posted March 18, 2011 09:39 AM            

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I always thought (and still believe) a relationship with your true love should be a natural and full of serendipity.

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posted March 19, 2011 02:39 AM            

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I don't believe in marriage. I see the only reason to have a problem with polyandrous relationships is jealousy, and I don't see being satisfied with this as just. If your husband truly loves you, and you love him aswell, be open to eachother having your own sex lives and just interact on levels that make sense, and don't get angry at eachother for things that don't make sense. Don't buy into society's normality, or be insecure about the implications society may conceive about your actions, just act as you understand to be just, and justify when challenged.

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This is all well and good--in fact, I very much wish more people would choose experimenting with open relationships over lying and cheating--but it would have to be consensual between ALL parties involved.

Otherwise it would just be lying and cheating, which corrodes any love relationship--conventional or unconventional. Some people find trying to have an open relationship very painful. The non-exclusive sexual must be consensual for both people in the marriage, and the third party.

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I always thought (and still believe) a relationship with your true love should be a natural and full of serendipity.

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This, I agree with.

I don't believe a wandering eye is ever about True Soulmate Love that's oooh, oh so special that it ever justifies lying and cheating. Fidelity is a CHOICE. It doesn't come naturally to many people--but most people also have natural urges to go to the bathroom when out for a walk, chow down on food they haven't bought yet from the grocery store, or beat up someone who makes them mad. Decent people wait for a toilet, pay for the food first, and take a few deep breaths.

I think the only ethical choices are: 1) deciding to be faithful, even though outside attractions are natural for most people. 2) having a relationship that is consensually open, where everyone agrees in advance. 3) leaving any relationship where you can't manage that basic decency and respect for the other person, before you betray them.

posted March 22, 2011 06:49 AM            

Still I don't think an open relationship is the answer to these problems for me personally. I could not stand it!!! However once in a relationship I would contemplate it...Although I am getting older and there is a growing need for companionship rather than just arduous sex!!!
There are definitely ways to easily spice up a relationship when you are inlove and love someone. If you are no longer inlove then the difficulties are huge......

I think there needs to be both...friendship and sexual attraction. He doesn't have to be your best friend, but you do need to get along... For me personally if he has a sense of humour, if his values don't clash harshly with mine, if we are mutually atrracted to each other, then that is such a turn on!!! Everything else is a bonus. Mutual attraction that goes beyond a one night stand is not that easy to find....(well for me anyway)......and he has to be available........even harder to find!!

posted October 04, 2011 02:23 AM            

me and this man tried to have a friendship. we went to coffee, we spent time together. i began to feel very open and comfortable with him. but the attraction was too much and there were slip ups where we would make out.

i knew that it could never work out in the long term with this man but i also knew that what i was doing to my husband was wrong. i told my husband to leave. he didn't want to, but he did.

the man professed his undying love for a week. we spent time together and just how severely narcissitic and how big of an alcohol problem he had came to light. i loved him anyway. he brought me to his home town for a wedding. everyone made a big fuss over me and saying things like "we can't wait for him to finally settle down."

this unnerved him. he was on edge the entire time. i gave him space. was gracious and fun to his friends and family. he ignored me the whole time. the final night he picked a fight with me and i confronted him about how awful he had been to me. he told me to "get f*(&*"

the next day he told me we should just be friends. this rocked my ego because of course i KNEW we wouldnt work out, but i couldn't believe HE was the one calling it quits.

i told him i was hurt and he told me he was hurt also because he was dissapointed in himself because he had wanted it to work, but he realized how selfish he was and was in no position to take care of another human being. i WANT to believe him, that he really beleives what he says about himself. but part of me thinks he was just saying what i wanted to hear and not "now that i conquered you, i don't want you anymore."

this "friend" and "love affair" who had been part of my life for 2 years is gone. one week has passed now and i haven't heard from him.

i am not devastated however. i dont regret anything. i loved most of the time i spent with him even though i had IMAGINED him to be something he was not. i loved what i made him up to be.

however if he reached out to me to be friends now, i would say absolutely not. no friend would ever treat me like this.

now i realize what a good good man my husband was and what true love is. i don't know if i am capable of returning true love without the drama, but my heart hurts for having hurt him.

in my relationship with this other man, i realized how important physical attraction and sexual chemistry is to me. my husband, despite his adoration, had not made me feel like a woman.

posted October 08, 2011 05:34 AM            

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Originally posted by EverEvolvingSpirit:
I don't think so, Lola. I think most people are together for the wrong reasons. I always thought (and still believe) a relationship with your true love should be a natural and full of serendipity.

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posted October 08, 2011 05:40 AM            

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Originally posted by Cardinal Arbiter:
I don't believe in marriage. I see the only reason to have a problem with polyandrous relationships is jealousy, and I don't see being satisfied with this as just. If your husband truly loves you, and you love him aswell, be open to eachother having your own sex lives and just interact on levels that make sense, and don't get angry at eachother for things that don't make sense. Don't buy into society's normality, or be insecure about the implications society may conceive about your actions, just act as you understand to be just, and justify when challenged.

Be friends with your husband, have sex and fun with the other guy, get him to wear condoms, adopt a child, and raise it with your husband.

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posted October 08, 2011 05:55 AM            

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Originally posted by Lucia23:
This, I agree with.

I don't believe a wandering eye is ever about True Soulmate Love that's oooh, oh so special that it ever justifies lying and cheating. Fidelity is a CHOICE. It doesn't come naturally to many people--but most people also have natural urges to go to the bathroom when out for a walk, chow down on food they haven't bought yet from the grocery store, or beat up someone who makes them mad. Decent people wait for a toilet, pay for the food first, and take a few deep breaths.

I think the only ethical choices are: 1) deciding to be faithful, even though outside attractions are natural for most people. 2) having a relationship that is consensually open, where everyone agrees in advance. 3) leaving any relationship where you can't manage that basic decency and respect for the other person, before you betray them.

Grass Is Greener Syndrome is usually about fixating on some outside fantasy in order to combat the bordom, dissatisfaction, and disappointment of real life. Many people don't have the decency, courage, self-honesty, or compassion to take charge of their lives and honestly create fulfilling careers, happy relationships, and the realization of their dreams. So they project it all onto some fantasy figure, to make it seem all Special and Destined and Fated. It's teenage/immature, and it's dishonest. I'm not saying it's not understandable, but I think it's possible to be happy and also to take the high road.

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I respect what you are saying but I hate to burst your bubble cheating happens a lot more than people think. Most people cheat at some point in their life and you might be that person some day even though right now you are passionately against it and why is cheating so common because we are not wired to be monogomous, monogamy is a socially constructed concept that is not biologically based. Not to mention that triangulation has little to do with physical urges. Triangles are archytypical and the formation of them have little to do with physical urges usually and more to do with psychology. The eternal triangle: http://www.astro.com/astrology/in_triangle_e.htm

I USE TO FEEL REALLY PASSIONATE AGAISN'T CHEATING AND THIS IS DUE TO MY OWN FEAR OF BEEN CHEATED ON WHICH I HAVE FINALLY OVERCOME (saturn in scorpio). I NO LONGER LIVE IN FEAR OF THIS, IF HUSBAND EVER CHEATS ON ME I WILL BE OK AND WORK IT OUT OR MOVE ON.

posted October 11, 2011 03:08 AM            

As to cheating been right before murder and right after rape I sincerely hope you heal whatever has lead you to come to such a black and white perception of human sexuality.

Cheating doesn't fall anywhere near the category of murder or rape....many marriages overcome cheating and move on to be stronger and better marriages. Ofcourse some marriages do not survive cheating, like for example if your husband ever cheated on you, your marriage would end.

posted October 11, 2011 03:00 PM            

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As to cheating been right before murder and right after rape I sincerely hope you heal whatever has lead you to come to such a black and white perception of human sexuality.[B]

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Okay, yes, I was exaggerating right there. I'm not used to be taking seriously, but I guess you can't really hear the emotion in my voice. But I really shouldn't be joking on that topic, anyway.

posted October 18, 2011 12:17 AM            

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Originally posted by balancingflames:
Lexi, are you still with your husband today? Or what is happening with you and your husband?

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my husband doesn't want to be friends. i will never tell him about the cheating because that will only hurt him, while possibly relieving me. if we reconcile, he doesn't need to know.

i agreed to go to therapy with him tomorrow, but i dont know how this can be repaired. i am not ATTRACTED to him. i dont find his smell irresistable. i dont like the sound of his voice. i have nothing to talk to him about. yet, i love to cuddle with him and he is so good to me and plans activities and does anything/everything to make me happy.

i used to think also that cheating was the worst thing in the world. but with this man, it was like i had no control. like i HAD to, OWED it to myself.

posted October 18, 2011 08:37 AM            

Forget the nonense about loving and being in love. All that goes out the door once you have a poopy diaper to change. Or when you get the first whiff of morning breathe or air gets released from the rear end. Love happens when you wake up with no make up and your husband still adores you like no other.

I'm not here to be pious, and we are all human and not infallible, but there is absolutely zero justification for oogling any other man when you are married, regardless of how you justify it, astrology or otherwise. I know almost nothing about astrology, but saying that its natural to lust after another guy when you were *just* married is nauseating. I shudder to imagine 10 years down the road.

posted October 29, 2011 11:52 PM            

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
My wife and I married our best friends. We wouldn't want it any other way. Its going 19 years and we have 3 children. I leave my Alpha male personality at the office, where I slay my foes on a daily basis and climb the corporate ladder. I'm a loving husband at home.

Forget the nonense about loving and being in love. All that goes out the door once you have a poopy diaper to change. Or when you get the first whiff of morning breathe or air gets released from the rear end. Love happens when you wake up with no make up and your husband still adores you like no other.

I'm not here to be pious, and we are all human and not infallible, but there is absolutely zero justification for oogling any other man when you are married, regardless of how you justify it, astrology or otherwise. I know almost nothing about astrology, but saying that its natural to lust after another guy when you were *just* married is nauseating. I shudder to imagine 10 years down the road.

Just telling it like it is.

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Its not nauseating. It happens and meeting this guy probably got her back in touch with a side of her she had forgotten and had been neglecting which she needed to bring back alive. People that think cheating is nauseating don't see the big picture of why we are here. We learn and grow by interacting with others and normally who you marry is a huge part of this interaction that leads to growth but sometimes the marriage puts you in a position were you grow in certain areas but end up neglecting other areas of your personality that are crucial for the personal growth you are here to achieve in this lifetime and this is were a third party comes in to remind you not to neglect that crucial part of who you are.

This guy as I suspected was a temporary guy in her life but he DEFINITELY SERVED HIS PURPOSE, there was a purpose and just bc you can't see the big picture and understand this does not make cheating nauseating. What makes it nauseating is your perception on it! Not actually cheating.

So person who posted this thread (lexibee), thanks for having the courage to post this thread...it shows you have character! and understand that life is a JOURNEY and love is about forgiveness and starting over, compassion and letting go.....