009 11:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for listenstotrees     Edit/Delete Message
It was someone he used to work with; they were never together; just shared a powerful telepathy with and also very similar tastes in music, etc. He says that it is like meeting yourself in the opposite sex.

He doesn't want to be with her...I'm the one pressuring him to get in touch with her again if he truly feels that she is his twin. But he says he doesn't want to do that and won't. He's certain that she is on a different path to him during this life-time and that meeting her was just a deeply painful yet powerful lesson about letting go that also motivated him to move forward spiritually.

He says he doesn't want to be with anyone else except me.

I just need to figure out a way to deal with the idea that he feels so strongly that he has met his twin.

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katatonic
Knowflake

Posts: 1184
From:
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posted August 07, 2009 11:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for katatonic     Edit/Delete Message
LTT some people are NOT MEANT to be with their twin flames on this plane. it depends, as already said, on how you view this situation. the fact that we are not with our twin flame is NO REASON why we cannot have a fantastic EARTH relationship with another kind of soul-mate.

i assume that you know something about edgar cayce...whose secretary was, he said, his true soul mate. however he was married to someone else, HAPPILY, for 40 years or whatever...and she was ALSO a soulmate, but of the practical, this-life kind. he and his secretary never got "together" but he and his wife took her in and she worked with him for years. she was much younger than he in this life...

have you read ruth aharoni's book? she talks at length about cayce's karmic triangle and other relationships with different emphases/lessons. i don't agree with everything she says but the anecdotes and analyses are spot on.

it sounds like you two may be talking at cross-purposes about what you consider a twin flame to be. but it is not the spiritual plane relationship that matters so much as the ones you are in here and now.

i have also met someone who i think is my "completing" soulmate. i am also pretty sure that we agreed NOT to be together in this lifetime. time will tell about that, but in present-time it seems obvious to me that i have other things to work on. if i met someone who was perfect for me NOW i would not hesitate to fulfill that relationship. don't know how to explain it any better than that!

don't deny yourself a real, beautiful relationship because of some otherworld ideal that may not be on the cards this time around! there is more than one kind of soulmate...and they're all real!

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listenstotrees
Knowflake

Posts: 393
From: Stonehenge
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 07, 2009 11:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for listenstotrees     Edit/Delete Message
He seems so sure about all this but I find it very difficult to believe that someone's true twin flame would be here at this time on a different path "to learn about power and control" and therefore less spiritually evolved.

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Lonake
Knowflake

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posted August 07, 2009 11:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lonake     Edit/Delete Message
i don't blame him, many people are not ready or interested in furthering the twin flame relationship. it's very intense and the energy most people cannot handle over an extended period of time.

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