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Author Topic:   Better if the Man loves the Woman More
hikoro
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posted August 29, 2013 12:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hikoro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
yes, ive heard this over and over again...
that the relationship will last longer and be better if the man loves the woman more than if the woman loves him.
i have always found this disturbing...doesnt seem like too egalitarian...
but, i recently observed a circumstance that seemed to positively justify this..

so, what do you guys think? agree? disagree?
has anybody experienced this?
for those who havent: would you be ok with being with a man that loves you more than you love him?

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SDragon
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posted August 29, 2013 12:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SDragon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Usually when I hear this term, what comes to mind is "Be with someone who 'needs' you more than you 'need' them."

Love in my opinion is just love and there are no levels or comparisons. I would hope to be with someone who loves me as much as I love them - but maybe no such thing exists and that's why I'm still single. ;o

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libraschoice77
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posted August 29, 2013 03:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for libraschoice77     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
With what I have experienced with relationships, I tend to agree with that saying. Been in past relationships where it was very obvious I loved them more, and it felt one sided, like I was the one who did everything to keep it together. A relationship is a two way street, both must give into it and nurture it for it to grow. Most of the compromise came from only my side, I got sick of it so I decided to stay single till I found someone who loved me just as much...even more than I could hope for! It seems when a man has very strong emotional feelings for a woman he is more likely to go out of his way to make sure she is happy, and he is there to help her with any problems that arise. A man can't pretend to love a woman, he is either vocal about it or shows her through his lack of actions that he doesn't care. There was an article I read somewhere online awhile back ago about how men fall in love differently than women, basically they make up their mind pretty quickly on accessing if they find the woman to be relationship material. If they aren't attracted to you intially there is no way to change his mind. Unlike women who sometimes take time to get to know someone before falling in love with them. Too many times women read into this as a man is to 'sensitive' to show his loving side, or he's hiding some unresolved issue with love, which isn't the case. I know should know since I leaned the hard way about finding this out when I was younger.

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libraschoice77
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posted August 29, 2013 05:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for libraschoice77     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think I gave to much in my past relationships without expecting much in return, which was a big mistake. I learned to have more self respect for myself and in turn I have a partner now that loves me alot, we love each other equally I believe. The key is to love and respect yourself first, if not no one else will either.

Had to rant abit

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SDragon
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posted August 29, 2013 11:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SDragon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I did the same libraschoice77 but am much happier now.

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hikoro
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posted August 31, 2013 06:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hikoro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
interesting...
i often thought that if the man needed the woman more...
the woman could start taking the man for granted or that she would feel unsatisfied because she cant meet him on the same level...this happens, but not as often.
on the other hand, when it's the inverse, and the woman is carrying most of the load of the relationship, things fall apart eventually....
i wonder why it's different when the man is pining more...

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CatMote
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posted August 31, 2013 08:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CatMote     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
im usually the man who loves the woman more. venus in pisces i give it all.
its been just recently ive realized that this was actually the reason ive been taken advantage of. the women ive dated know that i love them a LOT and they take advantage of it.
in a relationship it HAS to be a give and take. one person cant give it all and the other person cant just take it all.

------------------
Sun Aries Moon Pisces
Mars Pisces Venus Pisces
Mercury Aries Jupiter in Virgo
Saturn in Aquarius Pluto in Scorpio
Neptune and Uranus in Capricorn
Ascendant Libra

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GypseeWind
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posted August 31, 2013 10:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I heard someone say the other day that whoever loves the least has the power in the relationship. Depressing huh?

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Haplesschild*
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posted September 01, 2013 01:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Haplesschild*     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I heard that quote ages back and it's really true.

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Hera
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posted September 01, 2013 01:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Hera     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by GypseeWind:
I heard someone say the other day that whoever loves the least has the power in the relationship. Depressing huh?

This part is true.


However, the idealist in me hopes to live up to what libraschoice said. Of course, it takes two to tango. But I think I am almost there, in the sense that I now have the emotional maturity to want and offer that.

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GypseeWind
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posted September 02, 2013 12:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I've had a relationship with someone for 26 yrs now, which is at its end. But what I think upon reflection is that we were never on the same track. The one who loved the most shifted from one to the other throughout the whole thing. But, since emotions are easier for me to access than for him, I've always FELT like I loved more.

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ScorpionAz
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posted September 02, 2013 04:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScorpionAz     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Originally posted by GypseeWind:
I heard someone say the other day that whoever loves the least has the power in the relationship. Depressing huh?

Yes it is depressing but unfortunately true, I think. I've always felt powerless in relationships.

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ScorpionAz
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posted September 02, 2013 04:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScorpionAz     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Originally posted by GypseeWind:
I heard someone say the other day that whoever loves the least has the power in the relationship. Depressing huh?

Yes it is depressing but unfortunately true, I think. I've always felt powerless in relationships.

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Odette
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posted September 02, 2013 05:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
there are no levels or comparisons.

quote:
in a relationship it HAS to be a give and take. one person cant give it all and the other person cant just take it all.

quote:
I heard someone say the other day that whoever loves the least has the power in the relationship. Depressing huh?

I would say that whoever is hung up on 'power' more is the most likely to stay single for a lifetime.

The people who are so worried about gaining power over others and so scared about letting go and losing control - are the ones who find being in *any* relationship difficult.

What this person said: "whoever loves more has the least power" - would only be depressing if they were in a relationship with a control-freak.. who is extra power-hungry and who misuses power.
Otherwise - it wouldn't matter.

If the person they are in a relationship with has more 'power' but does not misuse it - then it's not really so depressing.

However, if one does fall in love with a person who is mentally f-ed (& does not know how to treat others with respect) - then they just have to stay away. That's that. It's completely unhealthy to have such a relationship.

So the problem is not so much the power imbalance in a relationship...BUT.. people who misuse power and don't know how to handle that situation so as to not harm anyone (or worse.. people who are sadists and intentionally want to harm others).

In many other types of relationships there is a power imbalance.. For instance employer/employee.. But that does not make it depressing. Of course if the employer abuses their power (e.g. sexual harassment) - then it becomes depressing.
There has to be a level of trust in relationships where there is a power discrepancy (parent/child is another example).

If the person who has more power - breaches that trust.. it can have really negative consequences.. and eventually the party with less power grows to resent them (as anyone would resent an abusive boss.. or an abusive parent).

I do think that in a romantic relationship - things should feel more 'equal'.. But even if they are imbalanced - it wouldn't be a major issue, unless the person with the 'power' was basically an abusive jerk (read: Mars/Saturn harsh aspect.. Mars/Pluto harsh aspects).

Those who do not know how to handle power fairly.. usually have a background of having been abused themselves -- and they are usually strongly disliked by many people because of their control issues.
So if you do come across this "type" - chances are many people find them difficult. It's not just you.

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hikoro
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posted September 02, 2013 05:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hikoro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by CatMote:
im usually the man who loves the woman more. venus in pisces i give it all.
its been just recently ive realized that this was actually the reason ive been taken advantage of. the women ive dated know that i love them a LOT and they take advantage of it.
in a relationship it HAS to be a give and take. one person cant give it all and the other person cant just take it all.


catmote....your pisces placements make my scorpio placements very happy...
it is so sad, plenty of women would do anything to have a guy like you....i cant speak for all women, but, it is more common for the woman to give it all.
if you are that generous, then you're a gem.

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hikoro
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posted September 02, 2013 06:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hikoro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by GypseeWind:
I heard someone say the other day that whoever loves the least has the power in the relationship. Depressing huh?

kind of sad..because love should be beautiful but...
it does seem to be like that....eh?
however, i may be biased, because i think it is worse
when the man loves less than when the woman loves less...
just because of societal conditions where the woman is expected to be the martyr-sacrificial
and, men are expected to have power over their emotions and to have everything under control....so...the power imbalances get repeated.

ive met far more couples where the man loved the woman more...and the relationship worked..., than when it was the man who loved the least.....
it seems that...even if a woman loves the least, she doesnt get as hung up by the fact that she loves less...if he is loyal to her, that is more than enough for her, internally.
but, with the other way around, women seem to get the short end of the stick if they love more and the man loves less...
the man doesnt seem bothered either if he loves more...
of course, im generalizing.
but, point being...to me, it looks like unhealthy power imbalances abound more when the woman loves more.

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libraschoice77
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posted September 02, 2013 11:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for libraschoice77     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hikoro:
kind of sad..because love should be beautiful but...
it does seem to be like that....eh?
however, i may be biased, because i think it is worse
when the man loves less than when the woman loves less...
just because of societal conditions where the woman is expected to be the martyr-sacrificial
and, men are expected to have power over their emotions and to have everything under control....so...the power imbalances get repeated.

ive met far more couples where the man loved the woman more...and the relationship worked..., than when it was the man who loved the least.....
it seems that...even if a woman loves the least, she doesnt get as hung up by the fact that she loves less...if he is loyal to her, that is more than enough for her, internally.
but, with the other way around, women seem to get the short end of the stick if they love more and the man loves less...
the man doesnt seem bothered either if he loves more...
of course, im generalizing.
but, point being...to me, it looks like unhealthy power imbalances abound more when the woman loves more.


Its great when you find two people who click on the same level and have the same expression of love that they always understand each other. Thing is now a days people seem to be so self absorbed in themselves that they dont realize a relationship takes work from BOTH people for it to last. They just expect to relationship to float on its own without any effort on their part and then wonder ”what went wrong”?
Everybody is to do their own thing, and any kinks to be worked out in relationship either ignore it or leave type mentality.

Then you have some people that are incredibly loving within relationships, and unfortunately alot of times will wind up with a person who seems to take advantage of it instead of appreciating the fact that they have such a partner. The problem with people with who love too much, is they have a tendency to look past their partners faults, and see them with rose colored glasses. There's too much heart and not enough logical thinking going on making a person too subjective where they cant step back and see what problems there might be. This is where one sided relationships stem from I believe.


Personally being a woman, I have usually always been the aggressor in relationships. For some reason I am not shy about approaching people I am romantically interested in. I let it be known right away that I want them, very blunt about my feelings. Its easy for me to walk up to someone flirt and ask for their number. Which has been a problem for me in the past, as I said before it didn't work because I was putting all the effort into the relationship. Even though we live in 2013, you would be surprised how many men are bothered by upfront women who pursue them and want to take the lead in a relationship. We are viewed as desperate or something, for some reason women who chase lack value to men? Mabe it goes back to the old days where the man would go out of his way to cort the woman he deemed as a worthy marriage partner. Men usually like to do the choosing when it come to romantic relationships, and want to do the chasing.


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CatMote
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posted September 02, 2013 01:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CatMote     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hikoro:
catmote....your pisces placements make my scorpio placements very happy...
it is so sad, plenty of women would do anything to have a guy like you....i cant speak for all women, but, it is more common for the woman to give it all.
if you are that generous, then you're a gem.



thats such a huge heartfelt compliment <3 thank you very much.
and i do notice that it is very common for women to give it all more than men! whenever i see my women friends getting treated harshly in relationships it breaks my heart. nothing angers me more than people taking advantage of what other people give.
its like theres this sickness in society that tells women to give it all and for men to take whatever they want. of course the reverse sometimes happens, but its not AS common.

------------------
Sun Aries Moon Pisces
Mars Pisces Venus Pisces
Mercury Aries Jupiter in Virgo
Saturn in Aquarius Pluto in Scorpio
Neptune and Uranus in Capricorn
Ascendant Libra

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hikoro
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posted September 02, 2013 07:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hikoro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by CatMote:

thats such a huge heartfelt compliment <3 thank you very much.


well, i do think that the best match for a scorpio woman is a pisces...i have such weakness for the fishies

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CatMote
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posted September 02, 2013 11:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CatMote     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hikoro:
well, i do think that the best match for a scorpio woman is a pisces...i have such weakness for the fishies


my one weakness of women just seems to be scorpio. GAH i love them so much.

------------------
Sun Aries Moon Pisces
Mars Pisces Venus Pisces
Mercury Aries Jupiter in Virgo
Saturn in Aquarius Pluto in Scorpio
Neptune and Uranus in Capricorn
Ascendant Libra

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hikoro
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posted September 03, 2013 12:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hikoro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by CatMote:

my one weakness of women just seems to be scorpio. GAH i love them so much.


has a scorpio woman ever taken advantage of you? or have they treated you well..?

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CatMote
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posted September 03, 2013 09:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CatMote     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hikoro:
has a scorpio woman ever taken advantage of you? or have they treated you well..?

honestly, ive never been in anything serious with a scorpio woman. the ones i meet are usually dating someone when i meet them. but still, we feel each other in the room like magnets drawing closer to each other. the way we interact is so beautiful. i have a few planetary aspects that make me pretty intense to some and im sure that intensity draws them in even more.
the girl that i have been felt taken advantage of are sagittarius. i wouldnt even think of getting seriously involved with another fire sign unless they had a lot of water in their chart.

------------------
Sun Aries Moon Pisces
Mars Pisces Venus Pisces
Mercury Aries Jupiter in Virgo
Saturn in Aquarius Pluto in Scorpio
Neptune and Uranus in Capricorn
Ascendant Libra

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hikoro
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posted September 04, 2013 03:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hikoro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by CatMote:

honestly, ive never been in anything serious with a scorpio woman. the ones i meet are usually dating someone when i meet them.


join the club, ive never had the opportunity to date a pisces-heavy or pisces sun person
as to saggies....it must be the square

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blueskiez06
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posted September 26, 2013 02:55 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for blueskiez06     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hikoro:
yes, ive heard this over and over again...
that the relationship will last longer and be better if the man loves the woman more than if the woman loves him.
i have always found this disturbing...doesnt seem like too egalitarian...
but, i recently observed a circumstance that seemed to positively justify this..

so, what do you guys think? agree? disagree?
has anybody experienced this?
for those who havent: would you be ok with being with a man that loves you more than you love him?


i have to say i very rarely see this in couples, its always women who love more, suffer more ...not to say there are no guys that do this, i just never witnessed it

vedic astrology covers this very well in that it teaches something about the ways Moons relate to each other and the distance between them in a sense where a man has to always be the one who reaches out to a woman and relates ... i will try to find a link to this lecture ... but i think it encapsulates very well what you are sayin hikoro that in effect men have to not love more, not necceserly even need more, but take initiative, show empathy


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hikoro
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posted September 26, 2013 10:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hikoro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by blueskiez06:
i have to say i very rarely see this in couples, its always women who love more, suffer more ...not to say there are no guys that do this, i just never witnessed it

vedic astrology covers this very well in that it teaches something about the ways Moons relate to each other and the distance between them in a sense where a man has to always be the one who reaches out to a woman and relates ... i will try to find a link to this lecture ... but i think it encapsulates very well what you are sayin hikoro that in effect men have to love more, not necceserly need more, but take initiative, show empathy


i would like to read that link.

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