posted November 01, 2010 07:12 PM         

Lucia, i understand but everything in life revolves around this sequence of VISION/THOUGHT/FEELING/PSYCHIC/PHYSICAL

Everything!! even disease lol

This thread is interesting and l find it exceptionally sad that l reluctantly admit it confirms to me that we are heading towards making the same mistakes as the Atlantean's which is disastrous for mankind

(thinking out loud before you all get menopausal on me lol)
How did we get to be so selfish? We haven't learnt anything at all from Atlantis. Dolphins swim in the sea as prisoners of Atlantis and we just abuse everything in our lives without even noticing the dolphins watching us and crying at our shallowness and superficiality.
Shame on us as a species.

posted November 01, 2010 07:50 PM         

Maybe not menopausal but PMSed on my end

posted November 01, 2010 10:00 PM         

Lara, how long do you usually wait? Do you really wait, like, a year before having sex with each partner? How long did the longest last, and are you still with that person?

Thinking of my life, there's no correlation at all between how long we waited for sex, how long we dated/lived together, how passionately I love(d) him, how he felt about me, and how significant the relationship seemed to either/both of us.

The longest relationship (14yrs) was the one where I had sex the soonest though. It was also the only relationship where I knew BEFORE the sex that I wanted a long term thing. With all the others, I didn't know how involved I would be until after the sex. Sex is very important to me, and how well I connect with someone on that level shapes how much I want him mentally, emotionally, and psychically. Otherwise he can just be my platonic buddy!!

Lara, for me all those things (vision, the spiritual, the psychic, the emotional, the mental, the physical, the sexual) do not separate into different categories...I am an 8th house Leo with Cancer stellium in 7th house. I don't agree that everything in the world works in that particular order.

posted November 01, 2010 11:15 PM         

I think you have to be at least a couple of years into relationship to know whether that person is really committed to something longterm. Even then, lots of people think they want to be together for life, but things change--as they did for me, when I left my longest relationship.

And since I am not thirteen and a virgin, I can't imagine waiting two years to have sex with my boyfriend.

I also think you can't tell what a relationship will be like longterm if it's long-distance (I see all sorts of "I met my Soul Mate on the Internet" threads here--those people are basically having a relationship with their fantasies and astro.com), or before you have lived together for at least a year.

The last guy I was with, we knew each other as friends for 6 months before we dated (I was seeing someone else, nothing too serious)...we had sex a couple of weeks into dating. Three months in, he said he wanted something very serious. Two months later, we split up. (He ended it, but I thought of it. I'm heartbroken.) At the time we had sex, we both felt like we were really into each other. I don't think not waiting for sex is the reason it ended.

Edited: I can't tell if *I* would want commitment 3 months in, definitely not before seeing what the sex is like. But I can tell someone that I will be exclusive and that I am open to it being a long-term, serious thing. I know he felt that way too.

posted November 02, 2010 02:09 AM         

It seems to me, you'd have a better chance at throwing a rock at the ground and missing, than finding some perfect winning combination technique (of dating, abstinence, and sex) when it comes to having a lasting relationship.

posted November 02, 2010 02:17 AM         

I feel like my body is my "SPACE"... and I don't want everyone in my space.

It's not that I'm against having sex early, it's just that certain people that I meet have some serious deficency in character and I don't want them in my space.

Also, I'd like to understand someone's "goals" so that I can make sure I'm on the same page, regarding their wants vs. what I'm looking for.

So, I'd like to find that out before hand, and sometimes that takes a little bit of time.

posted November 02, 2010 02:26 AM         

But that's WHY the whole waiting thing seems off to me...when I DO like/love/want someone the way I do, I KNOW, and often I'm ready to leap into bed with them as soon as possible to see if I want to spend the next 10 years getting to know them better.

The game-playing part is really wrong--the whole "if I withhold sex when we both want it, I'll be respected."

If it's a right relationship, the logistics and aerodynamics of who stuck what where when won't matter--both people will want to get to know each other better and see what is between them, on every level.

posted November 02, 2010 05:25 AM         

Look at it this way - would you build a house by putting the roof on first? 'no'

Foundations in every area of life are paramount to success. It's not rocket science.

Sex is not the foundation of a relationship, communication is!
So metaphorically speaking, if one lays good bricks of communication then they will see you through alll the ups and downs of your partnership.
Marriage is a business. It's a company you both own and are responsible for. THIS is also the problem with kids of today, they see marriage as just something not so special because of divorce. It's sacred. Your body is your temple; your aura is your space and together they are sacred.
What you put into them is special. When you make love the mans DNA energetics are INSIDE you and they remain INSIDE you for months afterwards. When you don't know someone you are putting unknown DNA and energetics into your sacred space!

Yes I make them wait. I want to see ther unmasked face before I risk my femininity and sacredness with a potential Neanderthal.
With murderers looking as normal as next door neighbours and so much psychic danger in the world, yes I protract myself! I VALUE myself and I have to think about collective consciousness and my soul group when I comteplate abusing any level of me.

As for why I'm upset? Simply the above. We are all way too selfish. We just want what we want when we want it without taking into any account consequences, collective consciousness of the planet through our actions and the way we abuse ourselves on every level is just astounding to me.

posted November 02, 2010 08:55 AM         

Honestly, how long is long enough to know a person really well? I've thought that we take a lifetime to understand someone, and even so, it might not be enough to understand someone's complexity completely.

So how long is enough to understand someone enough?

Also, we can never really e sure what will happen, if a relationship will end in the future (and how it will end), if the couple will change as individuals. But is it wrong to be physically intimate with someone, when a couple feels that they know each other's feelings enough to be able to trust each other?

posted November 02, 2010 11:54 AM         

Comica: "Also, we can never really e sure what will happen, if a relationship will end in the future."

See, this gets me because there are a lot of very unhappy people out there who HAVE stayed in miserable marriages/relationships, and you can see it when two people have resigned themselves to staying in a relationship which is like a prison and they walk around with a sadly resigned fate, like prisoners. They genuinely don't like each other, but remain together out of habit. They don't work on the relationship, but just float along and dare not hope for anything better. And they do that for, like, the rest of their human lives.
There's a LOT less couples like that today, but they still exist.
And in a lot of ways our generation or most of other people today are having the other extreme, where they are not wanting to surrender to the loveless marriage or relationship, not wanting to be bound out of pure obligation, not wanting to resign themselves to a lifelong misery.
It's a reactionary generation/group we've become, and I think sexuality is just one of the many, many things which is in the process of change.
Certainly we need to work more on what works for us, and not be so reactionary to those miserable others who stay together in deadlock, and who we want to be nothing like, because there are couples out there who have been together a very long time and who are happy,whether or not they have waited to have sex.
My two friends who have been together like 23 years and counting, very happy, also had sex fairly quickly. They did not start out as friends or have a long courtship before intimacy, but rather fell in love vefy, very quickly, have stayed together (neither of them believe in the institute of marriage but are together) happily, have two lovely children, and every time I see them they are like my hope for something real which sticks, and lasts, which is not miserable lol
But you know what, any day they can just end their relationship, it might die or break, who knows? They know this. I have spoken to them about it. They are surrendered but not resigned. They are committed to one another and they do not know the future, and that's all there is.

Sooo, what works for each couple is I think different. The general idea to ME though is to use your intuition and operate from there and that's all there is.

posted November 02, 2010 01:50 PM         

quote:

---

Lara, how long do you usually wait? Do you really wait, like, a year before having sex with each partner? How long did the longest last, and are you still with that person?

---

I ask because I'm guessing you're like the rest of us--multiple relationships in your life, and you have had sex in at least a couple of those cases within the first two or three months of a relationship.

And that is not self-abuse, abuse of our partner, or abuse of our planet! If it feels right, it's fun, loving, and perfectly normal.

There are some people where the connection feels more like a whirlwind tour of an exotic country--eating Turkish delight and learning each other's bodies in hotel rooms and spending hours on the beach together staring at the sky--than like building a building or starting a business. And that's fine, even wonderful, by me! I look to myself to build a solid life foundation...I look to the men I'm involved with to inspire and surprise me, usually. I don't really WANT a romantic relationship that's like a business transaction. Of course when you are with someone for years, like I was with my ex, you build a life, negotiating home and career choices---but there is no reason you can't do that at the same time you're having great sex with each other, and after you've already become sexually active together.

EDITED: And Lara, of course you don't have to answer my question if it's too personal and you feel it's just about mistakes in the past.

I'm just skeptical that you or anyone in our generation is managing to build a solid foundation by waiting a long time to have sex. Good communication and sex are not mutually exclusive.

posted November 02, 2010 05:04 PM         

My first and second ex's dated for awhile before having sex...and we are divorced.

I know that personally I have more respect for a man when he doesn't appear to act like a dog in heat on the first few dates. It shows that he is more interested in me as a person than what I have to offer sexually.

posted November 02, 2010 05:35 PM         

If i'd waited 6 months then over 3/4 of those wouldn't have been my lovers. That leaves me with 4 people who i have had longish relationships with and they were all karmic relationships.

If i'm ever single again, i'll wait 6 months before having sex.

posted November 03, 2010 10:54 PM         

I slept with my fiance on our third date. We've been together 4 years and it is the BEST relationship I have ever had. We make each other laugh every day. We are true partners he is considerate, sweet, funny, entertaining and my absolute rock.

I have absolutely no doubt that he is the love of my life and we will be together for the rest of our lives.

Oh and 4 years in the sex is still phenomenal because we really enjoy each other and want to please each other. He is the only person ever able to give me multiple orgasms. I didn't even know it was possible.