posted January 15, 2012 08:59 AM            

The Stages of a Twin Flame Relationship

posted January 15, 2012 11:58 AM            

Thank you! This is information fits my life exactly.

We are currently at Stage 5...I am the surrendering party and my beloved the runner.

I have no doubt we will meet again tho many miles separate us. I also believe that it does not matter if we ever come together as a couple, but that it is most important that we reach our potential in service to others and being able to show unconditional love to all.

posted January 15, 2012 03:27 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sublime:
Mic,

Thank you! This is information fits my life exactly.

We are currently at Stage 5...I am the surrendering party and my beloved the runner.

I have no doubt we will meet again tho many miles separate us. I also believe that it does not matter if we ever come together as a couple, but that it is most important that we reach our potential in service to others and being able to show unconditional love to all.

What a blessing!

---

posted January 15, 2012 08:57 PM            

but i hear it's very rare. so i'm not jumping into conclusions. but i am certain we at least have a fated path together, a journey of deep soul learning through pain and joy together.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sublime:
Mic,

Thank you! This is information fits my life exactly.

We are currently at Stage 5...I am the surrendering party and my beloved the runner.

I have no doubt we will meet again tho many miles separate us. I also believe that it does not matter if we ever come together as a couple, but that it is most important that we reach our potential in service to others and being able to show unconditional love to all.

What a blessing!

---

if we are following this path, we also seem to be on the same stages as you, Sublime. i am at Surrender and he is the Runner. it all fits perfectly, and it has been a deep revolution of our inner selves.

right now all is up in the air and it's either we part or he will arrive at the next stage. i have a gut feeling he will, but i don't expect anything. i can only let it. i had to separate myself in order to let him see beyond his suffering. he'll be left alone now. i can only do this through unconditional love, and i also had to face my own fears to do this. i don't know what will happen, but after all these years of torment through our journey, i feel strangely uplifted, despite i might be losing him forever if he does not find the next stage.

it's a bit abstract, but it's all happening inside and i don't know the best way to describe it.

posted January 16, 2012 11:19 AM            

Something was really pushing me to post the subject of this thread (the link) and now I am so glad that I did it(have been reading on this site for many months even before registering but never posted anything before this).

For all of us, I would say above all else to trust our feelings. It does seem to be that once arriving at the decision to surrender and to truly let go with less grasping, less desire for definition, less place for doubt, less resistance to whatever the relationship is or wants the good stuff starts to come. Paradoxically, the feelings and connection to each other becomes more clear and profound (even if physically apart), along with the undeniable knowledge that you will be together again, because the truth is once such a connection has been made, you are never ever truly apart. I'm sure of this about all of you.

I think the problem with most of us on this sort of fast-track spiritual path is that we lack patience and feel it's all about doing and making things happen. I think TF relationships are very resistant to any type of force, even if it's just force of will or desire.

I think the very good news is that whatever each of us are to become individually remains the same whether we are with our TF or not, and that gives us something to focus on when the 'missing' of them becomes just too much at times. We can just keep blessing all that we are, even the pain, the fear, the anger, the doubt and the journey itself with love; and in each act / blessing of love towards ourselves our barriers to this other (no matter in what form, be it running, distance over continents, mutual doubts etc) gradually begin to disappear and there can be greater closeness and connection despite the physical symbols separateness.

I hope what I'm saying makes sense.

And I congratulate us all on our commitment to growth and love, and for our bravery. Goodness knows its not easy.

Miclsa.

posted January 16, 2012 01:06 PM            

if you have the time, would you be interested in reading my thread i wrote some days ago? http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/004227.html

i don't need to be assured or anything *whether* this is a Soul Mate or Twin Soul or whatever relationship (in this thread i referred to it as a Soul Mate relationship, didn't really know what other terms were), but i'd be curious to hear if any of it resonate with your experience...

your posts have been very enlightening, literally as if to see little lights illuminated along the path one by one. i am, it feels like, exactly in the middle of letting go. and i think you understand what i mean by "letting go", this isn't about "breaking up". this "letting go" process has been getting ready for some time, and it has commenced a few days ago. now is it, and it's shrouded in fog and it's scary. it's scary because now is the time we let out hands go and i will not know when the fog clears, he will be standing next to me. i have to overcome this fear. in the core of my heart, i KNOW we'll never be separated. but all visible shows otherwise. and seeing from your story, this may be "over" in a material sense. that is what scares me, of course. maybe i will have another partner and have a family without my guy. and that, as well, might be our path. it does not mean we "break up" still. it's just a separation on a material plane, and there will be a day i may be able to appreciate all for what have been. but right now, i'm afraid, and i don't want to go without him.

posted January 16, 2012 03:59 PM            

Thank you for sharing your beautiful words and your personal experiences.

It is indeed painful to surrender because one wants so desparately to hold on tight to what we believe is our other half. But the key to true unconditional love is to love someone without the expectation that they will feel the same. To love someone so much that you want what is best for them even if that does not include you and causes you great pain.

Here is an analogy. If your hand is open you are able to give and receive. If your hand is closed you are not able to give or receive.

So, my prayer for us all is that we can continue to embrace "letting go" and know deep down inside that the rare connection we have made with beloved will always remain whether we are together on the mateiral plane or not.

In your moments of stillness, meditate, think of your beloved and you will find that they are right there with you.

posted January 17, 2012 12:22 AM            

All that but minus the God parts. In all the years together, we never discussed religion in any way, shape, or form.

I don't think I'll ever fall in love like that again.

And yes, I know that's silly to say.

------------------
"The better you feel about yourself, the less you feel the need to show off." — Robert Hand

posted January 17, 2012 12:41 AM            

I wonder if both can be the runner/surrender but at different times...

With me and fishy.. It seems we both run, then surrender then run again... I guess we are stuck on the ego thing.

When I met him, I turned to astrolgy to help me figure out all that I was feeling...
He sent me on a path of truth and learning..

I had to learn ALOT before I could even get a semi grip..
I understand so much more now...

posted January 17, 2012 01:37 AM            

all of this resonates for me and my situation with one person in particular. we would be somewhere between stage 4 and 5.

my story is long..

i don't know forsureforsure, but there is some kind of *knowing* that i've always had about him that we belong together. i've felt 'soulmated' to people and i'm glad to see there is a difference, because i HAVE felt i'm meant-to-be with certain people but never have i felt anything like i feel with him. it's even beyond that meant to be feeling, in that it encompasses SO much more yet i also resist it quite a bit which i never did with the others. i have resisted it every day of my life since knowing him (17 years), and yet i feel it.

he was my first love (third actual bf, but the first two were kind of silly relationships and short). we had instant recognition and ALWAYS there was an extremely strong divine knowing/union force of unbelievable strength between us. it was like we were truly in heaven when we surrendered to it. but we were teenagers and he surrendered to a nasty drug addiction and i spent a year trying to save him and he started to become very cruel to me (but yet we still had that amazing spiritual bond that was so beyond the words or anything i have ever experienced with anyone else ever, and i have had many spiritually fulfilling experiences), at times. then he did some awful things to chase me out of his life because he was a complete junkie and i was killing the buzz :/ and the people he chose to surround himself with hated me for trying to help him out of it.

not a day went by i did not pray for him, feel him, talk to him in my subconscious and sometimes my conscious mind. i could swear he was talking back, but again it wasn't anything more or less than just a knowing, a natural feeling, gosh it's so hard to explain..

i sent him so much love, wished only for his healing and peace, every day for all those years

then two years ago he suddenly showed up in my town, sat me down and told me how much he needed my forgiveness. told me i had changed his life completely; that all of my love and faith in him is what made him turn his life around (after 5 years and going through much worse hell). he's been clean 12 years and has fully embraced the spiritual path, a path of total purity

a year after that we got back together after an astounding amount of synchronicities. we talked all night and healed so much and discovered we had both been feeling eachother all these years, praying TO eachother in a way, to the divinity we recognized in our union. we felt we belonged together, would heal everything together, would transcend every single thing keeping us stuck from being fully connected to God

we were intimate, but didn't have sex, almost and the entire thing was filled with love, spirit.. gosh these words just feel so weak to describe it.. it was blessed and sacred and so loving

then the next day i felt shy and he responded by also falling back into his ego

a week later he began avoiding me, expressed fears i was only using him for sex

would not believe i had fully forgiven him. kept telling me how much he had changed, how good a person he is, and couldn't i see that??!

my telling him i had forgiven him a million years ago and that none of his fears about my intentions were true in the least did nothing to alleviate his paranoia

and it got worse. although we did try to set up some 'hang-out's (that didn't work out) and he did go back and forth a little bit between ego/fear and recognition/surrender, but all in all his ego won out and we stopped talking

then i started dating this other guy who i just totally ended it with two days ago, but we were split up for 2 months and during those two months i began seeing him again, around (this was a couple of months ago)..

this ONLY happens when i feel clear and ready to see him. i NEVER see him when i don't want to. i ALWAYS do when i feel ready. i completely believe we summon eachother and have a direct line into one anothers' subconsciouses.

so after not seeing him and all the weird stuff that had happened and his paranoia and fear based behaviour i saw him three times in one week, immediately after feeling *ready* to see him..

the first time i saw him from across the street. he VISIBLY immediately showed the recognition, and the surrender, and the knowing passed between us. yet i could sense a small undercurrent of fear

the next time was a day or two later. i had been focusing my energy on telling him it was safe to speak to me, that we were ready (for about a year we'd only seen eachother around about once every three months and we were both afraid and would avoid eye contact, etc).. so yes, i saw him and he saw me and we walked past eachother and he BEAMED 'hi _____' with all of this love and shared knowing, total surrender, both of us. we were ecstatic. we knew we'd been 'speaking' and had decided together we were ready -ZERO FEAR

then i saw him a day or two after that. i was in a very bad mood that had come down out of nowhere, and yet i also knew i would see him a minute later. i did and we TRIED to smile at eachother in the same way but i could also tell he was struggling with his fears and ego. but we TRIED.

i realized then that we were still not quite ready and i wished that we not see eachother again until we were

i haven't seen him since and i did get back with this other guy about a month after that..

i struggle intensely with fear and shyness when i think of him sometimes and yet half the time i am filled with complete knowing. i think my fear has more to do with sensing HIS fear and being afraid of his ego/denial type behaviour again

oh and that one day he finally spoke to me again in pure total recognition/love i ran into my friend immediately after. this is amazing. she was at the coffee shop he was at when i ran into him (i was late to meet someone else but of course the timing was actually perfect!). a few days BEFORE that i had picked her brain for a couple of hours about our charts. she is a very gifted professional astrologer and she said she was quite sure we belonged together or were soulmates. she had never seen him before and didn't know who he was. then when i ran into her in the coffee shop i said 'that was the guy!!! did you see the guy with the ___ outside?' and she said she had actually just been 'studying' him (she's a scorp!) and she told me that without a doubt she was certain we are twin flames and "forget soulmates!".

so yes another strange thing is that before we got back together we would ONLY see eachother when:

1) i was in an amazing state of total blissful surrender and a merged sense of union with the divine and was so perfectly content but then SUDDENLY

2) i would feel totally overtaken by an odd nebulous sudden fear out of nowhere (for several seconds to a few minutes in duration) and then

3) the determination to get back into the first state and then

4) i would suddenly see him and be able to go back into state number one again with ease and/or a bit of a strange combo of the two

so weird. that never ever ever happens with anyone else, and it was always totally powerful, like beyond my control or something

so that is my story.. does this seem like a twin flame thing? in so many ways i have no doubts but then this fear gets me again. it's not even that i think i'm deluded or anything though, i really really don't. he told me a hundred things when we got back together that assure me he feels all these same things too about me and has never had it with anyone else, but it seems like we are challenged on every level to abandon every last bit of fear and ego which is pretty intense.. somehow though i feel good and okay even with the idea of it taking years or lifetimes, like it is inevitable and we are as one and need to go through what we need to go through. i even feel that we are the same person split in two with fears and blocks that fit together like perfect puzzle pieces and that each time we remove one, the interlocking peice somehow also falls away in the other, like we are always communicating and helping eachother within this divine symbiosis, and when we got back together two summers ago we talked about our lives and everything that had happened and it seems we were learning the same lessons at the same time, like even all of our beliefs line up and were caused by going through eerily similar (complimentary, same or polar opposite) lessons.

oh AND..

the first time i saw him again after 15 years i was suddenly in this GREAT amazing mood (as per above) like a minute before. i sat down beside this man (him, did not recognize him) and he looked into my eyes. and i thought to myself they were the most beautiful loving eyes i had ever seen. but i felt so amazing that i did not feel any sense of attachment or yearning or ANYTHING ego based. we sat beside eachother for about 5 minutes sharing this warm loving energy (still didn't recognize him, big beard) and then when i left this place he was sitting in the grass waiting for me and said 'you didn't recognize me did you..?' and after that point the dynamic shifted into this incredible powerful a wonderful sense of recognition mixed with all the old fears flooding back.

posted January 17, 2012 08:17 PM            

Im walking away from him.....

Im not answering his phone calls.. I think I will change my number...

posted January 17, 2012 08:48 PM            

**if you have the time, would you be interested in reading my thread i wrote some days ago? http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/004227.html

i don't need to be assured or anything *whether* this is a Soul Mate or Twin Soul or whatever relationship (in this thread i referred to it as a Soul Mate relationship, didn't really know what other terms were), but i'd be curious to hear if any of it resonate with your experience...**

I read your story and I'm still letting out some deep breaths. What you describe sounds soul shaking. It does resonate with my experience. It reads like a composite of the relationship I had with the man that I've been speaking about and of another relationship I had for around 6 years or more. The toxicity you mentioned relates to my experience in this other relationship primarily.

I can't presume to know what is the best thing for you or your partner to do, nor can I presume to know what is at the essence of your connection to each other, but I have some thoughts on these things based on my own experience.

I really feel for you. It's as though you are standing on the edge of an abyss knowing you have to leap and leave the turmoil behind you, but not knowing if this person (your partner) who is so important in your life will be there with you when your feet meet the ground. I understand the fear can be so great that it can almost consume you and leave you in doubt of your own sanity because it runs so deep. At least, this is how it felt for me when I was at the abyss edge about to leap without my TS leaping alongside me. And perhaps, you too are confused as you might not understand the depth of your fear since your union is not based primarily on romantic love. Romeo and Juliet-esque stories and films teach us to expect such turmoil when the bond is ultimately based on passionate and romantic love / desire, but where are the stories of spiritual love? How are we supposed to act and feel?

I like that there is a reasonable orb between your Asc/Desc synastry aspects. To me this indicates the ability to exercise choice rather than be governed by compulsion, recognise yourselves as individuals within the relationship rather than there being total symbiosis, and I think it allows perception of how each of you as individuals act towards one another. Exact aspects might afford the feeling of total oneness in respect of the planets or angles involved, but I don't think that's always the ideal when one is on the path of consciousness. Sometimes perception requires a little distance and the ability to identify each of the energies involved. If soul mates of any kind (TFs, Karmic etc) come together in pursuit of becoming more conscious such that they are increasingly able to better identify all aspects of themselves, dynamics and energies in their lives - thereby creating the opportunities for choice - I would expect that to be demonstrated in the points of connection in the chart (particularly in areas where greater consciousness is sought).

I wish I could offer words to help ease things for you now that you are at the point of 'letting go' , but I can't. I understand it's terrifying and the thought of his potential absence from your life indefinitely is probably heartbreaking, but I don't know the answer. All I know is one has to find courage, summon all the love one can bestow upon oneself (because to love yourself is to know that really you have to do what your path requires of you), and ride it out. Have faith in yourself and whatever is guiding you to let go. That part of yourself knows what's best for you, and wouldn't let you down. Some call it inner guide / higher self, some call it spirit (your own or generically) some call it God. Whatever it is, it has your best interest at heart. It's certainly not your fear, because that's telling you something else. It's likely that you will find if you put your faith in this it will guide you more. So you won't just be riding it out in the dark, but with signs and reassurances along the way.

When I was where I think you are now, I understood the fear of being without him indefinitely created a bond that was in fact a shackle. The many ties that bond one to another spiritually / psychically etc. always show up in the relationship itself. For me, I wanted to be rid of the superfluous. If we were to remain connected I didn't want it to be in this way. I wanted that we were two unshackled spirits coming together (in whatever form) in freedom, for no reasons other than it was rightful and meant. I wanted ultimately that we both grow, and with less struggle; together or apart. I believed nothing could grow in that way whilst in binds. Remembering these things helped me balance my feelings of fear with feelings of purpose. It gave me the courage to leap.

You've been through so much and gained so much, you can be certain that despite the dread whatever this process throws at you you can handle it. Even the part of you that may say “but I don't want to” will settle down when you commit yourself to the decision that you've already made / your inner guidance that you've already chosen to listen to.

I hope I haven't been condescending or imposed too much with my own beliefs. I'm guessing what I've written are just echoes of whispers that you've already been listening to anyway.

The last thing I'm going to say which I'm slightly more tentative about, but please ignore it if it doesn't feel right to you.
Because you are now “letting go” I would say that it is appropriate (in a spiritual sense) to consciously relinquish all ties with your soul mate. Some might call these things Karma, or past life agreements or debts; for all I know they might be just energetic linkages that are created when two people sense each other's emotional / psychological wishes, beliefs, needs or wounds etc. and feel they can offer something that fits due to their own energetic make up and the dramas they need to stage (for self discovery or healing for example). I would say that once that phase is over; when the dramas have been staged and the dances have been danced those ties are no longer necessary. I see them as usually unsaid, and often unconscious energetic ties in the form of promises, vows, owing one another, guilts, agreements to be punished or make amends in whatever ways, and so many other things. Whether it's really from a past life marriage in which you pledged to be together for eternity, or a guilt from childhood that the other energetically agrees to punish you for (because it may fit both partners' inner child's / inner authority's belief system), or something one partner did for the other last night and the receiver feels they owe a favour - it doesn't really matter. It's my belief that, certainly at the point of letting go, these ties - one spirit to another - are entirely superfluous to the requirements of each partner. Whether growing together or apart they are unnecessary shackles on the spirit and the union. So, when letting go one can release him / her self from all ties and binds with the partner and also gift the partner with total release [of all ties]. It can be done with thanks, forgiveness, love etc. if that feels appropriate. It provides a clean slate for all, releases you both from any future ground hog days, and encourages future or remaining connection to be based on 'becoming' and not on what each spirit once was. I also believe that it confirms that one no longer relies so much on the physical staging of dramas for learning, understanding, growth in consciousness etc. and allows inner guidance to take better hold of the reins and provide these things the easier way via inspiration, spontaneous knowing and the like. I think we're all due a bit of 'easy'!

From what I've read of your story I think / feel you are very much in the process of balancing your masculine and feminine. I think your “letting go” and this start of your surrendering will be refining this balancing and blending. You've done the dark (the scarier dimensions of how we perceive masculine and feminine; the aspects we normally reject in fear and their interplay), you've probably done 'going mad' too (the fear side of the rejected feminine / intuition versus overloading the mind with things that it wasn't designed to provide solutions for i.e. Problems within the remit of inner wisdom / guidance/ intuition) and now I think in reclaiming so much more of these energies you'll be expanding into your wholeness exponentially and will have some fun with it. I think you've a lot to look forward to despite how daunting your initial period of letting go might be.

I really wish you well,

posted January 18, 2012 08:59 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by miclsa:
I hope I haven't been condescending or imposed too much with my own beliefs. I'm guessing what I've written are just echoes of whispers that you've already been listening to anyway.

---

NOT at all. your words have been the most enlightening things i have read regarding this relationship. i am almost in tears. i understand (at least i *think* that i do) your words. they ring the right tones, just as you said yourself, as echoes of whispers i've been listening to all the way along, without definitions.

i was intimidated by the idea of soul mates (and twin souls and all that) because i think it is commonly regarded as the sign that 2 people stay together as a couple forever, happily ever after. but it isn't what i have with him. yes we love each other dearly, but it is beyond passion and romance... we are brother and sister, comrades, mentor and pupil, father and daughter, best friends, and lovers, too, but above all, just one soul in different bodies. at least that's how we both feel, and that comes from a super rational guy who does not believe in things like this.

yes i'm so afraid to let go. and at the moment, i am so afraid that he will not forgive me. but i have to let go, for HIM, and for myself, and for both of us. i also feel like i'm regarding myself as the one who knows better when i say "i do it for him". that is not my intention at all. i just don't know how else.

i've tried this before, but without knowing what i was doing. i suggested to him many times, "it's either we stay and do it together, and make it work (making "life" work, not the relationship) or that we must cut, every tie. that's the only way i see it". but he always dismissed it as way too theatrical. he wanted to take the middle. we went on like this forever. i was also unsure.

i have made the initial "cut" already, last week. i just have to follow through with it, and it's like cutting my own veins, or fingers. it hurts so much and i am so afraid that he will not forgive me. i do hope for the future where we are happy and all is well again, TOGETHER. but i must also eliminate that desire. it is always a possibility, but just as much a possibility as our going separate ways. and either case will be the best for us, if it's meant to be.

posted January 18, 2012 09:12 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by miclsa:
The last thing I'm going to say which I'm slightly more tentative about, but please ignore it if it doesn't feel right to you.
Because you are now “letting go” I would say that it is appropriate (in a spiritual sense) to consciously relinquish all ties with your soul mate. Some might call these things Karma, or past life agreements or debts; for all I know they might be just energetic linkages that are created when two people sense each other's emotional / psychological wishes, beliefs, needs or wounds etc. and feel they can offer something that fits due to their own energetic make up and the dramas they need to stage (for self discovery or healing for example). I would say that once that phase is over; when the dramas have been staged and the dances have been danced those ties are no longer necessary. I see them as usually unsaid, and often unconscious energetic ties in the form of promises, vows, owing one another, guilts, agreements to be punished or make amends in whatever ways, and so many other things. Whether it's really from a past life marriage in which you pledged to be together for eternity, or a guilt from childhood that the other energetically agrees to punish you for (because it may fit both partners' inner child's / inner authority's belief system), or something one partner did for the other last night and the receiver feels they owe a favour - it doesn't really matter. It's my belief that, certainly at the point of letting go, these ties - one spirit to another - are entirely superfluous to the requirements of each partner. Whether growing together or apart they are unnecessary shackles on the spirit and the union. So, when letting go one can release him / her self from all ties and binds with the partner and also gift the partner with total release [of all ties]. It can be done with thanks, forgiveness, love etc. if that feels appropriate. It provides a clean slate for all, releases you both from any future ground hog days, and encourages future or remaining connection to be based on 'becoming' and not on what each spirit once was. I also believe that it confirms that one no longer relies so much on the physical staging of dramas for learning, understanding, growth in consciousness etc. and allows inner guidance to take better hold of the reins and provide these things the easier way via inspiration, spontaneous knowing and the like. I think we're all due a bit of 'easy'!

---

i started the process of "forgiving" some months ago. it came to me as a surprise. i have been working on lessening my stress disorder, and one day i said to him, "i'm so sorry for all the things i have done to you". it surprised him as well. and of course, what we have done to each other were always mutual. one did not cause the other something first or second, it was just how everything happened and i do not blame him nor myself. he wants to blame me and all the circumstances, and we had always argued about it. i kept telling him, it doesn't have to be someone's fault.

but one day, i apologised him. it wasn't that i considered it as my fault. but i had forgiven. not him or myself, just the being of "it". and he accepted it and said he was thankful i apologised. now, there is still a tiny bit of me who's rolling the eyes, that he accepted my apology for something that was not entirely my responsibility, and he did not feel the need to apologise me himself. i have to work on letting that all go too.

posted January 20, 2012 07:21 PM            

And all I knew, concretely, was his AOL username.

Yeah. I know. Collective eye-roll and head-shaking. Y'know that part in 'You've Got Mail' where Ryan's character defends her relationship with Hanks' alter-ego to Hanks' character? The, 'why haven't you dropped everything and gone to live happily-ever-after' line where she confesses she doesn't -actually- know his identity - and proceeds to hide her face in a pillow? ... Yeah.

It was like that. For 7 years.

He's right, though. I DO grok him better than anyone. We have that understanding which transcends the normal bounds of comprehension. Redefines understanding. Like knowing, somehow, when he told me - a few hours post-revelation - that he couldn't recall ever telling me he loved me ( ... ouch ... ) that he was SO terrified of having ALL the weight of what we were become transferred into what we are now, because it doesn't fit anymore. I, as he not-even-slightly-bitterly wrote, 'moved on with my life' - and he stopped writing, and found 'methods of coping'.

See, we're writers. Well - creatives. We crossed paths several years ago in an online writing project, and I inexplicably knew upon having the dream which would inspire mine - that he was to cowrite it. Yep. This fellow who I'd written maybe 500 words with in 2 weeks. That project went defunct, we really weren't acquainted outside of discussing story, so we didn't keep in touch. Why would we?

I had the dream and the 'a-ha!' moment and contacted him. Must've been months. How he recalled me, I dunno. Further mystifying was the fact my request seemed neither odd or inappropriate, but 'perfect'.

Perfect? How many men in their early 20s get contacted months later by some writer chick with whom they've written a single scene in a project populated by bad writers, to be given THE main character in her own original project she's launching, told, 'here ya go! Develop him however you feel. I know he's in the right hands, somehow,' -- and NOT think, 'cra-a-azy,' and change your email address?

Only someone equally crazy. Or a TF. It's eerie and uncanny how many times people blink at what we do.

My favourite must be when he decided something he'd just phrased was grammatically incomprehensible and said so. I responded, 'No, I got it. I can speak you.'

... Like THAT's not equally bizarre. But now it's an in-joke. We're both fluent in Youspeak. We speak Eachother.

How's that for textbook? Heh. (Okay, and relatively ridiculous.)

Speaking of, he's calling. Time for more Eachother. Back after awhile. Probably the usual 4 hours.

Hurrah for inclusive LD data plans.

posted January 20, 2012 07:48 PM            

You're more than welcome.

posted January 20, 2012 08:08 PM            

What I intended to say before getting bogged in backstory is ... in trusting my instinct, being my full self again - now that we've finally gotten past the illusions and misunderstandings we constructed to prevent further pain - we're operating on a very different level than I've ever known - except with him, and more fluid than before.

I guess you could say I'm not afraid. It's not, 'does he still feel the way I do? If not, why the hell do I?' anymore. It's the same way I was able to see through the 'I'm sorry if I led you on,' to the desperate tone in his voice that broke through my thoughts - begging, pleading that I wouldn't put him in a position that forced him against his paradigm of love and relating; killing the you-me-and-no-one-else-ever fantasy of happily ever after monogamy. My husband, not being really wired for monogamy despite his desire for structure and tradition, had incited me to explore all possible forms of relating. I love him for loving me enough to free my heart like that. No one ever had.

But I realised in an instant something I'd missed completely. I couldn't take the Dream from him. I couldn't bring myself to make myself available for a nontraditional relationship which would unconsciously pit him against his morals. Now, his Venus, Mars and Eros and Psyche are paired off in Aquarius, echoing my own through subtle hidden energies. Enough to matter. Being that he's as Uranian as I am, I realise this may be how it was supposed to go down. Double Sag? Doesn't matter how close his Moon is to mine; they're wanderers. Nomads. I love that searching quality about him. Marriage? It never seemed us.

But love? It's there no matter what we do.

Still. While I know his Dream is just for companionship, I'd rather eat rusted nails than impose upon him having to reject me because we can't be together according to the traditional standards everyone expects of you up to mid-life. I can wait.

No, it's not easy. Performing with him in the TV series we created, playing the soulmates we wrote right there in front of God and everyone -- well, who knows what stage that is? It's where we are now.

And no one can play that out like we can.

Thanks for all of this. I've needed it all for longer than I now realise.

Still Stargazing (and Ruminating!) in Hollyweird,

posted January 21, 2012 07:03 PM            

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Originally posted by miclsa:

I like that there is a reasonable orb between your Asc/Desc synastry aspects. To me this indicates the ability to exercise choice rather than be governed by compulsion, recognise yourselves as individuals within the relationship rather than there being total symbiosis, and I think it allows perception of how each of you as individuals act towards one another. Exact aspects might afford the feeling of total oneness in respect of the planets or angles involved, but I don't think that's always the ideal when one is on the path of consciousness. Sometimes perception requires a little distance and the ability to identify each of the energies involved.

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i was thinking of this for a bit. i always thought it was too bad that it wasn't very tight. but you have an intelligent insight. it's true, it may not always be "tighter the better".

posted January 21, 2012 08:11 PM            

quote:
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Originally posted by miclsa:

I like that there is a reasonable orb between your Asc/Desc synastry aspects. To me this indicates the ability to exercise choice rather than be governed by compulsion, recognise yourselves as individuals within the relationship rather than there being total symbiosis, and I think it allows perception of how each of you as individuals act towards one another. Exact aspects might afford the feeling of total oneness in respect of the planets or angles involved, but I don't think that's always the ideal when one is on the path of consciousness. Sometimes perception requires a little distance and the ability to identify each of the energies involved.
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**i was thinking of this for a bit. i always thought it was too bad that it wasn't very tight. but you have an intelligent insight. it's true, it may not always be "tighter the better".

what's interesting is that right now, my Progressed AC/DC is EXACTLY conjunct his Natal AC/DC. i knew it was getting tighter and tighter since a few years ago, and come to think of it, as it got tighter the more we became trapped, lost, or "drowned" if that makes sense. a few years ago i simply wondered if we were going to be closer. in this case, your interpretation makes perfect sense. it's quite astonishing.**

That's really interesting. Your description does make sense. Thanks so much for feeding back your observation.

posted January 23, 2012 12:35 PM            

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Originally posted by bttrklk:
i want to ask you something. if both of the twin flames are piscean, does it mean that this time is their last incarnation in this world? because pisces is the last sign and i read that piscean people have old souls like they lived many different lives in this world.

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