posted November 18, 2010 11:23 PM            

hippi, sorry to hear you are "there" too now.

I know exactly what you ladies are feeling. I'm right there with you. I'm just going through the motions of daily living now and never again hoping for another love. Things will never ever be the same and I've faced up to the fact that I'll be alone til I die. That's okay with me now.

anyway, hugs. youre not alone.

posted November 19, 2010 03:54 AM            

So I stopped looking and it's liberating because I haven't felt resentful about anything for a long time. Not a moment.
And if I did, I would know I was doing something that wasn't right for me.

I'm permanently upbeat.
Sometimes I think I should go along with waht's expected....but then I remember!

posted November 19, 2010 04:14 AM            

I'm glad you're permanently upbeat. That's good to hear. How do you do it, may I ask? Have you just got rid of all desire entirely or what? Because obviously I am still hankering after stuff (not consciously but on the odd occasion when it arises) and I get so flattered by positive male attention. I'm 36 for the record, and with a bunch of heavy transits going on or coming up:
Pluto sq Pluto
Saturn opp Merc
Saturn trine MC
Jupe opp Pluto
Why do they have to occur ALL at once? I just had a load with certain planets going through Virgo and Pisces. Can't these buggers give me a break?

posted November 19, 2010 05:38 AM            

And yet I have unconditional love for my children.There was never any comparison.It is on another dimension.
So what is the point of me spouting "I love you's" to a man when in effect what I am actually saying is
"At this point in time you make me feel safe/adored/attractive/part of a normal couple. Cheers for that!
The realization of that fact made me a much kinder person.
It's not your fault that I can't worship you so I won't make you suffer because you will NEVER be what I want.

How to be permanently upbeat? You make a conscious decision. The brain follows suit.
I refuse to suffer in anything if I have a choice.
Stay in a miserable relationship? Never. I'm off.
Hate my job? I'm off.Don't say you can't. That's just crap.
Some things you have to endure but I use everything in my power to alter it for the better.

posted November 19, 2010 11:56 AM            

quote:

---

Some people are meant to be alone.
Through my three marriages (and it was only when I left them did I realise) that I was mildly depressed throughout all of them.
I seemed to suffer a low grade undercurrent of resentment all the time.
"Why is it me doing this?
Why because I'm a woman am I expected to behave like that?
And although I was very feisty throughout them all, I still felt I was playing a part that didn't fit me at all.
So I stopped looking and it's liberating because I haven't felt resentful about anything for a long time. Not a moment.
And if I did, I would know I was doing something that wasn't right for me.

I'm permanently upbeat.
Sometimes I think I should go along with waht's expected....but then I remember!

And breathe a sigh of relief...

---

quote:

---

Why should we accept second best? If we do that's all we will ever get and that will definitely NOT lead to happiness.
You need to leave your job and create.
That's all that is wrong with you.
Your creativity is screaming with its loudest voice and you are trying to push it down.
Mark my words once you release your creativity in its highest form you won't need anything else.
If a man puts his arm around you you will go

"F*** off! Can't you see I'm busy creating!"
Got no time for you!

---

I love you bunnies!!

posted November 19, 2010 11:59 AM            

quote:

---

I only ever noticed men when they paid me attention. I have never yearned for someone who didn't notice me. Never.

---

quote:

---

How to be permanently upbeat? You make a conscious decision. The brain follows suit.
I refuse to suffer in anything if I have a choice.
Stay in a miserable relationship? Never. I'm off.
Hate my job? I'm off.Don't say you can't. That's just crap.
Some things you have to endure but I use everything in my power to alter it for the better.

---

posted November 20, 2010 01:19 PM            

i am blessed to know i am not alone....

my mother told me the other day, and this is my 74 year old virgo mum who i have never been close to, that she thinks people just settle...and i would tend to agree.

asked my 18 year old aqua the question last night..."do you think all these [supposed] happy couples are really in love or are they just setteled?" she, after a moment of thought replied..."i think they become comfortable...but few are in the [proverbial] in love state..."

i agree again!

well, my pisces soul begs me for the illusion of romance and i just cant find anyother way, so i choose to re-main alone.

in love with my house, my kitties, my yard, my fish and to some extent my job.

but i still....would look at the demi-god who would dare to come my way!

blessings

ladies!!!!

posted December 20, 2010 11:47 AM            

Having said that - I used to HATE family Christmases and am quite looking forward to switching my mobile off for the entire Xmas/ New Year week and not seeing anybody.

Also majorly p*ssed off at the fact that people are always so PITYING of single women, as if I was some poor little lost lamb. I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!!!!! I don't need your PITY, people, I just need to be INCLUDED and APPRECIATED and shown a bit of TLC once in a while - is that so hard!!!!!

posted December 22, 2010 09:28 AM            

I hope I wont offend anybody sensibilities as I can sympathize with Lyra feelings and others expressed in this forum...I just want to invite to see possibilities. my apologies is what i write dont give any support or answer to your needs.

what would I do in a situation in which i feel that I am not happy and I cant feel love for people?

1) i will try to find the source of my anger...i mean the original source which tends to go to parents or early life.. what is in there that i can solve, what is in there that i can speak up. would it help to confront my mother about my feelings of she never caring enough about me? would if help to make peace with her by "understantind" her limitations, but welcoming her way of loving me? i dont know, and any situation is particular...i just will try to find the root cause and heal that part, nurture that small child inside me

2) i will try to make a huge change in some part of my life that gives me motivation. maybe searchign for a job in another city where i can meet new people....or take "free" lessons of something that could make a change in my career, which could be exiting and more motivating and could give a chance in the job market. something that bring fresh ideas to my life and new people with new insights and ways of seing life

3)i will start doing every day "as a ritual" something speacila to nurture me. whatever it is that could make me happy. i have to set time for that. it will make me feel that life is still worth living. something to looks forward to at the end of an hectic boring work day

4) i will definetly change my job...that is easy to say and challenging to do when u need to pay the bills, but what i mean, i would visualitze the type of job i want with the type of peaple, with the physical environment and will ask myself, what do i need to get that. i will do whatever it takes to get there... then, in the meantime, i may still have the same telemarketing boring job...but i will have the hope that it is not going to be forever...because i am working on my "change job" project...

5) i dont have any "creative" profession but i understant that sometimes it is difficult to match what we enjoy more with having a decent income... i guess this is the challenge... what kind of job u can do in which your creativity can be used and be well paid. i am sure there must be something!!!!

7) this is an exercise:

a) list all the things you are good at (specially the things u can be better than others)
b) list all the things you are passionated about
c) try to find which of these things combined (passion+been super good at) can bring money when combined..

hope all this help.

all my best

posted December 22, 2010 12:39 PM            

i have felt what you feel...too often lately.

but i know for myself, that even in the quitest moments, and in the darkest, it comes.

and i was able to feel love again...

blessings

posted December 24, 2010 09:20 PM            

You sound sympathetic, to give you the picture I'll respond between your lines:

1) i will try to find the source of my anger...i mean the original source which tends to go to parents or early life.. what is in there that i can solve, what is in there that i can speak up. would it help to confront my mother about my feelings of she never caring enough about me? would if help to make peace with her by "understantind" her limitations, but welcoming her way of loving me? i dont know, and any situation is particular...i just will try to find the root cause and heal that part, nurture that small child inside me

The truth is that I don't believe my mother ever loved me, only in the sense that when I was a baby she felt I was something she could control (when I grew up I was less controllable, therefore less lovable). She also had an unfortunate tendency to worship the newest addition to the family (be it bab, pet, whatever) to the exclusion of EVERYTHING else, to the extent of her talking about it and obsessing about it nonstop - which is the core reason why I believe my dad had an affair for a year when I was 18 months. She then placed all the blame on me. I don't know that I can call her dealings with people love because I don't believe she knows what love IS. Period.

It has never helped for me to talk about this with her because she is always right and I am wrong or "nasty" if I even try to suggest she did something wrong. She also hates me because I look like my father and nothing like her side of the family and she has always tried to keep me away from her side fo the family, she acts as though I am an embarrassment even though I am a LOT more normal than she is!!!

I have a huge huge chip on my shoulder about this one, I feel right now as though I am walking wounded, like it's almost an advertisement and that the pain will never go away, I feel it's there for all to see and that the b*tch knows it and actually ENJOYS it - God I hope she dies soon, I hope the house collapses on her or something, then we can all breathe a bit easier.

2) i will try to make a huge change in some part of my life that gives me motivation. maybe searchign for a job in another city where i can meet new people....or take "free" lessons of something that could make a change in my career, which could be exiting and more motivating and could give a chance in the job market. something that bring fresh ideas to my life and new people with new insights and ways of seing life

I have all my ducks in a row re: career. Everyone I meet comments on how organized I am and how perfect and complete my work is. All I need is a BREAK. It's as SIMPLE as THAT. SOMEBODY GIVE ME A BREAK PLEASE BEFORE I GO COMPLETELY CRAZY!!!!!

3)i will start doing every day "as a ritual" something speacila to nurture me. whatever it is that could make me happy. i have to set time for that. it will make me feel that life is still worth living. something to looks forward to at the end of an hectic boring work day

Every single day I make time to push me further towards my goals. Even if it is only a couple of hours. I work up until midnight often and I am just so dead tired!!! This is why I need someone to give me a break!! (see above)

4) i will definetly change my job...that is easy to say and challenging to do when u need to pay the bills, but what i mean, i would visualitze the type of job i want with the type of peaple, with the physical environment and will ask myself, what do i need to get that. i will do whatever it takes to get there... then, in the meantime, i may still have the same telemarketing boring job...but i will have the hope that it is not going to be forever...because i am working on my "change job" project...

= Plan for first half of 2011!

5) i dont have any "creative" profession but i understant that sometimes it is difficult to match what we enjoy more with having a decent income... i guess this is the challenge... what kind of job u can do in which your creativity can be used and be well paid. i am sure there must be something!!!!

Well, sounds mad but I do a hell of a lot of music in my spare time and I'm beginning to think it must be the way to go, as it costs me considerably less than my art. I have to sit down and quantify all this stuff but it seems the most enjoyment I get is from singing/ music and, er, I actually PREFER it to art - I feel guilty when I say this as I have put so much time and money into my art but when I am singing I just want to sing and sing and sing and I adore being centre stage and performing and I wish I could do it all the time!!!!

7) this is an exercise:

a) list all the things you are good at (specially the things u can be better than others)

Music, songwriting, singing, performing
Art & design, graphics, making stuff
Writing (instruction books, poetry - I am already published (though this doesn't make a lot of money)
Selling (even though I hate it LOL)

b) list all the things you are passionated about

Erm, most passionate - music, writing poetry.
Slightly less passionate - art.

c) try to find which of these things combined (passion+been super good at) can bring money when combined..

Music - if doing covers certain potential - I already have a theme for this, have been building on constantly since autumn. If got good reputation, could get demand for own work? Who knows?

I feel dreadfully close to crunch time and I know this is going to concern a lot of people. I think my Dad would feel sympathetic as he has heard me sing recently. My Mum - well, she's way off the radar. She will never understand me and I don't understand her.

I have come to the conclusion that life is divided into 2 groups of people. The active people who go out and just DO things - with ACTAUL PEOPLE. Ie if there's a particular sports match on, they'll go and see the actual game - or play in the actual game. Then there's another type of people who just consume. They sit around and nothing ever changes in their lives. They eat, sleep, watch TV and generally lead pretty lazy lives that go nowhere, and live off other people for the most part (at least that's my experience). Yet they would have you believe they are the best thing since sliced bread. I just don't get it. (I am obviously the former and take issue with the latter) Can't we just get rid of a few of those lazy gits?

I can't sleep. I have constant indigestion. I want to get nearer to my Sadgi crush but unfortunately he's attached (so I just have to silently seethe - it's incredibly difficult for me to act normal.

posted December 25, 2010 03:22 AM            

Needless to say, I hated people for being so cowardly & superficial. I retreated from people for years. Became an island. But you can only do that for so long. Depression turned to anger as in; "I'm not gonna let those ******** get me down!"

I realized then that happiness is a decision that needs to be put in action. That the bad things will find you. The call in the middle of the night or a knock on the door. You've got to find happiness on your own. Never give up looking for it. Demand it! Get mad and pursue it relentlessly.

It takes a lot to pick yourself up but it's either die, exist as a robot or choose to feel again. And part of feeling again is accepting the bad with the good. There's always a yin to the yang. The secret is to make smarter choices about not only the people you choose to associate with but with what you do in life. I had a massive panic attack which led to a nervous break down. From what I read here, some of you may be headed that way. It is the most debilitating, awful thing. Please take the stress & anxiety in your life seriously. You do not need to break down completely as I did in order to make positive changes in your life.

I've rambled. Sorry. I'll cut it down to two points.

1. Don't allow other people to affect you so. Be strong within yourself, guard your soul against toxic people. Only allow the good in and observe/pity the weak.

2. Take good care of yourself. In body & mind. Do not abuse alcohol, caffeine or indulge in junk food. Of course drugs are included in this too. These things will add to depression & anxiety. Your body affects your mind & your mind affects your body. You CANNOT get away with anything because at least one of the two will snap.

posted December 25, 2010 09:03 AM            

I think that this forum somehow allows you to vent your pain. I believe that everybody one way or another feel neglected or not fully live by their parents at certain point in their lives. saying that, i am not minimizing the fact that in your case it could be exactly as you perceive it. in any case, love can be found in other people that can nurture you beyond the your immediate circle and even beyond physical boundaries.

I am sending you good vibes to energize you in this moment. you are not alone in the universe. there is always a soul that can nourish you at certain point, no matter if that soul is just temporarily in your life.

some time ago i read a book named "women that run with wolves" and one chapter stroke me a lot. it was about the "ugly duck" and how ugly and misunderstood he felt in his own family, until he found that he was beautiful, just when he found his equal. sometimes we need love and recognition from the source of origin (e.g. mother, siblings, etc)and we just find criticism, until we give up this possibility when we understand that they are made of other substance or saying in other words, they are other "animal" unable to get us. once we accept this hurtful fact... it is easier to find our real "family". those who are more like ourselves. those with whom we dont need to pretend to be something else. those with whom we are not stressed out about showing them how much we can do.

from my personal life, i can tell you that the more you move away from searching understanding from ur family, the more you end up forgiving them. once you get a detached perspective...of course this is easy to say. i understand when u mention that confronting ur mother will be getting her defensive "i am always right" approach. wondering what is her profession or educational level.sometimes i have come to peace with people who has neglected me when i have understood that their cognitive development doesnt allow them to look at other points of view without feelings atacked, or they did not have the inteligence to do better.

the family we are born sometimes just reflect a karmatic link. once we get any lesson out of it, we can move on from that and find our "soul family" sometimes, in perspective you may even find that you have inherited certain qualities from them that you were not aware, but this is not always the case.

Lyra, follow you passion. it is singing what you feel passionated about, go for it. the more u insist in your true passion, the more energized u will be in life. it doesnt mean that other things such as your art cannot support you as a complementary way of making money along the way. i am so surprised with so much stuff you can do.

i dont know what to tell u about people dont giving u a break. these lazy people u are surrounded by. only one thing that may or not work is about limiting any activity that give no value to ur life. if that means cutting on appointments or people who dont add anything, well... sometimes is difficult to say NO, but i guess, u already are aware of that and that may be the goal.

i have some random questions?
do u have planets in 2nd house?
do u do physical exercise?
is there anything about ur situation for which you feel responsible? not guilty, but in charge of that situation, meaning that only you can change it?

receive my best wishes for new year and I am convinced that something "really good" is going to happen that will give u hope in following your passion.

all my best

posted December 26, 2010 04:58 PM            

- Nordicsoul, I liked this paragraph:

***from my personal life, i can tell you that the more you move away from searching understanding from ur family, the more you end up forgiving them. once you get a detached perspective...of course this is easy to say. i understand when u mention that confronting ur mother will be getting her defensive "i am always right" approach. wondering what is her profession or educational level.sometimes i have come to peace with people who has neglected me when i have understood that their cognitive development doesnt allow them to look at other points of view without feelings atacked, or they did not have the inteligence to do better.***

- My mother went to business school from 14-16, although she hated the subject and wanted to do art really she went for business because she desperately wanted to get out of home and wanted to travel, her mother was very over controlling, she was not allowed to make any decision and her opinion counted for nothing (a pattern which she was later to repeat). She also had a lifelong eating disorder and depression for which she never sought help (as she was aware they might put her in a mental hospital - instead, my dad and I had to deal with her and my dad always went out so I was left to deal with her behaviour on my own much of the time and had to listen to her craziness).

- I sometimes wonder whether her restrictive upbringing had an influence on her mode of self-expression because she is very artistically talented but her style is very generic and she used to try and force me to do the same. She used to say to me, "why do you have to be so DIFFERENT from everybody else all the time?" I take more after my Aries father who was very inventive and a very clever engineer, but made a few wrong decisions and for that reason is still working. He said a few months back that if he had stayed doing the branch of engineering that he loved doing, he would have made a fortune by now. However, when he married my mother, he got a "safe, boring job", got bored with it after a few years and branched out on his own. And that, according to my mother, was when all the money problems started - my view is that if she hadn't been so greedy in the first place and allowed him to do what he wanted, the bloke could have really flowered. It's not as though he is the kind of bloke that sits around all day doing nothing (as my ex-husband and ex-boyfriend were).

***the family we are born sometimes just reflect a karmatic link. once we get any lesson out of it, we can move on from that and find our "soul family" sometimes, in perspective you may even find that you have inherited certain qualities from them that you were not aware, but this is not always the case.***

- Yes, moving on is very important and I have to do this and break on through to the other side. I don't know if something will come along that will give me the courage and the ability to free myself from this stuff. I simply have to do it for my own sanity. Sometimes I feel as though my dad was the pollen and my mum was the pod, and that I was just put on earth for their safekeeping until I reached maturity, and now I suppose I have to fend for myself. We all die alone anyway - there is no-one we can take into the next world with us but ourselves, so I suppose I had better just make as good a job as I can whilst I am here.

- I have inherited my mother's interest in creative arts and my father's inventiveness. Plus I also think I inherited a bit of their (different) cultures which for part of my soul. Like them, I have a reasonable amount of intelligence, but am not overly intellectual, more "clever" at seeing connections, putting things together and in a "nuts-and-bolts" way. My mother's family can't understand where I get my creativity from. On my father's side there is madness in the family, documented through 4 generations. It has manifested itself mainly either through learning difficulties or mental disorders - for example, my cousin is severely schizophrenic - but in me it seems to have come out through unstoppable creativity. People do really think I'm mad and very unusual. I ssem to have so much more motivation than a lot of people, I get "manic" phases when I can hardly sleep and for that reason I do sometimes wonder whether I have mild manic depression, although my doctor assures me that is not the case and that I have nothing wrong with me (and thankfully won't medicate me).

- I live each day like there is no tomorrow. I am always working, always creating. People are always telling me to relax. The thing is that if I try to relax and do nothing I just get depressed. Creativity doesn't come out of nowhere - you have to work very hard at it and people can't always understand this.

This has been the main bugbear with everyone I have been out with. In the following conversation, let's call me A and my squeeze SO:

- SO: You're always so busy working or doing your hobbies! You never have any time for me!
A: Well, this is what I do.
SO: I want to talk. About the relationship. About US.
A: (Thinks, OH NO!) Well, there's nothing to discuss.
SO: You never want to discuss anything!
A: Because there isn't a problem.
SO: Yes there is! Rah rah rah! You're selfish, never think of anyone but yourself...(starts bickering about something really trivial to get attention).
A: (bored, and fed up with, once again, being "attacked" and made to feel guilty)Oh God. Look, if you want to argue, you know where the door is!
SO: (after more abuse)I LOVE YOU! You don't know what love is! You don't know the meaning of the word!
A: (thinks - WHATEVER LOVE MEANS!!!)

- Please feel free to judge the above conversation as you will. I don't have time for arguing in relationships because my parents did it all the time and I can't stand it, first of all it is futile and secondly it's unpleasant. Arguing with bosses or friends I can handle. I just can't handle it in a relationship.

- In any case, the issue has nothing to do with my not "spending time with" a guy. All they mean by that is that they want me in a place where they can keep tabs on me, have me be joined at the hip with them (which is NOT my cup of tea AT ALL - my ex-husband used to follow me round the house - AAAARRGGHHH!!!!) - and if I suggest going out somewhere exciting or doing something fun, they rarely want to - they want to do perfectly mundane things like cooking - or - shopping - or - watching TV - and I end up traipsing round after them and thinking "god this is boring - I could be doing my projects right now". It does seem like a bit of a poor trade-off for just a bit of sex - the 5% of sex I do want and do love - but the other 95% of the relationship I can quite happily do without - ha!

- ...But maybe... they're just the wrong kind of blokes...?

***i have some random questions?
do u have planets in 2nd house?***

- Uranus.

***do u do physical exercise?***

- No, never, but I don't have a car, I walk everywhere, take public transport or the bike. I am very slim and have a roaring metabolism, I also eat healthily so never put on weight or need to work out. I swim occasionally in the summer but more for relaxation or cooling down/ doing synchro swimming figures, the enjoyment rather than the exercise, there is nothing better than getting yourself to the state of equilibrium where you just float on top of the water and hardly need to move your body at all.

***is there anything about ur situation for which you feel responsible? not guilty, but in charge of that situation, meaning that only you can change it?***

- This is perhaps not the answer to your question, but I feel as though I have always had "responsibility shoved on to me" for my parents' breakup, I feel I was barely tolerated and feel as though I have been elected as the source of all their problems (which actually were their own fault). This has been shoved onto me even though I am perfectly innocent of the stuff they accuse me of. This has happened to me with other people in my life too - particularly when I was a child everyone seemed to want to make me feel guilty and I developed a guilt complex, I still feel sometimes that people are attacking me and I have developed very strong debating/ arguing tactics as a result (Virgo Asc/Mars in Gemini), which makes people call me "defensive" (and which I immediately refute). I deeply resent the burden my parents and others put on me as an innocent party and the nature of their behaviour towards me. (Then again, my mother told me that she was always made to feel guilty at home, so it is clearly a cycle repeating itself).

- I am constantly told by people that my mother "loves" me when her actions suggest otherwise. I am not convinced by their explanations at all. But I'm also, as I type this, remembering the advice someone gives further up this page suggesting that "I AM LOVE" so therefore it doesn't matter if *whoever* doesn't love me (thankyou)

- In my current situation (which IS the answer to your question!!!) I feel in charge of my finances as this is something I obviously have power to influence. I am aware that the responsibility for this rests with me and whilst I can't be in total control of every outcome I can certainly INFLUENCE the outcome through careful decisions and regulation of behaviour, i.e. I don't need to spend lots of money to enjoy myself, buy the latest gadgets etc. Therefore I don't run up unnecessary expenses and can just about get by.

- My behaviour in general I feel to be pretty sensible, I have always been restrained in terms of sexual behaviour (i.e. few partners, no promiscuity) and gluttony, and I deplore conspicuous consumption. Everyone around me thinks I am mad as I have seemingly unusual viewpoints. I am however proud of the fact that I have a reasonable amount of self-control and I think I am a generally good and honest human being - in fact my mother has told me I am far too honest for my own good - she told me a while ago I was the most "honest person (she) knew".

- I really appreciate the kindness and good feelings you are sending my way. This touches my heart and calms me and is very positive.

Love

Lyra